Walking in the fine spring rain this morning while my Luna dog stuck her nose in holes and chased crows and robins , I felt awash in gratitude for your kind posts. I felt heartened because you write what I believe and think too — and yes, isn’t Oriah great? She’s an author friend and I’ve had some great dialogues with her about her resting period. It is brave!
I could not agree more, Maureen, about the connection between ego and uniqueness. Just when I think I’ve gotten that "being special addiction" licked, it sneaks up in some very, well, sneaky way. I also agree, and thought of this when I was writing that post, that finding the intention for this blog will help me find the answer to how to reposition myself. Or refocus myself.. or not.
Here’s what I don’t get. I love what I do. I’m actually not in need of withdrawal from my creative work; I’m busting with creative energy (I had to make myself sit and watch a movie with my family last night instead of start another piece of art). I’m adoring writing the Inner Organizer book… and yet this issue of how to present myself to the world continues to dog me — it just won’t go away.
I wonder if:
I ignore it and keep doing a little bit of this, a little of that? Is it simply me saying "I hate all that talk of platforms and branding, I am not toothpaste!" I will just keep doing what I love and that will be fine?
Or is that childish?
Because
I resonate with Mark Silver said in his post to Too Much "that’s a question of how
vulnerable and intimate are you willing to get with Who you are helping
and What you are helping them with.
"Beyond that intimacy and clarity, it’s then a question of strategy.
By strategy, I mean the creation of the complete holding, guidance and
care for those Whom you are helping."
I am now pulling my hair out (I almost wrote heart!) again… Back to gratitude. Thank you God for the chance to revisit what comfort and self-care really is… yet again. Really. Thanks!
Sigh.
Sending tulip spring rain sweetness around the blog sphere and gratitude for the clarity that I know will soon arrive!
Jen
P.S. We still have a few slots in my next three events so if you want to be with me where I am right now, come on! You can be certain it will be fresh, edgy, art filled and honest. And Noelle and I are cooking up a truly amazing one-day in Seattle.
5 responses so far ↓
1 Mark Silver Apr 16, 2006
I’m glad you are receiving the support that is coming towards you- I know how hard I’ve struggled with allowing myself to rest into the love and support that is constantly, continually, without fail flowing towards me. I think the answer remains obscure for you because of the question…
If you were a client of mine, I would ask you to stop looking for the answer, and instead bring Remembrance to the question. There is no question that exists that doesn’t come twinned with it’s answer. If you haven’t received an answer that soothes the longing in your heart… I’m wondering what the real question is?
What question is the Divine asking you? What question is your heart asking the Divine?
And, as far as toothpaste is concerned, Tom and Kate Chappell might disagree with you. Tom, who cofounded Tom’s of Maine with his wife Kate, went on to get a Masters in Theology while continuing to run the company. The branding and strategy for their toothpaste is deeply rooted in some of the same questions you are wrestling with.
All marketing/business questions come down to this: Where is the Love? And, if I find the Love, can I trust It?
2 Jennifer Louden Apr 16, 2006
“I’m wondering what the real question is? What question is the Divine asking you? What question is your heart asking the Divine?”
Mark, I feel so thick and incapable of here – I’m really ready to give up. Which may be a good thing!? I keep asking and listening and I just don’t know. This has been going on for seven years!
I wrote yesterday, “I also find it intriguing that in the Christian tradition, the Holy Spirit is called the Comforter and that this is the aspect of God that guides followers ‘in the way of the truth.’ Comfort and truth go together, as in strengthen yourself and be kind to yourself so you can follow your truth.”
Truth and truest existence keep ringing in me.
And I can’t stop making art.
3 Mark Silver Apr 17, 2006
I think giving up is a good idea! Only, instead of giving up the externals… give up internally. That’s surrender.
And, I love what you wrote about the Holy Spirit and the Comforter and ‘the way of the truth.’ Sounds perfect.
I’ve totally been where you are (and probably will be again at some point). Sitting in the middle of the Truth, and not -feeling- it in a way that you can trust it. I think the key here is to pray in your heart for help in receiving your own jewel- receiving the Comfort first which will carry you to the truth, rather than trying to go for the truth directly…
4 Michele Apr 17, 2006
I found your post in my mailbox this morning after being blasted by a client for taking time off which starts this May because of my travel schedule. Thank you for sharing what is happening for you. The posts and insights helped me put things in proper perspective.
Each summer I go through an inward journey of recharging and renewing. It is also a time to reconnect with my teenage daughter, be a Mom. With this flexibility I give myself permission to let go and surrender. It’s not easy…I have to trust in spite of the self-doubt. A dismemberment happens that separates the wheat from the chaff. In the Fall I am always better for it when I start up again, I benefit from it, my students and clients benefit. It always brings me back to Who am I serving? Where is my joy?
In shamanism, when one visits a shaman the client (who has an appointment) very often may hear “today is not a good day to work.” When soul work is infused with spirit, somedays are not good days to work.
What I am hearing in your heart felt sharing is that exact same sentiment. “At this moment it is not a good ____ to work.” This may be a day, a month or a year. I hear trust, I hear truth. I feel grateful for the awareness that you are following your life pulse. You are going within, extracting and dismembering something that is really not ready to be seen, but is surely being felt- honors your life journey and those in your circle. The alchemy of the heart and soul in action… I honor this path you are walking and I am grateful for your deep listening.
PS Have you done a Soul Collage card to honor the energy present? That action always helps me move things along. ***smile***
5 Helga Apr 17, 2006
First, here’s an Albert Camus quote that, to me, describes your (marketable) uniqueness:
“Don’t walk behind me; I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” You switch back and forth between these, sometimes taking the lead, sometimes following, and always as an authentic person akin to a friend.
And here are some of the things I’ve been hearing in your posts, listed in their most basic forms:
- I’m in transition, and I don’t like it. I thought I knew who I was, and now I don’t anymore. That’s a bit scary, sometimes more scary than it is exciting.
- How can I still make money, when I’m not a finished product? How can I earn while I’m changing?
- What will happen over/for the next 5-10 years?
Now here are some thoughts on these:
Humans don’t like change, in fact there is a strong belief that change is deleterious. We’re unconfortable when things don’t fit neatly into drawers. It scares us. Yet, times of change bring us closer to the answers. You already know that I believe we hold the answers to all our questions, but that sometimes we can’t find them right away. You’re looking hard. You will find them. Simple as that.
You can make money while you’re changing. We change all the time, every day. Most of the time we don’t recognize it, and so can roll with the punches easily instead of agonizing about them. Same can apply to transitions we do notice. Ease up. Flow. Make that art, even if it temporarily becomes a coping mechanism with uncertainty (watch for Shadow Comfort). Enjoy the ride.
Our need for security creates strong yearnings for finished products. But whenever we’re attached to outcome, we bar ourselves from getting into the process. That makes process and progress stagnate, or take a wrong turn. For example, instead of obsessing about what direction to take and how to stay competitive for the “next 5-10 years”, just wonder about the rest of this year.Trust the process.
A final thought, and this may sound weird: Sometimes the changes our pre-teen daughters go through are infectious (my daughter, too, is 11 – going on 21). Their emotional rollercoaster signals instability and throws US off track. And their grappling with fundamental “meaning of life” questions triggers OUR revisions of purpose. But: Both are natural and necessary for normal developemnt. Both are good.