Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
The experiment is off to a grand soul tonifying start…I was so enthralled and felt so with each of you as your comments came in… Thank you!
I’m (yet again) amazed by the power of awareness. Awareness rocks!
What I learned (warning: I learned a lot)
By lovingly being aware of my pattern which was (is):
… jumping into action without asking myself what I want or what feels good,
(otherwise known as speediness)
and by knowing that you were being aware of your pattern and we would come back here and check-in about how our paying attention shifted or didn’t shift things, I learned so much, it pretty much bowls me over.
As you know, I’m working on a slew of stuff around Comfort During Uncertain Times, around fear and change and uncertainty . But last Sunday, I got the wild hair to do this very simple, very quick project… (go ahead, chuckle knowingly) which was to compile and edit the short audios I’ve been doing over the years (I call them Mood Changers), and maybe just create a couple of new ones and record maybe a few of my Comfort Wishes and get these all on to a CD and package with my books for holiday gifts…
I was sure doing this would only take a day, two at the most.
It took all week.
And as the week progressed, I was aware of how my hurry-up-and-get-it-done-pattern is helping to perpetuate the key issues I’m struggling with in my business. But you may say, so what? You still did it. To which I say and I learned so much — which is the main reason, besides loving, we are alive and by the by, the only way we change– so there!
I learned:
- That I don’t allow enough time for projects.
- That asking myself, “Are you sure you want to do this project?” made me do a little due diligence to make sure the project made sense which is good business.
- To accept that doing this project would take longer than I thought and that was okay.
- The link between wanting to be special and original in all I create and hurrying up is huge and important and I will be paying more attention to that link going forward.
- How I have a story that doing a lot fast and working long hours is exciting and interesting and makes my life more meaningful but as soon I’m actually doing a lot and working long hours, I want to be hiking in the woods with the doodle dogs and going to yoga class and talking on the phone with my best friend Barbra. In other words, I actually like balance.
-
BIG NOTICE: Speediness contributes to me being all over the map and getting sucked into the lottery syndrome and thus not building the systems that will allow me to be creatively, steadily productive.
… Pause while I breath and pat myself on the back as I really want to turn away from this learning and check email or otherwise distract myself but I’m going to sit still and breath….
…Because I’ve seen this pattern before and that’s why being willing to look at our patterns means we are terrifically brave. I first wrote about this speedy all over the map tendency of mine in February 2006 and again in April 2007.
A lull in writing while Jen appreciates this fact.
Another lull while Jen ponders how awareness of our patterns and accepting those patterns without immediately running to change them are so intimately linked to loving ourselves.
Another lull while Jen wonders about her friend Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s powerful question, “What if the question is not why am I so infrequently the person I really want to be, but why do I so infrequently want to be the person I really am?” and what that has to do with loving our patterns.
Whew! That was a whole heck of a lot of understanding going on there… loving myself for staying with it…loving myself for seeing it yet again… hoping you are loving yourself, too.
Because Choosing Your Life Mondays is not never ever an invitation to beat yourself up!
And now, drum roll, the Choose Your Life Monday focus for this week:
This week I will lovingly notice my pattern of wanting to do everything yesterday (aka speediness) and let myself stop and feel the creative urges behind that speediness
(That may sound a little vague and I’m sensing that my speediness and my love of life are intimately entwined and that stopping to feel that link, while scary as all get out, will be very revealing.)
I won’t try to change what I’m doing, I’ll simply stop and feel.
Want to join me? Name your pattern in the comment section. You can name the same pattern from last week, if you played last week. Or you may want to tweak yours a tad. Try to keep it simple. Which I have not really modeled.
And if you wish, join me in sharing your reflections on what you noticed about your pattern this past week. Or not! Certainly I will not be processing this long every week! Trust me on that.
Related posts:
26 responses so far ↓
1 Caireen Nov 23, 2008
This week I will notice and be aware of the impulse to run away in a hurry from myself. I will breathe and relax my shoulders and come back home.
2 Dawn Nov 23, 2008
I would love to say this week I journaled and had lots of wonderful insights like Jen’s, but I have been so busy *writing* my dissertation and NOT catastrophizing the whole time (which is what I said I wanted to pay attention to last week) that I just didn’t have time.
I think that’s a good thing.
This week (can we call it a short week since the holiday doesn’t count? My mind is so wiley and wants to squirm and get out of hard things sometimes!!) I want to pay attention to why I often get distracted from writing my dissertation. I will just notice the various distractions without beating myself up or throwing up my hands in despair.
Thanks again for this! It’s such a lovely, lovely community to bare my fears to.
3 Starrybluesky Nov 24, 2008
I am going to notice how I use my time this week. Not change, just notice.
Didn’t see this last week, but enjoyed reading the post and comments.
4 Lynne Nov 24, 2008
This week I will be aware of my pattern of not finishing what I start — and instead focus on how good completion feels.
5 Paula Nov 24, 2008
This week I will notice my pattern of saying yes to things I’m only lukewarm about. I’m getting really good as saying no to things that are definite NO’s.
But I only want to say YES to things that are “Hell Yeah!” It’s part of my quest to indulge in life’s finest, feel like a princess in my palace (home!) and crank my life up to SPARKLE!
And it starts with every little daily decision. Is this a “Hell Yeah” or just a “shrug my shoulders maybe I could”.
Do I dare say no to indifference leaving space for utter indulgence?
Hell Yeah!
6 Pixie Nov 24, 2008
Hi Jen, Usually I just read your blog and all the insightful comments and don’t join in because I’m afraid what I have to say won’t be as wild and thoughtful and provocative as everyone else. Today I don’t care because you so struck a chord with the idea of speediness. I’m total speediness these days, but I speed away from creative projects because of fear. It’s so much easier to do the laundry. I find a gazillion other things to do so I don’t do my work. Why? I have no idea other than that I’m afraid of failing at the things that matter most to me. And probably because deep down I don’t think I totally trust myself. I get into this whole thing of not knowing what I really want and putting lots of time in to things that don’t matter too much. So, my pattern is to follow my monkey mind all over the place and not to stick to the thing that my intuition is telling me to do and then beating myself up for it and having lots of little piles of half done stuff…bills, laundry, Christmas lists, bunny cage cleaning and petting vicious bunny who resides therein, etc. And being really frustrated about it! I think the best I’ll be able to do this week is notice when my monkey mind gets the better of me and try to see what’s going on in my body when that happens. Pixie.
7 Jennifer Nov 24, 2008
@Caireen – I will think of you when I want to speed up.
@Dawn – you did EXACTLY what the purpose of this paying attention thing is — you paid attention and did not catastrophize the whole week. That is a HUGE victory.
@Starrybluesky – would keeping a time log for a day help? Like a what you ate log only what you did. A pain in the ass to do but amazingly useful info.
@Lynne – love the idea of completing things! It does free energy.
@Paula – oh yes, oh yes! What a fine distinction. I want to use that in the future, too.
@Pixie – darling, welcome! You do NOT HAVE TO BE clever to comment here. It’s about being together… I am the WORLD’S WORST blog commenter by the by. Mostly I rant angrily or say inane nice things.
and I am so with you on the fear of creating… it’s very painful. I want to create an audio series just for that… in the meantime, do the smallest action (like pick up the pen and put it back down or pick up the paintbrush and put it back down) and then say out loud, “I am satisfied. Even if I don’t feel satisfied, I am.” I’m with you!
8 Karen Nov 24, 2008
This week I will notice when I let something someone says or does derail me. Or is it that I derail myself and look for someone else to blame? How much does the difference really matter if the result is the same?
9 JoVE Nov 24, 2008
I’m not sure how I might join in but I wanted to say that that quote from Oriah Mountain Dreamer is fabulous. I think that kind of thought is definitely worth pondering more.
And I want to add a cheer for Dawn, because cheering dissertation writers (and then academic researchers) is my thing. Just writing it is SUCH a big thing. And having done it this week, I bet it becomes that much easier to do next week.
But I also think walks with the dogs are worth giving some priority to.
10 Andrea Nov 24, 2008
Reading about the “Lottery Syndrome” really hit a chord with me. I’m looking for work and have been slogging away at it for longer than I ever imagined it would take.
Gotta keep laying that foundation. It helps to think of it that way.
11 Dawn Nov 24, 2008
@Jove: I’ve been craving a dissertating writing support group, and I may very well start or join one soon — but in the meantime (and hopefully beyond that), this community is offering such wonderful support. Thank you.
12 Rachael Nov 24, 2008
Last week, my intent was to lovingly notice the temptation to feel like a victim… It increased my awareness of how that pattern has served me, and reminded me to have compassion for the part of myself that still gets comfort from it. I think that alone was helpful and perfect for where I was last week.
This week, I will lovingly notice my need for approval and praise.
13 Carol Nov 24, 2008
This week I plan to notice how many times I doubt myself, my gifts and my qualifications, and shift my focus to those times when they have been fully evident.
14 Adey Nov 24, 2008
This week I will lovingly observe my mild feelings of paranoia
15 Christine Nov 24, 2008
Well, I did pretty well last week. In noticing the pattern, I realized that letting go of something wasn’t as hard as I thought it was going to be.
This week it’s about noticing my pattern of second guessing my ideas and talking myself out of moving forward because I’m afraid of how I’ll be perceived.
16 Nona Nov 24, 2008
Last week I lovingly noticed my fears so I could take them to inquiry. I discovered that despite my determination to avoid the media hype about the economy, my gut is not as disciplined as my head. I learned that I have much work to do on my relationship with money, particularly what it “means” to have or not have it.
This week I will lovingly notice when I take on more than I can manage. My tendency is to expand a project to more than fill the time available, resulting in feelings of guilt, incompetence, and overwhelm.
And, like Paula, too often I have agreed to something I felt ambivalent about. Checking for the “hell yeah!” factor Before responding is a brilliant idea!
Thanks, Jen, for giving us this opportunity to commit to lovingly seeing ourselves.
17 Gayle Nov 24, 2008
I just read a blog about gratitude (of course Thursday is the American Thanksgiving). The writer said she saw a church sign that said “”Be thankful for what you have and, what you don’t have.”
This week I will loving notice when I feel envious of other people and don’t really have a clue what their life is like and the problems they may be having.
18 Wendy Cholbi Nov 24, 2008
I love this idea. And I’m jumping in!
Today was day 4 of my new plan to get up at 5:30 every morning (to start my day on my own terms). I’ve tried this before but haven’t gotten past a week or so. I mean, it’s still DARK at 5:30. Sheesh.
So this week I will lovingly notice when I automatically do something on someone else’s terms (including saying “yes” to things I’m really lukewarm about, as Paula put it). And I am going to lovingly notice how I feel when I start my mornings on my own terms (so far I am really enjoying it even though I get tired later).
Thanks so much for the chance to be part of this community!
19 Jennifer Nov 24, 2008
Oh my gosh, do I relate to EVERYBODY! @Wendy, I just have to say that I am starting to have trouble sleeping (oh perimeopause, we sing your praises: not) and so I often have a hard time getting up at 6 to do the whole exercise / yoga/Dance of Shiva / meditation THING and so I loved reading your comment.
I love reading your awarenesses (is that a word?) so very much. It is healing.
20 Helga Nov 24, 2008
Had a very frustrating experience yesterday. Realized I was still angry about it today, even though the experience is done and over with. Seemed like a good theme for the week to lovingly notice when I’m holding on to anger past the expiration date.
21 Rachel Nov 25, 2008
I think this is such a cool idea, but I don’t think I can tolerate the idea of only being aware. I blogged about this in more detail, but essentially, I can’t handle being aware of a fault or issue and not doing something right away to fix it. It drives me crazy, makes me feel like, “Ok, so, if you know it’s an issue, change! Do something! What are you waiting for!”
But, of course, one can not become perfect overnight, though we might try. So instead, I push the awareness away. Because I don’t *want* to really know, not if I feel like I can’t do something right now to fix it.
That being said… if I was going to do this, which I would like to, I’d be aware of how I ignore signals from my body. Whether for sleep, yoga, or food. Just don’t listen to myself much.
22 Jennifer Nov 25, 2008
Oh Rachel, I so utterly know what you mean. I am SO DEEPLY and scratchingly aware of how much I like to jump in action… ESPECIALLY when it comes to fixing myself…
My therapist is on me like stink on roses to stay with what I am feeling… I hate her for that.
23 Rachel Nov 26, 2008
Jen, LOL… yes, I have similar feelings towards my therapist for the same reason. When she pushes for those sorts of things, she lovingly refers to herself as my “favorite *ssh*le”.
24 Pace Nov 27, 2008
I know it’s Thursday, but better late than never. This one took me a week and a half.
Last week I lovingly noticed my anger and gently inquired into its source. Yesterday I found that a lot of it is due to dissonance between most of me and a part of myself that’s still trying to protect myself from my first girlfriend. (It was bad.)
So this week I’ll lovingly notice old patterns I might be stuck in and gently notice the differences between then and now.
25 map of the whole world | HP.com HP United States Nov 29, 2008
[...] Choose Your Life Mondays #2 ’m actually doing a lot and working long hours, I want to be hiking in the woods with the doodle dogs and going to yoga class and talking on the phone with my best friend Barbra. In other words, I actually like balance. BIG NOTICE: Speediness contributes to me being all over the map and getting … [...]
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[...] Choose Your Life Mondays #2 … and maybe just create a couple of new ones and record maybe a few of my Comfort Wishes and get these all on to a CD and package with my books for holiday gifts… I was sure doing this would only take a day, two at the most. It took all week. And as the week progressed, I was aware of how my hurry … [...]