Taking time to be is one of the most profound freedom from self-improvement gifts you can give yourself.
When you’re enslaved to the idea of having to do something in order to exist – even if that something is spiritual or creative, you’re cutting yourself off from the life truth that happiness is present right now and you can experience it right now.
No matter what.
This is why retreats are so powerful. A container is created – by you or someone else – that allows you to be. You are free from accomplishing, proving, care-taking – from doing. You can simply listen and follow to your own true desires and instincts.
Sacred time away from the idea, “I have to do X” reminds you, “Ah, that’s right, I’m okay just as I am, nothing to prove, nothing to improve. Now what do I want to do? What would I enjoy? What would serve my well-being?”
Feel the difference?
“Being time” restores you to yourself, which is another way of saying, you’re innately good, it’s all good.
To quote NayNay, a member at the Comfort Cafe, on how freedom from self-improvement is showing up for her:
I was stunned by an epiphany. I was thinking about how to invite more peace and love, health and prosperity into my life, when it hit me. I don’t have to invite it into my life, I just have to accept it. It’s here, all around. I only have to open to it and let if flow through. This is huge!
Give yourself some being time today. Center your precious self and open to life. It’s all around you, and it wants to live through you.
Just as you are.
Hurrah for our Giveaway Winners!
- Monday’s winner of The Life Organizer: Gayatri!
- Tuesday’s winner of a One-Month Membership to the Comfort Cafe & Life Spa: Char!
Today’s Giveaways
Audios from Oriah Mountain Dreamer & Mark Silver
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Best-selling author and dear friend Oriah Mountain Dreamer chimes in poetically on why self-improvement never works. (time: 13:38)
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Heart centered business love muffin Mark Silver on why vacations don’t work. (time: 6:47)
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20 Ideas for Getting Free!
20 Ways To Make A Difference By Being Just Who You Are: concrete and playful suggestions for more being, less proving. I’d be so tickled if you shared these ideas with others. You can forward the file to friends, or invite them to stop by the site here to pick up their own!
Free Spot At October’s Mini-Retreat
Everyone who comments today on how you are getting free gets a chance to win a free spot at the Delicious Aliveness Through Self-Kindness Mini-Retreat on October 10th in Seattle. So comment away!
The giveaway is now closed… but your comments are still welcome!
54 responses so far ↓
1 Gayatri Sep 9, 2009
I had a similar epiphany to NayNay about blessings boundless being available to us if we would just open up and accept. Today, I intend to stay in this space of knowing and affirming that I am enough. I don’t need to do or be any particular way. I am enough, and the Universe is showering me with all kinds of precious blessings (such Jen’s Life Organizer)!!! Oh, and I intend to follow through on a long recurring inner knowing that I need to go on a week-long retreat. I will take one gentle action today to ensure that this happens soon.
2 Doreen W. Sep 9, 2009
Lunchtime at work used to be filled with personal errands and to-dos. I’d return to work feeling just as stressed and not at all rested and refreshed. I think today I’ll just find a quiet place and “be” for half of lunch hour, filling myself up with love and peace and joy. I bet I’ll come back with renewed energy and in a more centered, less frantic place.
Thanks for the insights!
3 Lea Howell Sep 9, 2009
I love to look up words on Thesaurus.com, sometimes just to use other words, sometimes to get to the real meaning of a word. Today, this is what I learned about the word BE:
Part of speech: VERB (action)
Definition: happen, exist
Synonyms: (this is the best part!)
abide, act, be alive, breathe, continue, do, endure, go on, have being, have place, hold, inhabit, last, live, move, obtain, persist, prevail, remain, rest, stand, stay, subsist, survive.
Now, along with Jennifer, I challenge you to all just BE today. No matter where you are in life, you can find yourself “somewhere in the synonym of BE”! I know I can!
4 Hiro Boga Sep 9, 2009
Sometime in my mid-twenties I realized that in each moment, I was making choices. And those choices shaped who I was becoming. Since then, I check in with my heart and follow its guidance, no matter where it leads me.
Those heart-guided choices haven’t always been easy to follow, but they’ve always emerged from the truth of who I am in that moment. This larger truth of my heart embraces all of my selves–the wounded, scared and blind, as well as the powerful, radiant and joyful. And everything in between. No self left behind.
5 Erika Sep 9, 2009
Getting free is getting down to the essence, which for me is those people immediately in front of me. To be authentic and in my integrity with my husband and two kids. Simple, yet I need constant reminders, like this blog.
Thank you.
6 Nicole Sep 9, 2009
I loved your story yesterday about your friend’s comment about “getting” to eat poorly. It really stopped me in my tracks. I too get caught up in the “I’m either ‘good’ or ‘bad’” mentality. Good=working on myself. Bad=completely zoning out. But really we’re always “good” it’s just I have a choice to be present and kind with myself–loving myself as I am. No work necessary. Thank you for sharing this concept, Jennifer!
7 Amy F Sep 9, 2009
Going through some horrific times with my teen daughter now, and awash in feelings from grief to rage to utter bereftness, your post was a welcome reminder that I exist apart from the surreal disaster that is my current relationship with my daughter. I can be me, the same person I was before my world collapsed, before I was wounded to my core by her cruelty, before I uncovered the web of lies, but I can only be that person if I let go of the need to “improve” myself in order to improve the situation. The need to fix all that is “wrong” with me and my life is keeping me from living my life. Thank you, Jen, my neighbor, my inspiration.
8 Tweets that mention Freedom from Self-Improvement: The Freedom of Being » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Sep 9, 2009
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9 Brooke Thomas Sep 9, 2009
Oh how lovely! And the comments are as amazing as the post- what fabulous readers you have. @HiroBoga and @AmyF you both had me welling up!
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11 Shamsi Sep 9, 2009
Jen, this is my first visit to your site… but on a day when I see the world revolving around me in a chaotic blur of “all I need to do” this was such a lovely post. I love when people say the profound in clear and simple terms. Truly beautiful. thanks,
~Shamsi
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13 Lisa Sep 9, 2009
What a breath of fresh air this post was for me today, particularly because I had already intentionally decided to have a “being” day, not necessarily a “doing” day, in order to tune in to myself… quite important when I feel as though I’m getting lost in the clutter of to-dos and my intentions are losing their luster. When I allow myself to simply sit with where I’m at, the passion has the space to grow again, and action will come from a more authentic, adventurous, and heart-filled place!
14 Vicki Sep 9, 2009
I’m going to be free from self improvement today by leaving my computer when I’m done with this post, grabbing my paints and canvas and brushes and driving down the canyon to play with paint. No expectations. I’m inspired by Jennifer’s paintings on her website!
15 Vicki Sep 9, 2009
Actually, make that paper instead of canvas. Fewer expectations, more freedom.
16 Maribeth Sep 9, 2009
I am one of those who has a LIBRARY of self-help books, several of which looked good in the bookstore but I never opened once I got home. I just went through them and placed nearly all of them into a box to donate to the library. The space it freed up in my office – and in my heart – is just amazing to me! Diet books, workout books, yoga programs, makeup books, procrastination books, cleaning made easy, simple living . . . holy cow. I must have thought every single piece of me needed work. Kind of sad but I’m not hanging on to that. I just feel free right now and I’m loving that!
17 Sara Schmidt Sep 9, 2009
I have a huge library of self-help materials, too, Maribeth. Sometimes they help… and sometimes I just wonder, “Do I really need to be helped that much?!”
Jennifer, I have scheduled myself a mini retreat to just write and relax at a cafe while my hubby watches our three-year-old… and am thinking about booking an overnight at a hotel just to have some R&R time with myself, too. I’m loving your Women’s Retreat Book!
18 stacey. Sep 9, 2009
i am in the process of shedding my skin…old habits, old thoughts, old STUFF – how much of it do i cling to simply because i think i need it to be a Better Person? i’m fine just the way i am. it’s taken a long time to get here, and now i’m enjoying the freedom that freedom from self improvement brings!
19 Stacey Sep 9, 2009
Love the idea of a retreat! Would love to win a spot! Thanks so much!
20 Patty Sep 9, 2009
Getting Free
For me this means being me. Going with the flow. If it feels like work then I am going against the current, with resistance “trying” to fit into clothes, into a job opportunity, or the purchase of a house, anything that is not me. It is in these moments when I am struggling to paddle up the stream against a very strong current. For me, simply choosing the easy, flowing, natural route or choice for me without justification for my thoughts or actions, even when they differ from the world, floating on a raft downstream makes me smile, at ease and careFREE. Of course, I still need to gently remind myself of these choices.
A life coach emailed The Invitation by Oriah just last week! There are no accidents. This is where I need (not should) be right here, right now, gratefully.
21 Lynda Monk Sep 9, 2009
Dear Jen and others offering such heart-centered comments here…I am a mother of two young sons, a coach, an entrepreneur, and a work-life balance and self-care enthusiast. In my work with clients (mostly women) and in my own life – this idea of simply being (not doing, improving, striving, goal setting, list writing, multi-tasking, but truly stopping to be) consistently seems to be one of the most challenging things for us to do – while all at once perhaps the most critical thing to integrate into our daily lives – moments of being, of noticing, of being aware of our breath moving in and out of our body giving us life, perhaps even these things start us back into the doing? I notice when I stop and just be – emotion often rises up, recognizing that so few moments are truly spent this way in our busy lives…that self love lives in the stillness…keeps me returning to daily moments to simply be. I also try to cultivate these moments with my sons and my husband – not filling it all up – but opening up the space in our lives for this exquisity thing called “Being!” – ironically, it seems to offer all my doing a sense of groundedness, clarity and peace. Thank you Jen – for bringing further inspiration to BE! Warmly, Lynda
http://www.creativewellnessworks.com
22 Jennifer R. Sep 9, 2009
I am getting free by giving myself a break everyday. A break from the constant desire to be perfect, do perfect, and have everyone else around me hold up to my expectations as well. My current motto is “Everything is right”. When everything is right then nothing needs “improving” by me doing something, I can just be free to do what I do best: give love to myself and others. Thanks for this opportunity to be involved in a wonderful experience at a retreat! I love your books and have referred to them many times in my life!
23 Barbara Sep 9, 2009
Loved what you wrote today about retreats. They give us (we give ourselves) a time and place to listen to the voice of our souls. That, to me, is the essence of being.
24 sonia g Sep 9, 2009
15 mins of closed eyes-no thinking during my lunch hour. did this today for the first time- I LIKE IT!!
25 Susan Sep 9, 2009
Oh I how I need to ‘BE’… sometimes I feel like crying just longing for it.
26 Marisa Sep 9, 2009
Today, getting free meant running outside when the clouds broke and letting the sun warm my toes. Two minutes, but it was the best and most authentic two minutes ever. Getting free didn’t mean that I sat on the couch in front of the tv, letting the things that need to get done go by the wayside. It meant that I didn’t forget me while I went about the things I did.
27 Page Sep 9, 2009
Being, processing at a subtle subatomic level all the transformation that occurs while the mind, emotions, and body rest and begin to perceive the transformational changes and “ahas!”. It creates a new positive energy!
28 Vicci Sep 9, 2009
I took time between tasks today to just be rather than pushing with the doing. I enjoyed the drive into work, even slow traffic, then parked without desparation of getting the closest one (which I did get, imagine that one!) and am not taking work home so I may enjoy a simple dinner. What a difference perspective makes. And yes, I hear the need for a mini retreat as well.
29 ala Sep 9, 2009
just taking the time to breathe deeply and peacefully helps me feel relaxed and present. and doing it at this moment is helping me not worry about where we are going to live. it’ll be okay.
30 Laura Burlingame-Lee Sep 9, 2009
I’m “BEing” free by trusting the inner wisdom and knowledge that I’ve gained over the years. Like many people here, I’ve got my own library of self-help books, plus degrees in psychology to boot – and yet I still with pressure of perfectionism and the anxiety of “good enough.” I’ve been telling myself lately that I really can trust what I know, and what the soft, inner-self that’s “me” tells me is good for me. Might seem obvious to some, but for me, it’s a revelation.
31 Carolyn Sep 9, 2009
I’ve been thinking all week about “freedom from self-improvement” and how that means accepting the goodness that is in myself and each of us.
It’s like we know these things, but somehow we don’t really “get them” until we hear them in some sort of different perspective.
Thanks for helping us “free” our perspectives!
32 Sarah Flick Sep 9, 2009
How am I getting free?
breathing,
walking barefooted,
not rescuing others who know better,
resting,
asking for support,
practicing acceptance,
loving that Jennifer and this wonderful space is here.
33 Sarah Flick Sep 9, 2009
so I should have said “loving that Jennifer and this wonderful space ARE here”–can I be free enough from self-improvement to make a grammar mistake and not feel embarrassed (since after all it is what I am loving that counts!)?
34 kimbol Sep 9, 2009
It’s funny (or maybe not!) that FFSIW – and the posts that go with it – is happening at the same time I’m trying to figure out why I haven’t been ‘be-ing’ despite all protests & efforts & even non-efforts to the contrary. Sigh. It’s definitely an exercise in trust for me!
35 Barbara Sep 9, 2009
Reading your post reminded me that I don’t need “fixing”, as some people like to remind me frequently. And that I’m okay just being me. That has to sink in. My mind is numb from the running around I do with 2 small children. Tonight, I’m okay with being me.
36 Ellen Sep 9, 2009
The freedom of being started last may 09 when i let my very short and spiked hair go grey and white. Real from the outside in and from the inside out. How liberating and freeing this has been. And I look and feel beautiful. In my mid 50′s, i honestly believe i have never had so much light from within. Reflected by my now natural white/ grey short hair.
37 Shanna Sep 9, 2009
I’m getting free by accepting my perfect imperfection a little bit more each day. I am my story and I am everyone–It’s unique and at the same time, universal. In fact, I don’t need to *get free* I just need to accept my inherent freedom. What a fun thing to do!
Thank you!
38 Amanda Sep 10, 2009
I’m getting free by throwing away today’s to-do list.
39 Tamara Sep 10, 2009
whenever one of your newsletters floats into my box it reminds me to take a deep breath, a hot bath and a nature break. even as the kids are running around me in circles! thank you for being true to your gifts!
40 Creativity Queen Sep 10, 2009
I am free to cry and cry and cry…
41 Creativity Queen Sep 10, 2009
…and know I’m OK
42 paula Sep 10, 2009
what a great way to celebrate life
43 Hope Sep 10, 2009
I’ve been making a point to meditate – not anything formal or requirement-heavy, just taking time to listen to myself, to BE in myself, and enjoy my own company without requirement or expectation
44 Maureen Sep 10, 2009
I’ve decided that instead of waking my 5 year old & rushing through the morning routine to get him to school, that I would go in a few minutes earlier, and snuggle him awake. What a huge difference in the connection and mood for the next hour while preparing for school!
45 Janet Shepherd Sep 10, 2009
Today here’s my vote for freedom: I’m taking the afternoon off. I did a little yoga, because I felt like it, but not so much that it felt like a duty. I crawled into bed for a short nap. I’m listening to music that nourishes me and playing with the cats. Doing nothing, and nothing is exactly what I need.
46 Kay Sep 10, 2009
I’ve never been so fettered as I’ve been this week – since I’ve found this zone. And I’m feeling a little panicky, since I’m going in the opposite direction. I’ve not had time for lunch, for prepping for classes, for doing even a half-assed job, because there are so many people who NEED me, my helpexpertiseadvice. Obviously something is working hard to get my attention here…
But I’ve found my attitude toward them is changing and becoming more accepting, which diffuses their anxiety.
I just don’t feel relaxed and accepting of myself, and I’m a tad envious of you who seem to be so. Tomorrow I will try again.
47 ryal Sep 10, 2009
Tomorrow I will listen to my heart, because the heart, not the mind, knows the truth.But to listen in, I have to turn down the chatter outside. I crave peace, quiet, and solitude. No to-do’s, just to-be.
48 Freedom from Self-Improvement: Heaven on Earth » Comfort Queen Sep 11, 2009
[...] Wednesday’s winner of the spot at the Delicious Aliveness Through Self-Kindness Mini-Retreat: Lea Howell! [...]
49 Jean Sep 11, 2009
It’s 3:00 am and I am leaving for work because I have promised others to be there for them today. Yesterday, I could not leave the couch to do anymore. I watched TV waiting for some wonderful inspiration–watched Susan Boyle several times, Oprah, Dr. Phil. Also, read about the Ames girls and their friendship over the years. At this moment I wonder if Universe was sending me to rest or safely tucking me away from some stress I will learn of today. I will just be me today–that will be fine.
50 A. Sep 11, 2009
Yesterday’s message really rang true. So many self-help, health books make it sound like it’s your fault if you don’t get well. It’s hard to find the balance between doing everything possible and accepting what’s happening to you.
I wish everyone a beautiful day.
51 Jyll Johnson Sep 11, 2009
In a massive frenzy of “who am I’s?” and “am I a good enough wife, mother, person?” I have finally DECIDED to just BE ME. The dishes can sit, the laundry will wait, I take time for me every day, and make sure to talk and LISTEN to our kids…to my husband…and to just BE in the moent, experience it all, and love it! Life is so much better when you just ARE.
52 Janeace Sep 11, 2009
Everytime this week that I have returned to this website and read the days post and people’s response I find myself with tears in my eyes and a catch in my throat. Is caring for ourselves not the last thing on our list? In honor of changing that…This morning I woke up refreshed found my fuzzy kitty snuggled up next to me and thought about how lucky I was to BE ME! So I kissed my kitty, tucked her back in for a longer cat nap, and am going to pamper myself with good friends, good food and lots of love to myself for all that I have accomplished this year. Today I will dance on my tippy toes in the sunshine!!!!
53 Lisa Sep 17, 2009
Oh, this post came at exactly the right time for me!
You see, it was stuck in my spam box and I didn’t find it until just now.
My hours at work have been cut drastically and I am in dire need of more income. I am wrestling with the urge to panic and ‘force’ myself to go out and find a ‘job’ vs. just being, nurturing my spirit, releasing, letting go, decluttering…and trusting the plan will unfold in its time. I seem to no longer have the fortitude to force myself to DO anything. (And feel overwhelmed and pressured by those wanting me to DO stuff all the time!) Just BEing seems to be where its at. And in that I must trust the Universe to provide.
This is a time like no other in my life. I am definitely learning a new way of BEing in the world.
Thank you for your wisdom and guidance on our BEing journey!
54 Freedom From Self-Improvement: No More Fear-Based Marketing » Comfort Queen Sep 17, 2009
[...] Wednesday’s winner of the spot at the Delicious Aliveness Through Self-Kindness Mini-Retreat: Lea Howell! [...]