My husband tells me to “go with it,” and to lower my expecations. Good advice. Keeping it simple helps, too.
I’ve posted a blog which seems to help those who are grieving at holiday time — and hope you’ll stop by.

I was so moved by this post and the courage it takes to first notice what’s true and then share it so articulately with us – so that we too can notice what’s true.

And instead of saying something like “the holidays are a pain in the ass” you say “holy batman mistletoe” and share your deep feelings of sadness, etc and turn towards them rather than “blame the stupid holiday for becoming commercialized.”

I have the very same feelings when I go to parties alone – since I’m single. Even though I’ve been widowed for many years and parties are celebrations of something, what I see is all the couples dancing, brides kissing, bar mitzvahs with two parents and a lineage of relatives (my parents have also been gone a very long time) and the whole thing makes me want to run away and hide. And sometimes I decline the invitations because quite honestly it’s too painful to go.

I have never (as of yet) found a way to be comfortable at these things and go – but your post certainly gives me something to think about with respect to this – now I”‘m not “blaming the materialism of the occasion” and instead thinking about when I get the next invitation I can turn towards my own feelings and stay with them as I discover more about what’s’ true for me.

Thank you. And I wish you a holiday that is true and nourishing for you.

What to do about it? Just like you, I accepted my feelings and am allowing myself to do things a little differently this year. And, so far, it’s been good.
I decorated over the course of a week instead of trying to do it all in one day. I decided to change some of the decorations. And we’re working together as a family to figure out which traditions work and which don’t. Then coming up with new plans that everyone feels good about.

I think that one thing I’ve learned is that sticking with the old way of doing things just because that’s what’s always been done, leaves me stuck (and sometimes resentful). A decade ago, we completely changed our Thanksgiving routine, menu and day and it made us all happier.

I look at this year now, as a chance to make our holiday even more merry.

I also did a blog about the holidays and you can check it out at Susan’s Art & Words http://sculpturepdx.blogspot.com

I love the candle lighting idea and sitting with your feelings, I’m going to find space in my day for that starting today!
Susan