An occasional series in which I honor the wisdom of the gals at my Comfort Cafe, my membership website where we explore how being kind to ourselves can transform our lives, moment by moment, simple action by simple action.
This month at the Comfort Cafe, we’ve been talking about “What is self-care for me, right now? What does that mean to me?”
This is really, really key question to ask because self-care is one of those fuzzy concepts that can turn into a should and, paradoxically, a way to feel less good about ourselves.
As in, “I’m not taking good care of myself and that’s why I got sick.”
As in, “If I could only balance my life, then I would feel safe and sane and peaceful.”
As in, “If I could just be nicer to myself, I could finally express my creative mo-jo and feel fabulous, forever and ever.”
As I’ve said before, self-care can be like a girdle, an idealized shape that we try to fit into, cutting off parts of ourselves in the process.
Self-care can become another way to not be present.
The whole self-care thing can end up feeling like more work – and guilt – that it’s worth.
NO! That’s a big fat lie!
Let’s reclaim this vital idea.
Check out a few of the brilliant responses Comfort Cafe gals shared with each other this month.
Let their ideas inspire you.
Then add your own definitions in the comment section.
Together, we can do a real service for each other, inspiring a living, breathing personal knowing of what it means to take care of our selves – and our souls.
Free from shoulds and girdles!
Self care is… following my own inner rhythm, being in touch with my authentic self, consciously sending out love to the world, breathing deep and mindfully, stretching into the hardness, meditating, walking, witnessing my feelings.”
Before this month, self care to me was sleeping, eating well, exercising, and going to the doctor when I need to. But after ‘studying’ here at the Cafe, I think it includes taking care of myself emotionally and spiritually as well. It may even start with trying to be brutally honest about what I really need and not telling myself stories. Hmmmmmm…”
Self care is accepting who I am and what I can do in any given moment, even when — no, especially when that’s less than my “best”. Like the Belleruth Naparstek quote I’ve seen here recently: ”I accept that there are times when I may feel worried, pressured, angry, or sad — and I accept that as my inner truth of the moment.” Self care is being utterly and mindfully me, and not trying to be someone I’m not.”
Self Care is what keeps my life working well. Self Care is a Creative and Spiritual practice which allows me to live the life I want to live. Self Care is the most generous action I can take.”
For me, self care is paying attention to what I need in the moment, not pushing it away because it’s inconvenient to listen or the Squirrel is in charge. (Hence my intention to SIT DOWN between household tasks.) Maybe it’s as simple as stretching or drinking a few ounces of water. Even if I can’t give myself whatever it is right then (take a nap while I’m driving, for example), I can plan how to make room for it as soon as I can.”
I would be so honored if you would take a moment to reflect on what self-care is for you, what it looks like, how you define it, and share that with our community.
To the liberating grace of self-kindness!
10 responses so far ↓
1 Lydia, Clueless Crafter Nov 25, 2009
Self care for me has really come to mean that I take risks, that I am willing and eager to expand the limits of myself. With my blog, I have been looking at the concept of craft and crafting as a tool for self expansion. It has been the biggest self care exercise I’ve taken on to date!
2 Twitted by mjasmus Nov 25, 2009
[...] This post was Twitted by mjasmus [...]
3 Geena31 Nov 25, 2009
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4 steph Nov 25, 2009
Self-care for me is taking the time to stop and check in with myself and ask what it is that I need right now. And then acknowledging that need (or want). It’s not acting out of habit – the moment of check-in and acknowledgment is vital, even if it doesn’t change what I actually do. That mindfulness makes it self-care.
Thank you for this moment of exploration.
5 brooklynchick Nov 29, 2009
Self Care = Forgiving myself as easily and as often as I do others for my “flaws” both big and small.
6 Carrie Tallman Nov 29, 2009
Well, funny, I’ve been thinking about this lately. I decided to make my 34th year all about taking care of myself. Just lately though, I’ve wondered if I’ve actually gone too far. Meaning, I’m not feeling a lot of urgency to do much of anything. In the beginning it was more about getting awareness around the “shoulds”, and noticing when I was using “taking care” to beat myself up. Can it go too far in the other direction? Complacent happy blob-ness?
7 Meg Boone Nov 30, 2009
My life is encountering a significant number of endings right now, from lay offs to a death in the family. This month my goal has been peace and boy has the universe given me much to encounter to practice peace. So my Self-Care changes daily and today it is to look at endings as the fresh beginnings that they are and be open to the possibilties laid out before me. I am capable, beautiful, spiritual and peaceful, everything happens for a reason and I am open to the lessons waiting for me here in these endings.
8 Dini Dec 3, 2009
Sometimes taking in and releasing a conscious breath or two gives me just enough awareness to embrace the “pause”….that space in between the things i am doing…and this allows me a moment to remember who i am.
9 Lorrie Harder Dec 8, 2009
I was supposed to host 20+ extended family members for Thanksgiving, but was exhausted from trips to be with my mom who had major surgery two weeks before Thanksgiving. So I told my family I couldn’t do it, and that I just wanted to stay home this year. Some members understood, and one was not happy about it, but I stood my ground and avoided more exhaustion. I still cooked for my husband and 2 kids and I was much more rested and happy as a result. Sometimes self care is doing less rather than more.
10 Bonnie Dec 28, 2009
I admire you for tellng the truth. You were very tired Im sure and should not be judged for it. Every one should jump in and help,