I’ve been doing Choose Your Life Monday posts for awhile now. I like spending a bit of time on Sundays thinking about how I want to choose my life in the next week and discussing that with you.
Over the course of Choose Your Life Mondays, I’ve blogged about being aware of various patterns, I’ve shared Life Organizer questions, and today, I’m in the mood to do something a bit different.
Friday was big juicy AHA day for me.
My therapist and I discussed my unmet needs and my resulting Bright Shiny Object attraction, and she said,
A teacher of mine said God gets pissed when you don’t honor what you’ve been given.”
I felt a total heart-gut-body thunk.
Which is my body’s way of saying, “This is important information. Pay attention.
As we talked, I realized that, even though I have worked on this for 19 years - I still don’t always honor and value my work.
For many odd and good-hearted reasons, I do not revel in my work.
I do it (whether it is write a book, an article, give a speech, teach a retreat, coach someone) and it’s over. Finto.
Which would probably be fine, even a good thing (no attachment, etc.) except I don’t get fed.
It’s like I’ve been creating this wonderful banquet for everybody and forgetting to eat myself.
I’ve known this for years and years but I always got stuck taking in praise and good feedback because I thought I would get a big ego.
I would get inflated.
God knows, I’ve met enough writers and teachers with big egos who are not nice people.
God knows, I’m so sick of the self-aggrandizement and narcissistic look-at-me nature of the Internet, I regularly think about opening a cheese shop instead.
But you know what?
Honoring what has been given has got nothing to do with getting a big head.
Getting a big head or being a dick head involves a story. Judgment. Comparisons. Your blog is bigger than mine or you fill a workshop faster than me or you were on Oprah twice and I was only on once kind of crap.
What my dear therapist got me to see Friday was:
What I’ve done is to be honored because I did it.
It’s not about good enough or reaching lots of people or even about changing people’s lives – although that is a nice thing to honor, too.
But first, and primarily, it’s about sitting smack in the middle of, “This is what I have created” without judging (discernment has its place, just not right now).
It’s about owning the creation and the ideas and words. “I did this!”
Without saying, “But if I had only said this” or “So-and-so said it better” or “Why did she write about the same thing and sell 2 million more books than I did?”
Creative people, this is so precious, pay attention!
If you are feeling stuck or scattered or always pinging to the next thing, try, please try, stopping to acknowledge and be with what you have created.
Experience it with your body, your senses, the is-ness of what you have created.
Drop all comparisons and ideas for improvement.
And if you have been given money, accolades, relationships, experiences as a result of your work, honor those, too.
Not because they make you special or better than someone else, but because they are here.
Honor what has been given.
The Irony is Not Lost on Me
That I help people own their creativity. It’s the essence of what I do at my retreats, especially the Writer’s Retreat, and when I coach my beloved clients.
So this week I will be – with my full heart and my healing body – HONORING WHAT I HAVE BEEN GIVEN.
I don’t know from where these gifts and words and ideas have come or why I got to be their steward.
That’s not my business.
My business is to honor what has shown up.
I will honor do so while writing my novel, when reading your comments, when creating December’s content for the Comfort Cafe, when planning February Virtual Retreat… oh yes! Does this feel good!
Comment requests:
What has been given to you that you would like to honor? I would so love to hear!
Related posts:
20 responses so far ↓
1 Tweets that mention Choose Your Life Mondays – The Honoring Edition » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Nov 23, 2009
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer Louden, Evelyn Kalinosky. Evelyn Kalinosky said: RT @jenlouden: New at my blog: Choose Your Life Mondays – The Honoring Edition: I’ve been doing Choose Your Lif.. http://bit.ly/08SgM9Z [...]
2 Mahala Mazerov Nov 23, 2009
Jennifer!
This is personal and funny and brilliant, kind and true. Just what I love and honor in you.
Too many of us go hungry just as you’ve described. May you be fed yourself through the loveliness you are. The same for the rest of us.
3 Ingrid Nov 23, 2009
Dear Jennifer, thanks for this beautiful reminder. Right now I am sitting in my studio, looking at all of my inventory for the seasonal shows- I am surrounded by dozens of volumes of books and inspirational gifts which came through me and into this world in some mysterious, joyous, sometimes arduous creative process- some movement of life energy- all gifts that have been given to me, and which I can hardly take credit for, but which surround me like a loving presence. I don’t remember how Mark Silver puts it exactly- but I remember realizing through his work that my business is in its own way a living entity, separate from me, which actually holds and supports me. Sometimes I remember this, and step into it as this beautiful aliveness- and not just one big to-do list which I have generated. Reading your post has reminded me that I have been honored with many gifts and am endlessly fed by my work- that I do, in fact, receive as much as I give. Why do I sometimes forget this? It has as much to do with my own focus as anything- if I am only focused on my to-do list and all that feels draining, then I feel drained. If I remember I am well fed, then I feel nourished as well. I hope I can remember this- by lighting a candle before work, choosing beautiful music, and giving thanks. And thanks to you for sharing your journey which feels so familiar and universal to me. Love to you!
4 Cairene Nov 23, 2009
Wow. This is the perfect question as we come up on a celebration of gratitude…
I am a little obsessed about plans for the coming year right now, but how much of that anxiety and impatience would be calmed by honoring what I have been already given? And what would happen when I then create from a place of satiation?
What I have been given that I would like to honor? Well, for starters – just the fact that I have any helpful insight at all into people’s struggles. That seems to come from another place – truly a gift. And those people! Also truly a gift.
Big juicy AHA indeed. Thank you.
oxo Cairene
5 Liz Nov 23, 2009
“God gets pissed when you don’t honor what you’ve been given” is going in the notebook where I keep all my favorite quotes.
Thanks for this reminder to stop, notice and honor what we have been given, what we have done, and what we have been to others.
6 Crescent Dragoinwagon Nov 23, 2009
Loved “God gets pissed when you don’t honor what you’ve been given,” & posted it & link to my FB page. What I think is that a gift is something one is given. In that sense one neither “owns” nor “disowns” it… one neither “did it” nor didn’t do it. We show up, do our work, and sometimes, miraculously, IT, THAT, shows up. We’re conduits for the real work. As someone who also writes, helps others write (through workshops), yes, I know that we must live what we know and self-nurture/ self-honor, not just see it for others. It’s a dance, but not that difficult, really, to neither get a swollen ego-trippy head or self-denigrate/feel like an impostor bc our work may be farther along than we are. If we know it’s a gift, there’s an inner thank you to That when we are thanked. As the wisest teacher I ever knew once said, “Enjoy the praise, but don’t claim it.” xxx000 cd
7 Michael Nov 23, 2009
Mmmmm.
A cheese shop.
NOW you’re talking.
8 Hiro Boga Nov 23, 2009
Jen, thank you for this beautiful reminder that my creations are gifts, to be honored, cherished, appreciated and loved, simply because they are.
Each session with a client, each class I teach or blog post or book I write, or meal I cook, is a healing, not just for others, but for me too. How can it be otherwise? The Sacred gives with both hands.
Thank you, dear one, for the gifts of kindness, love and wisdom you bring into my life each day. May you stand in their presence and receive their blessings too.
Much love, Hiro
9 Kelly Salasin Nov 23, 2009
I like the transparency of working with a therapist to untangle those stuck places and spin gold from them.
You’ve asked us to share what it is that we want to honor about ourselves so here goes:
realizing 3 or 4 years ago that I was exhausted from a lifetime of “striving” –and then deciding (with my therapist) to take “3 months off” during which I fell in love with me (with the sense of possibility I felt in college)…
… and then became a YogaDance instructor (even when I couldn’t touch my toes), transferred my teaching skills to coaching, and most recently– authored 6 new baby blogs– all of whom I love.
It sounds so seamless in retrospect, and of course, it wasn’t!
But I will DANCE today, and I’m proud of what I’ve written/realized this morning: http://2owlscalling.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-bodys-instant-messenging-system-im/.
And the next step is opening to income aligned with MY joy so that others reap the benefits too.
Thanks for asking Jen and for sharing your voice, so fully, with us once again.
10 Kelly Salasin Nov 23, 2009
I like the transparency of working with a therapist to unravel those stuck places and spin gold from them.
You’ve asked us to share what it is that we want to honor about ourselves so here goes: realizing 3 or 4 years ago that I was exhausted from a lifetime of “striving” and deciding (with my therapist) to take “3 months off” during which I fell in love with me (with the sense of possibility I felt in college)…
… and then became a YogaDance instructor, transferred my teaching skills to coaching, and just recently– authored 6 new baby blogs.
It sounds so seamless in retrospect, and of course, it wasn’t.
But I will dance today, and I’m proud of what I’ve written/realized this morning: http://2owlscalling.wordpress.com/2009/11/23/the-bodys-instant-messenging-system-im/.
And the next step is opening to income aligned with MY joy so that others reap the benefits too.
Thanks for asking Jen and for sharing your voice, so fully, with us.
11 Eliane Nov 23, 2009
Thank you whole heartedly for this beautifull reminder. I shall honor my gifts and myself time to see them directly into their soul-eye.
As a teacher once told me: The source, energy of The Universe or How you may refer to IT is always there… The question is: Where am I?
I chose to connect and honor what It is given.
!A gozar!
Saludos de Mexico!
12 Lydia, Clueless Crafter Nov 23, 2009
My dad gave me the word “worthy.”
It continues to give me the gift of dignity. I am a worthy person who is doing a worthy job.
Try that out for size!
13 Hope Evey Nov 23, 2009
If I let my mind fill up enough on life, the universe, and everything, I can write stories
14 Andrew Lightheart @alightheart Nov 23, 2009
It has been pointed out to me that, not only do I not honour my work, but that I also don’t allow myself to be happy in the life that I have created.
(What is helping me deal with this is identifying and working with the part that thinks nothing is enough.)
Today, I would like to honour:
~ my ability to dive into new topics, research, think and synthesise
~ my aspiration to do good in the world
~ my ability to move through my shit
~ my business which has, almost unnoticed, carried me through over six years of not being employed by anyone but me.
Thanks – very timely.
15 Cathy Nov 23, 2009
Jen: Wow, this hit me like a ton of bricks, and was something I really needed to see today. Thank you for sharing!
16 Lea Howell Nov 23, 2009
What a wonderful gift for my Thanksgiving week! Your words have honored us all!
Sometimes I forget that even though I go to work everyday as a Nurse…that it is a gift that I should honor. It is always my hope that when I leave a patient’s room, that I have not only “gifted” them with some personal aspect of being their Nurse……but that I have honored them. It is refreshing to be reminded of the wonderful and very special gift that God blessed this Critical Care Nurse with……and perhaps honoring myself…….will help me be exactly what my patients need! Certainly, it will make me the Nurse that I want to be!
Thank you Jen, and have a great week!
17 char Nov 24, 2009
Yes, Jen–
For YOU, Jennifer Louden, to honor what you’ve been given that you so generously have shared with all of us – THAT is a powerful lesson for YOU and for ME to honor my own gifts as I see you honor yours.
Powerful. . . life changing . . . insightful. . . I see that in you every moment. And I see it in myself too.
Thank you for this.
18 Jennifer Nov 24, 2009
I have read and reread your heart zinging comments and I write this with a huge happy grin on my face. I’m also happy to report that honoring my gifts is going well and it is so much easier when we have support, isn’t it?I look forward to continuing this conversation and staying honest with each other. Even though we are scattered to the four directions, we are connected. I honor that, too!
19 Melissa Nov 26, 2009
Fabulous post! I so LOVE that you used dick-head. HA!
speaking of: self-aggrandizement and narcissistic look-at-me nature.
Recently my hubby and I saw a commercial for a camera where you can take a picture of yourself (don’t know why that’s different than the other cameras out there – I wasn’t really paying attention). All the sudden Hubby says, “Well, that says it all about our society….take a picture of yourself.” There’s a line between doing what you’re saying and not.
Anyways, I came up with one of my new favorite sayings after a discussion with myself in my journal……
I am worthy because I am a soul and all souls are worthy – therefore, I am worthy because I am.
~magick~
Melissa
20 chris zydel Dec 3, 2009
Dear Jen,
Love this… love you… and I too, am thrilled that you said dickhead!
That whole comparison thing and not appreciating who we are and the gifts we have no matter how much attention or money or acclaim they get from the outside world is just so toxic.
This is such a great reminder to feast on what has been given to us by spirit and to remember how rich we all are in our own creative juiciness… if we can only remember it!