When I told a friend about Freedom from Self-improvement Day, she said, “Oh good, that means I can eat anything I want.”
“Um, no, that wouldn’t be the point,” I said, suddenly feeling confused and a little sad.
I realized that’s how a lot of us spend our lives – believing, at least on some level, that we must keep a tight rein on ourselves or we will careen out of control and start doing all the things we shouldn’t.
That our base bad nature will take over.
That the only thing that keeps us together is sheer willpower and lots of shoulds.
That we can’t be trusted to do what’s best for ourselves and for those we love.
That we can’t trust ourselves, period.
What I want Freedom from Self-Improvement to invite you to consider is:
Can I trust myself to be who I am?
Can I trust myself to want what I want?
When you have faith that you are, at your core, absolutely innately good and lovable, when you live knowing there is nothing you have to change about yourself to be good, the idea that you need to will yourself to be good becomes almost absurd.
It’s not that you always choose greens over ice cream or count to ten before yelling at your teenager, but that you no longer take your failure as a reason to whip yourself frantically into shape.
You can forgive yourself and, with curiosity and tenderness, wonder what you need to do differently going forward.
Because you don’t have to prove that you’re really, finally, good.
The question of your life becomes more “Does that serve me and those I love?” rather then “How can I improve before the jig is up?”
You can trust yourself to do what’s best for yourself, for those you love, for the world.
You really can.
Today’s Giveaways
Freedom Coupons
Clever and loving, Freedom from Self-Improvement coupons are a perfect way to spread the word that self-improvement is a big, fat lie. Download your coupons by clicking on the images below!
Audio from Laura Berman Fortgang
Enjoy this delicious short audio from my wise friend, Laura Berman Fortgang, offering her thoughts on why – and how – to get free.
To save the file to your computer, right-click or option (apple) click on the link, and choose “Safe File As…” or “Save Link As…”
Laura Berman Fortgang audio (time: 5:10)
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She’s the bomb. Her newest book is The Little Book of Meaning and it’s the perfect read when you know you are whole and complete.
One Month at the Comfort Cafe
Today, I’m also giving away a free month’s membership at the Comfort Cafe, where we are exploring Freedom From Self-Improvement all month. For a chance to win, comment below on what freedom from self-improvement looks like for you today.
The giveaway is now closed… but your comments are still welcome!
Tomorrow’s giveaways:
- an audio goody from Oriah Mountain Dreamer!
- 20 Ways To Get Free!
- a chance to attend the Delicious Aliveness Mini-Retreat in Seattle on October 10th — yes, for free!
Share in the comments: What does freedom from self-improvement look like for you today?
Related posts:
45 responses so far ↓
1 Bronwyn Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from Self Improvements for me today means going home, putting on my PJs straight way because that’s what I feel like doing to be nurturing to myself.
2 Marietjie Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from SI – I believe that I AM good enough!
3 Roberta Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from Self Improvement means taking a day off-Period!
I’ve spent years focussing on ‘getting better’, ‘being better’ and ‘helping others’….this year (Sept onward, now th ekids are back in school) I am ‘taking time off’ and your Freedom Day is perfectly timed to support my intention to be gentle with myself…Thanks Jen, this is just what I needed. Love and Light to you!
4 jane Sep 8, 2009
…a guilt free day and a realization that the daily guilt is self imposed and I can have a guilt free day any day I want to…
thanks.
5 Kate Sep 8, 2009
This morning I stepped outside to put the rubbish out and the air just smelled glorious. So I put down the idea that I ‘should’ go back to the computer and start working, and went out for a walk instead.
So, today, for me, freedom from self-improvement meant trusting my desire to go for a walk in the sun, even though it meant abandoning my ‘plan’ for being ‘virtuous’.
6 Gayatri Sep 8, 2009
Today I will not search for a job. I will not look for new clients. I will not sign up the kids for activities. I choose not to do what I “should.” I will color in and out of the lines with my lovely 2 year old and show her how to just BE.
7 rebecca Sep 8, 2009
I will relax into my day and enjoy it. And do what I want to do and not what I think I *should* do.
8 Doreen W. Sep 8, 2009
Wow. This was a powerful post for me and the audio really brought it home in a mind-picture I can use. The idea of the Chinese finger trap sums up exactly how I can feel two different ways about accomplishing the same thing. If I come at life from a place of unhappiness, of struggle, from a feeling of lacking or “not enough”, I struggle mightily to do the smallest things. On those rare occasions that I am feeling innately good and joyous, the same tasks, even breathing, comes effortlessly and joyfully.
Thanks for the insight!!
9 Stephanie Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from Self-Improvement means trusting that the person God made me to be is the true, correct, virtuous, and perfect person He needs me to be…and dumping all the other folks that deem me as “incorrect”!
10 Mary Sep 8, 2009
Thank you for the coupons! I’m going to sit down and cut them out and think about which one I need most right now. And I’m not going to feel guilty about doing this, nor am I going to let my mind tell me, “You really should be working!”
11 Betty Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from self-improvement means being in the current moment and enjoying whatever is happening, It may be my kitties and their inteactions, the people in my home, the wind through the windows, or whatever the moment brings. It means dropping the need to worry, to strive, to fix. It means listening to what is inside me and not necessarily what another thinks of what should be there.
12 Janeace Sep 8, 2009
Honoring myself on day 2 of Freedom from self-improvement I am feeling free in every way today – free to be only and all that I really am – a very happy, loving, inspired woman – so I will do some art projects today – soldering a halloween crown together – ahhhhhhh….it feels so good already! Yahoo – I am free to be ME!
13 Jennifer Sep 8, 2009
Thanks everyone for the wonderful insights. I am in awe of how you are using these ideas to get free!
14 Carrie Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from self-improvement for me means that today, I will not ponder, worry, investigate, agonize, or discuss my health woes… and just live in the moment!
15 Creativity Queen Sep 8, 2009
FFSI Day means I surrender. I quit buying programs and products I think will “finally” get me to where I believe I should be.
16 Kat Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from self-improvement means that I will honor my body’s cues and rest when I need to. I will also celebrate small accomplishments as they unfold and not immediately rush to the next “should.” And examine the shoulds to see if maybe they can transform to desires. “I should make dinner for my family” to “I desire to nurture my family with healthy, delicious meals.”
17 Vicci Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from self improvement day with love today, is to allow my natural inclination to wander happen throughout the day as I also complete what matters most to me and my family. Normally I would just head out, complete my list of “to do’s” and stay on track. However, wandering allows room to slow down and enjoy the journey and perhaps discover a treasure, that I would have missed. Plus it gives great pleasure in discovery by being present in the moment, something we often miss by “doing”. Thank you, Jen!
18 Mindy Hedley Sep 8, 2009
self-improvement for me means letting the universe, “universe”, i am not responsible for everyone else happiness, lonliness, pain, suffering, anger, past mistakes, when I learned that I grew and grew and grew and now I have so much more time to be the compassionate listener and hand holder since I threw my fix-it tool box into outer space. do you think they’ll find when they are making one of those space explorations?
19 Kendra Sep 8, 2009
Freedom From Self Improvement is such a humongous concept, that I need to come at it a little bit at a time. I have found the word “Choose” to be the most powerful word in my lexicon, and how well “choose” dovetails with this month’s topic. So I will choose to eat healthy things because my body feels great when I do, not because I have to reach an “ideal” weight to be “good enough” and my life will then be perfect. I will choose to not self-flagillate if I indulge in an ocassional glass of wine or ice cream cone. I will choose to realize that I will never be perfect, but that I am always good enough. I will choose not to shame myself or allow others to shame me for things that I have nothing to be ashamed of, but hold my head high serene in the knowledge that where I am, who I am, how I look, what I feel, is perfect for me to be at this very moment.
20 2Dinternational » Freedom From Self-Improvement: Share the Love » Comfort Queen Sep 8, 2009
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21 Shawna R. B. Atteberry Sep 8, 2009
Freedom from Self-Improvement for me means to stop blaming myself for every little thing, being nice to myself, and trusting myself. I am just fine the way I am.
22 Angelique Sep 8, 2009
This is like straight coffee made from spanish coffee beans. It may be delicious but you must go slowly!!!! It is easy to seem like you got it, but it’s about internalizing it. I am embracing it……
23 Liz Sep 8, 2009
For me, today, freedom from self improvement means I don’t have to ‘improve’ my business. I have a list a mile long of ‘shoulds’ that can drive me crazy. So for today, I’m going to do the one thing (write my blog post) that I’ve committed to (and forgive myself for not writing Friday’s post.)
24 Donna Sep 8, 2009
30 days hath September – 30 days to create a new habit. I love and approve of myself, I am enough, I love myself now!
25 Jennifer Sep 8, 2009
Angelique, it is like strong straight coffee… exhilarating and yes, just take a little sip… absorb… then another sip…
26 Debra Sep 8, 2009
stopping throughout the day, planting my feet firmly on the ground and saying to myself….i am enough. i am good enough. i am….
27 Thien-Kim Sep 8, 2009
It allows me to accept me for who I am. I already know what I need to do, I just need to look inside me.
28 Lea Howell Sep 8, 2009
Today….it meant that when I went to my job interview, I took Laura’s audio advice. I accepted what I thought were the “vulnerable parts” of me, and chose to find in them, grace and strength. My God’s grace is sufficient for me….and in that is my strength! I don’t need to be anything else! Instead of being nervous, I felt empowered when I left there! I felt like I had made an impact, whether they hire me or not! WE are enough!
29 Jennifer Sep 8, 2009
Yeah Lea! I bet it was a great interview!
30 Erika Sep 8, 2009
Thanks for your freedom from self improvement idea. I love it and think I do really get it. And it is so appropriate for me and for my two kids, especially my son now (7) who is having a tough time at school. I go to so many meetings for him and it is tough to just accept and love myself at times and to be hopeful, but I think you are right. He is perfect the way he is and life is unfolding just as it should. When I can see this, the whole process is so much easier.
I love the assignment I got in a course on resilience taught by an art therapist, Lani Gerity, to make a piece of art on the theme of “you are loved beyond your ability to comprehend.” I haven’t made an art piece for myself yet but I did for someone else and I am working on it for me. This is the message for me and for my son and everyone.
31 Audrey Sep 8, 2009
Forgiving oneself is an essential part of Teshuvah, or transformation, during this month of Elul as Jewish people prepare for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. Thanks for reminding us that loving ourselves as we are — with full awareness of who we are — is a key step towards being fully who we can be.
32 Tweets that mention Freedom From Self-Improvement: Share the Love » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Sep 8, 2009
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33 char Sep 8, 2009
This is such an awesome post. I am reading a book right now by Barbara Scher about trusting yourself midlife – and it is so in sync with your idea of what real self trust is.
You’re so awesome!!
34 Victoria Brouhard Sep 8, 2009
Today’s freedom from self-improvement meant allowing myself to skip my PT exercises, and trusting myself to pick them back up tomorrow, when I wasn’t so tired.
Thank you for challenging us to trust ourselves more!
35 Shawna Sep 8, 2009
Today’s freedom from self-improvement means eating a piece of cake and not caring!
36 Marisa Sep 8, 2009
Today, freedom from self improvement meant not being so strict about what time I got out the door for groceries, not trying to create the most elebrate dinner in the entire world to celebrate our wedding anniversary but choosing to make a meal that we both love and is relatively simple to prepare, and to throw a mental pillow at the voice in my head that kept insisting I should be cleaning my already tidy home instead of sitting on the lounge chair in the sun for an hour and reading a magazine that gave me all sorts of creative and delightful ideas. What a beautiful feeling. I have reminded myself “Just be here now” about a million times lately. It helps keep me in each beautiful moment, rather than trying to control and edit everything to be “better”.
37 Glenda Sep 9, 2009
For me, freedom from self-improvement means letting go of the belief that nothing I do or say is ever perfect enough. It is relaxing into what is and trusting that I can flow through the day and still accomplish what I need to do, except without the angst.
38 Virginia Sep 9, 2009
Freedom from self improvement means, quite simply, taking care of myself. Eating good food, exercising, and having a little time to myself to relax. When I think about it, I realize it’s not so hard.
39 S. Sep 9, 2009
I want a vacation to get to the real me!
40 Page Sep 9, 2009
Freedom f/S.I. looks like taking deep, full, slow breaths that feel like drinking the very best water I’ve ever drunk in my entire life….
41 Susan Sep 10, 2009
Freedon from self inporvement for me means that I no longer have to put pressure on myself to confirm to other peoples ideas of what I should do, how I should think, how i should look and feel.
42 Freedom From Self-Improvement: No More Fear-Based Marketing » Comfort Queen Sep 10, 2009
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43 Julinda Sep 11, 2009
Just for today I am going to let life happen and not try to control it or myself or anyone else. I am just going to exist and see what happens!
44 Brad Morris Sep 17, 2009
Fantastic point about trusting yourself. That’s really the key living a truly full life. We all need to stop fighting ourselves and to start having more faith in what we can do.
45 Freedom from Self-Improvement: The Freedom of Being » Comfort Queen Sep 17, 2009
[...] Tuesday’s winner of a One-Month Membership to the Comfort Cafe & Life Spa: Char! [...]