I woke up this morning thinking,

Gosh, that’s weird. Every interaction I’ve had with her has been prompt and professional.”

Then I received this email:

So here I am.

With an apology.

I had it all mapped out…

Run to school, get the kids, feed them, stuff them in their rooms and
sit down with plenty of time left to make it for our call.

Ran to school…
Went to get the kids…

The kids weren’t there.

Apparently it was a practice day at school for their play.

*humpf*

Mika has told me there would be no practice.

I was paralyzed and pissed off. Didn’t quite know what to do.
Borrowed the office school phone and called my boyfriend to
see if he could track down your number by accessing my emails.

No good.
Couldn’t call my assistant.

I decided I was going to pull the kids out of practice, drag
their butts home and just have a lot less time for prepping for
our call.

No big deal.

Ran to Mika’s class and peeked in the door to see their practice.

I couldn’t do it.
The teacher was right in the middle of discussing Mika’s role and
I just couldn’t do it.

Sitting outside the door of her class, almost on the brink of tears,
I thought…

…what would Jennifer Louden do now?

Since I cannot call, cannot email, cannot pull my kids out of class
and will not make it home in time for the call, I’m going to throw
myself a party for one.

So I put my mitts back on and headed to a nearby park.

A big park.

I walked through the snow where no other person had appeared to walk
all winter.

I trudged myself out to the middle of huge football field and then
plopped myself back in the snow.

And for the first time in more weeks than I can count, I did absolutely
nothing.

I didn’t think.
I didn’t worry.
I didn’t try to hit the next thing on my to do list.
I lay watching snowflakes land on my eyelashes.

I took deep breaths and decided to make a snow
angel.

Brought me to tears. I walked slowly to hook myself
up with a bit of chocolate–the perfect ingredient for
my party for one.

Picked up some groceries and went to pick up the
kids smiling.

Been running ever since.

If I’d just wanted to send a dorky apology, I could have
fit it in before now.

But even as I write this my accountant is talking in one
ear on the phone with me while I pretend to be listening.

I wanted you to know that though circumstances kept
me from getting in touch with you, I hooked up telepathically
and honored your message, your wisdom.

I hope this hasn’t created a problem for you, and if
you want to flush me, I understand.

But hopefully this is evidence that women like me
need women like you to help us live with a bit more
“balance”.

Thanks, for listening and letting me  spill the beans on why I was not there Wednesday
to honor our call time and didn’t just shoot out a little explanation earlier.

Love and long, hot baths,

Tera

Life does not happen the way we script. It’s nice when we can leave some white space for emergencies but we can’t always do that or we would be god.

So next time you screw up, remember Tera taking care of herself instead of spending the hour waiting for her kids fretting and swearing.

And then take the time to make a poetic honest apology.

Because that apology inspired my heart and that totally rocks.

Thanks Tera!

P.S. Savor and Serve the World, my new project, is slowly getting finished. I can’t wait to unveil it to you.

If you are creative (and doh, you are) and you are remotely interested in lighting your own fire in the world (aka being self-employed) Mark’s created this insanely helpful e-book for you.

Here’s what Mark says:

Creative people need three things to be happy:

• Freedom – to do what you want, when you want and how you want it. Not just in holidays and spare time – but also doing meaningful work, in your own way.
• Money – to maintain your independence and fund your creative projects. Of course you want a nice place to live, but you’re not so worried about a bigger car than the guy next door. You’d rather spend money on experiences than status symbols.
• Time – to spend as you please, exploring the world and allowing your mind to wander in search of new ideas.

Usually, you’re lucky if you get two out of the three. But if one of them is missing, it compromises the other two.

Without money, you don’t have much freedom, because you have to spend your time chasing cash.

Without time off, money doesn’t buy you a lot of freedom.

And if you’re doing something you hate for a living, it doesn’t matter how big your salary is, or how much holiday you get.

Okay, want more? You can have it, for free. Click this link right here right now freedom207JL-1 – read his fab book, then live long and prosper.

You will have a chance to opt in later to learn more about his business program which I bought and love and if you do, I earn money. But that’s not why I’m taking up valuable blog-estate to tell you. It’s because Mark’s stuff works for my brain and that makes it fantastic in my book.

Want to join me?

Beginning December 16th, if you email me, you’ll receive this:

Thanks for your email. I am taking time to be with my family, walk in the woods, and play lots of Crazy Eights – oh and nap! -  from December 16th to January 2nd. I will not be checking email. To keep from freaking out when I return, all my email is being automatically deleted.

I value our connection and a break of quiet is so necessary for that connection to stay true.

If you need to reach me urgently, you can call me. Gasp!  (my number).

Love,

Jen

Why am I taking a digital sabbatical again?

Well, last time I found an entirely new direction for my work, so I guess I’m a believer. (Cue Monkeys song.)

This time, the obvious answer is time for my family and friends, and rest.

That’s true.

And that’s not all.

During the holidays,  I have been known to hide out in my work.

To have a big project conveniently under way.

Deadlines!

Self-importance stoking urgency!

I’m not saying that hiding in my work is bad or wrong.

It has been, and can be, a very good survival move for me. Creating grounds me, helps me remember who I am. It makes me happy.

Only I don’t want to hide through creating.

I want to connect through creating.

Connecting takes space.

Connecting is helped by Conditions of Enoughness.

What connecting is not helped by time monsters.  Time monsters are the things we do instead of what we really want, what would truly bring us alive, I write about them in my books Comfort Secrets and The Life Organizer) When I want to hide, I can waste hours on email.

For lots of other people, surfing the Internet for hours is their Time Monster. Or playing on-line games or reading forums or chatting on Twitter.

Either way, what happens is less space, less intention, less connection.

I doing it just a bit differently this season.

I say a bit because this is not about big plans or self-improvement or making something happen.

It’s about creating space. Connecting space. Napping space. Lower your standards space.

Anyway, here’s my intention:

Have Conditions of Enoughness in place that support me in loving, honestly taking care of myself, creating space to connect with my people, and to get rested for the new venture.

How exactly will I do that?

• No email from December 16th to January 2nd. I actually delete my email box so I can’t check it at all.

I’m not sure what else! If I get feeling really insane and lost and disconnected, I might want some Twitter love and to hang out with my Brain Trust on our private forums and, of course, I’ll want to connect at the Comfort Cafe.

It’s not just about digital self-care and being mindful with technology.  I also how to consider one or two COE’s around food (gluten, sugar, and eggs make me break out in hives – how much do I want to itch?), meditation, and ??

By having a few clear agreements with myself, instead of a bunch of fuzzy ones or inflated ones (I go to yoga every day, I’ll avoid all sugar, etc.) sends me into mean voices mode sooner than oh, anything.

On the other hand, giving myself some simple guidelines helps me to stay grounded and stay in my body where the mean voices have no sovereignty.

So here is my proposal:

Let’s get together and talk conditions of enoughness and other ways to keep our hearts open during the holidays.

Okay?

Join me

December 2nd

1 pm Pacific / 4 pm Eastern

I’m hosting a free call for heart opening practices and experiencing enoughness and who knows what else!

It’s free (totally!!) to listen live and get help,  discuss, share, and creatie conditions of enoughness for the holidays.

And if you want a recording, simply purchase the fab and entirely wonderful Satisfaction Finder and you’ll get it and also a chance to get coaching with me at a big reduced rate.

If you already have a copy of the SF, do nothing. I’ll remind you of the live call and post the call (edited and leveled out so you can actually listen to it with pleasure) in the private area. You can download and listen at your leisure. Or listen live. Or both!

Not sure the call or the Satisfaction Finder is for you? Sign up below, get the phone number and reminders, I won’t bug you in that annoying diamond encrusted way, and that way, you’ll come if you want.

Yeah! So delighted to talk holiday goodness and flow and showing up and digital sabbaticals with you!

a way you honored yourself today

Oh holy darling of awakening goodness, we have self-love lift off!

Oh, the places you’ll go when you read a litany of women self-respecting. Your heart blossoms with self-trust.

Doesn’t take much, dear heart, and why can’t men play too (note to self: ask Bob tonight to tell me something he honors about himself.) They can!

Such a simple practice – noting in community that which you value about yourself.

Do it today – with your girlfriend, with your sweetheart, your kids (!!), on Twitter (#selfhonoring), Facebook, here on the blog, and hey, we’d love, love, love to have you at the Cafe, it’s a fantastic place.

Here’s some self-honoring samples of what Cafers said to get you gushing, moving, dancing in the goodness.

I could share dozens more.

Join us in the comments, I’d be honored.

LOVE!

Life is here, offering itself to you.

Are you going to take it up on its offer?

I am. I will forget I said that in just a moment, because fear will kidnap my heart and ride away with my desires.

Until I remember again.

I do so love remembering.

It seems to me, this morning, that the remembering is so very simple:

The only thing to do is to love it all insanely.

The only difference between those that do and those that don’t (love, create, show up, connect), is those that do don’t believe the mean voices. They have those voices too and they simply don’t believe them.

You only have to let yourself love all of it, to die again and again to love.

Die as in break open your heart and let go of you.

Oh, only that.

You may think you have to have to change this or that about yourself first but that, that is a distraction right up there with Farmville and your i-Precious. That is a lie, another version of “yes, yes, I want to break myself open to love, but first…”

There is no first.

No conditions.

No earning, proving, or finishing.

Nothing stands between you and all you want – to be seen, to be loved, to see, to love, and to offer that without bounds.

I get it now, what Rumi meant, what all those poets were going on and on about.

Quick, before fear kidnaps you, go love the world.

P.S. I’m meditating this morning and writing and listening so I can be a good steward of your learning in Portland this Saturday. Today’s the last day to sign up. Please come love writing and creating and being alive with us.