When I get scared, I stop moving, which makes me feel much less comfortable and much more afraid.
This is the first part of an essay originally published in Body+Soul a few years back. It popped into my mind during yoga because I was so proud of myself for being on my mat again, for just five minutes. Especially today when all I want to do is surf news sites.
It’s mid afternoon
and I’m feeling the itch to move my body, but instead I return phone calls, wipe the kitchen counter, sort my daughter Lilly’s school papers. I haven’t really moved in almost two weeks and I’m in “the box,” a place of parched fear, scratchy over-analyzing, and tart self-judgment.
I find myself here about five or six times a year, whenever I allow life to push me faster than I can keep pace spiritually and emotionally or whenever fear burbles in the background and I won’t stop to see what it wants. Then I narrow my focus to the bandwidth of “just get it done,” and when I lift my head, I find I’m in need of a major blast of passion and perspective but afraid to move toward it. The longer I’m in the box (or on the gerbil wheel or in the washing machine, pick your metaphor), the more tight and fearful I become.
I know what will free me and what will certainly comfort me:
allowing my body, not my mind, to move. Not to burn calories or tone my thighs or perfect a yoga pose but to shake and holler and swoop and let the energy move through me. Conscious movement (anything from free form funky yoga to whirling and wailing to Dance of Shiva) moves the stuck energy of holy-hell-what-if and judgments and hurry-up-freak-out so there is a little bit of space for ahh…
I’m okay right now.
Here I am.
Ahhh…. now what do I need right now to take care of myself?
The simplest thing I can do when I am afraid is to move but because it means feeling and letting go, I do everything but move
Tomorrow: a story to inspire you to move from one of my retreats. In the meantime, why not step away from your computer right now and stretch your arms over head and sigh. Wiggle your hips. Look for something in your environment that gives you pleasure. Ahhh…
We are all feeling the tension of the impending election and we can so easily hold that tension in our bodies in ways that make us tired and grumpy and more fearful. Why not let loose today- even just a teeny bit feels so good!
7 responses so far ↓
1 Karen Talavera Nov 3, 2008
You so articulated what I felt this morning. Almost wasn’t going to
go to 9:00 a.m. dance class but I thought, you know, gotta get that positive energy moving into high gear especially with tomorrow looming.
I was totally surprised by a new substitute Zumba instructor. The guy was unbelievable. You’d have thought you were watching a night club star, or the winner of one of those dance reality TV shows. The energy level was through the roof, the guy was on fire (and with my heart rate amped up to double the normal level, so was I). Some woman asked me if I was a professional dancer! (I’m not) I don’t know where the talent comes from, but with the raw passion in that room, everyone was at maximum flow.
After class as I was running errands, noticing what a perfect Florida day it is, I was overcome almost to the point of happy tears with this sense of holding a loving intention for my chosen candidate to win and be our president. To paint a visual, I would say it feels like holding a beautiful, delicate orchid bloom gently but protectively in your hands, or holding the beginning of a new star – just a tiny, barely visible spark – in your heart. I have this overwhelming sense that this is what we are supposed to do today and tomorrow, just hold onto that love.
Thanks for a great post. You are right. We have to move to get unstuck – literally. Physical activity moves energy perhaps even more powerfully than all the good intentions in the world.
2 Tammy Nov 3, 2008
What a timely posting! We are having beautiful weather and when I get off work I’m going to head outside and take a few laps around the pond before heading home….just need to reenergize myself and get the energy flowing.
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4 JoVE Nov 4, 2008
Another good option is to find some music you love, put it on the stereo, turn it up loud and just dance (and sing along, if you feel like it). Maybe it is music you are a bit embarrassed to like, but from a happy place.
5 Goddess Leonie I Creative Goddess Nov 4, 2008
Hola gorgeous Jen,
I write to you from Australia ~ an ocean away from the US, and yet we are still watching, waiting, to see what unfolds. What is true for me however ~ is that no matter what happens ~ no matter what man becomes President ~ no matter what ~ everything will be fine. Not just fine, but perfect, and as it is needed to be. It will be blessed and holy and filled with hope and light and joy, just as it is right now.
Wishing you a gorgeous shining day,
Leonie
http://www.GoddessLeonie.com
6 Rachel Nov 6, 2008
You wrote, “The simplest thing I can do when I am afraid is to move but because it means feeling and letting go, I do everything but move.”
OMG, yes, yes, yes. Thank you for saying this!!
My yoga teacher went away for a few weeks, and I told her when she leaves, I always want to keep my practice up, but I always find something else to do… She asked me to write to her every day what yoga I celebrate with… to help me remember to do it, to push a bit.
So, I have *thought* of yoga all day yesterday. Did a few half-salutes, but I needed more, I *felt* it. Today, tho it’s only mid-day, again I feel the NEED to do some real yoga. I crave it.
And yet, I’m not doing it. Why?
You just said it…
“The simplest thing I can do when I am afraid is to move but because it means feeling and letting go, I do everything but move.”
Yep. That’s it right there.
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