Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
The Squirrel of Ridiculously High Standards
Part 2 (Part one is here)
As I wrote last week, there is a part of me that likes to push and prod me, sometimes rather relentlessly, to be very very productive.
The more tired I am or the more ideas I have or after I make a juicy mistake, the Squirrel gets really really loud.
What I Learned This Week
I have always interpreted my restlessness as part and parcel of my creative nature – liking to try new things and play with new ideas and all that.
What I recognized this week was that my restlessness is also how my mind takes me out of the life and into some idealized future.
It’s like my creativity and natural speediness drank a big slug of fear and decided that instead of being about trying new things and learning and creating, they would focus on keeping me safe by hopping me up with to-dos and shoulds.
Because when I’m walking around reciting my to-do list or reassuring myself with what I’ve accomplished, I’m not present, not truly feeling, not in my body, and not creating anything new which seems, to the Squirrel part of me at least, a very safe place to be.
It May be Safe but It’s Also Pretty Dead
And since I don’t want to be a zombie (even though they are so popular!), I’m choosing to work with this old pattern of spinning off in a thousand different directions while shoulding all over myself.
I chatted with the Squirrel this weekend and, believe it or not, he just wants to have fun. He wants to play more! So we are going to play more this week and I am also going to…
Lovingly notice when I am freaking out about what I need to do
or
When I am telling myself that truly committing and focusing on one project won’t work because it’s not THE PROJECT
instead I will
sink into my body
feel something with my fingertips
Step out of the way and let the Squirrel keep on going, gathering nuts with great industriousness
remind myself I don’t have to do or prove or fix anything
and then ask myself, “What is the simplest thing I could do right now to stay focused?” (that’s one of our monthly themes at the Comfort Cafe and it’s already creating cool outcomes)
I will be aware of my pattern of getting all confused and stressed and Squirrely – without trying to change it- when I’m trying to stay focused on ONE creative project. I want to watch what I do and what role fear is playing in all this.
With lots of gentle attention.
12 responses so far ↓
1 Hiro Boga May 4, 2009
Jen, as always, your wisdom in this post comes in perfect timing, for me. Thank you!
For two days last week my head was full of stories about how much I had to do and how I’d never have enough time to do it all.
So I took a nap. And went for a little walk. And then curled up in an armchair with a cup of mint tea and my scared little self, and had a good long chat with her.
And then I quit my day job.
My one simple thing turned out to be both simpler than I’d feared, and bigger than I’d expected it to be.
So this week, I’ll support my body through this transition by checking in with myself lovingly.
Taking a deep breath and feeling it flow into my belly. Feeling it flow out again.
Stopping to admire this beautiful cherry tree that’s blooming outside my window.
To hear the cry of wild geese as they wing across the bay.
To wiggle my toes in these sheepskin slippers when my head gets noisy.
And to write that blog post first. To choose my creative life, one sentence at a time.
Thanks for offering this comforting space, and weekly reminders of what really matters.
Much love to you,
Hiro
Hiro Boga’s last blog post..How to get milk from a stone, and other fables . . .
2 Joely Black May 4, 2009
Thank you so much for another beautiful post.
This week I’m noticing all that self-criticism that I do, all the ways my mind tells me that I’m in the wrong, that I’m getting it wrong.
I find that the more I notice this, the closer I come to accepting myself in the present.
J xx
Joely Black’s last blog post..Amnar is ten years old today
3 Hope May 4, 2009
while shoulding all over myself is a wonderful, apt image
I’m going to notice what keeps me from writing, sit with it, and learn from it, while I go ahead and write.
Hope’s last blog post..null
4 Jodie (journey girl) May 4, 2009
Again, Jen, so similar to what I experience on the journey….
I am currently, once again, not “working,” as in J.O.B. but that is soon to change (more about that whole situation in my latest blog). But the current moments that I have “free” are a tug of war between “to do’s” and “letting creative energy flow and being present to the moment.” I have to say that the more I try to “do,” the worse I feel and the less motivated I am for the real dreams and desires I envision.
I am really lucky that I’ve had this time to listen to my body and mind from moment to moment, hearing what it needs or wants, even if it’s nothing at all….just writing, watching a TV show, reading, sitting at a cafe or taking a nap.
As a result, my creative juices tend to flow more positively, and I am able to TRUST that when the time is right, I WILL do the “should” part to get them going.
This week I intend to strike a balance between some “to do’s” and also honor my body in every form. I think the strive for balance physically and mentally is ultimately what helps me realign spiritually.
Easier said than done, but as you said, with gentle attention….:)
5 Jennifer May 4, 2009
Beautiful insightful comments gals! I believe we are at a developmental crossroads where we are learning to trust rather than push… of course, I think I’ve been at this crossroads for about 8 years but soul/personality change proceeds at its own pace!
6 Kat May 4, 2009
I will lovingly notice when I am trying to solve all the challenges at once. I will also notice if these are indeed challenges or am I telling myself a story that may not be true?
7 Catherine E. White May 4, 2009
Dear Jen,
I will compassionately notice how many people are in a similar predicament, and not take for granted that everyone knows how to shift gears from busy busy person to relaxed and easy going person. Many kind thanks for the reminder of that.
I know from personal experience that if I push too hard, it is like a wheel in snow, spinning itself deeper into a rut, and quickly sliding into icy immobilization.
I’m better off to be steady, to be playful, to keep my mind thawed out and flowing, to be mindful of the reasons my tasks are on my to do list in the first place.
Many of my customers are like you, they can generate many more tasks than they could possibly do in a day. I’m a creative person too, which is why I built our software tool in the first place. I wanted to be able to do a kind of triage on my list that would let me carve out more time for the FUN!
Fun and happiness are the motivation that fuels the list in the first place. You can’t do without it!
Wishing you every happiness and success in all that you do, and plenty of goofy good times too.
Looking forward to following you more in Twitter too! Oh… I’m @CEWhite there.
Best -
–Catherine–*
Catherine E. White
http://www.llamagraphics.com
Creators of Life Balance software
for Palm OS, Macintosh, Windows and iPhone.
Catherine E. White’s last blog post..Portrait of a Power Putterer
8 Marisa May 4, 2009
Beautiful post Jen!
This week, I am going to lovingly take notice of when I try to talk myself out of joy. I often will check in and instead of doing what my body and soul needs, I do what is easiest or try to talk myself out of that action. I tried to do that to myself today when I checked in and realized I wanted to go to the lake and sit. After trying to talk myself out of it, I went ahead and drove out there and found that taking five deep breaths sitting facing the water was the ONLY thing that I needed to soothe the anxiety that I have been carrying for the past week. I couldn’t believe that I had been talking myself out of doing this for a week! So I am going to listen for how and when I start talking myself out of what I really need.
Marisa’s last blog post..Quick Roast- The Rebirth of my Mini Torch
9 Jennifer May 5, 2009
Love your comments – wow, what great examples of the simplest thing in action!
I am so inspired by each of you. Now, to focus!
10 Wendy Cholbi May 5, 2009
I was so glad to read this post, because I just got back from a huge conference that was a Really Big Deal for me personally and professionally, and my mind is still spinning with all the things I Really Should Do now as a result of what I learned and who I met there (love Catherine’s image of a wheel spinning in snow — it resonates with my Colorado childhood).
And I was so glad to read Hiro’s comment on this post, because on Monday (when I *should* have been doing all those post-conference tasks, of course) I took a big fat nap, right in the middle of the day. Used up most of my available day on it, actually. And when I woke up I felt fabulous, picked up my kids from school, had a fun evening with them, and went to sleep at my normal bedtime.
So this week, I will continue to notice when my fear is telling me that something is urgent, that I Must Act Now Or Else. And I will breathe, and ask myself “If I were *really* going to be honest with myself, what would I want right now?”
And right now I want to submit this comment for all the world to see (as scary as that is). Here goes!
Wendy Cholbi’s last blog post..When competition isn’t, really.
11 Jennifer May 6, 2009
Wendy – yeah for following your desires and for questioning those have to jump up right now and do it thoughts. I’m right there with you friend!
12 Choose Your Life Mondays - # 22 » Comfort Queen May 14, 2009
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