Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
Want to join me? What do you want to notice this week? Name your pattern in the comment section. I love reading all your comments so very much.
Awareness is spreading its light throughout our little community as we practice noticing one pattern a week. Simple and powerful and, in a comforting healthy way, fun.
Sometimes, during the week, I come back here to read what you each have declared and it strengthens my resolve with my own intention. Thank you for that.
Last Week
I declared I would lovingly notice that when fear and overwhelm come to visit, I can choose to put my attention on the feelings rather than the self-talk that accompanies the feelings. I can name what I am feeling and notice it, without trying to change it and without getting caught up in the story that goes along with it.
Susan Piver taught me this and it helped ease my free floating fear and dread quite a bit this week. Susan has agreed to be one of the guests for the Comfort Queen’s 2009 Virtual Retreat: Finding Calm, Confidence and Contentment in Uncertain Times (you may have noticed I’ve change the title three times; fear likes to tell me that is unacceptable and people will think I’m a flake. I changed the title anyway).
I’m going to ask Susan to talk about this skill in her session.
This Week
I’ve noticed that my fear and worry increase when I set unrealistic and unspecific goals for myself. The obvious solution would be to create a neat and tidy plan for each day, right?
Nope.
When I do that, I get into my whole tight-jawed, self-improvement, pushing hurry-up be better and better mode. I forget The Life Organizer intuitive way of navigating my life. I forget to ask juicy questions like, “What would I love to do in the next half hour?” a question I learned from Michael Neill, another of our retreat experts. I forget to connect to something larger than my mind, like the facts (“How many hours do I have to work today and how long does X usually take me to do?”) or to ask for help from my breath, nature, or friends.
I know there’s a better way but I get lost and then don’t know how to find my way back. So…
This week I will lovingly notice when I’m feeling overwhelmed and I will remind myself there is another way and that overwhelm is fear in another form and fear can teach me lots but it does not get to run my life or dictate my choices.
I will remind myself that overwhelm is not the truth, that there is another way, that there is always time to stop and breath.
Ah yes, that feels good.
How was the week for you? Last week Hiro Boga‘s intention was…
I will stand up for myself and ask clearly and vigorously for what I need. And trust that I will be heard.
Deep breath.
And feel my feelings of vulnerabiliy, helplessness and overwhelm.
I’m trying to talk with physicians — an orthopedic surgeon, my family Dr — whom it’s hard to get in to see.
And who have no more than ten minutes allotted for a discussion that needs more spaciousness.
The outcome of this discussion will determine to a great extent the physical quality of my life for the next year or so.
So I will be an effective advocate on my own behalf. Yes.
and then she came back to report that it worked!
Jennifer, thanks so much for the gift of this Monday morning’s intention-setting. It shifted some deep pattern in me, and this afternoon, I got the help I needed by asking clearly and directly for it. And by letting my doc see my vulnerability. And by shedding tears in her office, which I’ve never done in all the years I’ve known her.
Thanks Hiro for reporting your wonderful story and for modeling such bravery. You are a true healer.
I also totally got what Pace posted:
This week, when I think about the fact that I couldn’t come up with anything for Choose Your Life Monday (and believe me, I will), I won’t stress out about what that means or worry that I’m bad at introspection. I’ll just lovingly notice that feeling and take a breath.
I can feel the same way– what’s an intention?? – and also I can also feel like, “Why do I always have to come up with these big heavy ideas? Why couldn’t I come up with Pamper Yourself Friday (hey, that is a good idea). Anyway, here’s to being light with our intention setting and knowing that we all go through periods where paying attention is easier and more fruitful then others. AND sometimes one intention serves us for many weeks or months.
One instant at a time, choosing where I put attention, choosing to ask, “Am I okay right now?”
Related posts:
17 responses so far ↓
1 Pace Dec 14, 2008
*smiles*
As for last week’s intention, I noticed it about eight times and then I noticed that counting was a subtle form of judging. So I stopped counting and just noticed. (:
Today, Kyeli and I did some life planning that was both fun and stressful. So this week I will lovingly notice any feelings of fullness or overwhelmedness. I will take a deep breath, and I will remind myself, “I have all the time in the world.”
And if need be, I’ll ask you if I can borrow back the MAGIC SQUEEGEE for a day or two. (;
2 Jennifer Dec 14, 2008
I never said THANK YOU for the magic squeegee. What a poop I am. I FELT SO LOVED and on a day that I really needed it (which is most days these days). SO NOW I SAY thank you for that wonderful kind loving squeegee email wish.
3 Heidi Dec 14, 2008
Thank you! This week I’m noticing how just enough is plenty… I’m keeping my eyes open for generosity in others, from the earth, in the universe and in myself. I just posted a blog about it and look forward to this intention for my week.
4 Pace Dec 14, 2008
You’re welcome. (:
And in my opinion, a gift given with the expectation of thanks or praise is not really a 100% wholehearted gift. So there’s absosmurfly no need to feel like a poop.
5 chris zydel Dec 15, 2008
This week I’m noticing how easy it is for me to jump into guilt and shame if someone is angry and upset with me.
I’m choosing to notice how those feelings manifest in my body- the tightness in my chest, the queasy stomach and the rising sense of panic in my throat- with lots of kindness and compassion.
But I am also choosing to remind myself that just because someone is upset with me it doesn’t mean that I have to jump on the
self punishment bandwagon by believing that I am bad and that I did something wrong.
It’s actually really OK for someone to be upset with me and for me to have boundaries, to stay calm and neutral, to protect myself and not to feel bad about myself or scared AT ALL!
Now that is revolutionary!
Thanks Jen, for the opportunity to set these very powerful intentions.
6 Pearl Mattenson Dec 15, 2008
I have been a lurker here for awhile and I am so appreciative Jennifer for what you have created here. This week I want to notice when I stop being here right now (whatever I am doing: working, talking to my family, food shopping) and start succumbing to the idea that ‘I don’t have time to be here now becasue I have to…..and unless I … I will never…etc..” Just notice it, trust that the noticing will bring me back, and if it doesn’t, notice that and hear the most loving voice I have tell me, “It’s okay, honey, you are okay.”
7 Wormy Dec 15, 2008
This week, I shall notice when I feel the need to *hurry up*, do MORE, be MORE and keep up with other people. Instead of feeling like I’m not “…enough” I shall trust my judgement of the pace I need to go at – lovingly and I shall go at that pace – lovingly.
Because keeping up with other people or doing what they want when they want rather than what I want, is another one of the ways I try to please people into loving me. Trusting that I should meet my needs first is a big step towards knowing that being myself is enough.
YAY for Choose Your Life Mondays! Thanks Jen.
8 Gretchen Dec 15, 2008
Last Wednesday Serge Kahili King ( who writes books about Huna) challenged me to think “I Am Loved” as much as possible for a week. It’s supposed to help with that fear thing, among other things. So that’s what I’m noticing.
By the way, if you have a Helzberg Diamonds store nearby you can go in and they will give you a button that says “I am loved”. They have a website about it. I think the address is http://www.iamloved.org .
9 char Dec 15, 2008
This week I will be aware that I can always come to my breath – love all the support that I get from you and everyone else’s intention. Sometimes, I just integrate them without thinking it through and it feels like a huge net of universal connection and support.
Thanks again for this.
10 Dawn Dec 15, 2008
Jennifer, thank you for referencing Susan Piver’s work. In anticipation of a meeting w/my dissertation advisor (about which I was totally freaking out), last night I reviewed her book, “How Not to be Afraid of Your Life.” I may even do the 36-hour solo meditation retreat she advocates over the holidays, which are always hard for me due to the loss of my parents a few years back.
*Anyway.* This week, I’d like to pay attention to something that whacked me in the face last week: relying on others to validate me. Or turning to near and dear ones to instill in me a confidence only I can self-generate and own. This’ll be a tough one. I’m starting with the “fake it until you make it” mantra — act confident and self-assured (whatever *that* looks like!), and it shall come.
11 Hiro Boga Dec 15, 2008
This week I will trust that the same loving spirit that beats my heart and breathes my breath holds me in safety and grace. No matter what.
12 Karen Talavera Dec 15, 2008
I’ve missed a few recent Mondays but on one of these I know I posted that I’d be more aware of how I’m speaking and responding to my daughter and whether the mad and impatient voice that often comes out of me is even my own. And to my surprise I have suddenly become hyper-aware of that, and through that awareness able to chose to relate to her differently. Perhaps declaring the intention here has brought it more to light?
I know a recent visit to my own mother certainly shed light on how much I was mindlessly repeating much of what I heard from her while growing up (and still hearing . . .). How illuminating – to chose NOT to relate to my child/husband/family the way I observed but instead, in a way that feels much better, more loving, and authenticly me!
13 Rachael Dec 15, 2008
This week, I will lovingly notice those moments when I have more ideas for how to approach (or spend time on) something than are realistic, and I subsequently become immobilized by the unwillingness to let go, embrace reality, and move forward. Just notice, without judgment…
14 Kat Dec 15, 2008
I am noticing my fear and negative self talk that flows from that fear and NOT doing any thing about it.
This is a new concept for me who is used to combating the fear, must get rid of it!
I suddenly thought that noticing it is enough. And it left me and I have spent my day doing things very easily that were overwhelming in the past. and even having fun with how I am stretching my comfort zones…
15 Anita Dec 16, 2008
this week I am simply noting those things that I am afraid of
16 Kate Dec 16, 2008
A physical thing this week: I’m going to try and notice when I’m sitting in a way which strains my neck.
And a slightly less physical one with it – I will notice when I’m applying more energy than the situation requires, as I now know this is one of the reasons I’m always exhausted.
17 Marisa Dec 16, 2008
This week I am going to notice how and when I feel that people are suggesting I am not “enough”.