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A Little Interview With Me

Erin Donely interviewed me for the local bookstore newsletter in Portland where I will be leading a workshop October 4th. I hope it will inspire you to ask a friend to interview you because it’s like a sharp stick to the clarification region of the brain when someone asks you these (or similar) questions.

Q. What do you say when people ask what you do for a living?

A. I am a writer who has made a little cottage industry about taking care of yourself and using that as a foundation to build a life you really love.

Q. Is the work you do now in line with what you hoped to create years ago?

A. Well, I didn’t set out to write self-help books, I wanted to be a screenwriter. I have always found my meaning through being creative in some way. The desire to wake people and myself up has been pretty significant for me and has always been there. I feel like it is in line with what I am doing now–helping myself and others to be creative and more alive.

Q. Which of your teachings do you consistently have to work on for yourself?

A. Two basic things I always have to remember: The first is the realization that this is my life and I get to choose it. The second is in allowing myself to want something or anything without attaching, clinging, and insisting it’s got to be perfect. And then there’s the incredible amount of attention that my body needs at age 45 to not be in pain and how much I resent that sometimes. How much I want to say, “Oh god, I do not have time for this.”

Q. In helping others to see their potential or to pursue their dreams, what is the most common question that comes up?

A. They ask, “Why should I be the one to write about this or create that? Who really cares what I have to say?” I tell them, in a loose translation of C.S. Lewis, “If you try to be original no one will care two pence about what you have to say, but if you really speak your truth then originality just happens.” Writing and speaking from our most honest places is what people are hungry for and always will be. There are always like-minded souls who will find you, whether it’s 10 or a million, and they need to hear a voice they can resonate with even if the lessons might be the same as what others are saying.

Q. Tell us how you got your first book published.

A. When I was submitting my first book, The Woman’s Comfort Book, the literary world was very different from what it is now. I submitted directly to editors and when I had two editors that wanted to buy my book, I had an agent negotiate my contract. I used that contract for the next two books. Right now, I have an agent who also handles fiction and non-fiction, should I ever rewrite my novel. Agents for most people are confidants and helpers, but they only really go into action when you have a book to market.

Q. What was it like being on Oprah? Was it a goal and how did it impact your career?

A. It was a big goal of mine. At the time it was probably at the height of “Get on Oprah and your career is made.” I was very much in the clutches of “But I was here first and I want the exposure for my work.” I jumped at the chance to be on a segment that wasn’t really about my work. It was about women who don’t like to eat alone in restaurants. When we want our message to get out in a big way, we can get hooked into our culture which seeks fame for fame’s sake. I got hooked to some degree, and in that, I really learned my lesson. I am very grateful for the experience, and in my personal journey, it was a big wake up call to help me to see what I ultimately wanted to be–true to me. When you lose sight of why you are doing what you are doing, it almost always ends up taking you down emotionally.

Q. Do you ever feel spread too thin or have a hard time juggling the variety of your work–speaking, writing, consulting and coaching?

A. I find that I get burned out when I am trying too hard and not trusting the process. For me and for many people, I need a mix of things with my work. If I was doing just one of those things all the time, I’d go bonkers. I may be able to write full-time, but the other expressions of my work, I appreciate a lot. I’m jealous of those people who can devote their life and work to just one thing. But there is also a shadow side to both these paths. With those who have more than one thing, they can get overwhelmed by choice and thus have to endure the anxiety of choosing. The one-path people have to know that they need other things as hobbies or interests to recharge themselves.

Q. So what’s next for you?

A. I’ve been thinking about writing The Woman’s Mid-Life Comfort Book, and I am very much in the “what’s next?” phase right now. I’ve found that when I pull the trigger on a project too soon, I may do good work but my heart is not satisfied. In the meantime, I’ll just keep teaching this material that is very important. I’m also coaching again after some time off and putting together retreats and speaking for 2009. Watch a video of me here and have me come speak at your company or event.

Q. Tell us about the workshop at New Renaissance and how it’s different from what you’ve done in the past?

A. It’s what’s emerging now for me about how do we discern what is next in different areas of our lives. Exploring how to be in the void, what keeps us stuck, what are our fears and stories about why we can’t move to the next step. We’ll address the feelings of not wanting anything, feeling no desire, coming to the end of our goals and dreams, and facing disappointment. It will be very process-oriented, experimental and different from what I have done before, but will still include some core elements of my work in self-care. If you can’t make it to Portland, I will also be teaching a 10 week tele-course on related subject matter, more info coming soon.

Do You Twitter? Do You Facebook?

I’m on both now and strangely loving it. My Twitter name is jenlouden and on Facebook I’m one of several Jennifer Louden’s but the only one with my face.

Good Blog

I’m back to blogging more regularly but you may not know that because everybody who subscribed got lost in the move. Please visit and subscribe to get regular updates in your email box when I post.

Comfort Resources

Life is a Verb by Patti Digh
An amazing wish-I-would-have-written it book to help you feel more alive. Truly worth buying.

Clutter Busting Coaching Circle
Vicki White rocks a lot of my readers and clients with her Clutter Busting approach to not just your stuff, but your life and what a great time to do some busting. You can listen to our call and hear me realize I actually do have clutter, sigh.

Life Organizer and Comfort Yahoo Group

I love the wisdom women offer each other over here and wanted to share this excellent advice with you.

Tracy asked the group:

“…Where do you go to make new friends? I live in a small rural town (6500 people).I have lived here for 11 years, and have had the same core group of friends for that time. I’m not sure when it happened, but I find that I no longer have anything in common with these people…”

She got a ton of good ideas and here is part of the wonderful reply from Christina:

1.) Spend some time along learning to be your own best buddy. Imagine the kind of friend(s) you are looking for and — if you can be this kind of playful — spend just a little time every day having tea with your imaginary playmates. This will help you to recognize the shape of your own new and powerful personal geometry and solidify it so you’re not stuck acting out old pattern in a new situation.

2.) Along with your new (imaginary) friends, explore in safe and quiet ways. What alone things do you find you enjoy? Books, Movies, Art, Favorite TV shows, clothes, drama…independent of other people, what are your passions that you have misplaced or forgotten. In these you may find “everyday archetypes” in characters or actors or heros that already carry the new parts of yourself that you haven’t found yet.

3.) When you know your passions and they are enough present in your life they will help you get going — whatever it is, let it draw you on. If it’s animals, you might volunteer and meet other people with the same passion. If it’s Jane Austin, then rather than just any book club, looking for buddies, look for Jane Austin fellows. Remember that there are internet groups on ANYTHING.

4.) The funny thing is that when you find your real new “shape” = and can wear it, rain or shine, you’ll just discover that you’re in the midst of a whole new dynamic group . . . some people find to their astonishment that the new friends are their old friends who were just waiting for someone to lead them to newness.

Join the group for free and read all the great suggestions. Love it!

Comfort Wishes

What I wish for:
More emptiness, less knowing
More dance, less march
More raw, less nice
More stillness, less chatter
More supplication, less chest-puffing
More open fields where we can meet, less high walls where we can’t see
More curiosity, less furrowed brow
More you, less me.

Perhaps my dad was right, less can be more.

Related posts:

1. Drumming