I am stunned with gratitude.
God-smacked.
A little exhausted.
Sitting on the ferry (First I wrote fairy) looking at the snow covered Olympic mountains.
Not only three days of art learning and making and seeing what all these other cool women make — which translates to me as the inexhaustible exuberance of God, women, and life — and also two evenings with my dear friend Mary who lives i n Port Townsend and I met on my honeymoon in January 2000. Sixteen years! We always lived far apart until we both ended up, within a few months of each other, in our home place of the Pacific Northwest.
I love being known over a long time by a friend.
I love living where I live, the cold spring air on my face last night walking into town to get Mary from her dance lesson (blues two step I think ).
The first sip of Keemun tea in the morning.
That my pre-teen don’t-touch-me-daughter missed me.
How many times a day I think how lucky I am that Chris is well and Dad is still with us.
There is so much good in the world, on some days… oh to learn to relax into the vast embrace.
How else will I ever be able to survive the rest, the headlines, the suffering, the black moods….
Even the logs on the logging trucks looming behind my car on the ferry, I can love them this morning,
Gosh, maybe I should take a few days off more often!
9 responses so far ↓
1 Tara Mar 27, 2006
I don’t know if it’s the pregnancy hormones or because it’s Monday, my day off, or because you just write from the heart…but when you said that you even love the logs on the logging truck I got all choked up like I would in a sappy chick movie.
Your blog reminded me of something I recently read in Martha Beck’s The Joy Diet (Has everyone read this? You get to do nothing for twenty minutes a day.)Martha Beck challenges her readers to give thanks for things you have never thought to give thanks for. I bet no one one in the world has ever expressed love for logs on a logging truck. Today, I give thanks for all the people I’ve never met, but who feel like friends just the same. Besides you Jen, I’ve never even met my own boss of 6 years. Is that crazy or what? We work online together, but have never crossed paths.
I hope that by the time I stop having babies, and have some of my own don’t-touch-me-pre-teens, you will still be offering creative retreats so that I can get away for a few days and meet you!
2 liz elayne Mar 27, 2006
love this – still no art police. i feel that way all the time. that moment of letting go though and just putting the paint on the page or finding the perfect little piece for a collage – i am learning to simply sit in that moment.
and i have just realized that you are attending artfest. i stop by every now and then but when i did last week, i didn’t make the connection. i signed up last minute last week (teesha was wonderfully kind and let me in – i only live 2 hours a way and finally realized i had to stop making excuses about why i wasn’t ready to attend this year) and can’t believe i am going without knowing anyone. but i have found out that there a few other bloggers i know who will be there…so it will be wonderful to meet people in person.
i love finding that courage to create in front of others – you are discovering that already this week! i have a workshop with claudine on Friday, so it was great to hear that you enjoyed it!
3 claudine hellmuth Mar 27, 2006
hey sweetie! thanks for taking my workshop, it was such a treat to spend time with you!
claudine xxxox
4 Jennifer Louden Mar 27, 2006
Thanks Claudine, Tara, and Liz for commenting.
Is it true that I came home after three days of art making and made more? ATC’s for Artfest.
But now I’m going to bed.
5 Maureen Mar 28, 2006
Jen – your comments about art reminded me how how nervous I am about coming to the creativity retreat without any actual creative project on which to work. After taking a class in “The Artist’s Way” three years ago, I bought all sorts of art supplies for drawing and painting and tried some classes but they were all too demanding. Supposedly they were for beginners, but in fact everybody else had SOME art history – maybe they used to draw or paint as kids, or teens or young adults.
I have the ‘beginners mind’ and
don’t mind turning out stuff that looks like something a 6 year old would produce – but what I need is a class aimed at 6 year olds…something that would TRULY start me from where I am… at rock bottom. If only adults were permitted to enroll in classes for kids
instead of what feel like “phony” beginners classes to me.
I have yet to find a teacher who is truly compassionate either.
The ones I encountered have superior attitudes and are very busy showing off their own work and criticizing the students’ work. Being criticized by teachers is antithetical to nurturing the fragile budding 6 year old wannabee artist inside this late 50-ish woman’s soul.
This girl just wants to have fun with color and shapes and the heck with ‘production value.’
So, I have lost enthusiasm for artistic endeavors (though cannot bring myself to throw out any of the supplies).
Because I write for a living (dull writing believe me)
people are always saying “you should write a book.”
The thought of writing for ‘fun’ is
mostly dreary. Hmm – I guess what I need most from a creativity retreat is to recapture some enthusiasm for the whole notion of creating.
Signed,
cautiously optimistically
yours,
Maureen
6 Gwen Delmore Mar 28, 2006
I feel compelled to respond to Maureen’s post– just start! Play as though you are 6, don’t be afraid of “wasting” your “good” supplies, just make marks on paper (or canvas or whatever).
Let what feels good or pleasing lead you, maybe you like the way the paint flows on the paper, go with that. Don’t feel like you have failed if it turns muddy, grab another piece of paper and do it again. Enjoy the process. Enjoy the way the colors look together, or the way that you create new colors, or the way they turn to mud if you choose too many colors.
There is a book that liberated me in regard to painting called Painting From the Source by Aviva Gold. I highly recommend it.
And if painting isn’t your thing, and you have different supplies, do the same process with them. Keep reminding yourself (if you hear the grown up teacher’s voice telling you that it is childish or no good) that you are 6 and have a loving mommy who is going to love everything you create, and you are having FUN.
I must also tell you that I am not an artist, but just love to play and I have been working on letting the artist who wants to be me come out for about 12 years. The best way I have found to let that happen is to let go and just be unattached to the outcome, and somehow it works, and I have fun.
Gwen gwennie52@hotmail.com
7 cindy Mar 28, 2006
At first i emlaied this coment to maureen personally, but then i thought there might be others in her predicament so here’s my suggestion:Try the community college. They have a class called art with children. I think you might enjoy it and it might fit your bill of being for a beginner’s beginner.
8 Julie Jordan Scott Mar 28, 2006
I love the “fairy” no wait “ferry”…
Yesterday I did the same with life “savor” wait, no, it is life “saver” no, wait, I had it right FIRST with life SAVOR! LOL.
I wrote a poem a few years ago called “Ode to the Morning Page Police” – the title alone makes writers laugh…. I was so relieved to find out those ol’ MP Police only exist in my HEAD! Shocking AND true….
9 Jennifer Louden Apr 3, 2006
Maureen, I believe one of my purposes in life, and certainly of the Creativity retreat, is to nurture the 6-year-old in all of us, and especially you! I know from meeting you before, from my own process, and from working with hundreds if not thousands of women, that we almost all need this nurturing. It is exactly what I needed. So bring that six-year-old and bring some of those art supplies and come prepared to be recharged!