I’ve been fascinated with the idea of strengths – the things you do that make you feel stronger and more alive – ever since I first encountered cutie pie Marcus Buckingham’s book, Now Discover Your Strengths.
Doing more of what strengthens you = Life Force More.
Doing more of what weakens you = Life Force Less.
Or so Yoda might say.
Knowing your strengths is like having a Super Power – you have more energy, focus, the ability to cut through the noise and crap of life, a sort of inner shining clarity.
Your strengths are those things you want to do more of, build your work around, pay exquisite attention to, use to decide “yes this, but not that.” They lead you to, and keep you in touch with, your Great Work.
Your weaknesses, on the other hand (because there is always another hand, or so it seems), you want to have as little to do with those as possible. Because they take away your Super Powers. They weaken you. Zap.
At the Comfort Cafe, we are studying up on our strengths. Getting cozy with them. Intimate. We have a call today with the Super Powered Danielle LaPorte because she wrote a kick ass chapter about strengths in her new Fire Starter Session (that’s an affiliate link – I bought her product and love the first chapter a lot).
I’m extra jazzed about this month’s topic because lately, I have been playing to my weaknesses far too much.
One of my best strengths is my playfulness, my lightness, my humor.
It completely comes across in person. I am so funny and goofy when I create a retreat (well, at least I think so). But in other places and ways I present my work, I can lose the playfulness.
I can try too hard.
I told a story in Comfort Secrets for Busy Women (still have not forgiven my publisher for that crappy title) about biking up a big hill my first year at university. My boyfriend looked over at me, sweat pouring off me in the summer sun, and said, “Why don’t you shift to an easier gear?”
I said, “Isn’t the point to make it as hard as possible?”
Here is what nobody talks about: how our beliefs lead us toward our weaknesses like moths to a flame.
I believe trying hard is better. But trying harder weakens me and leads me away from many of my strengths. It’s my Kryptonite. Zap.
This week I’m on the look out (eyes peeled, arms akimbo) for the link between trying really hard = good work.
Because what really happens for me is trying really hard = getting snarled in significance, seriousness, overproducing and lack of focus. Zap.
Strengthen = lightness.
Weakens = trying too hard.
So my intention for this week (this life!) is to notice when I’m trying too hard and lighten up instead.
To keep dropping the story I should be doing more.
Because more and trying harder, they are best friends.
What about you? I’d love to hear what beliefs lead you toward what weakens you. Or what beliefs lead you toward what strengthens you! Let’s talk!
18 responses so far ↓
1 Hiro Boga May 3, 2010
Hooray for lightness, Jen! The One Source that made the platypus definitely has a sense of humor.
Silly, goofy, completely pointless play strengthens me. So does spontaneity, improvising, dancing with life.
What weakens me: Believing I need to be anything more or less than I am.
2 Ronna May 3, 2010
Love this, Jen. And…I can feel the part of me that leans toward “weaknesses” when resources (translate: $) is low and I begin to feel grasp-y. The movement toward strengths and “life force more” is so clear for me AND old habits die hard (like worry, anxiety, etc.). I’m grateful for your “comfort” and “good-ness” filled reminder this day. ”Appreciate you!
3 chicsinger simone May 3, 2010
“To keep dropping the story I should be doing more.
Because more and trying harder, they are best friends.”
Shazam! They hang out with my good buddy Not Good Enough!
Thanks for the heads up, I’m going to start noticing all three this week.
4 Dawn May 3, 2010
I love the story about being in a harder gear. That’s the story of my life! I am a classic overachiever, frustrated when people all around me seem to exert so much less effort with – sometimes – more and better results.
I seem to think I must overcompensate for some lack by working myself silly. Or, as @chicsinger simone says, that I am not good enough, so I exert as much effort as possible in every endeavor.
Phew! No wonder I’m tired all the time.
Thanks for the reminder that I am enough, whether I’m busting my own butt or not.
5 SusanJ May 3, 2010
So often my weakness, like over-thinking, comes out because of beliefs that lead me to judge and bury my strength, like spontaneity.
In fact, I’m starting to believe that weaknesses are actually markers for a lost or buried strength. Or maybe the weakness is the strategy we used to get by without the strength that we were taught wasn’t OK.
They definitely seem to be related.
What I get really curious about, though, is where the dang belief came from!
6 Susan Gallacher-Turner May 3, 2010
Ok, really easy to name those things that weaken me…
work faster, think and try harder, hurry and worry all from the land of ‘Not Enough’…
Naming those things that strengthen me? I’m coming up completely blank.
Wow…doesn’t that say a lot?
Now, normally I’d try harder to think about my strengths….but maybe I need to go in the opposite direction?
Thanks for the wonderful ideas!
7 Carol May 3, 2010
oooooo.
Great responses and post, thank you thank you. So glad to have found this place.
Yes the strengths and weaknesses here can hang out close and be mistaken for each other.
Tenacity–strength
Obsessiveness–zap
Open spaciness–strength
Listlessly spending time on things that don’t nourish–zap
Eye/ear for detail–strength
Perfectionism so nothing gets started or finished or enjoyed–zap
Sensitivity–strength
Princess and the Pea–zap
Creative/ing–strength
Must Be Productive at All Moments–zap
8 Kate Bacon May 4, 2010
Great post Jen and thanks for your awesome comments Carol…so true!
“Trying harder” has got to be one of my energy drains….whenever I’m spontaneous and let go of what I think I “should” be doing, life just flows.
Happy Tuesday (yesterday was a bank holiday in the UK) and I dumped my plans to work and went out to play instead with two dear friends!
9 living savvy May 4, 2010
When is a weakness a life force zapper or an opportunity to get stronger.
I was pondering this post when I was riding my bike this afternoon (appropriately as you used a biking story).
I have gone back to riding my bike, a reason was that I wanted to strengthen my hamstrings – so I have adjusted my riding technique. Instead of riding up hills in the hardest gear, standing up and feeling the burn in my quads I now drop my gears and stay seated pedalling for a long as I can in this position and feel the burn in the hamstrings (& butt)
So in this instance I am focused on strengthening a weakness. Why – because continuing to focus on my strengths (building strength in my quads) was making me unbalanced. Strong quads + weak hamstrings means crooked hips, bent back and a dodgy neck.
This post reminded me of the 80 – 20 rule. 80% of the time focusing and playing on my strengths and the remainder of the time strengthening my weakness.
10 Jennifer May 4, 2010
Wow – thank you for these comments. So wonderful to see how we play to and work with our weaknesses.
Living Savvy, I love your question, “When is a weakness a life force zapper or an opportunity to get stronger?” Buckingham would say that you can, and sometimes should, improve a weakness but because of the way your brain works, it will never become a strength. But he isn’t talking about body strength. In your example, it’s totally right one to build your hamstrings. But let’s say you want to compete in the Tour de France but you get really bored training and competition does not turn you on. Can you learn? Sure, but why go not find your natural talents instead, and play to those?
Carol, your little chart is brilliant!
Susan J. why worry about where those beliefs come from? Let’s just start challenging them when they come up. Watching them perhaps but not letting them stop us.
Susan G-T – I think it’s a matter of looking for strengths as a lens to see your life. We have been profoundly influenced to strengthen our weaknesses – to feel shame about them and to think we can try harder, work harder, to overcome them. So it’s a new mindset!
And may all of us sweet and wonderful humans give up our trying so hard story. It is draining, isn’t it?!!!
11 Suzyn May 4, 2010
Wow. This is so helpful. When I look at it this way, I can see that my current career path is based on weakness: on working really hard and being really precise, the promise of security in exchange for pandering to authority. It leaves the narrowest margin for humor or creativity or beauty or color.
It seems that weaknesses are like giant boulders that we can either crack our skulls against or walk around. They’re tied into our fears and they are so huge that it’s hard to look away. And yet, when you do… Wheee! ease, joy, movement…
12 tami May 4, 2010
perfectionism = no bueno.
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14 Rica May 5, 2010
I believe that happy was something we can actually be if we did all the things great. That belief weakened me for so many years since I spent most of the time checking if I was doing the right thing or making sure I was doing the right thing. Until I realized that happy was possible everyday even if I did the things I didn’t think was so great. Happiness was within and I should be content with the blessing of each day and the opportunity of each day and that brought on strength and actually led me to do greater things.
15 Simone May 6, 2010
I’m goofy too and a big dork – he he!
Yeah my strengths are my creativity, my entrepenerial nature, my ability to work with a diverse range of technology, being perceptive, intuitive, and being able to nut things out on my own or find solutions. I’m a seeker and a doer.
My zap, is also trying to hard, I’m not good at talking the talk, confidence, marketing and patience.
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