When I took my nine month sabbatical that ended in June, I was certain, convinced and over the moon sure I would emerge re-energized, shining with ideas, filled to the brim with compelling content that would flow out of me like so much molten brilliance. That didn’t happen (for a bunch of reasons) which was groovy except what wasn’t so groovy, an unintended consequence of my time off, was calcification of the writing muscles. Oxidation of the imagination. Gunging up of the word-retrieval-apparatus. Resulting in a tremendous conviction that writing — and creating in general — were now impossible. For me.
Otherwise known as Fear I Will Never Create Again.
I knew this but I forgot it. If I’m not creating pretty regularly (with frequent shortish breaks otherwise creative burnout can result) empty space opens up where fear likes to take up residence. This isn’t true for everybody but some of us need to regularly create with the intention of finishing a discrete something to our own satisfaction.
Why finish to our own satisfication? Because:
1
Finishing gives you a feeling of success simply through the act of completion and when you cajole your way through to finishing, you inevitably learn a number of things — from how to deepen a piece of writing to how to apply that varnish you bought but never used before to how to cast off. You also create momentum that can take you into your next project. I had a writing teacher who advised us to take parts of our novels and turn them into short stories, particularly good advice when you are working on a long haul project.
2
Being a creator means you will forever be assessed - some people will love what you do, some will like it, a few will hate it, and most won’t give a poop. I can read a book and press it on my friend telling her it will change her life and she can read it and say, “WTF?” If we are to stay (relatively) sane as creators, we must declare our own conditions of satisfaction for our work, conditions that are not dependent on anyone else. This is a hugely freeing idea that I talk about a ton at the writer’s retreat and with my writing clients. Here are some examples from the retreat.
Before I write and if I start to feel lost or stuck, I check in with my heart by stopping, feeling my butt in the chair, and remembering a time I felt loving and connected.
I do not check email while writing.
I read a poem or short story once a week and make notes about sentence structure, words I like, and character development.
I look ahead each evening to when I will write the next day and make an appointment.
I record on my calendar that I wrote.
I generate new work four out of seven writing days.
Versus:
I’ll write when I feel inspired
I know this project will get done but it has it’s own life and I can’t rush it.
I have to hurry up and write this in a week because this idea must get out.
I must get up at 4 am every day to write seven days a week.
I have to go away to write, I can’t write at home
I’ll be happy when it is finished and I publish it and everybody loves it.
But wait? What if you can’t even get to the work because you are too afraid to sit down or even look at your supplies? You’ve got to ease into it, baby, ease in. C’mon on in, the water is fine. Here are a few very gentle ways to start:
- Pick up your pen or your paintbrush or a scrap of collaging material. Put it back down. That’s it for the day.
- Pause near your work space or your materials and as you gaze at them, recall a time you were creating that felt great: you were in the flow, you loved what you were doing, you were totally enjoying yourself. (When I do this, I think of a very specific moment rather than big swath of time.) Concentrate on those feelings of being in the flow and let them grow stronger. Relax into the good feeling.
- Pause near your work space and think about how much you love creating. If thoughts come chattering along like “You are so worthless for not working again today” or “You should give all those luscious paints away to someone who will appreciate them,” allow the thoughts to be there like you would allow clouds to be present in the sky. They don’t change the sky, they don’t hurt the sky, and they never ever stay put. Let the thoughts be there, neither resisting nor engaging.
- Ask yourself, “If it didn’t matter what I created or what I did with it or who liked it, what would I really really love to do today?”
- Take your art journal or computer to a cozy cafe. Sometimes you need other people’s energy to get started.
- Find a very supportive teacher and coach who showers you with love to jump start you.
What are your favorite ways to ease into creating? And don’t forget to sign up here for the pre-release plus extra goodies and heck, I might even throw in my first born child if I actually finish the damn thing discount on my Comfort During Fearful, Perplexing, Overwhelming Times.
14 responses so far ↓
1 Shannon Wilkinson Oct 30, 2008
This just feels so comforting! Okay, I know that words in the title and all, but it’s really working for me. Last week I was feeling all on top of the world. This week? Not so much.
One thing I’ve noticed lately is that writing on paper with a pen or a nice soft leaded pencil (my favorite!) helps me get going way better than the computer screen.
I’m going to give some time to what constitutes personal satisfaction to me. I suspect my sites (sights?!) are set too high and things get derailed before they’re even started.
Enough metaphor mixing for me, for now. Thanks Jen!
2 Kate Oct 30, 2008
The Artist’s Way, The Artist’s Way! I will big up The Artist’s Way at every possible opportunity - changed my life and those of several of my friends.
I don’t know about easing in, but one of the things I have to do to get started is give myself permission to produce utter crap. To write the crappy first draft, knowing that later on it will become uncrappy. That process of suspending judgement does not come naturally to me.
I also find it helpful to commit to just a small bit - one hour of brainstorming, or one page of doodles, or similar. I guess this is a similar thing to your lovely idea of just picking up the brush and putting it back down!
Another valuable lesson for me was that you don’t have to be in the mood to create; you don’t have to feel like it. Waiting for the mood is like waiting for the ‘right time’ to have kids - it never arrives, you have to just do it anyway. Usually, if you just go ahead and get started, the mood comes later. Sometimes it doesn’t, and that’s fine too.
3 Jennifer Oct 30, 2008
@Shannon - high standards can often be the ban of creativity. At the writer’s retreat, i like to get people to lower their standards. Sounds counter intuitive but works.
@Kate - I could not agree more with all your ideas!!! Especially crappy draft. Crap rules!
4 chris zydel Oct 31, 2008
Hi Jen,
Thanks again for another timely and heartfelt post. It’s a really good question !
If I’m too scared to get started on my own creative projects, I will ease into it by reading a favorite author or listening to music or dancing. I’m not actually creating but at least I’m getting fed and inspired by being immersed in someone else’s creative energy.
And if it’s just too much for me to actually work on my book or blog or newsletter or to do some painting
( which all feel like BIG things) I can often get the creative juices beginning to flow by letting myself do some small creative thing, like composing a well crafted email ( or comment on someone’s blog) or decorating an envelope that I am mailing to a friend with stamps and stickers.
What stops me from creating is most often the performance anxiety. I forget at these moments that I actually LOVE being creative and that creativity is fun! Doing these little things that don’t really “matter” lets me get back in touch with the pleasure of the creative process and once that happens I just want more!
5 Irene Oct 31, 2008
The Artist’s Way “unlocked” me the first time around, around my 30th birthday.
Natalie Goldberg is great in encouraging writing.
I have also taken a class with Barbara DeMarco-Barrett at Gotham Writers Workshop and she managed to drag some good writing off me. I do recomend it.
Apparently I only work with a kick in the but, so Jen, that post of yours is a case of serendipity , like the Universe is nodding to me “high time, again!”.
6 suzie Oct 31, 2008
I’ve been working for several months with Barbara Ganim’s Visual Journalling. It’s a perfect combo of art/writing, and mostly helps me sort out what I’m feeling. The book itself is structured, but easy to follow, and so worth the trip through.
But what gets me to the table? Sometimes a particular physical sensation is so compelling, and I have no idea how to ‘think’ about it, so I have to sit down and write an intention about uncovering what the sensation might be wanted to say to me, and then let my art supplies do the work. I also have little cups of markers and crayons, and my journal on the desk, ready to go. No set up, just a palette for ‘whatever’. The best part: I have no expectation about how ‘good’ the art will be. It’s my spirit, and my body talking; I’m just the scribe:)
7 Laurie Johnson Oct 31, 2008
Jennifer:
When I’m really scared, blocked, or feeling the blahs, I read or re-read someone else’s work that inspires and motivates me - work that reminds me why it is that I write in the first place. In my mind, I see these authors opening a door and saying “Come on back in - we’ve missed you!” So, I feel inspired to tell you that you are one of those people that occasionally opens that door for me. I’m so glad you are creating again! Laurie
8 Christine Dickerson Oct 31, 2008
Here’s another suggestion I’m offering to any writer: keep a small notebook with you at all times. You never know when something will strike you - an overheard conversation, or snippet of one, a color/food/object that strikes you in a unique way, an emotion or reaction or thought that comes to mind - that you could use later on in your writing when you’re truly feeling inspired, if only you could remember what it was!
I keep a notebook in my purse at all times, and am constantly hauling it out to jot something down. If I’m feeling bone-dry when I want to write, there are all my creative, imaginative, fruitful thoughts of the past several days, just waiting to be used (and if not now, some time in the future).
And if you’re a writer, you’re ALWAYS having those sorts of thoughts and reactions and awareness as you go through your life! Write them down, so you can write them down later!
A personal note to Jennifer: I just discovered your Retreat Book, and your website, and I’m thrilled to find you! As a Library Director with many “hungry women” as patrons, I’ll spread the word, and keep your books available. Thank you for all you’ve done so far to inspire and support so many other women! I look forward to reading through all your past blog entries, and I wish you much luck and success with your future writing! Christine
9 Jennifer Oct 31, 2008
@Laurie - you really really made me feel so happy to BE creating again - thanks for the blog love.
@Christine, wow, thanks for passing the word. That is just wonderful news!!
AND EVERYBODY what great ideas. I feel so less afraid. Even on Halloween!!!!
10 Virginia Nov 1, 2008
You are so right. I have been freezing up when it comes to making art for money. I do fear I will never create again. Everything I do I either hate or looks unfinished. At least I know it’s not just me.
11 Jennifer Nov 2, 2008
@Virginia -it is SO NOT JUST YOU!
12 Get Your Fear Basics Here » Comfort Queen Nov 4, 2008
[…] Fear of Creating about getting back to writing, painting, and life! […]
13 Detta Nov 5, 2008
Timely post for me…it ticks all my boxes at the moment! Thanks for reminding me to remember. x D
14 Alice Nov 6, 2008
Several of you mentioned The Artist’s Way, which is a phenomenal tool, but this month is National Novel Writing Month (www.nanowrimo.org), which is guaranteed to break the worst writer’s block. If you HAVE TO write 1,667 words, no matter what, you find you can throw together some amazing stuff. Turn off that internal editor and just write!