I’ve spent the last week revisiting my ontological coaching training in preparation for teaching as part of Michael Neill’s Supercoach Academy.
My, that is a serious-sounding sentence.
What it means is I’ve been rolling deeply (yes, somewhat like a pig in poop) in the idea that it’s not anything out “there” that determines your choices, it is the interpretation you give to the phenomenon.
Or…
Something happens.
You make up an interpretation of that event. You can’t help it, that’s the way your brain works.
You hold that interpretation to be THE TRUTH.
You promptly forget you made up THE TRUTH.
You decide how people are, how life is, what is possible, what is not possible, all based on your interpretation, which you are sure is THE TRUTH.
Most of the time, you are utterly unaware that you even made an interpretation, and that your interpretation is shaped by everything from how much wine you drank last night to what culture you were raised in to how much education you have to your genetic structure…
You may be reading this and saying, “I know this already, I’m post-modern!”
But how often do you intervene in your interpretation so that you can take different actions that create more effective, more satisfying, more alive results?
75 degrees - Too hot? Too cold?
How often do you actually notice you have far more choice than you believe, see or can conceive?
Take the little scenario that just happened in my kitchen. Bob got the mail. There was an energy bill for $214.31.
I said, “The bill is so high because you like the house so warm.” (I know, I can be a bit bitchy.)
He said, “67 is not warm, it’s normal.”
I said, “67 is too warm.”
We groused at each other. I had thoughts about how expensive life is and how wasteful it is to keep the house that warm and why does life have to be so expensive and…
My mood started to go downhill as I opened more bills and realized that two medical bills weren’t billed to the new insurance and…
I stopped.
I asked myself, “What are the actual facts, Jen?”
$214.31.
67 degrees.
67 degrees is a fact. Too warm or normal is an interpretation. Both interpretations live in the interpreter – in myself and Bob, in how we see the world, in what we think is warm. They aren’t right or wrong nor are they the truth.
Just by finding the facts, I grow calmer. My mood changes.
I step away from making Bob wrong or picky or whatever and I have a bill for $214.31. What do we want to do, if anything?
Ah, choice.
You want to choose your life this week? When you notice your mood going south or that you are having a power struggle with someone or a judgment about what “should” be, stop and look for the facts.
Warning: you will have a hard time finding them. You will confuse your opinion for facts. “67 degrees is normal” can really, really seem like a fact.
It is not.
What is? Can you find the facts (also known as assertions for those of you who attended my writing retreat) and simply notice WHAT IS this week?
Dare you.
(“Dare you” is a fact but what “Dare you” means is an interpretation. See, told you this stuff was tricky.)
P.S. It’s a fact I’m leading a one day retreat in Maryland March 27th. Will it be a fact that you are there?
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9 responses so far ↓
1 Jennifer Mar 15, 2010
My dare has scared everyone off. I dare myself to pay attention to that fact. Oh wait, that isn’t a fact!
2 Liz Mar 15, 2010
Oh boy… I have lots of stories swimming around in my head right now about all kinds of things… maybe I’ll take a little break and see if I can write down the facts. Just the facts ma’am…
I’m sure there’s a perspective shift coming!
3 Hope Mar 15, 2010
How did you get into my morning pages? Thank you for a post that very much addresses things I’m working on right now
4 Shawna R. B. Atteberry Mar 15, 2010
This kind of gels with The Life Organizer Questions for this week, which I loved. I loved tuning into the Wise Woman, Grandmother inside of me. She told me I need to write and stop being scared of things that are never going to happen. I think the dare for me is to find out if there are any facts behind some of these fears.
5 Ginny Mar 18, 2010
I use just the facts to help me stop worrying and it has helped so much. When I start to worry I ask myself, “What do I know for sure?” and deal with only the facts. I am usually thinking or worrying about the what ifs instead of what is real. I know this is a little different than what you were writing about but it has helped me so much I wanted to share.
6 Photopoppy Mar 18, 2010
I needed this just now.
The facts of my week:
I started out the week with $1400 in back medical bills (that I’m paying off, slowly.)
I spent $163 at the DMV to renew tags and put the title of my car in the right name.
Something that I ate for dinner the other night made me sick for a couple of days.
Yesterday, my car was booted for unpaid parking tickets and I had to pay $90 to get it unlocked.
While sick, I went to the doctor to make sure nothing was seriously wrong, thus incurring another bill which will be arriving in the future.
It is not, however, a fact that the DMV and the Streets department are unreasonable, money-grubbing idiots.
Nor is it a fact that eating chicken soup is bad for me. It’s not even a proven fact that it was the fresh, homemade chicken soup that made me sick.
Nor does the world really have it in for me, and I don’t actually have to crawl back into bed and pull the covers over my head. (Not that I could, I have a meeting to attend today, and that is another fact.)
–Poppy
7 Amy Mar 18, 2010
Can you just imagine how our lives could all change if we could practice a “just the facts” approach with those we love (and often judge) the most? I’m going to try this out with my hubby and see what changes it may spark.
8 Sheryl Paul Mar 21, 2010
Yes, this is exactly what I tell my anxiously engaged clients when they interpret their pre-wedding anxiety as a reason why they shouldn’t get married! Great post – thank you. As someone commented on my blog this week, it isn’t “what is” but our interpretation of what is that’s the problem.
9 How NOT To Have A Nervous Breakdown Mar 30, 2010
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