There is an emptiness that comes to me when I am finished leading a retreat.
A scrubbed out-ness. Hollowed out. Pumpkin after scraping before carving.
It’s an odd feeling, not bad at all, but if I don’t ground myself, and have a lot of awareness, I start pounding chocolate.
I wish I could sum up the magic of the Virtual Retreat
But I’m not good at summing things. Humming yes, summing not so much.
I throw myself into the moment of teaching and then I wonder, ‘What can I say about what I just did?”
Last year, when Havi Brooks was my guest at the Writer’s Retreat (she is again this year and there are few spots open and early bird price was supposed to go away yesterday so hurry and that might be a run on sentence).
So anyway, not good at summing up.
I could quote from some of the hundreds of blog posts on the Virtual Retreat blog but what would that tell you?
That people had a wonderful experience.
That people faced into their fears.
That people touched their essential goodness.
Is that enough of a summary?
In my hollowed out-ness, I started to despair at writing a blog post and then Jenzie posted this at the Comfort Cafe (yeah for the Cafe and Jenzie!) and I thought, “Virtual Retreat Essential Distilled Beautifully Summed up Wisdom! Just what I need to choose my life this week.”
So here is Jenzie’s wonderful summary:
How can I put the pieces of my life together into an abundant yet peaceful whole?
What do I yearn for, what do I truly desire, right now?
I am not all things … yet I am enough.
I tend to my peaceful perspective, as I would tend a garden or a child.
I pay attention to life’s transitions, small as well as large.
Gently bringing myself back: sweetheart, we’re doing just one thing at a time now.
Find and use a compass that leads me back to my true self.
The first time something extraordinary happens, we call it a miracle. Yet if it continues, we begin to regard it as ordinary! Reclaim the miraculous in the bowl of cheerios…
I am not broken, and I do not need to be fixed.
I am open to the voice of the sacred, in everyday life as well as in transcendence.
When do I feel most myself?
What would I love my life to be like?
I instinctively know what I need to thrive.
I am.
Who is it who notices my body, my thoughts, and yet is not contained by them?
Live more. Forgive yourself. Begin again.
Just shift direction by one degree… and in six months, I’ll be somewhere entirely different than I would have been otherwise.
Listen for the inner voice of self love.
Be the little girl who can do anything.
Grow wild and wooly before you prune.
Focus on what’s really essential and true.
Stop thinking about time, instead think about energy and flow.
Be fully committed to and fully present with whatever you’re doing, right now.
Get underneath the joy … and the fear … from there comes inspired, grounded action.
Act as if what I truly want is already here.
That which I avoid is an energy drain … and the longer I avoid, the stronger the drain.
What is the simplest action?
Learn to distinguish the practical-sounding voice of fear from my true loving voice.
I am more than my history, more than my degrees, more than my checkbook, more than my stories.
I am not all things … yet I am enough.
What one bit will you use to light your way this week?

7 responses so far ↓
1 MaryBeth Feb 15, 2010
“Pumpkin after scraping before carving.
whewh! I am relieved to read these feelings are shared by wonderful you.
I hesitated posting in the Comfort Cafe as I could not seem to put words together that felt sensible in anyway….
I am quick to understand concepts and ideas;but have learned I am a slow processor of my feelings.
Perhaps so much of magic of retreat for me goes beyond words
bu it really is a comfort to know that others are walking with me
Big Hugs
MB
2 Kat Feb 16, 2010
Jenzie ~
You are the best Summer Upper I know!
You were able to reveal the entire content of that amazing weekend in one extremely precious poem.
Thanks for getting me present to every single nugget that mattered most.
And closing with the Golden One:
I Am
enough.
xoxo
kat
3 Emily-Sarah Feb 16, 2010
I love your carved-out analogy. And what true loveliness in Jenzie’s summing upness — a powerful resource packed into the post. (And good gems to hum on land or in the air!)
4 Kelly Salasin Feb 16, 2010
Although I was not among those who attended, I felt touched by the energy–and on Friday, I treated myself to the Life Organizer book so that I found myself parallel playing with you all.
Jen, I hope you will speak some more about the “vacuum” following leading.
I feel the same way after I lead a group and I now work to seriously ground myself–attending to basic first chakra needs: cleaning up, using the bathroom, drinking water, taking a walk.
Even so, I still find it a restlesss place to be, and I’m curious about that.
I’ll be leading a women’s YogaDance mini-retreat on the Equinox, and I hope to have some more “grounding” tricks up my sleeve before then.
Thanks again for sharing your voice and gifts and transparency,
Kelly
5 Jennifer W. Feb 16, 2010
Jen – thank you so much for all the post-retreat follow-up: I am amazed and delighted to have recordings and PDF’s to use for a very, very long time. During the retreat, it was so comforting to know I could go back and listen again to all those juicy teachings.
“Aham Prema”
Jennifer
6 Kelly Salasin Feb 17, 2010
I hope it’s not intrusive (or too much of a detour) to further expound here on the curious experience of “hollowed outness” following leading.
Falling asleep last night, I realized that this emptiness comes after finishing a writing project too. And after attending a birth or a dear friend’s wedding.
Which makes me think that maybe it has to do with being deeply part of something without it being “ours.”
When we lead, or support, or create, we are the vessel, but not the destination.
Kind of makes me think of Moses.
And about how it’s going to feel when my kids fly the nest.
Ouch. And AAAAAHhhhhh (awe.)
Thanks for the fulcrum of attention to such a subtle place/space of being.
Kelly
7 More on Being Scooped Out » Comfort Queen Mar 3, 2010
[...] the Virtual Retreat, I wrote a post about feeling scooped out, feeling like a pumpkin after scraping, but before [...]