Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
Ridiculously High Standards
I got ‘em. Bad.
They torment me in the form of The Squirrel of Ridiculously High Standards.
This past week at Kripalu, I shared The Squirrel with the group.
Imagine me (there is video of me doing this but only the women from the retreat can see it because without the live context, it is simply too bizarre) making a very crinkled and constipated squirrel face while rattling off my litany of high standards.
Which go something like…”Get up at 5:30 and do aerobics and then asanas and then Dance of Shiva and meditate for 20 minutes and don’t forget to pray for the world and then write the new novel and then create an mazing product about fear and transitions and write The Midlife Woman’s Comfort Book and nurture the Comfort Cafe and cook nutritious vegetarian dinners and be a loving mother and don’t forget your sweetheart…”
I know. Make it stop. Big ugh.
Leading retreats makes The Squirrel ravenous
“I want more nuts,” it growls.
I do not have a save the world complex (swear!) yet every time I teach, no matter how well it goes (and these two retreats were particularly stunning, amazing, gorgeous) part of me goes into a minor tail spin – because I cannot change, forever, every woman’s life.
I know, I know, I know. You really don’t have to tell me how ridiculously this is- I know.
I also know The Squirrel simply wants me to do a good job and help the world and all that good stuff.
Still.
I use all my tools:
- I observe the story of what I should be doing using especially the Story section from The Life Organizer.
- I ask myself “What would I love to do next?”
- I reach out to friends, not to bolster my ego but to mirror the facts.
- I remember how much better it works when I follow my desires rather than my Squirrel.
And I spent the weekend wandering around feeling grumpy and blue and listening to The Squirrel telling me what I should be doing instead of resting which includes everything from weeding my very weedy garden to paying bills to getting ready for the week.
I did not, I am pleased to report, beat myself up for doing this.
Okay maybe a little but only a little.
Lay it Down
During the week long retreat, I invited women to write about what they thought they should desire. Things like “losing weight,” “making more money,” “having a baby,” “being in a relationship” came up.
I then invited everybody to put down the desires they didn’t feel any true desire for, the desires that weren’t desires but sly “choice drains,” the ways we forget we are the compassionate creators of our lives and give away our ability to live our lives.
Put down the weight of the things you think you should want but don’t and thus have no intention of taking action on.
And when you find yourself picking the should desires up again- which you will – imagine a 10-pound sack of flour.
Feel its heft and weight.
And put it back down again.
Michael Neill (a guest at the Virtual Retreat, you can download all the sessions this week only and also attend a Retreat Refresher Day this Saturday) calls it “getting rid of maybes.”
What I Will Lay Down
I don’t know.
The Squirrel is too loud and I’m still too tired to hear clearly but I do know this: the high standards are getting pared down, scaled back, shined some light on, talked to, loved and put down.
Stay tuned for more this week.
In the meantime, anything you want to put down?
You could find out what by asking yourself, “What do I think I should desire?”
And hey, you can still win a free coaching hour with me if you sign up for the Virtual Retreat this Saturday.
Cool.
11 responses so far ↓
1 Joely Black Apr 20, 2009
What a lovely image: the manic squirrel demanding that you change the world before lunchtime!
I know how that feels.
This week, I am exploring my need for control, which is a reaction to a ‘core story’ I have about not being good enough.
I found a very gentle, meditative approach called ‘Inquiry’, from Adyashanti. I simply sit and gently ask “Is this true?”
I don’t need an answer; the question itself opens up the story a little wider.
I hope you have a lovely week filled with sunshine.
J xx
Joely Black’s last blog post..Face to face with the effects of being a control freak
2 Chris Apr 20, 2009
I get the squirrel thing. I do. It made me think of my Westie, Keegan, who is now 16 and no longer goes after squirrels with rabid enthusiasm. He sits with me in the park, and casually watching them as they run past just a few feet away. I can almost hear him thinking, with cool detachment, “Squirrels Schmirrels.”
As for me, I am putting down the weight of teaching. I’ve been doing it on the side for about 40 weeks a year, for 6 years now, in addition to my day job. I am completely burned out on it and need to refuel myself for a good two years, I think, before I have anything to offer again. I used to love it and now I dread my classes. My students are amazing and it always works out beautifully, but is a huge energy drain. I need that energy for my own creative projects. I’ve really made peace with this decision and it’s good to put it out here!
3 Jenn Givler Apr 20, 2009
Aww c’mon – you’re not gonna post the video?!? LOL!! I totally get that, taken out of context, it may seem… disturbing. But see – people can totally relate
My squirrel showed up this morning before I sat down at my desk. Having been at the retreat, and been away from work for a week – I found myself frantically beating myself up.
But then, I remembered the simple technique you taught us during the retreat – Pause. Just stop, breathe, and think – “what do I want to do next.”
And that was enough to help me slow down, and show the squirrel the way out of the office
Jenn Givler’s last blog post..Shake Up Your Routine
4 Goddess Leonie | GoddessGuidebook.comO Apr 20, 2009
Your squirrel must know mine: I call him The TaskMaster. The do-do-do dude. The You-Must Master. Maybe we could tame them with squirrel food and set up a comfort studio for them. It must get so ding dang tiring for them to remember so many things!
And I totally and utterly *hear* you and *heart* you for acknowledging the Big Awful But Also Wonderful And Freeing Truth:
We can’t help anyone. We can only help our sweet selves, and do the best we can. And our light will go out and sing the song of spirit to anyone who needs it.
Goddess Leonie | GoddessGuidebook.comO’s last blog post..Goddess Journey Check-in
5 Bonnie Katz Apr 21, 2009
Adding all of that plus the weight of not allowing ourselves to do absolutely nothing! I am a psychotherpist and run Small Groups for Women, it is so difficult for women to tend to their own needs without feeling guilt. At the end of our group, I do a 10 minute mindful meditation and I start off with, “There isn’t any place you have to be, no one that you need to take care of…” The women were saying how it is helpful in hearing that in order to give themselves permission to be present. I love the work that you’re doing, it is so needed in addressing the hurdles women have to go through throughout their lives. Thanks.
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