Q: What do a blue screen, bits of yam, blindness, and poop have to do with one another?
A: Read on to discover.
I’ve been practicing Eckhart Tolle’s advice this week. Whenever I am resisting a moment- from a subtle resistance like "I wish that person would drive faster" to "I wish my body worked better in this yoga pose" to the more vehement "I wish my Dad were here NOW," I’ve repeated to myself, "Act as if I choose this." As if are very important words in this sentence- this is not the idea that X is happening because I create my own reality and thus actually cause events to happen; rather that X is happening and I can push it away and thus exhaust and delude myself or I can embrace whatever is happening as if I had carefully orchestrated it and actually wanted it.
This experiment was making my sorrow tender and rich and I was digging it. It allowed me to take the very sudden and completely unannounced appearance of a blue screen — and nothing but a blue screen– on my computer in stride, as it did the subsequent trip to the Apple store (with its attendant long weight and crowded mall setting). I embraced the 300$ repair estimate and the loss of my most cherished tool for up to two weeks with little more than a gulp. The clogged toilets upstairs and downstairs and strangely in many public restrooms I’ve visited: no problem. Not knowing what my appointments are because my calendar is on the computer thus trying to reconstruct my life from memory (and what memory would that be?), still no worries. Embrace, choose, accept.
The flow started to back up when I borrowed a desktop computer from my left brain this morning (also know as Deb my amazing assistant), and when I attempted to plug in my husband’s monitor, I couldn’t find any place to plug it in. No video in — how strange! After phone calls to various computer whizzes and a trip to Radio Shack and then two trips to the computer tech store – this took all morning and into the early afternoon – I discovered I had not seen the video connection – it is sort of hidden under a little shelf on the back of the computer. It was there all along. I wasted so many hours… Okay, okay, embrace. Still choosing.
It was the garbage disposal exploding yam skin all over the kitchen and then my mom calling to say we must boil all our water because of possible e coli contamination to our water supply that made me start to question the street cred of ole Tolle.
You know why? When the garbage disposal exploded, the only person I wanted to call was my Dad.
3 responses so far ↓
1 ChristineKane Nov 26, 2006
Hi Jennifer. I’m really sorry about your dad. I’m just now catching up with things cuz my laptop decided to heat up like a curling iron and fry my hard drive one night while I slept. (So I understand your frustration with all that! Though… I had a weird thing happen after I finally surrendered the loss of my data and got very Eckhart Tolle about it all… I shouted an affirmative prayer into the morning “Nothing can EVER be lost!”… and a friend’s boyfriend retrieved my data that day by putting my laptop in the refrigerator. hmmm. Maybe it’s a combination of being Eckhart-y and Louise Hay-y…and that’s the key!)
Anyway, I’m surrounding you with lots of light. I’m sure you’ve been through many levels of healing and grief on this. (I’m going to go catch up with you and read old posts here!)
Many blessings to you… (and I’ll affirm things for your computer as well. Maybe you have a friend with a computer nerd boyfriend???)
2 Julie Jordan Scott Nov 26, 2006
Mmmmmmmmm. What words to wrap around my experioence of this posting?
Deep honoring while simultaneously making me laugh and nod in understanding and acknowledgment? Maybe something like that.
Tolle is a wise man. And since the Inner Grouch was so present for me the last couple days I want to practice that “Act as if I choose this” technique. Sure, I chose for my car to break down during the Thanksgiving weekend when there is SOOOO much on my to-do list. YEAH! I choose THIS! LOL. Even posting that in a sarcastic voice made me laugh.
Finally – thinking about you, thinking about your Dad.
My heart reaches out to yours……
3 Melisa Nov 30, 2006
Dear Jennifer,
I just wanted you to know that I empathize with your loss. I lost my dad in June of 2004 and just today, before, even reading this entry in your blog I was in tear, thinking of how much I miss him, especially during the holidays. Each day I try to take a step in the right direction. Today I walked away from it all, literally, I went walking in the rain, and then I went to a Christmas tree stand where I looked through all of the trees. My dad loved to buy real trees with me. I wasn’t going to get a real one this year but I think I will. Anyway, I don’t know if Tolle is right or not I’ll try the technique and let you know. I do know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Thanks for staying connected with us during your pain, when you share your struggle, it makes me feel less alone.
~hugs and love~
Melisa