25 responses so far ↓

• 1 Pace Nov 30, 2008

  Three things!

  One, I will lovingly notice my tendency to say “That makes me really happy!” whenever something makes me really happy. It makes me more aware of my own happiness, helps bring more joy into my life, and by saying it out loud, it helps share happiness with others.

  Two, this weekend I’ve been noticing a lot of freak flag-related patterns. Kyeli and I are pretending to be “just friends” while visiting family this weekend, so as not to freak out her conservative relatives. We’re in town for a funeral, and we don’t want to make things any more drama-laden for Kyeli’s grandmom. But it’s hard. It’s very difficult to avoid hoisting my freak flag and confronting all the bigoted people I meet. And I’ve been paying attention to how it feels to be wearing this mask, and how much of my feelings are rooted in pride and how much they’re rooted in fear or insecurity. No conclusions yet — still noticing.

  Three, this post makes me really happy. (:

• 2 Kate Harding Nov 30, 2008

  Planning works brilliantly for me, when I have the presence of mind to do it. Without planning I tend to spiral into a driving need to do do do more more more, and this often means I tackle the wrong things, and work till 2 in the morning, which I know perfectly well really isn’t good for me, but there’s always so much more I want to do in one day than I have time for, and I *still* feel I get nothing done. It helps me a lot to create a simple but sensible plan for my day the night before, when I have the distance to see it clearly. I make better choices for myself then, and feel good about what I accomplish rather than bad about what I didn’t. I’m still learning how to plan, though. For example, I know that three pages a day works brilliantly for writing, but I have trouble finding the equivalent of that for other things – such as building a website, which can develop unexpected and huge delays. So a task-based approach doesn’t work so well for that, but a time-based approach doesn’t feel satisfactory either. But my planning abilities are improving. It’s just not always easy to do – instinctively, I prefer my time to be completely uncommitted, and it’s taken a while to realise that I’m happier with some planning.

  “This week I will lovingly notice when I am being exuberant and I’ll enjoy that about myself and if I have the thought, “I should do something with this energy, like use it or share it or make it last,” I will just breath.”

  Oh, I *so* know what you’re talking about there!

  Right, let’s see. This week I will try to notice what else is present alongside the fear, and give more attention to my courage than I give power to my fear.

• 3 char Dec 1, 2008

  One thing I notice is I can’t remember what I said I’d notice – do you know what I mean.

  So, I want to commit to some post it notes about whatever I choose to focus on.

  This week I want to focus on the courage it takes to move forward with my business – any step of it whatsoever – and make a point of taking a breath or two to drink in the courage.

  Thanks for your support – it feels really good to do this with a community of like minded people.

  Wishing you all a wonderful week!

  xoxo

  Char

• 4 Wendy Cholbi Dec 1, 2008

  Oh, I want to play!

  So last week, I said I’d lovingly notice when I “automatically” did something on someone else’s terms.

  I noticed all right, but the “lovingly” part went away pretty quick because I just got mad. Mad mad mad. How dare the world walk all over me all the time, what am I, a doormat? How dare I volunteer for the role of doormat, aren’t I supposed to be a confident, intelligent person?

  So, yeah, I spent quite a bit of time and energy on resentment and self-pity. Not recommended. And I’m still in a bit of a stuck-space where I read “appreciative pattern noticing” and sort of snicker to myself “yeah right, like I’ve got ANY good patterns to notice and appreciate.” UGH!!

  Okay. So I’m noticing my feelings, and just being in them for a moment. In a minute, I might go listen to one of Havi’s recordings, or have a drink of water, or take another small self-care step. Which is really great, that I know some things to do, and have collected some resources and tools. But right now, I’m just noticing, and feeling.

  Holy guacamole, looks like I uncovered a pattern I can appreciate. Jen, I’m so thankful that you posted/created this safe space!

• 5 Samantha Rocci Dec 1, 2008

  Just found my way to you this morning… feeling lost and unsure after a 40th birthday… your idea challenged me, have been struggling as a mom of three little ones and their growing minds versus my mothering struggle for my own identity… therefore; I will be aware of the wonderful moment when I have really connected with my kids and we are all on the same page and I will just take a deep breath. I will not over-manage everyone or make it into something intentional, I will just let the relationship (s) be….. And I wonder where we will go together?

• 6 Jennifer Dec 1, 2008

  @Pace – hope you are home and can fly every freak flag in the house wildly and loudly. It sucks to not be able to be yourself — but don’t we all know that, or at least, we do as we get to be more ourselves. (Hope that makes sense, I’m still sick.)

  @Kate thanks for the insights about planning and for the courage comment– I’m really starting to see fear as something that tries to invade me and i like the idea of putting my attention on courage in that moment.

  @Wendy – oh boy, hope you are enjoying that self-care and wish I could share some with you but just you sharing that you are doing what you are doing helped me on a tough morning.

  @Samantha – are we separated at birth? My god, I swear, me and my struggle to make everything meaningful with my daughter… I have to laugh at myself. And having ONE kid sent me reeling in terms of who I was, so I can so relate. It is A HUGE STRUGGLE and that is just a fact.

• 7 Christine Dec 1, 2008

  Happy Monday.
  Ok, so I did pretty well last week – not so much noticing, but in placing the intention to notice, I sort of did away with it. Can’t take too much credit though, I had a feeling I was ready to let that go and move forward.

  This week I’ve got a biggie. I’m not even sure how to phrase it. It’s a contradiction even, but here goes. I will notice when I feel invisible and I will try not to assume that it’s due to the negative things that *I* feel that others feel about me. Clear as mud so far? I will remind myself to try to accept where I am on this journey and not try so hard to prove that I deserve to be wherever it is that I am. I will gently remind myself that I am ok and that I’m right where I need to be, while still gently pushing forward.

  @Char: post it notes are a great idea. Thanks.

• 8 Anita Dec 1, 2008

  I’m in.

  I’ve got a few projects I’m having a hard time finishing up. So, this week, I’m going to notice what my feelings are at the distraction points…. and see if I can’t bring myself back into focus after I note the feelings.

  hope you feel better soon.

• 9 Rachel Dec 1, 2008

  Oh, it is so much easier to take note of the negative patterns than the positive ones, Jennifer. This is harder to do!

  I thought about this all day, and I finally decided that I will take note of the positive pattern I have of knowing when to step back and realize I need help or to breath.

  Sometimes I don’t do that, but I know I do it a lot more than I give myself credit for. I beat myself up a lot, thinking that I don’t try hard enough to be calm, balanced, ok inside, etc. The fact of the matter is, I *do* try very hard. I think taking note of how much I try would be good for me.

  Cool idea.

• 10 Janet Dec 1, 2008

  Over the (sorta) long weekend, I worked on getting quiet inside myself. The “proof” of achievement was in having my 8-yr-old cat (loving, but on HER terms) fall asleep in my arms each day. Good for both of us. I’m told that I look rested by a co-worker today.

• 11 Nona Dec 1, 2008

  Jen, it’s not so much “planning” that makes my inner artist pouty and rebellious as “goal-setting”! Plans sound more elastic and their execution dependent upon circumstances; goals sound “carved in stone”. Not to mention that as a “renaissance soul” I simply cannot choose!

  Hmmmmm. A good pattern. I have so many more of these nowadays.

  This week I will lovingly notice when I look to my Self for approval and appreciation rather than Outside. This one’s been hard yakka, and I’m so grateful that it’s become frequent!

  Cheers
  Nona, in New Zealand

• 12 Jennifer Dec 1, 2008

  Ahh the dreaded goals… me, too!

• 13 Caireen Dec 1, 2008

  This week…. I’m going to lovingly notice when I speak positively about myself (it’s a very new trait that’s still slowly blooming) and enjoy the new found self confidence. If I find myself, or the inner Sgt Major, telling myself off for blowing my own trumpet, I shall lovingly smile and carry on my way.

• 14 sandy Dec 1, 2008

  This week I’ll note the sense of rightness that comes when I think or speak of myself as an ESOL teacher, and take a moment to revel in how great it feels when I let myself “own” this new role. I finally got my certificate at age 51 and I’m teaching English to immigrant adults, just as a volunteer so far, but it feels like I have been swimming upstream all my life and have finally found a stream that’s going the same direction I want to travel. Ah.

  And can I do two? I have another good new pattern of listening to the light-hearted dharma talk podcasts by Tara Brach, and when I remember to do this, it causes the most wonderful shift in consciousness. (Patting self on back for doing this lately.)

  Can I notice and appreciate these patterns without putting a “should” on myself to do them more? Not sure.

  P.S. I would love to see photos of people’s post-it notes in their natural habitats — I think it would be inspiring. But can you post photos in comments? Not sure.

• 15 Rachael Dec 1, 2008

  Let’s see, my intention last week was to lovingly notice my need for approval and praise… but I feel like the week has flown by and I don’t remember much noticing. I do think I continued a current trend of overall self-care, though.

  It’s so nice to see that accomplished writers struggle with making realistic plans, as that’s something I struggle with as well. I make lengthy to-do lists in order to get it all out on paper, and invariably end up with much more on it than can be accomplished. (On top of that, I often rebel against the very list I’d just created and end up doing even less… Perhaps that’s something to notice on a future week).

  On to my intention for this week… which is to lovingly notice/appreciate my positive habit of eating v..e..r..y…….s..l..o..w..l..y……

• 16 Dawn Dec 1, 2008

  Wow, this is surprisingly hard. Just when I had figured out a pattern of noticing my patterns, Jen goes and shifts the paradigm on me!

  That’s a very good thing. I like challenges.

  This week, I will appreciate my ability to take good care of my body — eating well, drinking lots of water, rubbing my feet after a long day, stopping mid-day to stretch my wrists and neck, and exercising very regularly. I work really hard at these self-care methods, which is no small feat for a busy dissertator!

• 17 Helga Dec 1, 2008

  My intenion last week was to notice when I hang on to anger. Did ok , but got impatient with myself. So, taking it down a notch, this week I will lovingly notice and pat myself on the back for noticing when I hang on to states that don’t serve me (or anyone/anything else for that matter). Trying to stay just with the noticing here ’cause babysteps count.

• 18 Lynne Dec 1, 2008

  My intention last week was to pay more attention to how good it feels to finish what I start. And there was a bit of it — about a day. Old patterns are often challenging to break, I guess.

  And now as I try to identify what positive traits I have, I realize that I am having a mighty difficult time thinking of any. In fact it’s funny… I had a conversation with a good friend this week, and at one point I said, “I feel like I’ve lost the person I used to be — where is that girl that used to do nice things for other people and didn’t spend all her time working?”

  I feel like I have let go of who I was (which is maybe not such a bad thing) and am in the process of transitioning to something else — although I am still in the process of shaping that person. So I guess what I would like to do this week is spend some time noticing what I would like that person to look like… think about the good qualities of the past — and perhaps some new ones I can adopt… gently, though. Enough punishing me for all of the things that I haven’t done, finished, started, etc.

• 19 Laura Wolf Dec 2, 2008

  I LOVE your work. Thank you! I am very tuned into noticing my speediness (trying to do more than is humanly possible in an hour, every hour, racing the clock constantly, feeling that I never get enough done – i.e. I’m not enough) and the huge amount of anxiety that creates. I’m noticing, breathing, surrendering, dialoguing with “it” (the anxiety), breathing more. And, yes, planning is helping, too. I can really only do about 3 things in an hour, if I’m lucky. 3 well written emails, or 3 phone calls, or 3 short errands in the same neighborhood. Thinking that I can do more than that only makes me crazy. So, now I will also start noticing what I am doing well. I’m practicing yoga. I’m meditating. I’m praying. I’m surrendering. I’m visioning. I’m showing up for myself professionally. I’m loving myself a lot better than I used to. Thank you for this opportunity and reminder! Namaste,
  Laura Wolf
  Certified Shamanic Breathwork Facilitator and Shamanic Minister

• 20 JoVE Dec 2, 2008

  I’m liking this idea but have no idea how to participate properly so I’m just hanging around soaking up everyone else’s ideas.

  But the planning vs. goals things struck a chord. I’ve given up on goals. Focusing on the destination makes us too future oriented (thus missing the present moment) and tends to make us evaluate where we are in the present negatively in relation to that destination.

  So I’m all about the road now. As in “I’m going to set off on this road and see where it takes me.” That allows you to plan, particularly in the short term but it also leaves you open to noticing where you are and valuing it for itself. And to decide at some future point to leave that road and head down a different one. Worst case scenario, you have to backtrack a bit to get back to the road you were on before.

  I’m having more difficulty doing this with creative stuff. It means letting go of the need to have a really clear picture of what the finished product will be.

• 21 Jennifer Dec 2, 2008

  Hi Jove – you did participate properly! The only properly here is: what do you want to say in the comment box? If it’s something you want to pay attention to for the week, great. If it’s an idea or insight or tool or ME, TOO to share, perfect. I’m loving the conversation and so glad you and each and everyone of you are here.

  Oh Jove, and so with you on the road and see where it takes me thing.

• 22 Ge Dec 3, 2008

  This week i will notice my instinctual gut reaction to realize that when someone says or does something which irritates me – it’s my world that needs clearing up—not theirs – it’s my crap

  i will be grateful for my ability to wave my freak flag high with nary a care of what others may think

  but mostly – i will brag about my abilities to realize and know deep in my heart that everyThing is indeed temporary

• 23 L'Tanya Dec 4, 2008

  I’m a little late, but I just jumped in feet first and splashing nevertheless.

  For the remainder of the week, I’ll lovingly notice the way I use silliness as a stress reliever. Few people outside my family know how silly I can be, dancing with my boys or playfully joking. Maybe I believe it’s only appropriate or accepted at home.

• 24 Anita Dec 5, 2008

  I did it. mostly I noticed… boredom or a sense of not knowing what I really wanted it to look like at the end. so for the “I’m bored with you projects” I said, yes I am, lets get them done. and for the others, I put something out there anyways. It can always be tweaked.

  Thanks for the idea Jennifer.

• 25 Jennifer Dec 6, 2008

  @Anita – yeah! I read your comment last night and I was so happy for you, i dreamed about you. Thank you for modeling the key importance of working no matter what our story is telling us about the work. So important for those of us who a) love to do a million things and get carried away by the next bright shiny and b) those of us who can get caught in a mood of resentment or malcontentment… both of which would be me!

  @Ge – welcome! Fly that freak flag in the winds of change which is what “everything is temporary” means, yes!

  @L’Tanya – so nice to be connected again! I love silliness, silliness the world needs more of. I join you in silliness. AND hope you can make the Writer’s Retreat. It would be grand to work together again.