1
Start a diet.
2
Try to be everything to everybody at all times.
3
Glue glitter on everything. Keep getting little pieces in your eye, especially while driving in holiday traffic.
4
Visit a mall. Then a big box store. Then go back to the mall for something you forgot. Be sure and grab something to eat in the food court and eat really fast while sitting under florescent lighting listening to Christmas carols. Don’t drink any water all day while you shop.
5
Handcraft hundreds of intricate holiday cards that involve more glitter and long handwritten notes. Send to everyone you have ever met. Go to the post office during the busiest time and stand in line for hours to buy cute holiday stamps.
6
Compete with your neighbors to see who can put up the most elaborate holiday decorations. Make multiple trips to the hardware store for replacement bulbs.
7
Eat massive amounts of holidays confections. Be sure and eat the most sugary ones with coffee before breakfast several days in a row and then (because you started a diet), don’t eat anything until dinner. Be amazed at your mood swings and memory loss.
8
Fret frequently about what you are going to give _______ and _______ . When you decide, spend more than you can afford.
9
Stay up late many nights doing any or all of the above.
10
Say yes to every party, recital, play, Nutcracker, caroling, gift exchange, latke-frying, sleigh-slooshing invite. Or pout because you didn’t get any.
11
Keep trying to run your business /do your work, write your book, exercise, keep your relationships healthy, be politically active, find the true meaning of the holidays, and oh yeah, stay on that diet.
Wait… I have to extract my tongue from my cheek…
I really only have one thing to say about the holidays: This year, choose what you want to do – not what any article says nor what you did last year nor what your grandmother did in 1889 and certainly not what you think you should do. Find your beautiful and imperfect way.
I know, you probably already do but I thought I’d state the obvious. I’m good at that.
(Oh and if I gave you an anxiety attack with this list, you might want to check out the Mood Changers and Comfort Wishes or one of my calming and comforting books, still on sale.)
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Hilary Dec 10, 2008
ROFL!!
Lovely, Jen, thank you!
8b. After you’ve decided, look at gifts purchased and decide they’re not good enough. Return to mall (see 4).
12. If you run a business, remember you must create a special Christmas download/ event/ offer for your subscribers/ customers. (Also find glitter graphics for your blog.)
(Tongue firmly attached to cheek with glitter-glue…)
2 Hiro Boga Dec 10, 2008
Here’s # 12:
Read funny-ouchy-truthy blog post, laugh ’till your belly jiggles, wave happy goodbye to holiday hysteria, give everyone gift certificates to kiva.org and/or copies of The Life Organizer . . .
Thank you again for the reminder to choose–thank you! This is my mantra for the rest of 2008–Chooooose!
3 Johnny Truant Dec 10, 2008
Haha, so true. I had to re-read the first few a couple of times before I saw what you were doing there.
Ugh… some day my life will be simple.
4 Shannon Dec 10, 2008
I’m just thrilled to read someone say to do what I want this year for the holidays, because for the first time in my life I AM. And I feel GOOD about it. Love the list, btw… I purposely send out glittery Christmas Cards so everyone will get glitter all over their hands and think of me every time they cuss out loud that it won’t wash off.
(#7 isn’t normal?!?)
Happy Holidays! Thanks for the lift
5 JoVE Dec 10, 2008
I long ago gave up dieting and glitter (the latter being one of the good reasons to send your kids to daycare, so they are not deprived; same for Disney movies; no need to have those things at home). And have long been working on doing what I want to do. Still causes minor anxiety but I figure some deep breathing, red wine, and knowing I’m doing the right thing will help. Thanks.
6 Peggy Dec 10, 2008
Very funny and so true for most of us!
Peggy
http://pegslifeinthebuttonjar.blogspot.com/
7 chris zydel Dec 13, 2008
Oh my goodness, Jen, that post really cheered me up cause I’m no longer doing any of those things. Yay me!!
This year my husband and I are going to Death Valley for 6 days (including Christmas day) for hiking and resting and just being in the vast, vast quiet of the desert and it just feels so luxurious and incredibly self nurturing.
Thanks again for an entertaining and insightful post!
8 Goddess Leonie I Creative Goddess Dec 14, 2008
love this one so much
and i’m so blessed to be part of a family that has cultivated together the simplest, easiest, happiest christmas that is right for us. this means:
* playing secret santa for one person instead of for everyone.
* eating whatever we like, without much fuss, taking into account vegetarians and rawfoodalists and carnivores
* making christmas spread out over a week – so we don’t feel we all have to be everywhere, all at once, on one day.
everything is possible… i just love when we can make our celebrations fit
us, instead of trying to fit them
wishing you a gorgeous day jen!
Leonie
9 Jennifer Dec 14, 2008
I adore that so many of you spend the holidays the way you want! Isn’t that refreshing?
I got a tree today and then put one strand of lights around the front door and called it done. Decorating the tree can be a mother daughter thing one night this week. That and a few more gifts and maybe a baking thank you gifts for coaches and neighbors day and call it celebrated!