For me, that usually looks like saying something like, “I so don’t want to be afraid and I so don’t want to stop and feel anything and I so want to eat donuts right now, and this being with myself never really helps anyway and why can’t I just get to doing something to make myself better right now.”
We want action!
We want to be super charged action heros. Let’s change things now.
That doesn’t work.
Why? Because when we try to move right to change, there is a fundamental rejection of ourselves, a subtle (or not so subtle) belief that what we are feeling is not okay and therefore we are not okay which means we are not lovable which means we are not safe.
A Bob Kegan aside
Bob Kegan writes about this in How the Way We Talk Can Change the Way We Work. How when we discover we believe something about the world or ourselves, a master assessment or big damn story, something like if we talk to our fear we will be annihilated or if we stand up for ourselves at work we will be fired on the spot, end up alone, broke and without even a pet to hug, we need to stay with that assessment and watch how it plays itself out in our daily lives before we do anything differently.
So here you are
And it’s might be scary and uncomfortable and itchy and twitchy and you certainly may hate the idea of being here and that’s where you start. Acknowledge the itch, the deadness, the fear of fear. Acknowledge that you might not want to slow down and check in – in fact, you’d rather eat nails or give money to McCain. Acknowledge that comfort in form of donuts or checking email or reading more blogs sounds way more more satisfying right now.
In other words, notice the resistance, the wall, the “I don’t want to whine.” You don’t have to like it!!! You just have to stop and say hey. Oh yeah. You.
Kind of subtle and so very strangely liberating.
Tell me if you do it and what happens!