Let me say right at the beginning this is an experiment. I may not want to do it every week. I may forget. Nobody may play.
And that’s okay.
Choosing Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week.
As you may know from this post I recently set a BFHG and it’s going very well although I did hit a snag on Friday which is good as it requires me to lovingly notice my-hurry-up-you-should-have-been-done-a-year-ago pattern.
Although, of course, I hate (stamping my foot now) slowing down.
Anyway… my BFHG is about offering you lots of ways to be comfortable and uncertain times and it’s about creating a place where we can hang out and support each other in never giving up on ourselves. A sort of comfort cafe. Virtual. With live events a few times a year.
But For Now, Back to Patterns
Patterns are something I’m always learning about (aren’t we all?) especially from my Writer’s Retreat guest Havi Brooks. In the shower today I thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could write your own owner’s manual?”
How cool would it be to have a way to record your wisdom, and have it replayed to you just when you need it as in when you are about to repeat a pattern you always repeat? (Note to self: invent software for this).
Then I remembered: I had created a guide to writing your personal owner’s manual: the Life Organizer! (Got a lovely note yesterday from Rachael, “Last night I had trouble sleeping and came across your book The Life Organizer at just the right time to reconnect & recommit to trying it out. Then I came across the book’s website and now, your invitation to join you on Facebook. Thank you!”)
(Hi Rachael, hope the book helped!)
I started wondering: what Life Organizer ideas would be good to practice together?
I decided on insight, which I define in the book this way,
You’ve got the gray hairs to show for them, so why not find a way to benefit from your life insights? Remembering and applying them is perhaps one of the reasons you were put on the planet, and even if it isn’t, using these insights can save you from wasting time (years!), money, energy, and love. Yet most of us were never taught to track, record, and refer to what we learn in life, or to hone these insights as they change and grow with us.
Life insights are gifted to you through therapy, coaching, reading, studying, meditation, prayer, spiritual practices, and listening to something larger than yourself. They tend to become clear on retreats, during long walks or runs, while rowing or folding laundry, during conversations with perceptive friends and sometime enigmatic strangers, and when we are writing or creating art. Sometimes we spot them in our journal, on our canvases, and in our complaints. We learn them through living, and often in a painful way, especially the third or tenth or thirtieth time around.
Here’s a really simple way of saying what I want to do with Choose Your Life Mondays: what pattern do you choose to pay attention to this week?
We choose our lives through awareness.
We change our lives is by becoming aware of our patterns and then changing our habitual reactions when those patterns are triggered (well, that’s one way we change).
But we cannot change our reactions until we lovingly become aware of our patterns and we cannot lovingly become aware of anything until we are paying attention and one way of paying attention is to name in community what we will pay attention to.
Another is to chunk down what we are lovingly paying attention to one thing at a time.
So Choosing Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week.
I’ll start – heck, I may the only one doing this although I really hope you will join me -
This week I will lovingly notice my pattern of jumping into action without asking myself what I want or what feels good.
I won’t try to change what I’m doing, I’ll simply notice.
Want to join me? Name your pattern in the comment section.
Then next week when you name another pattern or the same one, you can reflect on what you noticed this week. Or not!
97 responses so far ↓
1 Teresa Nov 16, 2008
This week I will try to notice the patterns of food selection that I make, and remind myself to love myself in every choice.
2 Pace Nov 17, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice my anger and frustration, and curiously inquire into its source.
3 Nathalie Lussier from Billionaire Woman Nov 17, 2008
I love this idea. This week I will lovingly notice my need for internet, and lovingly bring myself back to the present moment.
4 Caireen Nov 17, 2008
This week I will notice how everytime I feel vulnerable “The Sergent Major” emerges to tell me off and I will lovingly tell myself, “I love myself so much right now for (whatever it is that comes up).” And breathe…
5 Jennifer Nov 17, 2008
Thanks for playing everybody! I’ve noticed a nice shift in my hurry up mode just since posting this last night.. let’s see how it grows.
To awareness. Loving awareness!
6 Laura Nov 17, 2008
This week I am lovingly aware of how negative I can be and the clever ways I disguise it.
7 Jenn Givler Nov 17, 2008
Wow. How did you know I needed this exact thing right now?!
I’ve just recently purchased The Life Organizer and will be diving into it this week…
For this week, I lovingly notice my need to feel like I’ll never accomplish everything, and I’ll remember to b-r-e-a-t-h and stay present when I start feeling like that.
8 Danielle Nov 17, 2008
This week I lovingly notice when I throw off the bars, the chains and rise up!
9 Donut Nov 17, 2008
This week I will notice my self doubts about how I am relating to my friends. Why do I second guess every conversation, email, etc?
10 Margaret Nov 17, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when my shoulders are up by my earlobes and let them go. And again. And again.
11 Diedra Nov 17, 2008
I will remind myself not to stress about situations that haven’t even happened yet and will probably turn out just fine without my anxiety and swirling thoughts added in.
12 Diane Whiddon-Brown Nov 17, 2008
I love this idea! I totally needed this right now. I’m going to try to pay attention to all the times I approach my writing with negativity. I used to LOVE writing. When did it become, “I have to write today. Ugh.”?
13 Melanie Nov 17, 2008
I will lovingly notice when I am responding to discomfort with frantic activity and adding too many tasks to my to-do list.
14 Jennifer Nov 17, 2008
YES everybody, I feel so connected and supported by your awareness.
Thank you!
@Diane, you might also take three breaths and remember when you loved writing, a moment when things were flowing… and let that pull you forward toward your creative work. We do that often in my writer’s coaching group.
15 Andrea Friedmann Nov 17, 2008
Thank you for this opportunity! This week I will lovingly notice my jump-ahead-of-myself pattern and the anxiety it brings me, and instead, I will remember the goals that I have met and treat myself to some relaxing, healing Reiki!
16 debbieg Nov 17, 2008
This week when I am aware of negativity toward myself and others I will pay attention, and reframe it in more positive ways.
17 Nona Nov 17, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when I am indulging in fearful thoughts so I may take them to inquiry.
My new favourite quote, which I am using as my email tag, is “The absence of fear is not courage. The absence of fear is mental illness.” — Naomi Dunford
18 Gina Hyams Nov 17, 2008
This week I will notice what the triggers are that make me want to procrastinate about my writing. As it is, I manage to make most deadlines despite the procrastination habit, but I wonder what power would be unleashed if I didn’t leave my desk to do housework…or twitter away the day checking my twitter stream…fun as that is.
19 Annie Binns Nov 17, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice the clever way that I use fear to interpret every little thing that happens in my job search.
20 Sonia Simone | Remarkable Communication Nov 17, 2008
Love this, I’ll play!
This week I’ll notice when I want to yell at my crabby, unreasonable, tantrum-y inner-three-year-old, and try to be a kinder mama to her.
I notice I do a lot better with my real three-year-old than I do with the one who lives in my head.
21 Jennifer Nov 17, 2008
Can I just keep gushing about how great you all are?????
I can’t wait to hear next week how it went. Noticing that is. Just noticing. Not trying to change anything.
I noticed, for example, that I got into speedy mode several times today and how much of a default it is for me.
22 chris zydel Nov 18, 2008
Great exercise, Jen! I love the idea of just noticing, just putting it out there without judgment or trying to change anything. And it feels really good to do that in community.
Been reading Seth Godin’s Tribes and one of the things I’m noticing is how much desire I have to be part of larger and larger circles of support and connection. And how I am giving that to myself by engaging in conversation in healing oriented blogging communities, like this one. So I am noticing my pattern of knowing how to reach out when I need to.
I am also noticing my pattern of depletion, of giving to others even when I am tired and need some downtime for me. I am trying to notice that with compassion, recognizing that it comes from a place of caring, and also from that place inside me that hungers for connection.
23 Char Nov 18, 2008
This week I choose to notice what is up for me when I want to go to bed and won’t give in to it – what are the thoughts and feelings, etc.
I love doing this in community too. Then you, Jennifer.
24 Char Nov 18, 2008
PS: I also want to spend some time with a chapter of your book this week – just thought I’d throw this in to suport my commitment.
25 Tatty Franey Nov 18, 2008
i’m one day late joining in, but here i go! the pattern i’ll be noticing this week is the way i have to picking something to be madly worried about when there is nothing worrying me, instead of enjoying the bliss of worry-free times!
26 Dawn Nov 18, 2008
This lovely week, I will notice when I catastrophize about my dissertation, and think about why I lose hope & faith in it (and myself) so quickly.
PS: I have been craving the Life Organizer, which I used to use faithfully. This is a great way to get back to it in a community setting.
PPS: Am I the only one who can relate to nearly every other pattern mentioned here?
27 Christine Nov 18, 2008
Ok, today is Tuesday, but I’m going to play along. And I’m going to love myself for doing it, even though I’m not doing it “perfectly”. (One of my patterns)
I’m going to notice that even though I’m choosing to remove people and things from my life that are toxic, that have for decades, defined how I feel about myself; that it’s still painful, that I still need to mourn the loss and allow it.
I’m also going to notice “shadow comfort” cravings for what they are and gently make another choice without disdain.
To Dawn: Nope, they all felt very familiar to me too and as an aside, I love the word “catastrophize” it’s a perfect description for another pattern that I have.
28 Jennifer Nov 18, 2008
@Dawn – yes, I feel the same way, lots of familiar thoughts which make me feel so much less weird!
@Char and Dawn – yeah for using the Life Organizer. I love that book. Smile.
I notice the presence of fear for a lot of us. Let’s notice if noticing helps!
@Chris – boy, yes to community!
29 Rachael Nov 18, 2008
Thanks for mentioning me!
This week I am lovingly noticing when I begin to indulge in feeling like a victim, and remember that I have the choice to respond to life differently (and care for my inner child).
I definitely feel validated by many of the patterns that others have posted (fear, need for internet, procrastination, etc). Thank you!
30 Hiro Boga Nov 19, 2008
Jennifer, thank you for this inspired game!
It’s mid-week, but never too late to play . . .
This week, I’ll pay attention each time I feel an inner need for support or nourishment, and notice how I respond to it.
31 Joan Nov 19, 2008
I will take the time to stop and notice when I am eating when I’m not really hungry.
32 Babs Nov 19, 2008
I, too, am jumping in late…but, better late than, well, you know. This week, I will try to lovingly pay attention to being more present in the moment. Move out of the past (I’m almost 50 for God’s sake, why relive it all?)…and stop worrying about the future. Right now is AWESOME!!! It is all I have and all I need!
33 Raw Material Archive Nov 19, 2008
[...] 16th 2008} {32 [...]
34 You are a Preferred Customer so Get on the List » Comfort Queen Nov 20, 2008
[...] let me say I AM LOVING how the new tradition of Choose Your Life Mondays is going. I really really find myself thinking about how often I rush into things and even though I [...]
35 Karen Talavera Nov 22, 2008
This week I will notice when I am short-tempered, angry or impatient with my daughter and inquire whether that is my voice speaking, or my mother’s.
36 char Nov 22, 2008
So, it is Saturday and I had to come back here to remind myself what i said I’d notice – I forgot!!
Ahh, to begin again – I want to work with your book again and also notice what’s up for me about going to bed at night.
Thanks for this thread Jennifer.
37 Choose Your Life Mondays #2 » Comfort Queen Nov 23, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
38 Karen Nov 24, 2008
This week I will notice when I let what others do or say derail me. Or is it that I derail myself and look for someone else to blame?
39 Kat Nov 24, 2008
I am noticing how I react when I feel vulnerable – especially when good things are flowing and stuff is getting repaired and I release clutter.
40 Laney Nov 24, 2008
This week I will notice when I am not being my true self.
41 Choose Your Life Mondays #3 » Comfort Queen Nov 30, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
42 Pattie Dec 7, 2008
I do an affirmation for myself Monday thru Thursday and reflect on how the week went on Friday….I have been doing this for 3 years now….Inner work is the BEST…Although I am now going thru a difficult time I remind myself to stay present ..I continue doing my affirmations to stay focused…and although some days are harder than others doing this allows me to feel more centered…I still am a work in progress….
43 Erika Dec 7, 2008
This week, I’m going to lovingly notice how I use my depression as an escape mechanism. It’s time to come out of my shell and start doing all of those things I fantasize about, like getting my novel published, becoming the fabulously expressive and expansive woman I see in my head… I need to stop using my depression as a crutch for my fear.
44 Cindy Dec 7, 2008
This week, I will handle the emotions of divorce in a positive way, instead of being self destructive
45 Adey Dec 7, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice how often I notice my overweight and make critical comments to myself about how I look. This, even though I know that the more I go on about it, the less able I feel to do something about it.
46 Deborah Dec 7, 2008
This week I am going to notice my frown, when I am screwing up my face, which I do a lot…when I’m thinking, not thinking, communicating, even sleeping. Just noticing it versus getting upset with myself for doing it. Gently noticing, thanks Jen!
47 Kath Dec 7, 2008
This week I will notice the sharpness in my tone, and when an old reaction comes out even though a situation or person has changed. Heh. Feels good just typing it out! Heh, heh. Thanks Jen, always in the nick of time you are. Big smile!
48 ryal Dec 7, 2008
This week I’ll try to notice the nice things about my job instead of fuming over the negative things.
49 Amy Dec 7, 2008
This week I will notice how often I lapse into shadow comforts (i.e., TV, mindless time on the computer, etc.) instead of choosing a brief, self-loving activity like yoga or meditation.
50 Do Mi Dec 7, 2008
This is wonderful!
This week I will lovingly notice the moments when I think of doing a little art or music, and turn away from it instead.
51 Kit Dec 7, 2008
This week I will tickle myself out of self-defeating procrastination more often, praise my successes, however teensy, and hush the inner critic who wants me to apologize for every dang thing. I’ll write the particulars about these intentions in my Inner Organizer journal, reread them and lovingly, gently, quickly assess and affirm my growth daily.
52 Victoria Dec 7, 2008
Your Mondays’ invite is right on time for me!
During this week I will notice each time I want to avoid and try to quietly pay attention to it’s source.
53 Maria Dec 7, 2008
The patterns I will observe lovingly is excessive and mindless t.v. watching.
54 Corina Dec 7, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice my tendency to fill beautiful, peaceful silence with words and distractions.
55 Deanna Dec 7, 2008
This week I will notice how much I fill my hours with activities and distractions that drain me of the time and energy I need to pursue worthier pusuits. I will pay attention to how I sabotage my better self, and cheat myself out of living a richer life.
56 Kristin Dec 7, 2008
This week I will pay attention to the ways I avoid doing the things I love. I hope eventually to understand the whys.
57 Rosie Dec 7, 2008
Starting tomorrow, I will begin to nurture a way of being that expresses my own beautiful nature and rhythms, and not get caught up in anyone else’s energy. What the heck have I been doing these past 51 years??!!
I’m going to start living my days and nights in a way that supports inner peace. Stay tuned…some boat-rocking may ensue.
58 joy dec 7,2008 Dec 7, 2008
I surely needed this for my Monday since they alway’s seem yucky. And I’ll surely fill my world with pink and smile’s when doing so and that will keep thing’s more on track.Thanks’s.
59 Terri Dec 7, 2008
This week I’ll notice my tendency to jump into action without involving or fully communicating to my full team, just to get things done more quickly. Preserving the team relationships & dynamics are more important than saving a few mins on a task! Sometimes I think my team feels I don’t think they’re competent when I behave this way, and I know I’m fully blessed to be surrounded by so many smart people!!
60 Laurie Dec 7, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when I put off meditation & other inner work.
61 Miriam Dec 7, 2008
This week I am going to be proud of each thing I achieve, and lovingly tell myself that is ‘enough’, not feel that I should have achieved more…
62 Rosemarie Dec 8, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when I am spiralling down into worry and remember the “present” is a gift to be appreciated. (Lovely idea, this
)
63 susan Dec 8, 2008
I don’t know how I missed this for all these weeks! What great thoughts – I really feel I’m not alone in the things I do. This week, I will lovingly notice how I rush through things even those things I really look forward to.
64 Maria Dec 8, 2008
During the week, as I lift one of my feet to take a step into the unfamiliar, a step that is outside my comfort zone, I will gently remind myself that… All of life is practice. There is no “getting it right”, or perfect. It’s all practice.
65 Melinda Dec 8, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when I am not paying attention to my kids when they really need it
66 Tracey Dec 8, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice my panicky approach to holiday preparations… and open myself to be able to appreciate “good enough”.
67 Choose Your Life Mondays #4 » Comfort Queen Dec 8, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
68 Christina Dec 8, 2008
Notice following feeling good
69 Jennifer Dec 8, 2008
Welcome everyone and thank you SO MUCH for these amazingly articulate and universally YES intentions. May we each be with each other in spirit as we lovingly notice our patterns this week and say HI, THERE YOU ARE AGAIN. I see you and I accept you and I’m hanging out with you for the next breath or so… ah… okay… and I’m not alone.
PS I screwed up and gave you the link to the FIRST week of this tradition. If you want to see what I said THIS WEEK you can go here http://www.comfortqueen.com/choose-your-life-mondays-4
70 Steffanie Dec 8, 2008
Thank you – this came at just the right time for me as well. I love the community.
This week I will notice how anxious and overwhelmed I get thinking about all I need to do. When I find myself anxious and overwhelmed I will choose 1 task and work on it for 15 minutes.
Now that I’ve said this to the community I feel free.
71 Elizabeth Barbour Dec 8, 2008
This week I will notice when my body is craving movement – yoga, a walk, a dance around my living room
72 Susan W Dec 9, 2008
This week I will lovingly notice when I begin to procrastinate with computer cruising and gently bring myself back to the task at hand.
73 Chris Dec 9, 2008
This week I will notice when I am adding another thing to my calendar and ask myself, ‘Do I really need/want to do this?’ in an effort to better balance my doing with just being.
74 Laura Wolf Dec 9, 2008
I’m pretty tuned in to when I’m feeling anxious or “speedy”. This week, I will simply notice how I’m feeling – “I’m feeling anxious”, without having to try to control, understand, solve, or change it. Of course, my ulterior motive is that acceptance will magically disperse it but we’ll see what happens.
Cheers!
Laura Wolf
75 Susan H. Dec 9, 2008
Even though I promise myself “one day at a time” since this is all I have and can truly handle, I slip back into that place of projecting ahead – using vain imaginations. All too full of angst and anxiety. This week I am going to truly stay in the moment…one day at a time. Pray for me!
76 Julie Jordan Scott Dec 9, 2008
This week (starting today, Tuesday) I am going to notice when I tell myself I am not worth the effort, anyway, so why bother?
I am also going to be aware of variations on this same theme….
And remind myself of compliment flood I have been experiencing lately – I need to remember to AGREE with these compliments, receive them fully.
77 quesara Dec 10, 2008
Great comments, sisters. Many of you took the thoughts right out of my head, and it is so nice to not feel alone.
This week I will lovingly notice how I turn everything that is said (or not said) to me by my spouse into negative, self-defeating thoughts.
78 TeaMumm Dec 11, 2008
This week I am going to try and set aside doing things to “impress” others, and just be me. Just Be.
79 Choose Your Life Mondays #5 » Comfort Queen Dec 14, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
80 Susan H. Dec 15, 2008
This week I will notice when I feel less than who I am because someone else dismisses me……that it is their problem and issue – not mine. I am who I am and I am an incredible human being with great value and a lot to contribute to life.
81 Chris S. Dec 15, 2008
I have a cold that I haven’t been honoring, and this Monday I’m remembering your post on being sick, Jen, so I’m going to just be sick and enjoy all that goes with it – the tea, the soup, the movies, the naps, the no-showering, the wooziness, the not-having-any-idea-what-time-it-is, and the sadness that comes with it too.
82 Magic in my mind… « The Secret Life Of Worm Hill Dec 18, 2008
[...] Choose your life Mondays – Jennifer Louden’s new *thing* on her blog. It’s really cool. This week I chose to notice when I was trying to hurry away from myself and then breathe and relax my shoulders… Okay, so I didn’t realise just how much I was going to notice. I discovered that I pretty much spend my entire time in a great big hurry away from myself. And my shoulders round my ears! Hah. [...]
83 Choose Your Life Mondays #7 » Comfort Queen Dec 28, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
84 Becca R.. Dec 31, 2008
I’m going to take a slow, deep breath before answering anyone who has asked me to take care of something for them – and then direct them to where they need to go, instead of taking care of them/it for them! I must lovingly tell myself I cannot take care of the entire world’s problems! =)
85 Choose Your Life Mondays #8 » Comfort Queen Jan 4, 2009
[...] Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you. [...]
86 chery r Jan 7, 2009
After reading your blog for the week, it is freeing to know I dont have to be thin anymore at 59, but my own artistic shape, what ever that may be; I dont have to be as smart as I used to be – now I am wiser; I’ll never fit the corporate image – and will wear pink despite the bad reviews – I will keep myself.
87 MaryBeth Drake Jan 8, 2009
Hi– chery r Jan 7, 2009 me too! I’m 56 and just not svelte anymore (but VERY healthy!)
Everyone else–Thanks– this blog helps me turn off this dang computer (which is a problem because I teach online) and walk away for awhile especially when I find myself sighing over slow student progress or how I’v e gotten off schedule and skipped my own learning for yet another morning!
88 Dolores Jan 8, 2009
This week I will notice what I am feeling when I want to go to my computer to play solitaire. I have stopped allowing myself this and I do find that there are many times during the day when I have the impulse to open a game.
They are the same moments that I want to eat something sweet.
89 Carolyn Jan 15, 2009
This week I will pay attention to my pattern of believing I’m not pretty enough; and being mad at men, because I am believing that all men think I’m not pretty enough.
90 Sharon Jan 26, 2009
I will notice when I am not acting in a responsible manner that will trip me up later on.
91 ingrid Jan 27, 2009
I will observe how I respond to people who come too close too soon…
92 Char Jan 27, 2009
This week I will notice when my body is asking for something and be more attentive to answering the request the first time, instead of when my body is screaming at me.
93 Ask the leadership coach » Choose Your Life Mondays » Comfort Queen Mar 9, 2009
[...] Donna Ritter posted a noteworthy aricle today onHere’s a small snippetLife insights are gifted to you through therapy, coaching, reading, studying, meditation, prayer, spiritual practices, and listening to something larger than yourself. They tend to become clear on retreats, during long walks or runs, … [...]
94 linda Apr 7, 2009
This week I will lovingly notice when I become impatient, notice the source and check my reaction.
95 Not Quite Daily Dollop » Comfort Queen May 4, 2009
[...] Choose Your Life Mondays is a totally loving way to notice at your patterns supported by a great group of [...]
96 Nic May 11, 2009
This week I will notice when I make an excuse to put off something that I am anxious about doing.
97 Choose Your Life Mondays #23 » Comfort Queen May 18, 2009
[...] blogging here for Choose Your Life Mondays and setting intentions with the cafers over at the Comfort Cafe, it’s like I’ve got a [...]