Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
Sometimes I get entirely sick and tired of being conscious.
Of being intentional.
Of choosing my life with love.
Of being mindful and grateful and kind.
Of being in my body.
Of all this natter chatter.
Here’s my big secret: sometimes I wish someone would choose for me
Oh I know, I would change my tune oh so quickly if I lived in an authoritarian state or even with my mother,
and sometimes the sheer daunting never-ending responsibility of being conscious
gets on my last good nerve.
At the same time
I love looking back and seeing how far I’ve come.
What a whiny little demanding poop head I used to be
and how that means
I can keep growing and
who knows what adventures lie ahead?
Which is probably a good thing because the more conscious you become, as you have no doubt noticed, the more you feel the pain of the whole world and that really does frays your last good nerve (at times).
Paying attention works
Asking mindful questions works
Tracking what you actually do, the actual steps you take (as in writing down “meditated for ten minutes, did cardio for 30, wrote for 25″) works as does
Holding a vision of what you want – at least how it will feel.
It all works and you know what?
I’M DECLARING A CONSCIOUSNESS VACATION THIS WEEK
Alright, it’s not like I’m going to spend the entire week with my head inside a wine bottle because,
as you no doubt know,
once you’ve been on this whole spritual path consciousness train for awhile, it’s not like you can get off.
You can’t! (talk about good nerve fraying).
So all I can really do is allow my monthly intention to create
systems
and to
Lovingly notice when I make snarls, when I rush, when I’m restless
rest.
I can be a little lighter and easier with it.
Hold the whole thing a little less earnestly, in a little less of a death grip.
Maybe I’ll still soar ahead to new heights of support (because I have figured out that systems are really about me believing I can have the support I need to thrive and snarling things is really about not believing I can have the support I need) and maybe I’ll totally slide into chaos – so be it.
Is there anything you want to take a break from this week?
Any part of you that is ready for a rest?
Do tell!
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17 responses so far ↓
1 Joely Black Mar 16, 2009
I can fully understand wanting to be unconscious. It seems so much easier just to be wrapped up in patterns without noticing and just struggling on through.
I’m noticing my fear this week. I’ve made special changes to my weekends, and last weekend was an incredible mini-retreat where I did hours of meditation, noticing and releasing. It was incredible so I feel fantastic today. I’m taking a break from fighting with myself, I’m enjoying where I am instead of wanting to be somewhere else.
Joely Black’s last blog post..Reviewing a weekend of transformation
2 Ingrid Mar 16, 2009
Wow, I just came back from a walk through the woods in which I was noticing how hard it is sometimes for me to be calling all my own shots. I am self-employed as a poet and book-artist. I was even longing for the busy selling season here (summer) so I could spend less time being self-directed and thoughtful and more time simply responding to the demands of day. This post echos my sentiments exactly! I’m not sure it’s consciousness that I want a break from, but self-analysis- self-questioning, self-scrutiny (self-consciousness) which can be so exhausting to me. I would like to go about my life- my various activities, with that awareness that I am held by a higher consciousness- and a trust in that- rather than the feeling that I must create it, achieve it, succeed at it, or even resemble it. I’ve been thinking more than doing these days, and I realize that it’s actually doing and creating (living???)that is much more satisfying- keeps the energy flowing. So I hope to get out of my own way this week and stop overthinking things . Jennifer this post couldn’t have come at a better time!
Ingrid’s last blog post..To Remember What Holds You
3 Hiro Boga Mar 16, 2009
This week, I will take a break from responsibility for anything other than my own sweet life. And remember that we are all cradled in a lap much bigger than my own.
I will rest in God’s lap and know that I– along with everyone I love–am held in an infinitely spacious, tender love.
Hmmmmm . . .
Hiro Boga’s last blog post..Creative Connection: Where’s Your Muse When the Baby’s Spitting Up at 3 am?
4 Jennifer Mar 16, 2009
Ingrid, your comment sums up MUCH BETTER what I’m feeling – less thinking, more creating! I love what you said. It will help me so much this week.
5 Joely Black Mar 16, 2009
@ Ingrid – I have to agree with that. I find being constantly self-conscious deeply irritating! I think you might have inspired me with a new pattern to notice for the week.
Joely Black’s last blog post..Awkward conversations inspire a talk on being an author
6 susan kuhn frost Mar 16, 2009
Ingrid – you articulate the “third way” that is neither allowing life to run us nor believing we run life…but a co-creative, open minded stance.
My plans and visions are not more important than what I do on a daily basis. I can’t hide out in them.
Things might work out the way I am working toward, and they might not.
Other people might play the role in my life that I want them to, and they might not.
I might look back on this time as unexpectedly rich and satisfying, although now I feel tense and incomplete.
OK, that felt good. Thanks for this opportunity to comment.
7 Sneaux Mar 16, 2009
Oh, you took the words right out of my brain! If I would take a break from anything at all this week, I would take a break from *caring*. Caring about the environment, or the economy, or the noise coming upstairs from my neighbors in the basement apartment. Stop caring about deadlines and whether I make it to yoga this week. What food I eat… I would like to take a break from all of it.
Thanks for the permission, Jennifer!
Sneaux’s last blog post..Gratitude.
8 Jennifer Manlowe Mar 16, 2009
I’m taking a break from feeling badly about being whacky and disorganized.
You know how when you watch a super-wild love scene, (in a movie, of course), you see the lover “clear off the desk” with great enthusiasm–no censoring as to what should go where–that’s what I’m after.
After clearing off my desk, I’m dumping it all in a really pretty box that I’m tucking into my desk closets.
Now, if I can’t find anything, I know where to go!
This feels so good. Thanks for reminding me to share my good fortune, the kind that comes from a softer, gentler way.
If you ever want to publish a book/eBook on a collection of your tips, I hope you’ll consider receiving my support.
9 Jennifer Mar 16, 2009
Yum everybody for your voices here this morning! Raise a flag to softer, gentler this Monday!
Susan – co-creative indeed!
Sneaux, love to here how less caring works… it might lead to great things.
Jennifer, what a good idea – are you thinking my Twitter tips or my Choose Your Life Mondays or…
And I would love your website info to give to clients who need help with self-publishing. I’m coaching a group of writers right now – and then there is always the upcoming Writer’s Retreat – so good to have resources!
10 Joy Weese Moll Mar 16, 2009
Oh, thank you! I’ve been on such a kick since the Virtual Retreat and through the Comfort Cafe, but it was all starting to feel too much and awfully tiring. I can trust myself and my many resources to get me back on track, if necessary. I think, for this week, I don’t have to be quite so earnest.
Joy Weese Moll’s last blog post..Pruning
11 Nancy Mar 16, 2009
I stumbled across your site by searching for “paralyzed by uncertainty”. I’m a filmmaker waiting for an investor to make good on an agreement to give me $5M+. If you’ve ever worked on a film, or any big project, you know that you have bring lots of people together, make lots of time-centric agreements, and you yourself have to put everything on hold.
So when there’s a delay on the money side it turns into a nightmare. Do you go run off and look for work (making a second set of promises you quite likely won’t keep). Do you hang on, risking that you’ll be able to make good on mortgages and bills? Do you apply pressure to the investor (or whoever else you need to get things moving) which may be ultimately counter productive?
Its very hard to figure out exactly what to do.
Your blog post & recording on being paralyzed was very helpful. Down to earth, informal . . . It was a nice little island in the storm.
Nancy
12 Kerri Mar 16, 2009
The part about “self-analysis- self-questioning, self-scrutiny (self-consciousness) which can be so exhausting to me”, so fits.
I try to give myself a break, then I feel guilty…how do you be kind enough to be able to give yourself that kind of a break….heaven knows that my to do list is still a mile long?
Why can’t we really know that we don’t have to be going 24/7?
suggestions greatly appreciated
kerri
13 Tammy Mar 17, 2009
I take university classes on line, and we are on break this week. I had decided as soon as I turned in my last paper Sunday afternoon that this week is for me.
Instead of focusing on the *should do*, I’m going with *what I want to do*.
I’m reading books for the sheer pleasure of reading. I am doing an art project and my brain is enjoying being creative after a long dry spell.
I nap and do not feel guilty about it. The dust is gathering. Too bad.
I bought new bras. I haven’t had propely fitting bras in years, so this really is a treat.
I’m e-mailing my granddaughter. She’s just 11. She loves getting email. We both love books, so I borrowed a couple of her books so we can compare notes. I love being invited to share her world.
The upshot of it is that whatever I’m doing this week is mostly for me. I find it very difficult to relax and pamper myself, but if I don’t think about it, it comes much easier, and with it, the idea that the world isn’t going to come to an end just because I take a week off.
And just because I can, I’ll hug my 18 year old son. No kid is ever too old to be hugged by their mom.
Tammy
14 Jennifer Mar 17, 2009
Joy – I know, i feel the same way, especially creating all the Comfort Cafe goodies… good to take a break, i find myself getting more done!
Nancy – welcome! I went to film school many moons ago (USC) and was married for many years to a cinematographer so I know well the uncertainty you speak of. It sucks and it is also this great invitation to develop the ability to be centered no matter what. When I coach/teacher writers, I look for how they can develop their own criteria for satisfaction. Otherwise, we will always be spun about by the moods and whims of those who buy – or don’t – our work.
Kerri, your question is a great one. it is partly our dominant culture that pushes us to be in action and to doubt rest. It helps to unplug as much as possible. It helps to have like minded people who are supportive. It really helps to speak to yourself like someone you love. It also helps to take breaks and then notice, like a scientist, what happened because of that break? For example, I noticed today that taking it easy and being less serious, I actually got more done.
Tammy – love love love your description of your week. I thought of it several times today!
15 linda marie Apr 25, 2009
Jennifer,
I think I am the speaker that did not get through during the first session this morning. I believe that part of the reason that I did not get through is that I am holding back.
I was very excited that the 1st 2 callers were imagining being outside and taking photos. I also wrote about those things.
What was disturbing was that I also mentioned connecting to people — and maybe seeing a dog, who would “kiss” me and accept me unconditionally.
To be quite honest, that has been a fight for me this morning.
I have not given myself permission to own this entire day — nor have I given myself permission to only own “part” of the day.
I intend to have fun today… but my “bowl” of “stuff” is calling. It will be interesting to see how the day will proceed.
16 linda marie Apr 25, 2009
We are having a quilters’ weekend in our town today. The people who are here are very inspirational to me right now — as are the quilts.
I am also very inspired by other artwork.
17 linda marie Apr 25, 2009
I love my granddaughter (who is almost 2) and relating the growth in her life to the new growth I am seeing in my life.