Try this! Learn this! Write this! Take this retreat! Go here! More, more, more!”

They’re the voices that yip at me, and my clients and readers, until we want to get a lobotomy: anything for some inner silence.

They also love to mess with our routines, yammering things like

Meditate first thing in the morning! No, I meant start with yoga. No, it should be inquiry. But it’s spring, now, it should be a walk in nature. No, I meant writing.”

Notice how the hounds use a lot of ! points? They are always on the search for perfect. They are never interested in enough. Their baying is exhausting and distracting, and quite frankly, boring because it keeps us from diving deeply into anything, from tending to the quieter voices of the heart, spirit, and soul.

From living a hand-crafted life. From resting in the “unstainable good,” our true nature, which is available to us in every moment.

I’m fascinated by the hounds. I’m fascinated by how, the more creative you are, the more they can vex you. The more you want to express your heart, the more you want to make a difference in the world, the more they may carry on. I’m actively investigating ways to throw the hounds a bone (and if you want to

For now, here are six ways to throw a bone to the Hounds of More, More, More.

Finally! A Perfect Day

Create a picture of your perfect day, a day in which the hounds are finally satisfied. A day in which you eat the way they want you to, exercise, create, connect, declutter, spring spruce, garden, make love, etc. You may find you’re exhausted before you’ve gotten through breakfast. That’s the point: get it down in black-and-white how outrageous the hound’s demands are. See that there will never be enough to satisfy them.

Use Their Energy

Each time the Hounds bay out another tantalizing idea or point out a fascinating training you must take or berate you for being behind in your homework for the class(es) you already taking, write down their suggestion (important because it gets it out of your head) and then say, “Thank you for sharing. I know you are afraid I’m going to miss out on life by not doing enough and I will miss my life if I keep listening to you. Life is happening right here right now and you need to be quiet so I can live it.”

A Barbara Sher Idea

In her wonderful book, Refuse to Choose , Barbara offers ideas for those of us who have more ideas in a week than we can explore in a lifetime. One of my favorites is to create a special “day book” where each of your desires gets as much room to play as it wants. Say you want to learn Sanskrit. You open to a fresh page, write Learn Sanskrit, and then go wild dreaming. “Study for a year in India, make a film about the history of the language, become a scholar in the schools, do a photo exhibit of images and poetry…” The Hounds love this kind of wild romp –you get some peace from them without having to actually do anything; plus you learn that you don’t have to follow up on each of your desires! This has been huge for me.

Cut the Input

Seth Godin wrote a great post about how easy it is to lose your day – and your mood – to incoming emails and blog posts. There is something sneaky about how email and social media can inflame the Hounds. We grew up with commercials; we know how to tune them out. Other messages, not so much. Take in social media and email the same way you would a TV commercial – knowing someone is trying to sell you something, even if just their ideas, which can inflame more ideas in the Hounds, so be careful!

Love the Abundance But Be Firm

The Hounds can be nipping at your heels or they can be pointing out the bounty and abundance of life. When the pile of books by my bed threatens to crush me, when I can’t read the Kripalu catalog (I’ll be there July 4th weekend!) because I want to take everyone’s class, I know it’s time to put a choke collar on the hounds and say, “Thank you for reminding me how vast and wonderful life is. And I’m only human so back off now.”

Calm Your Nervous System

The Hounds can get you into overdrive and then, especially if you add too much sugar and caffeine to the equation, you can feel it’s impossible to ever be enough. Anxiety can’t exist in a relaxed body, members recently said at the Comfort Café.

Breathe in for the count of four, hold for the count of four, breathe out to the count of six, hold empty of breath for the count of two. Repeat a few times. Then breathe in and out through your belly, like there were a mouth and lungs at your belly button. Let your belly be soft, and your eyes. And your jaw.

Life is so marvelous, may we live it with verve rather than by hounding.

What do you do to calm the Hounds? Do share!

P.S. This was first published in my extra loving e-zine. You can subscribe here and you get lots of very yummy goodies and I do not send you crappy sales emails. But if I did, I would be sending you one soon, because I’m releasing a very cool thing. And the way to know about that thing is to sign up for my newsletter.

Related posts:

1. Ways out of Fight or Flight
2. Choose Your Life Mondays – No Overwhelm Edition
3. 11 Ways to Survive the Holidays

Last week, my friends Kim and Howard Schiffer lost their house to the fire in Santa Barbara.

The house burned to nothing.

Love blossomed in its place.

What Kim and Howard are making out of this fire is so glorious to watch, I weep as I write this.

The first thing Kim felt when she heard the house was gone was gratitude. Standing with one daughter and her husband by her side, she felt such gratitude for their safety and for the buoying love of friends.

Sifting through the wreckage of the house days later, a burly fireman approached Kim and started sobbing, telling her how hard they had tried to save the house.

He and Kim held each other and cried.

If you’ve ever lost things to a disaster or accident, you know it’s not about the stuff, it’s about memories made tangible:

the plaster handprint your child made in kindergarten,

the picture of your father right before he died smiling at the camera with an impish grin of gratitude,

the dusty teapot from your honeymoon in Ireland.

Or as Peggy, Kim’s friend said in an email,

It’s reliving every meal and tummy full. The flavors that linger from the countless meals prepared with loving hands, like wings extending from the heart, beating bright and passionate as a hummingbird’s, intent on feeding hungry, appreciative mouths.

All we really want in life is to love and to be loved — that’s what true comfort helps us do.

When we know how to truly comfort ourselves, we become more who we really are and more able to love full tilt, without holding back, even in the face of the crushing losses that inevitably come our way.

Every time we face a transition, we are offered another chance to lean back on our love for ourselves so that we can meet what has come to us with love.

I see in Howard and Kim the evolution so many of us are living, the evolution from closing to opening, from victim to creator, from woulda, coulda, shoulda to open-hearted acceptance of what is.

I see Kim and Howard living with curiosity and gratitude, allowing this misfortune to move them more deeply into trusting they really are okay no matter what.

Not that Kim and Howard aren’t grieving. Howard is the founder and president of Vitamin Angels. Kim is renowned chef, teacher, and caterer and hugely in demand. (She grabbed 12 quarts of duck stock when they evacuated!) It’s going to be very difficult to do their lives — with three kids — and rebuild.

And they will love their way through it.

I am so grateful for their inspiration to love my way through my fear, through loss, until… until forever.

I love you Howard and Kim, Austin, Zoe and Eli.

The Luscious, Nurturing Get Your Writing Done While Laughing Your Butt Off and Maybe Crying a little Too Writer’s Retreat

We’ve had two women drop out, one due to illness (heal well Anna) and a new job (congrats Susan).

It’s the most amazing group of women gathering and we’ll make writing collages and do wacky brain training and a Taos studio art tour and write write write.

For writers of all genres and levels.

Get the details here and sign up.

Comfort Wishes

I wish you the courage to pull up your anchor
to assent to let the waves toss you, even to let them dent
and crack your
beautiful life boat.
Risk the scratches and cracks, even risk the
moment you’re convinced you will be swept away
forever.
Grasp your prayer beads
made of tears,
hold the hands of those who have suffered, too,
wail loudly
and all the while
accept the invitation.

Related posts:

1. The Burning
2. Comfort During Fearful Times: Memories Burning
3. How I Used to Hate Gratitude

Last chance to get the January Virtual Retreat PLUS the April 25th Inspiration Retreat day – this is such good stuff — and fun. Goes away May 15th.

The Luscious, Nurturing Get Your Writing Done While Laughing Your Butt Off and Maybe Crying a little Too Writer’s Retreat

We’ve had two spots (double) come open! A writing team had to cancel. But now we are down to one as while Deb was getting the newsletter ready to go someone took one of those spots. Get all the details here and come join us!

The Not-Quite-So-Daily Dollop

April was Inspiration month at the Comfort Cafe and Life Spa and I wanted you to have a taste of what we shared.

Hello Inspiring One!

(Who me? Is she talking to me?)

Yes, you.

Have you ever stopped to consider that, each and every day, mostly without knowing it, you inspire other people?

Pause and think about who has inspired you today.

Was it the friend who sent you a funny email?

Was it the guy in the produce section who stacks the veggies so breathtakingly beautifully?

Was it the smile the bus driver gave you when you got off at your stop?

Was it the hug from your daughter /granddaughter/ best friend?

Or the way your partner made a joke during a tense discussion?

Or….

We inspire each other to be kinder, more open, more forgiving, and to take ourselves with a grain of lightness so often, yet often, we don’t even notice that we do.

You are part of the inspiration loop, an ever-widening ripple of sparkling spirit.

Yes, you.

Today’s Intention: To notice when I am inspired by others and to pause and accept – for one breath – that I just be as inspiring and refreshing to others without even knowing it.

Extra Intention: Thank one person who inspires me, let him or her know the gift of the heart I have received.

The Little Book of Meaning

My dear dear friend Laura Berman Fortgang’s written a new book and I helped.

Yes, I got to coach and brainstorm and conceptualize this beautiful message into the world and I could not be more proud.

This is a book to ease uncertain times and would make the perfect gift to give to anyone who is unsure why they should get up in the morning, who is graduating from high school or college, or just lost their job.

It’s honest, tender, and life giving.

And yes, you get all sorts of free gifts if you buy it today through this link

Publisher’s Weekly gave “The Little Book On Meaning” a starred review and said: “Fortgang’s writing is moving in its simplicity and sincerity, and like her ministry, her message crosses religious borders; even nonbelievers will find basic truths.”

I’m jealous – a starred review is a big deal.

I only tell you about books I love and I really, really love this one.

Comfort Wish

Look outside
Yes, right now.

Look and see
a blue sky so clear (yes, it may be behind some clouds) you can’t miss
your heart’s truth written there:
You are already who you need to be

You are already who you need to be.

There is nothing to change,
nowhere to get to,
nothing to fix.

Look up, dear one, and know the truth.

Related posts:

1. V-Day Meaning
2. Virtual Retreat – Inspiration!
3. More on Inspiration

This Saturday, April 25th, I’m offering a one day Virtual Retreat with three interactive sessions. I’ll provide the structure and support for you to get true rest, deep renewal and a hit of inspiration without having to travel or take time away from your life.

The one-day retreat includes a 25-page How To Create Your Own Virtual Retreat e-book.

You can also buy all the mini-retreats from January’s big Virtual Retreat: Finding Calm, Confidence and Contentment no Matter What. I’ve included lots of ways to mix and match these retreat sessions to create different retreats. These recordings will only be available through Saturday.

Comfort Cafe members get the one-day Virtual Retreat for free.

The Self-Care Minder

Spring is singing its siren song in my ear right about now.

I want to play!
I don’t want to work (pout, stamp foot).

But I have to!

Who says?

One of the places I get stuck — perhaps you do too? Is in believing I have to make myself do things I don’t feel like doing.

I have to stick with the plan, the to-do list, the have tos and musts or I will never do anything again.

I am not allowed to want what I want when I want it.

Yet I know that when I force myself to move ahead when there is no desire, I move slower, make more mistakes, get less done, and most of all, I don’t enjoy myself.

If do this long enough, I lose my joy for life. I start to hate my life because nothing feels enjoyable.

I start to believe I don’t desire anything.

Creativity and inspiration leave the building and dullness and gripped buttocks enter.

At my retreats at Kripalu, we explored Desire. I riffed off the section in The Life Organizer and we journaled, made desire collages, and did free speaks (like free writes) about what our heart’s most desire. One beautiful young woman had a major breakthrough about the puzzle of her life. She’d been trying to “fit everything together” and when she realized what she really desired, suddenly what she needed to do was completely obvious — scary but obvious. She wrote me this morning that had acted on her insight and “would never look at desire the same way again.” She is on fire!

I want to trust desire like that. I have before. I want to again.

I want to trust that what I hear when I ask “What would I love to do next?” will guide me and I will still be able to pay the bills and tend my daughter and create good stuff. Maybe not weed the garden or clean the windows but who cares?

I want to trust that if my mood says, “Nothing! I hate the world” and my desire says, “I want to write my novel (I started a new one — gulp) I can follow desire even if anxiety wants to come along for the ride.

I want to trust my desire even when my time monsters and shadow comforts are screaming, “What you really want to do is check email and eat nut crackers! It’s too scary to do what you really want!”

I want to trust myself to listen to what I need and to give it to myself.

How about you?

Comfort Resources

The Life Organizer

The Awe-Manac: A Daily Dose of Wonder by Jill Badonsky

My most recent blog post

Comfort Wishes

I wish you the courage to look Desire
in the eye
to not
lash yourself to mast when she whispers her sweet inspirations

because perhaps the Sirens weren’t the bad girls Homer made them about to be?
Perhaps you won’t wreck the ship of your life if you allow yourself
to want what you want
and even
to have it sometimes.

What would you love to do next?

Related posts:

1. Desire, Mood and Shoulds
2. Spring Love
3. Deepest Desire

Loving kindness, being in our bodies, resourcing, time in nature, oh my, oh my!

The dorm option makes it a very affordable retreat!

“Look at what has held you back from doing other things you’ve wanted to do, take a deep breath, let out a full-bodied sigh, and listen to what your heart and spirit are telling you. You know why you want to. Just go.” Lisa, Kripalu 2008

What Helps us Truly Love Ourselves?

I’ve been thinking about this question for, oh, about 20 years, and through writing my six books. Lately, watching the women at the Comfort Cafe thrive, seeing how they are actually loving themselves more in this amazing, gorgeous way, made me realize yet again how important community is for cultivating self-love.

We need to be around like-minded people who accept us and who love us for who we are, warts, dents and cranky bits included.

We need to be around people who resonate with health, good will and creative ju-ju.

We need this as much as we need oxygen. Truly. Yet modern life conspires to isolate us. If there is one major hunger we all have, it is to connect with others.

Connecting eases so many of our inner conflicts! As the Buddha taught, “Our fear is great but greater still is the truth of our connectedness.” When we feel connected, we gain courage, energy and confidence.

Your limbic brain, the emotional center of your brain, cannot think its way to self-love and confidence. You can say “I love myself” a million times a day, but if your brain isn’t feeling love and being fed love, your positive thoughts do nothing but perhaps make you feel like a failure.

The sweet love spot of your brain learns, instead, by immersion. You know from experience that moods are contagious. Look, for example, at how quickly a crowd can get “out of control” or how fear has swept the world in the last six months.

When you feed your limbic brain by being around loving people, you create the environment to build new neural pathways so you can, over time, begin to feel and believe you are lovable and capable.

And don’t forget your heart brain, the 40,000 plus neurons in your heart, and how spending time being accepted and being shown acceptance and love smoothes out the rhythms of your heart, promoting greater health throughout your body and brain.

Are you getting the support, validation, and like-minded community you need these days?

Are you spending enough time with people who mirror back to you how wholly complete and wonderful you are, warts, dents and cranky bits included?

I talked to a young woman who has attended several of my retreats and she spoke about the life-long friendships she and the women with whom she connected made. She even used this phrase “mirroring”:

“We email and talk regularly, encouraging and supporting, even arguing in the earlier years, learning and mirroring all the way.

“But I needed to tell you that you are the first one who, unbeknownst to me at the time, SHOWED me what it was that I wanted to seek, so THANK YOU for providing not only that, but for the space you created for me to find these friends.”

How to Get Some Limbic Brain Juice:

• Attend a retreat or make one of your own with friends.
• Find like-minded people online and then meet up with one or two of them regularly in person — we need physical contact as well as virtual. Even we introverts!
• Use Meet-Up to find like-minded people or Twitter.com.
• Walk instead of drive to do your errands; talk to the shopkeepers, and get to know the people who support you.
• Host a monthly soup night for your neighbors. Check out the Loveliness of Soup Night blog post for ideas.
• Start or find a mastermind group, book group or knitting circle. (See what a member of my brain trust is up to below.)

The most important thing? When the busyness of life tells you there is no time, use that as a prompt to reach out, in even the smallest way, to be around others in heartfelt ways.

And remember, when you do this, you bring the same gift of acceptance and love to others that they do to you!

MY BRAIN TRUST BUDDY

I love love love Michael Bungay Stainer. He amazes me at least once a week, and my limbic brain is loved into greater self-acceptance almost every day by his support… not to mention how often he makes me laugh hard enough to blow tea out my nose.

He’s been working on this book and all the goodies that go with it for a long time and let me tell you right here right now this book is going to be huge.

It is going to rock the business world.

It could rock your world.

This is a truly amazing book.

It is going to be a classic business book for years to come.

“If I had to pick a person to have dinner with, when I need to be prodded and challenged and inspired to think about the things I really am committed to think about for myself and what I’m doing, I’d pick Michael Bungay Stanier.” — David Allen, Getting Things Done

Find Your Great Work: napkin-size solutions to stop the busywork and start the work that matters.

Check it out

Lots of love and gratitude,

Jen

P.S. I hope you will join me at Kripalu for some limbic-brain-juice-ups!

P.P.S. The five day retreat will be an intimate group with plenty of time for coaching and creating — a truly unique opportunity to work with me.

Related posts:

1. The New Feminine Brain
2. Ah, Kripalu
3. At Kripalu