Wow, what a wonderful week. What fun to see the freedom created by remembering we don’t have to improve ourselves to be.
We are.
I found myself feeling like I was on retreat all week. I’d stop and ask myself, “Why this feeling?” Then I’d remember Freedom from Self-Improvement, and that I don’t have to do anything, prove or improve anything… “Oh, that’s why I’m feeling so good.”
Grounded yet expansive, delighted and curious. Playful. Those are the moods I’ve noticed in myself, in your comments, and at the Comfort Cafe.
What mood have you noticed?
At the Cafe, we’re playing with all this freedom stuff all month, and the wise Cafers have some fantastic insights which they gave me permission to share. I hope their comments will help you feel the power of freedom from self-improvement.
I’ve always been very curious and ask lots of questions. When I come to “self improvement” from that way, it’s like a fun experiment. “I wonder what will happen if I do this….” It’s not so much about improving as seeing if a different way works better for me.
I need to find another word besides self-improvement because I think you are right, Jen. It just sucks the energy right out of anything I might want to try. –Beth
When I first became aware of our topic this month, I was thinking “Oh, man! I just got myself into a good place in my eating and exercise and it’s still so new — I can’t let go of self improvement this month!” The fear being, of course, that I would spend the whole month eating donuts and potato chips as if they were the two food groups.
But, I realized, that this isn’t about self improvement. It hasn’t been all along. It’s coming from a realization that my environment (where donuts and potato chips can seem like food groups) is not good for me. I’m been creating a new environment — I’m improving my environment, not myself. And it’s fun!
It helps to realize that this isn’t about changing me because I’m not good enough. I’m plenty good enough — in fact, I’m worthy of an environment that supports my healthy lifestyle. I can find ways to give it to myself. –Joy
Not being in stillness. Not being still.
BE-ing Stillness.
Gracefully remembering and returning to the centre of All. Relaxing into the soulful tranquility of Now. Sinking into comforting quietness within. Releasing mySelf into the beautiful, harmonious flow of deep peace.
And then, emerging into the world with New Eyes, lovingly interrupting self-debasing thoughts with gentle reminders of the simplicity of living in Now – of BE-ing Stillness. –Renee
My intention is more like a mantra: “There Is Nothing To Fix“
Major mantra benefits: It’ll throw off my perfectionist inner critic; any changes or “improvements” are icing on my already delicious cake (conversely, changes or “improvements” that do not happen still leave me with a delicious cake)
My Hopes: My self-trust will get a boost when I enjoy/rest in who I am and what I have/do, right now; I’ll be more of my own resource; and Anxiety and Fear stand less of a chance for a hostile take-over when I am more relaxed about the status quo. As always, it’s all connected (see other wonderful Cafers’ intentions). –Helga
I could quote on and on…Such strong wisdom!
Can you feel the lightness and ease and centered self-trust that arises from knowing you are?
Ahhh…
Today’s Giveaways
One Year Membership to the Cafe!
I’m giving away a year’s membership – entirely free – in the Comfort Cafe because it’s the grooviest, most heart-centered creation I’ve ever created. Comment today for a chance to win. You can give your membership to someone else if you wish!
The giveaway is now closed… but your comments are still welcome!
Did anything shift for you this week? The warmth of your insights lights up the world. So share them today!
Send a soothing, slightly-tongue-in-cheek Freedom From Self-Improvement coupon to someone else–just because our Freedom week is coming to a close doesn’t mean we have to stop sharing the love!
Audio from Camille Maurine
To save the file to your computer, right-click or option (apple) click on the link, and choose “Safe File As…” or “Save Link As…”
Here’s a short audio created for us by Camille Maurine, one of the most embodied, self-accepting people I know. (time: 11:13)
Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.
Thanks for playing with Freedom from Self-Improvement this week!
I trust the ripples of self-trust will continue to ripple through your life and the lives of those you love.
Hurrah for yesterday’s giveaway winner!
- Wednesday’s winner of the spot at the Delicious Aliveness Through Self-Kindness Mini-Retreat: Lea Howell!
- Thursday’s winner of the pass to the January 22nd-24th Virtual Retreat: Shawna R. B. Atteberry!
Share in the comments: What shifted for you this week?
Related posts:
28 responses so far ↓
1 lisa nixon Sep 11, 2009
I need a one year membership – in the past few months my world has been shattered by someone that I love very much. I’m realizing that I can’t control their actions – and that I need to take care of myself.
2 Julie Jordan Scott Sep 11, 2009
Ahhh, Jen. What a glorious video today. I was writing my morning pages (not to improve, simply because I love to write them and enjoy the heck out of being with my words… *wide smile) and remembering when I first happened upon your work. Pregnant with Sam, I felt like I “should” read a pregnancy book, though all those usual books about all the haftas and rules of pregnancy and then the ones that tried to hard to be funny? They all made me gag, even though I never had morning sickness. This was my fifth pregnancy, I knew the drill. I just wanted a pregnancy book to hang out with, like a friend… to BE with, not to tell me what to DO. And that is what I found in your Pregnancy Book and that is what I have continued to find in you during these – could it be nine years?! Thank you for who you ARE in what you do.
3 Patty Sep 11, 2009
Dear Jen,
Ahh…to breathe and sit and be aware of the glorious me in this very moment. Delightful! (in my pj’s too, just like you! Thank you for the invitation to invite myself to thoroughly enjoy me this week as I can at any moment of course.
Ahhh…Camille words too echo my desires in my quest for a new home to spread out my arms, sit down, and simply be the woman I am so I can surround myself with things that nourish my soul, gardening, nature, art, and colored walls in surroundings that flow for me. This bit of a boost encourages me to continue to be aware of what is important to me and not settle for less than I desire. Woo hoo!
4 Jennifer Sep 11, 2009
Julie, so grateful we are connected!
Patty here’s to woo-hoos in our pjs!
Lisa – yes, to self-care no matter who or what is tugging at us. YES!
5 Hiro Boga Sep 11, 2009
Jen, thank you for all your beautiful reminders, this week, to be ourselves, to love and appreciate ourselves just as we are.
Eight years ago today, the World Trade Center was destroyed. As I remember the events of that terrible morning–my son and I were visiting my cousin in Manhattan at the time–I am filled with sadness for the people who lost their lives that day. And filled, too, with gratitude for the gifts of life, and breath, and beauty that remain.
6 Kristine Sep 11, 2009
I realized when I went to bed last night that I was already feeling stress and fear about what today would hold. The messages from Jen this week must have sunk in, however, because I was able to relax and fill myself up with love and acceptance. I realized that life will always be uncertain, but that I will always be okay. I was able to sleep, and I woke up this morning and went for a long walk before work, reminding myself that I exercise not for what it will do for me tomorrow, but for what it does for me today. Thanks for helping me find my center again and stop striving so hard!
7 Jacqueline Sep 11, 2009
My kids started school this week and I realize that usually I try to find how I am going to be more organized, and do various projects and do things for myself to improve myself, my relationships etc. This week I simply noticed them and I realized I am already organized. I have plenty of projects and I will do them when it is the right time and will apply myself just the right amount. Really, I felt like I was not in such a hurry this week!
8 Kat Sep 11, 2009
I had a difficult situation happen yesterday and the first thought was “Why does this keep happening? What do I need to learn?” In other words, “How am I defective that other people think it is okay to treat me without respect? ”
And then I thought, how can I reframe this in light of not needing to improve myself? How am I okay and my life is okay just how it is?
Then came the goodies:
– this used to happen to me all of the time and is now so rare that it is jarring instead of me having a high tolerance for it
- it’s them, not me
- how easily I let go of thinking about it and getting stuck in what ifs, how I can I “win” and not falling into victimhood
- the revenge fantasies were fairly brief and mild…
So an appreciation for where I am instead of thinking there is something I need to fix so this stops. It may never stop, I may eventually learn better ways to address the issue, but I am really okay where I am now.
Thank you!
9 rebecca Sep 11, 2009
This week caused me to question whether my recent health and fitness goals stemmed from not being good enough and were a method to beat up on myself – and like one of your other commenters I realized that – No, it is because I am worthy of taking the necessary steps to take care of myself and improve my health and well-being.
Thanks for a wonderful week of positive reminders.
10 Kate Sep 11, 2009
I’ve been working on a new product, and it’s been pretty scary. But thanks to you, this week has been less about making myself do something I’d rather avoid, and more about trusting myself to do it even though it’s scary.
11 Paula J. Kelly Sep 11, 2009
Instead of coming home to get things done while my daughter was at preschool this morning, I went to a cafe and drank a latte, read some really great articles, and worked on my e-course about dreaming big. No guilt, no rationalization, just me time. Did some great thinking, talked to a stranger about life coaching and job-hunting, picked up other people’s trash in the parking lot, and went to fetch my wee girl.
12 Mona Sep 11, 2009
I love that taking care of myself doesn’t have to be about improving myself.
I can do things without them coming from a place of hating what’s going on and needing things to be different.
Sometimes my self-love just moves me to do things that wind up improving things, but that’s not why I did them, ya know?
One of my friends used to say that “love moves.” I come back to that phrase in my mind a lot.
I don’t have to be improved. And sometimes it still happens without me even having to think about it. I’m always evolving, so I can’t help but improving. Sometimes it helps to get out of the way of natural evolution.
You are loved. xoxox
13 Deborah Sep 11, 2009
I ended up in a wheelchair full-time 5 years ago (progressive MS) and suddenly started a quest to “improve” myself so that others would/could focus on me and not the fact that I was in a wheelchair. It was exhausting! I slowly came to the realization that no amount of my self improvement would improve the attitudes of others. That was THEIR job!
This week has reminded me again that who I am in a wheelchair is still the delightful person I was when I was still able to walk. Thanks Jen and all!
14 Shawna R. B. Atteberry Sep 11, 2009
This week I’ve spent most of my time mulling on the two questions from Tuesday: Do I trust myself? Do I trust myself to do what I want to do? The answer is no, I don’t. And I need to trust myself. To trust my desire and my instincts. To trust me.
15 Tara Sep 11, 2009
This week I’ve been sick with the flu and that’s actually been the perfect situation to forget about *improving* things.
It was amazingly restful and restorative.
16 Page Sep 11, 2009
S**A**C**E** is the place! Indeed! Spaciousness of Self-Acceptance allows time to spaghetti-fy expand and the breath, then the mind follows along, too, to pure EN**JOY**ME(A)NT of what IS in this moment and the next and the next. I find laughter just bubbling up in the most “inconvenient” situations! It’s FUN! THANKS for all the funny, astute reminders for us to recognize the splendor our own Magnificence. P.S. I love your sheets and PJs!
17 Page Sep 11, 2009
oops! misspelled S**P**A**C**E**!
18 R Sep 11, 2009
“Who you are is enough.”
That helped shift Stuff for me this week.
19 Gayatri Sep 11, 2009
What a gift this week has been! Feeling free and feeling like a winner all week. I was able to be, just flow instead of struggle. The difference between last week and this week. Nothing changed in the outer circumstances. It was a shift in perspective. And being in freedom from self-improvement perspective meant the difference between anxiety (last week) and contentment (this week). Aaaaaah!
20 Carrie Sep 11, 2009
Can a year in the Comfort Cafe help me keep my spirit up, while my physical body is being attacked?!? Retorical, of course… but although I have been battling a serious of very annoying, and compounding health issues for years… I’ve really noticed a negative change to my spirit and hope with a most recent diagnosis. To others feel hopeful and hopeless at the same time, when they think one way, but their bodies… another?
21 Vicki Sep 11, 2009
Wow, is it Friday already? I’d love to have EVERY week be freedom from self-improvement week. Having this message reinforced each day, with writing and thinking about it, has been profound.
It’s so hard for me to put into words what is shifting. I’ve been aware of two levels of consciousness as I work on my new coaching business. One is of me as a learner of how to market what I do and do this authentically. The other is an awareness of how my deep deep insecurities make doing this akin to pulling my car through a swamp.
But this week has put me firmly back in touch with compassion for my inner self, for the little girl who endured so much pain, and is still very frightened. Of course putting myself out there in a public way with a business is going to be excrutiating at times.
So I’m opening to my need to be gentle with myself as I do this. To realize I will need to to it at my own pace and in my own way. And your post yesterday, Jennifer, really helped me own that.
So thank you so very much for helping me to shift to knowing that I am just perfect as a coach right now. My message is just perfect. It does not need improving, it needs celebrating! Thanks from the depths of my heart for helping me to do that!
22 Sharon Lippincott Sep 11, 2009
This week I realized that having a warm loving atmosphere and a relaxed and “present” hostess is more important that having every mirror spotless and Martha Stewart nibblies.
23 Jennifer R Sep 11, 2009
This week I have given myself permission to give myself and my loved ones a break. I decided to just watch life unfold rather than pushing it to happen the way I wanted it to. Pretty amazing how much more I was able to be aware of and enjoy the priceless moments of giving and receiving love! Thanks for you inspiration!
24 Hope Evey Sep 12, 2009
I’ve become much more aware of how I use “self improvement” and an excuse to beat myself up. I just hadn’t seen how much of that I do. Now that I can see it, I can stop it
Thank you!
25 Rebecca in VT Sep 12, 2009
Thank you Jen for presenting this novel idea. I was freed not only from self-improvement but from the urge to improve others. I’ve trained myself that whenever I feel critical or jealous to ask myself what is lacking inside myself to trigger such a reaction. This week I could respond to myself that nothing is lacking in me… and therefore in anyone else. I actually am not usually critical or jealous of others (those would not be my ‘big issues’ by any means), but this is a longwinded way of saying that this exercise helped me to see everyone (including myself) quite literally in a new light–the original light of love that shines in each one of us.
26 Pat Sep 13, 2009
I don’t have a website but I do believe that one be-comes hopefully as one grows older. One learns that rushing about is not what living is not what it is all about. I think one thing humans have been given as a gift from our Creator is the ability to look back. As I look back I realize… looking with real eyes… that I rushed way too much, even tough I tried to slow my life down when my girls were young. I missed out on much of their growing up because I was caught up in the should world. I can “see” now that what I thought was so important really wasn’t and what real–ly was.. like taking the time to go slow was more important than I ever real eyes d. So from my life to yours… slow it down… life is beautiful..enjoy the beauty. Pat
27 Thien-Kim Sep 15, 2009
I’ve had an amazing shift that’s been happening in the last month. Instead of letting my situation overwhelm me, I have chosen to take steps in taking my life where I want it to be. Focusing each step towards the path makes me feel good.
28 Marcia Sep 16, 2009
I have been reading self improvement books and taking self improvement courses for years. I don’t think they’ve done me much good because I have done all this “alone”. I need the support of a community of people to bounce ideas off of or to just tell me it’s o.k. I have been out of work for ten months and cannot afford to pay for something I think I desperately need. Help.