After reading my last entry, Serendipity wrote that she found this idea of being a ‘truth-finder’ intriguing but I haven’t mentioned what to do when the truth brings out negative reactions and shakes up your belief system? She is facing the death of a “beautiful brother and a loving grandma” and is “finding it too difficult to act as a truth finder when dealing with such fundamentals of humanity as life and death. Are there times when acting as a truth-finder works against you? I wonder if it is possible  to be too in the moment, to lack the perspective to see the truth that you are living? Or is the truth whatever you are living in that moment and it will change and morph with differing perspective and time? Do you have to face a painful and difficult truth, as it is happening, to be able to really know yourself?”

Powerful questions to ponder- I don’t think, over time, that being a truth finder can truly act against you. According the Gospel of Thomas (one of the Gnostic gospels), Jesus said, “If a blind person leads a blind person, both of them will fall into a hole.” Of course he is also quoted as having said, “Do not worry, from morning to evening and from evening to morning, about what you are going to wear,” which makes me doubt he really knew people, at least women.  ☺

On an equally light note, what if the truth was not a problem?  What if it is how we react to the truth that makes it a problem?  The truth that two of your beloveds will soon not be with you pierces you to your core.  It breaks your heart. My husband and father both have cancer- I understand.  But I don’t have to make my pain a problem because when I do, I can’t open to it and thus I can’t learn from it.  Mostly, I do make it a problem: I clench my jaw and eat chocolate and hide in naps.  But if I can breathe into the truth, moment by moment, it may just be okay. 

As far as being too in the moment, I adore what Ram Dass said all those years ago in Be Here Now, “But if I live just in the Here & Now, won’t there be chaos?  What if somebody wants to make an appointment to see me 3 weeks from now?”  Right!  Write it down.  That’s Here & Now.  “Well, what happens 3 weeks from now?”  3 weeks from now there’s that appointment. Then: That is Here & Now.  I think when we are truly showing up, chaos may well happen but not because we are fully preesnt- it would happen anyway!  But when we are present, we have much greater ability to choose what to do and how we will react.

Do we have to face all pain right as it happens to grow?  Well, if that’s the case, I’m totally screwed.  I usually have to hide under the covers or otherwise chill out for a day, a week, a year, before I can sort things out.  Ideally, the time between pain and being aware shortens with our years of spiritual practice but I would also claim that comfort and self-care can always have a role in helping us face the truth- strenghtening us to go forward.  We all need to push pause when the pain gets too intense.  We just want to do in relatively healthy ways!

Thank you Serendipity!