I did.
Make a big fat hairy goal, that is.
A BFHG, man, a BFHG.
It involves asking very famous big people to do something with me.
That meant inviting them.
Gulp.
So right now, I’m typing on a keyboard covered with Swiss cheese oil (you know, the kind that oozes out of a rice tortilla when you’ve nuked the cheese too long) and checking my email every three minutes to see if the people I admire so much have said yes.
And every time I check my email, I feel this frisson of what? Fear? Terror?
It’s just sensation until a thought comes along to interpret that sensation.
“Oh you are afraid this won’t work and you’ll never do anything again and people don’t like you and blah blah blah.”
Then my favorite thought, “You shouldn’t be afraid. You’re more evolved than that.”
What can I do? Take myself by the hand (and take Bob’s hand and the dog’s) (paws).
Tell myself I really can hang out right here, without knowing everything is going to turn out the way I want it, I can hang out here and breath and really, pinkie swear, it’s okay. I’m in the unknown. Which is actually where I always am!
And then, miracles of miracles, I realize I’m not afraid.
I’m excited.
I’m alive.
Could it be that sometimes, just sometimes, fear lies in our interpretation? Of events, of sensations, of thoughts even. Add a little hand holding and breathing and hey, whew, maybe this isn’t so bad.
What do you think?
P.S.
The picture Bob took in Ulaaaaaanbaaaaator (which is not the actual way you spell the coldest capital city in the world but I asked him to spell it for me and he told me this was the way you spelled it because he likes to tease me). It’s really Ulaanbaator, Mongolia, where he works from time to time. The phone company was installing fiber optics and people in the street jumped into help.
I posted this picture because being with fear, dissolving it, understanding it, is so much about hand holding i.e. asking for help. Which I have been, in a big way. Marketing help from the amazing Kay Ballard. From my best friend Barbra. Love from my Brain Trust. Support from my wonderful mom. Help from Havi and Naomi and Molly and Michael. A coaching client said to me yesterday how much coaching helped ease fear of launching her new career and it’s also so true. Support heals.
Are you getting any?
12 responses so far ↓
1 Shannon Nov 12, 2008
Jen, You go, girl, for that BFHG…Extending a hand of virtual support to you from Wisconsin that you can continue to walk forward, with the fear along for the ride.
Thanks for sharing your journey so honestly! It reminds me to have a lot of grace for my humanness. And to connect in with support I need when I have fear. I’m thankful for my circles of support — they keep me moving, despite those voices of fear and doubt that creep up from time to time.
2 Kate Harding Nov 12, 2008
*bouncing up and down*
Good luck with your BFHG! I hope it all works out beyond your wildest dreams.
I have my own scary thing to do today.
Scary both for the actual doing and the potential results. I’m scared it won’t produce results, and I’m scared it will. That’s always fun. :)
3 JoVE Nov 12, 2008
Good point. Fear and excitement do feel quite similar as sensations. And good things often feel scary when they are in process. Or maybe they feel exciting… Hmmmm…
I hope the big important people say yes.
4 Helga Nov 13, 2008
Jen wrote “Fear lies in our interpretation.” Reminds me of past threads dealing with the “stories” we tell ourselves about ourselves. You know, the stuff we make up that doesn’t truly have any foundation in reality. All the not good enough, smart enough, strong enough, etc. One antidote to stories that keep us paralyzed is Byron Katie’s ‘The Work’. Jen described a similar process as she effectively got back to not being afraid anymore. Brava!
Hope the BFHG celebs are as evolved as you, Jen!
5 Brandie Nov 16, 2008
I recently read that your edge is your path. Your post made me think of that - that fear is being at the edge and you have to step gently and wisely past it and have faith that the road will rise up to meet your feet. If we don’t ever go into the fear then it’s always there. If we go in we see that it’s not as bad as we thought it would be. And then it vanishes. I think that’s what growing up really is.
6 Choose Your Life Mondays » Comfort Queen Nov 16, 2008
[…] you may know from this post I recently set a BFHG and it’s going very well although I did hit a snag on Friday which is […]
7 Michele Nov 17, 2008
Jennifer - I use your Life Organizer every week - it’s become my Sunday morning ‘quiet time’ and week preparation. Rather than writing in the book I write in a journal so I can use the book year to year. So I am on my 2nd year with it and just yesterday found myself asking the same question you pose this morning - what is my week’s intention? I chose gratitude - one response to the fear I keep at bay around the economy and job security. In regards to patterns - I just completed reading a book I thought I got from a referral of yours - “How the Way We Talk Can Change The Way we Work” by Robert Kegan and Lisa Lahey. They provide a fabulous way of looking at what keeps us from changing (and I think this has alot to do with patterns) - the key question - “What do I really want and what will I do to keep from getting it?” It’s about understanding our own inclinations NOT to change - the systems and assumptions we’ve created that then serve to prevent change. Our counter-commitments so to speak that end up having more power because their assumptions haven’t been exposed, examined, challenged. The ‘template’ they provide for examining our commitments I found to be really helpful; and your challenge to look at patterns fits right in. I’m going to give it a try.
8 Jennifer Nov 17, 2008
@Brandie - ah, the stepping off the edge moment is so terrifying and used to be so fun. Part of what I want to write about is how to make it fun again! Thanks for that analogy!
@Michele I did tell you about Kegan - his book, while far from easy to read - is the best for untangling big snarls of patterns.
And I LOVE that you are starting year two of my book. Gosh, that makes me happy!!!
9 Cathy Nov 17, 2008
This week, I will notice my pattern of stopping short when I should move forwards towards my dreams
10 Karen Nov 17, 2008
This week I want to notice when I turn to food when something else is what I really need. I’ve been sick so food hasn’t held so much power over me and, frankly, it’s been kind of nice. (The only upside to this flu that’s going around.) Now that I’m feeling better, I know I will give food back it’s power. For now, I just want to notice, before the fact. What I decide to do about it is for another day.
11 Raw Material Archive Nov 19, 2008
[…] you may know from this post I recently set a BFHG and it’s going very well although I did hit a snag on Friday which is good […]
12 You are a Preferred Customer so Get on the List » Comfort Queen Nov 20, 2008
[…] (This is the big fat hairy goal I was talking about earlier.) It’s a virtual summit of the world’s best self-care and self-acceptance experts (and really, I mean the world’s best), an online comfort-fest conference slated for early January - and it’s going to give you the targeted wisdom you need now to stay aware and awake and even (is it possible?) (yes it is!) thrive in these uncertain times. This is a once-in-a-life time opportunity to learn the most beneficial and effective methods, insights and ideas from my friends and colleagues — each expert selected because they can give you right now exactly what you need to dissolve fear and embrace change. […]