I took two naps yesterday.
I could barely form a thought, let alone write a blog post.
I felt little down. And I felt guilty and weird about feeling let down. But then in the afternoon, coaching a writing client, we were talking about how fighting yourself never works and I thought, “That’s what I’ve been doing all day. Fighting myself for being let down and exhausted.”
So I stopped and noticed I was let down, exhausted and wanting to hide from the world. And I didn’t, as the amazing Havi says, let that impress me. I gave myself some time to cry and snuggle and just notice. And then I read Naomi who always makes me feel hopeful. Then I went to the library and got some good novels to read when I finish Kathleen Norris’s great book. And hugged Bob and the dogs a lot. And Karen sent me this blog post which also helped.
Then in my writer’s group last night, Margaret said, “I couldn’t settle today. I kept feeling something should happen.” That made me feel less alone. Which is always good.
Then she went on to say that she wished the U.S. did things like her native U.K., “There’s a moving van waiting at the back door of 10 Downing Street to take the old guy out as the new guy’s moving in at the front.”
We have to wait 74 more days give or take a day I might have lost while napping.
I have an idea: let’s not wait. As Lisa said on Twitter “Can you take this breathless moment of shared hope and exhale it into our tomorrows?”
Let’s start exhaling now.
Let’s exhale our shared hope in small and vital ways and start preparing the way for the new year. Let’s work on our courage and resilience and vision so we’re ready to be part of the change. Let’s clear out the old within ourselves, our habits, our beliefs so we can have the energy and courage to help.
Because watching history being made on Tuesday, I kept thinking, “I want to be that great, too.” Which may sound flamingly ego-mad crazy but isn’t that what great leadership and authentic hope can do, inspire us toward our own greatness?
Let’s begin to ask my favorite question from Viktor Frankl, “What purpose can I make of my life today?” Let’s ask it everyday. Not to find the answer but to allow the question to guide us. (You know I love questions!)
Are you yearning to express your greatness?
If so, what one thing might you love and accept about yourself in this moment so your greatness can shine?
I’d be honored to hear.
And finally, that story I promised you
in what now seems like a different century about the power of moving your body.
Last year I led a weekend retreat centered around rest and inner listening and it included a fair amount of movement with the totally embodied and inspiring Camille Maurine. The participants had come hoping to recapture a spark of joy, a sense of themselves free from “shoulds” and to-do lists. The movement exercises turned out to be the most challenging part of the retreat for a number of the women—and the most life-changing.
In the first exercise, I asked the group to ask their bodies (not their minds) to show them what their everyday life felt like. The circle exploded into hopping, running, grabbing, marching, and slumping. Then we came to a pause, breathed, and noticed how this felt.
Next I asked the group, “What does your sacred pause look like?” It looked like this: graceful swaying, arms opening and extending, breath slowing and deepening. The contrast was startling. But as we continued the exercise with different questions and expressions, I saw one group member, Kit, bolt from the room and several other women who were barely moving.
At a break, I found Kit on a bench overlooking the city. “How are you?” I asked. “Scared,” she said. “It feels like there is this roar inside of me. I want to let it out, but I’m afraid what might happen if I do.” We talked about giving herself permission, being kind to herself, taking it at her own pace—the most important advice when befriending the body’s wisdom.
Walking back to my cabin later, I marveled at how convincingly real our fear can feel, how seemingly impenetrable in its accumulation. Not just a box but a fortress. I asked Camille, “What are we so afraid of?”
Consciousness is a great mystery,” Camille said. “That we can be aware of our own existence is a marvel, but consciousness is also a mixed blessing. Awareness of being alive brings awareness of death, and the more aware we are, the more we feel. Movement brings us smack into contact with that wonder and awe—through sensation, through the breath—and that can be a scary awakening.”
The retreat unfolded beautifully: movement, journaling, and silent time outdoors slowly worked miracles, peeling away our layers of fear, rushing, and self-judgment. I noticed how much younger we all looked, and how much more laughter filled the center. We were discovering how thrilling it is when we reclaim our juice for living, our very life force, when we open our arms to ourselves and abandon our somatic ruts.
After dinner on the second day, Elizabeth told me this story:
When you asked us to move the first morning, I froze. I didn’t want to look stupid or stand out. But then I had an experience that changed everything. I took a walk after our class, and the young girl who lives here joined me. We stopped to watch a horse being shod, and she brought me a handful of flowers and said, ‘I am so lucky to live here!’ As she said this, her body dipped into a squat and popped up again—spontaneous movement! I thought, ‘This child didn’t wonder how to express herself or whether it was acceptable. She just moved.’
Later, in Camille’s class, when she asked us not to move until the impulse came from within, I thought of that girl. I sat frozen for five minutes, determined not to move until my body was ready, reliving every awkward moment of my teenage years, all the times I had learned to physically shut down. When the impulse finally came, it was so exhilarating. My body was breathing me. It was like my mind was a bystander, and as I watched, it was my body telling me stories. As it finished one, I’d get quiet and still, and then another story would pour out. It was breathtaking.”
To the power of love, change, hope, courage and moving our bodies!
8 responses so far ↓
1 Karen Talavera Nov 6, 2008
First, thanks for the link. Have I mentioned you’re the most awesome coach? Well you are!
I think many were unprepared for the wave of emotion an Obama win would release. I was prepared for that in myself – I knew I’d cry buckets and did – but totally unprepared for the hangover. Lord what a hangover it was.
Unlike a good friend of mine who planned ahead of time to take Nov. 5 off of work, I couldn’t even stop the tears until noon that day. I was capable of not much more than intense Twittering and getting to Starbucks, and somehow remembering to take out the garbage. By the time Oprah was on at 4:00 p.m. tears were still a flowin (really, I was starting to embarass myself by this point).
So the hangover didn’t hit until today, Nov. 6. I awoke in the middle of the night with a migraine, took an Aleve, but still when the alarm went off at 6:00 I felt like someone had hit me in the back of the head with a baseball bat. I knew that today had to be about self-care. Didn’t feel well enough for morning yoga, and Twittering be damned!
So I consciously chose to decompress and reconnect. The tears had dried. I retreated to some shadow comforts (baked goods and two Waltons reruns. The great thing is after 30 yrs. they’re like you’ve never seen them!) and some conscious comforts too.
I took a solid half hour to meditate in my ancient Indian tea chair by my pool with fountains flowing – mmm – and even though I had some egoic “being as great as Obama and Oprah” fantasies creep in, I could see them as my mind’s desire to join my spirit with great spirits like theirs, nothing more. I went to the mall and bought two Obama tshirts for me and my daughter for a victory party tomorrow. My body said, “feed me beef” so I stopped and had a 100% prime big juicy burger; as I took the first bite I could feel the comfort cloak me like a cashmere blanket.
I stayed away from alcohol, caffeine and sugar. And now I’m on my way to indulge in one final guilty pleasure: the latest episode of HBO’s Entourage. President-elect Obama might have to get right to work. But after the emotional release of tsunamic proportions his win has triggered, I’m darn grateful that I learned the value of comfort from you.
2 Irene Nov 7, 2008
I felt the same urge to be better myself, to reach out, just by looking and hearing and trying to get into the spirit of the American election and the new President-elect.
There is so much hope and faith around, let us gather our spirits and pray he and his administration won’t let us down.
3 suzie Nov 7, 2008
I am grateful to you all for sharing. I have felt like I’ve been melting into a sea of enthusiasm and political drama. Where am I in the midst of all of this? Trying to re-compensate into the strong me-ness I am. This morning I’m feeling proud of personal writing and some inroads I’m making for health’s sake. It’s a balm in these turbo-times.
4 Paula Nov 7, 2008
Jen, I adore you… Thanks for this great post! I’ve been riding the ribbons of change all week. It feels so grand!
Lately, I’ve been living that way… not moving until the impulse comes from deep within. It’s scary (some days I don’t do much…) and incredibly empowering. It’s like I’m reconnecting with a true authentic force within me.
In a world where action often precedes the aligned energy, it feels so indulgent to do life differently. To be attuned to what our bodies and spirits need and want. And they know! They truly know.
Shall we listen to the silence between heart beats???
Only if our ears are ready for blissful music like never before…
Hugs my friend,
Paula
5 Brandie Nov 7, 2008
I am lit up inside from the energy of Obama as a person and his win on Tuesday. He is a symbol of what is possible in this world. That a regular person can make a change. He already has and he hasn’t even taken the oath of office yet. He represents all people who were born underdogs. I was born to teenage parents in the 70′s. One of my friends always comments that after my childhood I should be a crack-addicted prostitute. And yet I find myself teaching yoga and thinking of as many ways as possible to let my light shine. Obama’s win recharged my battery so that I can take my passion for living and spread it around even more. I accept about myself that I am really alive and that I have the responsibility to share that with as many people as I can. I have to share that there is hope and abundance already, we just need to see it.
6 Janet Bailey Nov 7, 2008
So that’s what it was–a post-election hangover! I coped by reading news articles and op-eds and blog posts all day… And you’re right, I feel inspired and empowered to take action.
And how fabulous to have led a retreat with Camille Maurine–the two of you must have been awesome together. It was in an interview with her husband, Lorin Roche, that I learned that 5 minutes of meditation really does count…and creates motivation for consistency…and for more meditation…
7 Lisa Nov 10, 2008
Glad to be sharing a breath of relief and hope with you, and here’s to breathing new life into the life we want today.
8 Carol Bailey Floyd Nov 13, 2008
I never worked harder on any campaign in my life! I felt the energy and enthusiasm in a good and clear way from the volunteers around me. My daughter said that felt like Obama is a combination of F.D.R., J.F. K., and Martin Luther King, Jr. I knew I had to give as much as I could in time, money, and all out effort or I would never forgive myself. I have gone from feeling fearful for our country to hopeful. I feel like we’re coming together again for the common good. Obama is right — he can’t do this alone, and together with his wisdom, brilliance, compassion, and kindness — I truly believe we have great things in store for America. The night of his election, I stood at the victory party with balloons bouncing off my head, in brand new red cowboy boots, crying and crying and crying tears of relief, joy, and sheer happiness. I feel like a better person because of his campaign and I hope we will all give his Presidency time to settle in and get things moving in the great directions this country deserves. I did have withdrawal from watching so much campaign coverage, but also a relief to be able to get back to my personal life, job, home, and family. Hooray! Love, Carol