Have you ever come home from a trip — or several trips back to back — and you’re in the midst of a ginormous life change which caused you to break into heaving sobs in the middle of your new love’s family reunion (although not in front of the actual family) and you are in must-hold-hands-or-otherwise-always-be-touching love and you keep pinching yourself because you can’t believe you found this relationship and you’re navigating about a million new creative ideas and you’ve started coaching again and holding these wonderful souls tenderly is so thrilling and it’s huge too and your arms are flapping every time you move them because you’ve barely exercised in three weeks and let’s not forget all that pie-chocolate-wine that has made you plump overnight where before you were svelte (or sveltish) and you’re really really tired and you walk in the door after the last of these adventures and there are two dead mice in the traps you set and the smell is shall we say rather strong? And you miss your 14-year-old daughter who didn’t go on the last trip at the last minute but you are also dreading seeing her because her father has not said no to her about getting a third dog (yes, that would be the number 3) even though he cannot have pets at his apartment and he travels a lot and you can feel your arms flapping as you clean up the dead mice but then the love of your life comes in and says, “I’ll do that” and you feel so grateful and tired and then you think what a good chapter for a new comfort book this would make, returning from trips and retreats and adventures and family reunions and feeling really, really OVERWHELMED and like someone put you in a blender on high and.. What could you do at times like these?
- Go outside and breathe.
- Feel your feet on the floor and your connection to the ground; feel connected to something that is not your own spinning to-do list.
- Do a brain dump on Omnifocus or on a big sheet of paper everything you think you have to do.
- Do the one thing that is lurking behind you that you don’t want to even admit you need to deal with - for me, right now, it’s the flapping arms.
- Color in your art journal for a minute or two; keep it quick and simple.
- Start and finish one small task as in sweep the mudroom or empty the dishwasher.
- Drink a big glass of water and say to yourself as you do, “I have come home before from trips/vacations/retreats/family reunions and survived and I can choose to push myself relentlessly right now and get myself and everybody around me into a dither and a lather or I can proceed at the pace of loving kindness and put one foot gently in front of the other. It is my choice.”
- Call a very helpful friend to talk you down.
- Put on uplifting music (I’m a big Krishna Das fan) and declare you will unpack, clean, answer email, etc. until one song is over (or no more than two) and then take a break and do something brief and fun like call a helpful friend to talk you down.
- Avoid multi-tasking like you would avoid the guy in the Portland airport who stopped me to tell me how much I looked like LAURA BUSH. Aside from politics, do I really look that old? Did someone dress me in a pant suit when I wasn’t looking?
I’m now going to go do some of the things on this nice list and talk myself back into my life. It’s wild to ride the waves of so much emotion and change, just wild, and I’m glad to be back at this blog, settling into a fruitful loving conversation with each of you - I so treasure your comments. I feel so much hope and anticipation for a creative, stable, and love filled fall.
What do you do to comfort yourself, especially when faced with dead mice?
14 responses so far ↓
1 rebecca Aug 13, 2008
Life does have a way of hitting you both barrels, throwing you totally out of stride (out of control) doesn’t it. Whether they are good things, bad things or both, I’ve discovered any and all can be stressful.
I find a warm scented bath; journaling; creating art; reading escapist fiction; or sometimes making that list and tackling them one at a time all work. At its worst just plain zoning out and breathing.
2 Hope Aug 14, 2008
Hot herbal tea! My current favorite is Vanilla Peach Rooibos, made by Tetley Teas. Ideally, I’d sit out near my tiny container garden, and focus on sipping the tea. I always feel comforted when I drink a mug of hot tea.
Somehow, Sweet Thai Delight tea, by Yogi Teas manages to hit all the emotional buttons that good hot chocolate does, without any sugar or fat - at least for me
I also take a lot of comfort from exercising. When I just can’t get my mind to settle, and my brain chemistry isn’t at its best, I listen to a good audiobook while I take a brisk walk. Right now my favorite is listening to a friend’s podcast novel - heartofthehunter.com, if you’re interested in a very good, serialized fantasy novel
The exercise does me a world of good, and hearing a friend’s voice is also delightful 
**hugs** if you want some
Hugs are a very important comfort thing for me!
3 Isabel Aug 15, 2008
First, I make myself a cool, refreshing lemon bath to open the pores (squeeze 10 lemons over ice, cover with vodka). Then I employ “rhythmic sobbing” to loosen toxins. (Chant “Po, Cra! Po, Cra! Po, Cra!” til you hyperventilate, then switch to a long exhale: “Whyyyyyy meeeeeeeee? Whyyyyyyy meeeeeeee?”)
Once my eyes are swollen and my sinuses are clogged, I eat a scented candle while watching reality tv. This takes my mind off the original problem, and focuses it on the poor behavior of others, which I find soothing.
4 Jennifer Aug 16, 2008
Isabel, you made me pee my pants.
Hope, I love the idea of listening to a book on my Ipod while walking.
Rebecca, thanks for the idea of zoning out. I can give myself permission to do that more often.
5 Anne in Virginia Aug 17, 2008
First of all, Jen, you do not look AT ALL like Laura Bush. The guy in the Portland airport needs to get his eyes checked (and possibly his head, too).
Landing … when my friends and I would come home from our various colleges to our parents’ homes, we talked about “landing.” To us, that meant becoming grounded and present in a place that was, and was no longer, home. We were, and were not quite, independent adults, and I remember becoming disoriented when moving between my present and former lives. Rituals meant a lot to us: a meal together at Ella’s, the only NY deli in town; browsing in the little shops along State Street; walking beside the lake; or hearing a song that conveyed how unsettled we felt. (“One Toke Over the Line” was a favorite; this was the late 60s!)
When I feel ungrounded after traveling these days, I often tend my garden and plants: water, check for new growth, remove dead leaves, pull a few weeds. Then I do what my husband calls “puttering”: straightening up rooms, putting papers away, reclaiming my enviroment. Much like your “one small task,” these activities bring me down to earth and into the present — the only point from which I can move forward.
P.S. Dead mice need to be dealt with right away, and then forgotten as quickly as possible!
6 Zigi Aug 17, 2008
Haha Isabel…i like that a lot… not to mention the entertainmentvalue that has for those around you! i might just take it up in my ‘bad’ times
7 Georgetta Aug 17, 2008
I find British sitcoms very comforting. When faced with stress I escape to the “As Time Goes By” world with Judi Dench and Geoffrey Palmer, and the cares of the day vanish for at least half an hour.
Thank you for your post. I too have recently returned from a long trip and I was wondering if I would survive jumping back into reality.
8 Cathy Aug 18, 2008
At my best, I say thank you. I expand the picture and then I see the dead mice (or more commonly dog poop, in my case) are an extension of something I love. I say thank you that my dog is healthy and her body is working well.
9 Marisa Aug 18, 2008
Oh, riding those glorious waves!!! I don’t have any rituals not huge ones anyway…but I have “comfort kits” in my house and in my car (because a car is just a huge rolling suitcase after all) that have a well loved novel, some art items, a spiral notebook and a book about writing (and a bottle of Bach’s Rescue Remedy and sometimes lavender oil). I always have a dvd of a British sitcom tucked into my cd case, some yarn and knitting needles and my ipod, because as long as I can knit, I can hold the world and it’s craziness at bay just beyond my needles. If I am just getting back from a trip and there are suitcases everywhere that need to be unpacked and phone messages to be returned and all of a sudden the house looks like it’s exploded, I will set the timer for 15 minutes and work on just one area. That’s it, and when the 15 minutes are done I leave it (and whatever is not done) and do something small to comfort myself like bellydance to one song or call a friend. I repeat the sequence until I am feeling more in control.
Three dogs???!!!!! We are a two dog family right now and I am the one asking to bring a third dog in, or at least foster some dogs or puppies…..
10 Tara Aug 20, 2008
Next month my life will be heading into that blender on high, but the comfort of family nearby will be my sweet reward.
Last night I read the little gem “An Hour to Live, an Hour to Love” by the late Richard Carlson and wife Kristine.
This gave me great comfort as did sharing it with my husband this morning. I knew we would both have a good day.
11 char Aug 22, 2008
i loved your post - whirring blender and all.
i am frequently greeted by healthy dog dumpings and never until this mom ent looked at that as a sign of my angels wellness.
thank you for that comment.
i am on a s-l-o-w speed as life has come to a screeching halt due to being challenged by physical discomfort.
it is interesting though as many of the same emotions and strategies apply.
thanks for creating this wonderful blog, jennifer
12 Jennifer Aug 22, 2008
Oh you all are such great amazing creative funny women - thank you thank you for lightening up my life! Anne, thank you for telling me I do NOT look like Laura Bush - I’m ready to cut off all my hair which is getting longer because once before I got the same comment - argh - and it was when my hair was long. Sheesh!
13 suzie Aug 22, 2008
Wow! I’m so glad I’m not spinning alone in my re-entry maelstrom. What a great blog topic. I learned so much. When I returned from my last trip, I was so frightened and frazzled by thunderstorms while flying and transition madness I felt ill by bedtime.
Next time, I’ll consider all your thoughtful replies.
14 Detta Aug 28, 2008
Heck what transitions we women go through….sucking us in, spinning us round, and delivering us out into the big wide world of life! They also make us richer, deeper, wiser and stronger, when we’ve had a minute to get our breath back!
I think of JAM - just a minute and take one to breathe - ask myself will this really important in a years time, and try to listen to what I need most right now…doesn’t always work, but mostly does. In case of emergency I attack Ben & Jerry’s any flavour and ponder some more! Lovely new site by the way! X D