I’ve been doing Choose Your Life Monday posts for awhile now. I’ve blogged about being aware of various patterns, I’ve shared Life Organizer questions, and now I’m doing this post a bit differently.
Over the years, I’ve had a rocky relationship with holidays.
Celebrating the solstice by lighting candles in all the windows then going for a walk in the dark and talking about what had brought us light during the year, then coming back to our house blazing with light and reading solstice stories aloud and drinking warm beverages – yum!
I adored making magic for Lilly when she was little – putting out cookies and milk for Santa and then taking a bite of the cookies after she was in bed thrilled me more than her.
But death (Dad) and teenagers and divorce and new families make everything so different.
I am good at stating the obvious, aren’t I?
In the face of all this change, I find wanting to collapse and not do anything.
I find myself wanting to whine that things aren’t the same.
I find myself being drawn into blech land.
Hiding behind work and being a crappy shopper and various other stories so I hide.
I don’t engage.
Whoa!
I don’t think so, sweetie.
That is such an old, dead response.
Let’s try something better.
Instead, I gently ground my energy and turn toward my feelings of sadness and disappointment and grief… hello feelings. No, I’m not interested in what-ifs and wishes- I’m staying with my feelings… ah, such tenderness, such sadness, such longing, such gratitude… breathe…. stay here with the feelings…
Big big breath, so big I feel my ribs creak…. energy spills up and out my head….
Descending, grounding… being…
Resting…
A deep still spaciousness fills me…
I remember, “Oh right, I can choose how I want to do the holidays.”
I see how much of my suffering lives in me.
Which means I get to choose what experience I want to have this year!
Oh holy mistletoe, Batman! Now that is good news.
And what has also been helpful to me is…
Comfort Cafe Holiday Helpful Suggestions
We’ve been sharing ways to make the holidays more meaningful and saner at the Simpler Holiday forum. I thought you might enjoy reading some of the treasure trove of ideas to help you see new possibilities for your holidays, too!
A few of the intriguing suggestions:
Our idea for simplifying was having a pajama day Christmas day …new jammies of course!
–Pauline….One of my main simplify themes these past years has been to do “recycled giving”… finding items that I cherish but am ready to let go to someone else. I love how recycled giving brings out my creativity at the same time it helps me work on non-attachment to “things” …the gift has to really be a match, so it also tunes me into the whole reason for giving. What would this person most love to receive, and do I have something to give that would bring delight? The best gifts are usually those that tug at my heartstrings because a part of me is not “quite ready” to give them away.
–SoraStarting on Thanksgiving I am going to do the 29-Day Giving Challenge. It was started by a woman who had MS, and she says it cured it. My sister is the marketing director of a mall, and last year they did a Senior Angel tree. She said the seniors asked for so little, mostly toiletries like nice soap or after shave. So almost everyone also gave extra stuff like cookies, candy, warm slippers, etc. The seniors were thrilled. I would like to do something like that. I find helping other people gives me a lift. This year it will probably be more important than ever to help other people.
–Gayle OThe nicest thing we do is drape a purple silk cloth over the windowsill and stick a “path” of 24 golden stars (like teachers use) leading up to the stable/ manger. Each evening we light a candle, move Mary and the Donkey (from Nativity Scene) one step (or star) closer to the stable and sing the carol “Little Donkey.” Now that is truly magical.
–Betty
What do you do to make the holidays more light filled? I’d love to hear. And if you are a member of the Comfort Cafe, come on by the Simpler Holiday forum and add your ideas.
Related posts:
11 responses so far ↓
1 crescent Dec 14, 2009
Really, truly love this post, especially the first part. Transparent & truthful.
Feeling your feelings (incl so-called “negative” feelings) is always so key. To have your feelings w/o letting them have you — I think this is the heartbeat of what conscious choice, of a life, a day, a celebration (or walking away from same) **is***.
Personally, I engage w/ Thanksgiving, which feels truthful to me, & do nada zip zero thereafter, except go for a sleighride on Solstice evening, during December holidays. No gifts, consumption, wrapping, putting up, taking down, excess calories, guilt, pressure. I say yes or no if invited to stuff & that is IT. I will say it’s a very productive time creatively – few phone calls, cause most other people are busy going crazy.
I think what we aspire to in Xmas, the centering in joyous grateful generous giving heart, comes naturally, when it does (or doesn’t), throughout year/life – not on demand. If a friend gets a card from me at any time, she knows I meant it, for her, not bc she was on a list. Ditto gift. Or cookies. And so on.
How do I make holidays more light-filled? Pretty much, by letting every day be itself. Making every day, or no particular day, a holiday; being open to reverence when it comes, on its own schedule, on its own terms. Relaxing ito the ride as the planet spins and we spin on it…
xxxoo
2 Jennifer Dec 14, 2009
Wow, what a tremendous vision of how to live! I felt my whole body exult! Wow and double wow! I’m so grateful for your comments here. Truly grateful.
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4 Hiro Boga Dec 14, 2009
Jen, I wish you a holiday that fills your heart, carries you into a dance of joy, and truly nourishes your spirit this year.
For me, this time of year feels deeply sacred. The spirit of light is very near as the days get shorter, darker and colder.
I light a candle each morning and invite the spirit of light into the cells of my body, into my breath and heart, into my home, into my life, into the people and places I love, into the people and places that challenge me, and into my world.
Then I blow out the candle, and invite the spirit of darkness, that velvety womb in which all possibilities and potentials are cradled, into my heart, my cells, my life…
The dark mother and the light child are one and the same. At this time of year, they dance visibly together.
Love, Hiro
5 Priscilla Dec 14, 2009
Deaths during December have cast a shadow on our holidays since 2003. It happened again this year – “the lord giveth and the lord taketh away”. A time for contemplation.
6 Kelly Salasin Dec 14, 2009
Back in the days before I had kids of my own and my life could revolve around preparation and organization, I used to be done holiday shopping by September. Fast-forward two decades and I plug away at the holidays from Thanksgiving til the big day. Once, however, I only had 48 hours to pull off an entire Christmas~ and that one was one of the best ones of all!
http://thisvtlife.wordpress.com/2009/12/14/first-christmas/
7 Susan Gallacher-Turner Dec 14, 2009
Wonderful post! I, too, am hitting the holiday feeling at a loss. My daughter moved out recently, so nothing feels the same and all the old traditions just don’t seem to fit.
What to do about it? Just like you, I accepted my feelings and am allowing myself to do things a little differently this year. And, so far, it’s been good.
I decorated over the course of a week instead of trying to do it all in one day. I decided to change some of the decorations. And we’re working together as a family to figure out which traditions work and which don’t. Then coming up with new plans that everyone feels good about.
I think that one thing I’ve learned is that sticking with the old way of doing things just because that’s what’s always been done, leaves me stuck (and sometimes resentful). A decade ago, we completely changed our Thanksgiving routine, menu and day and it made us all happier.
I look at this year now, as a chance to make our holiday even more merry.
I also did a blog about the holidays and you can check it out at Susan’s Art & Words http://sculpturepdx.blogspot.com
I love the candle lighting idea and sitting with your feelings, I’m going to find space in my day for that starting today!
Susan
8 char Dec 15, 2009
Jen:
I was so moved by this post and the courage it takes to first notice what’s true and then share it so articulately with us – so that we too can notice what’s true.
And instead of saying something like “the holidays are a pain in the ass” you say “holy batman mistletoe” and share your deep feelings of sadness, etc and turn towards them rather than “blame the stupid holiday for becoming commercialized.”
I have the very same feelings when I go to parties alone – since I’m single. Even though I’ve been widowed for many years and parties are celebrations of something, what I see is all the couples dancing, brides kissing, bar mitzvahs with two parents and a lineage of relatives (my parents have also been gone a very long time) and the whole thing makes me want to run away and hide. And sometimes I decline the invitations because quite honestly it’s too painful to go.
I have never (as of yet) found a way to be comfortable at these things and go – but your post certainly gives me something to think about with respect to this – now I”‘m not “blaming the materialism of the occasion” and instead thinking about when I get the next invitation I can turn towards my own feelings and stay with them as I discover more about what’s’ true for me.
Thank you. And I wish you a holiday that is true and nourishing for you.
9 Meg Boone Dec 15, 2009
I’m at this incredible crossroads of the opportunity to follow my bliss into this future, so as much as I am enjoying this process and accessing future opportunities I am trying to be ‘present’ in every moment excuse the pun but that is the present I am seeking. As for family we do homemade Christmas and even though yesterday I was freaking out about it I have chosen ( and spoken to my mother and she too has chosen) to let go, enjoy the process of making the gifts and if they don’t get done there is a picture of what it’s ‘Supposed’ to look like. Also I am making everyone homemade stationary from cards to homemade paper etc. and I think I want to include little quotes of joy and snippets of bliss and pieces of peace in with my gifts not the frentic energy of “I HAVE TO GET THIS DONE” (see didn’t I stress you out just then) and I am just going to ignore the fact that my kitten knocked over the Christmas tree at 5:00 this morning, because holy hanging mistletoe batman these things happen.
Thank you for spreading your truth and joy
-Meg Boone
10 Cindy L Dec 16, 2009
I’m going through a rough time this season, dealing with grief and loss, and a mother newly diagnosed with dementia. Christmas is saturated with family memories, which makes it emotionally difficult to get through…
My husband tells me to “go with it,” and to lower my expecations. Good advice. Keeping it simple helps, too.
I’ve posted a blog which seems to help those who are grieving at holiday time — and hope you’ll stop by.
11 Jennifer Dec 16, 2009
I adore the depth of each of your thoughts, especially at your blogs. How wonderful reflective and bright you each are. With people like you in the world, the holidays can only be wonderful!