I’ve been doing Choose Your Life Monday posts for year or so now. I’ve blogged about being aware of my various patterns, I’ve shared Life Organizer questions, and now I’m using this space to give you some ideas for the week ahead. I hope you’ll join me!
Ever feel like you are pushing and shoving and basically grinding the gears of your soul to get through the day?
Like you’re trying so hard all the time - to get clients, to be a better parent, to lose weight, to be a kinder person…
And you know something is not quite working because your jaw is clenched and you’re tired all the time and you certainly are not enjoying the process.
I’m not going to tell you to make a vision map or visualize your perfect life or think good thoughts.
Because when you are already in danger of burning out your heart’s clutch, more effort will not help.
Here’s what will:
Go into your sensations.
Do this with me right now:
Exhale and listen to what clutch-popping, hard-trying, soul-grinding “Why-is-it-easier-for-her?” thoughts you’re having. Listen for just a moment.
Now drop below those thoughts and notice what you are feeling in your body right now.
Drop into your body and notice the sensations under the thoughts.
After a moment, you’ll notice one area of your body has more sensation or more energy or tension. Even pain. Focus your attention there.
Lately, for me, it’s been my throat. I’ll notice I’m comparing myself to someone else or feeling like I’m not getting enough done, and then I drop below that thought, and there is this restricted, tight, choking feeling in my throat.
Go into the sensation you found – not to change it or label it or even think about – forget thinking.
Simply be fully curious about the sensation.
Experience it.
Watch it, feel it with your whole being.
When thoughts come like “This is stupid” or “I’m not doing it right” or “I need to check Twitter,” stay with the sensation. Keep watching it and feeling it, like it was the best massage or most fascinating movie ever.
The most amazing thing will happen.
The sensation will move.
It will uncoil, relax, expand… In some way, it will shift.
You’ll probably let out a big sigh and you’ll feel different.
Maybe freer. More spacious. More trusting.
More able to be who you are, to accept this moment as your life.
Afterward, you can ask yourself, “What would I love to do next?“ (A question I learned from Michael Neill).
Or just go about your day and then, the next time nasty, grinding self-meanness assaults you, pause, tell your critic to take a hike, dive below the thought into the sensation, and watch it, be with it, follow it, and see what happens.
This practice has changed my life.
I do it many times a day.
It works because it brings you into life.
Out of your smart but very Squirrel-like mind and into this moment, where life is actually lived.
It somehow unwinds the stories and opens your heart.
It’s not always easy or pleasant but it’s very, very worth it.
Try it and tell me how it goes. And feel free to ask questions in the comments.
This is the sort of stuff I’ll teach at my one day retreats around the country. If you think, “Wow, that stirs something in me, join me. This is profound self-care.
15 responses so far ↓
1 Hiro Boga Jan 18, 2010
Jen, I love this practice. Anything that lets me connect with my body in a deeply loving way brings me home to my self.
Energy naturally wants to move. When it moves, it changes. Thanks so much for this reminder to pay attention to my body’s truth, and to let things flow from there.
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3 Julie Ann Turner Jan 18, 2010
Beautiful, Jen …
What a profound and powerful practice …
Your pure light shines through – thanks for sharing!
Blessings, love, light – & LIFE!
Julie Ann
4 Erika Jan 18, 2010
This was just what I needed to read. The other strategies that you mentioned are things that I am doing, like the vision calendar, positive thoughts etc and they is very helpful, but when a crisis hits and I feel depleted, then stopping everything and mindfully checking in with my body is the only way. Thanks for the reminder.
It is such a relief to be reminded that there is something so basic that I can always do. And it is also a relief to know that I am on the right track. I am not doing something wrong. It is just that I need deep renewal in that moment.
I like the phrase “burning out your heart’s clutch.” So accurate!!
warmly,
Erika
5 Erika Jan 18, 2010
Oops- a typo “They are helpful” I meant to say. My best friend and I have created the “Dodo Club” when things happen like that and I just revealed myself to be a true member!!
6 Jennifer Jan 18, 2010
Thanks gals for “getting” this post. When I wrote it yesterday, I thought, “This is so not the kind of post that most people will get.” But so what! The body is so extraordinary, so powerful! Erika, if you read my blog or newsletter for any length of time, you will find the most delightfully dumb typos. I am dyslexic and impatient and lose readers all the time because of it. Oh well!
7 Paige Jan 18, 2010
Jen,
I just wrote about this in my journal last night. I’m concerned that you have a direct gateway into my life . The coincidences I encounter with your Choose Your Life Monday topics just amaze me.
I made a realization that I’ve been living too much in my head and have made a choice to shift to my heart. I, too, was trying too hard by thinking way too much about everything. I spending so much energy trying to predict in order to steer things off before they happened. I was out of control with trying to be in control!
I just had to get to the point where I stopped thinking – plain and simple. And, truly it has made a world of difference in the way I feel and the experiences I encounter. I’ve become present and engaged in my life (the things I really wanted) and have quit wasting so much of my precious time pondering all of the possibilities. I’m now acting on the possibilities and just being with what is going on in my life.
All it took was for me to stop thinking and getting caught up in the trappings of my mind. Something so simple, and yet so profound and for me, it started with a shift that has positively rippled into other areas of my life.
Interestingly enough, the biggest retreat I’ve experienced lately in my life is a retreat from “me” and it has opened up so much more!
Thanks for your wonderful inspiration.
Paige
8 Jennifer Jan 18, 2010
Paige, I’m so glad we are on the same brain track! Good to feel less alone. You sound like you are on fire!
9 Sally Evans Jan 18, 2010
This is one of those practices that I have done, and then forget, and so thank you for reminding me!
It can get uncomfortable because of not being used to connecting with myself that way….it’s easier to ignore and do other things as you said!
And, I think because you don’t always know why you have that knot or that feeling and think you have to figure it all out but this practice at least gets you to notice and be aware and just be for a moment or as long as you can stand it (ha).
10 carolyn Jan 18, 2010
I was so relieved I wouldn’t have to make a vision map, or any of that so I jumped right in, and …ow….found the place and the sensation (heart and hard) and observed it and sat with it and. it. would. not. change. Solid as a rock, it seems. It’s scary staying with it. But I’m going to go sit with it a bit. Thanks for this.
11 Jennifer Jan 18, 2010
Sally, yes it can be uncomfortable and when it is, i say to myself, “Oh that’s just my mind doing it’s worry thing.” And I go back to my body.
Carolyn, good for you for jumping in. I am so glad you are willing to go back in and sit with it again, put your arm around the fear and say, “We’re just going to be here for a few moments, breathing and noticing.” Sometimes, I have to move my body or make sounds if it feels really stuck or you might want to do this with someone else, who can witness you and keep checking in with how you are doing. Tell me how it goes!
12 Ann Jan 19, 2010
Oh, Jen ~ Thank you for not being perfect! The place in my heart that joyously anticipates and welcomes you would not be so cozy if you and I both needed to be absolutely flawless. Followed by boring . . .
I adore typos. They can be so funny or dear and they make me stop and listen to what I’m reading in a new way.
I am learning to feel my human body and notice when I am in a state of dis-ease. Thank you for re-iterating this today. At a perfect time for me when I am playing with the possibilities of changing my lifelong focus so that I can really enjoy each day rather than constantly accommodating the feeling that I ‘should’ be doing . . .
Love to you and your darling dogs.
13 Andy Dolph Jan 21, 2010
Wow – I’ve done quite a few different mindful body practices at various times, but most of them are long form (at least 30 minutes)
This is so simple, so easy and so fast…
awesome
Thanks for sharing it!
Andy
14 Andrew Lightheart @alightheart Jan 22, 2010
Hi Jen
(Bit late to the party on this one – just catching up on RSS.)
Reminds me of something Pema Chödrön said about treating the present moment like you invited it in.
I’ve been spending some time dropping out of my grind-y thoughts by looking at what I can see, what I can hear, then feeling the feeling.
I like the thought of dropping into the sensation in the body – might take me out of my mind when I need it.
*appreciative smile*
15 Liz Jan 24, 2010
I really appreciate this. My shoulders have been tense all day from various personal and political/news-based stresses and worries.
My question is: how does one do this successfully/attentively while actively caring for a 3 1/2 year old who has lots to say all the time?