Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Join in when and however suits you.
I am one scrambled chica.
Last week was our Brain Trust retreat, where Michael Bungay Stainer, Molly Gordon, Mark Silver, Eric Klein and me get together for two days in the flesh to work on our businesses.
This year we did a process from Immunity to Change and it blew us into little bitty pieces.
We all experienced story scramble. That something we each really really believed to be true is not. Which produces:
scrambled self.
It was soooo powerful, so lovingly, almost miraculous. I got to see this big damn story I have about significance and how it keeps me tightly stuck.
The only thing is, after the retreat, I went to a one day workshop with Michael which was super duper wonderful and also very powerful and then Monday morning all hell broke lose – server issues, code issues, ton of stuff due, huge family stuff… (her voice trails off into stupefaction at the unrelenting nature of bad things that happened).
And then we left for Bob’s family reunion in southern Oregon.
Bottom line: I didn’t have any spaciousness to process.
I was like a hermit crab without a shell.
I found myself saying, “I can’t handle this. This is all too much.”
My sweet wise daughter heard me muttering and she said, “Mom, that’s your reptile brain talking.”
Oh yes. Right.
It’s fear talking, that part of my brain that freaks so easily.
It’s a thought that I can’t handle all this stuff.
It’s not true.
I have so many resources.
But I have to let myself tap into these resources.
Isn’t it fascinating how when we are stressed or hurting, we can actually turn away from what will nourish us? From what will help us?
This Week
I will remember I have resources. I will stop and tap into my breath, my body, my heart… to poetry, to my dogs, to the green summer goodness… to love.
I will lovingly notice when my reptile brain is ruining the show and I’m feeling completely alone and I will resource.
What about you? What will you lovingly notice this week? You might choose to make a different move or you may not, but it is the noticingly that matters. Lovingly, of course.
6 responses so far ↓
1 Deb Owen Jun 22, 2009
Old habits die hard, don’t they?
I love when I can just notice those thoughts and let them pass me by.
I was shooting a wedding this weekend. And there’s this moment that I have after every last single ceremony where I think, “I KNOW I just missed it.”
You know, something big and huge like dad giving her away or the rings or the kiss.
It used to completely freak me out. Now, I just kind of chuckle to myself as I notice ‘there’s that thought again’.
But yes, when I’m stressed, I absolutely go into ‘work will save me’ overdrive.
As I have a crazy busy week ahead, I will schedule the nurturing time. Right now.
Thanks!
All the best!
deb
2 Hope Evey Jun 22, 2009
This week I will lovingly notice how I really feel, and use my skills and resources to stay healthy, happy, and positive
Thank you so much for the reminder!!
3 Hiro Boga Jun 24, 2009
The lovely thing is, we don’t have to handle anything alone. We’re swimming in a sea of love and tenderness all the time, and everything conspires to support us in being buoyant, whether we realize it or not.
This week I will lovingly notice the sea of support that surrounds me.
4 Elisa Jun 28, 2009
old habits, hmm, that’s this belief that fear and anxiety are greater than my person, my self, greater than all. But when I do some simple yoga and some prayer,and get right next to my Source, next to the divine, things ease a bit.
Been extremely hard this week. I”ve asked my husband of 23 years to move out for a while. He has said he doesn’t love me and doesn’t know if he wants to live with me, and then says he’s not sure (with 2 teenagers) Our couples’ therapists says he’s depressed and he doesn’t know what he’s saying. What to do? What to do? Asked him to move out until i can find some peace in myself. But, after 24 years of togetherness, I feel like my right arm has been chopped off. I’m facing fear, I’m facing fear, and for now, I’m okay. not great, but okay. I think this is the best I can be right now.
It’s great to read that others are confronted with similar difficulties. It’s helpful to read what others say and do to find peace inside.
5 Jennifer Jun 28, 2009
Elisa, that is more than hard, that is heart breaking. I hear how hard this feels for you and how fearful. Having been through a divorce, it is like losing part of yourself. After going to the lawyer, I called my still husband and sobbed, saying the worst thing was he was the one I wanted to talk to about the pain I was in – but I couldn’t.
It is very very disorienting to have the person who you have been closest to change. I know you will find strength and balance and centering in other ways, with time.
Be gentle with yourself.
6 Choose Your Life Mondays #29 » Comfort Queen Jul 13, 2009
[...] Here’s a pattern I notice when sitting down to write these blogs posts: the pattern of feeling scrambled. [...]