Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Of course, you can do it any day you want- you don’t have to start on Monday. Join in when and whenever suits you.
It’s been snowing for hours and hours.
Our neighborhood is playfully transformed, wild shapes (my patio table is covered with what looks like a giant coconut cake) and no borders (where is the curb?) and dogs chasing each other everywhere. Neighbors visiting in the street, kids sledding, and a series of igloo forts complete the holiday sweetness.
My sister flies in tomorrow. Bob’s mom and dad drive up on Christmas Eve. His sister, her husband, and his mom arrive on Christmas Day. It’s our first holiday blending our families and we are both preparing with care to avoid stepping on our emotional toes when if we get a bit stressed. I won’t divulge Bob’s holiday blindness but mine is to either try too hard as if it were up to me to make help everybody have fun or my other pattern is to fall into a “nobody loves me” story.
Argh, those are ugly. But hey, you got to see it to notice it to shift it.
Choose Your Life Mondays is about choosing one pattern to lovingly notice, not two, so I choose… ini mini mini mo… the winner is… “nobody loves me”
This week I will lovingly notice when I’m feeling like a victim or abandoned. I will simply notice my thoughts and what my body is doing and if I chose, I might speak to myself kindly, I might look for a need of mine I could better meet, I might go outside and watch the wind in the trees
or I might just notice.
Feels good to me.
What do you want to notice that might ease or buoy or lighten your holiday week?
Oh Let’s Us Not Forget the Recap of Last Week’s Noticing
Last week I declared I would lovingly notice when I was feeling overwhelmed and I remind myself there is another way and that overwhelm is fear in another form and fear can teach me lots but it does not get to run my life or dictate my choices.
Oh yeah, this was good one!
Noticing my pattern of overwhelm and its oh so cozy relationship to fear was highly instructive. It never fails to astonish me when I peel away another layer of my own shit… it always feels both embarrassingly obvious and wonderfully freeing.
All by simply stopping to remind myself that I don’t have to believe what fear has to say as in I don’t have to believe:
- that I can’t write anymore or
- that my writing about fear and uncertainty don’t make sense or
- that I’ll never be able to get all my work done to launch The Virtual Retreat and the Comfort Cafe and Life Spa the way someone who was smarter or younger or more evolved would
- that I haven’t cleaned the windows or painted the dining room chairs or finished shopping and thus I am a bad mom (that one really makes me chuckle)
Just noticing, along with a little mindful questioning from The Life Organizer, and listening to my own Mood Changers (I usually hate the sound of my own voice) helped me have the most aware and pretty creative week.
I bow in awe to the power of attention.
Want to join me? Name your pattern in the comment section. You can name the same pattern from last week, if you played last week. Or you may want to tweak yours a tad.
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11 responses so far ↓
1 Michelle Dec 21, 2008
This week, I want to notice when I dissociate from any unpleasant feelings the holidays bring up and get into an ungrounded, overly cheerful state, only to lash out dramatically and have a major mood crash if anyone close to me says or does something that hurts my feelings, triggering huge abandonment feelings in me.
It would be better for my emotional well-being in the long run to stay conscious of any negative feelings I feel around the holidays as well as any positive feelings. When I am this more balanced, grounded state, I am much less likely to lash out unexpectedly if something minor happens that doesn’t feel good. In the long run, it’s better for me emotionally to stay conscious of the hurting, abandoned inner child part than it is to pretend she isn’t there, only to have her come up in an 0ut-of-control way when something hurts her feelings.
2 meela Dec 21, 2008
My first time:
This week I will lovingly notice when I anticipate the outcomes of future events and retreat from them. My usual pattern is to expect the outcome and cringe at the anticipated overwhelm. I don’t unravel tangled yarn that way, so why do I live my life that way? I know what it feels like to relax and know what really happens next. I will notice with love and appreciation how I remember that behavior. I will also notice with love and appreciation how I forget that behavior.
3 Wormy Dec 22, 2008
I was reading this and umming and ahhing about booking a massage today. When I realised my instant response was, “oh I’m too tired to do this today. I just need a break from the introspection!”
Well! That made my mind up sharpish and the massage is booked. Here’s to really listening to our bodies and giving them what they need.
4 JoVE Dec 22, 2008
Very timely. My folks are in town (staying with my brother) and taking us out to dinner tonight (with my brother and his family, too). I’m already stressing about it. Not sure if it is “nobody loves me” so much as the distortion effect between who I am and who they think I am. At some point, a crack in whatever frosted glass they are looking through inevitably appears and then somebody says something hurtful.
I think the best thing for me would be to notice the good parts of the evening. And take some deep breaths in any bad parts and remind myself that it is their stuff, not mine.
5 Char Dec 22, 2008
I resonate with Wormy – my body is hurting and I’m not sure what it wants.
I’ll listen and see what’s next.
Thanks for this opportunity to take a breather.
6 Kat Dec 22, 2008
I will lovingly and appreciatively notice the positive pattern of recognizing when I am getting caught up in trying to be perfect and instead allowing everything to unfold as it will and telling myself that everything is happening as it should. I have a fair number of people coming to my home tonight and haven’t done much decoration, food shopping or mental preparation as to how the evening will unfold and yet all kinds of supportive people are showing up and taking care of the details.
7 Hiro Boga Dec 22, 2008
This week I will notice when I’m holding my breath . . . and will release it lovingly, trusting the next breath, and the next . . .
8 Julie Dec 22, 2008
I will lovingingly notice when I am trying to do it “all” – even when no one else cares. I don’t HAVE to make 4 kinds of cookies and have perfect meals every night. Sometimes it is okay to make one kind of cookie and eat cheese/crackers/wine all day long… in my pajamas. I will notice when I am not allowing myself to live in the moment.
9 Marianne Dec 22, 2008
This week I will notice when I’m happy. The simple, small pleasures that make up this season. I want to record them in my memory and cherish them.
10 Wendy Cholbi Dec 23, 2008
I’m going to jump in on Tuesday. I’m so glad you wrote about “nobody loves me” because I’m picking that one too.
Just noticing is so so so much harder than it sounds. I did it today and I thought my heart was going to implode. But I survived. I’m still here. I feel (a little) better now.
I can’t even think about what tomorrow will bring; the next ten minutes are enough for me to deal with right now. And staying right here with it, feeling it, is frankly kind of sucky. In a way I’d rather go stuff myself with chocolate or play a couple of hours of computer solitaire. But I’m still here. Still noticing.
Thank you for giving me a space in which to notice, and a community in which to do it.
11 Jennifer Louden Dec 24, 2008
@Wendy, wish we could hang out together and just breathe… yoga maybe later will help? I thought I was doing so good until this morning and then “pop” went my head. Oh well, I’m sure I’ll find it later.
@Everybody else, hope we have a conscious holiday — or at least, as much consciousness as we can stand!
Love you all.