Isn’t it amazing that there are days when you can feel centered and calm no matter what life hurls at you, and then there are the days when anxiety and unease grip you like cheap shoes and you feel powerless to control your mind or your mood?
It’s like someone plunked you on the Mega-Anxiety-Mind-Eraser-Super-Bad-Mood-Dipper, and the gears are whining as you ratchet inch by agonizing inch closer to tippy top … you know something terrifying is coming….. and you are powerless to stop it.
Your stomach clenches (as well as your butt) and you hold your breath as you anticipate plummeting towards a painful and nasty yet unspecified fate worse than death…
This is where your typical self-helpie writer would offer you seven simple tips to feel better fast, served up in a very convincing, isn’t life perfect tone. Only problem is, when you’re on the roller coaster, you don’t believe you can get off (and you usually want to deck anybody who suggests otherwise).
You don’t believe anything anybody can say has any power to help
God knows that has been very, very true for me. I hold on to my suffering tightly, thank you very much. I’m sure your ideas are peachy but peddle them elsewhere, please. And be quick about it.
I know that you can change the course of your life, in spite of – and sometimes because of – your seeming lack of control. Don’t believe me? Read the following ideas, and listen to the audio by our Virtual Retreat guest Michael Neill (he’s leading the next-to-last session The Comfort of Your Innate Well-Being), but please don’t put any pressure on yourself to “think positive” or “just do it” or even to try any of these ideas. Instead, let the following suggestions flow over you, through you, without trying to get off the roller coaster, without trying to change anything, without trying to be any different.
Non-Chirpy Ideas To Make You Feel Comfortable Right Now (or maybe not, no pressure)
Imagine someone (or several someones) that you love, people who make you feel safe and understood, are on this roller coaster with you. See them, feel them, in the car with you…. bodies pressed up against yours, holding hands… maybe even breathing deeply and remembering that often the only difference between fear and excitement is the breath.
Bring help to you.
Recall some of the tender kindnesses that people have said to you in the past when you were afraid or worrying. Breathe in a little of that kindness now… Don’t try to make yourself believe everything is going to be fine; only allow a few words of kindness and support into your awareness, if you wish.
Inhale and as you do, scrunch up your entire body. Tighten your butt, twist your face into the most uptight, tense expression you can manage….
…..clench your hands and even your feet… hold your breath and clench your muscles even tighter… tighter… and then on an exhale, let gooooo.
Allowing the tension to slowly drain away…
Imagine you are very relaxed cat or puppy and let whatever is under you – the bed, the chair, the floor – hold you up as you sag into softness… languid letting goooo….
Next, inhale to the count of four (simply count to yourself 1, 2, 3, 4). Hold your breath for the count of two. Now exhale to the count of six. Hold your breath out for two counts. Try it again.
Inhale in the life giving oxygen that is completely and utterly free, to the count of four. Holding that life force in and letting it infuse you with life for two. Exhaling and allow your breath to connect with the air around you. Now pausing, empty of breath, rest for two counts, then naturally, effortless, begin to inhale.
Inhale 4, hold 2, exhale 6, hold empty for 2. Easy peasy. Forget where you are? Who cares? Start at the beginning or simply breathe, letting yourself dissolve into relaxation on each exhale.
Now here’s a short audio by Michael Neill, one of our Virtual Retreat experts, as he offers one way off the uncertainty rollercoaster. I hope you enjoy it.
Michael Neill short meditation (click to listen or right-click to download)
Stay tuned for tomorrow’s post: How To Feel Safe During Uncertain Times
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23 responses so far ↓
1 Karen Leary Jan 7, 2009
I just want to let you all know that regular people that never win anything win things from Jennifer! I was the lucky winner of a RETREAT with Jen! It was awesome and life changing. It pushed me outside of my comfort zone, gave me the chance to meet wonderful women, learn things about me, and years later, I am still reaping the benefits. So do it!
2 Joely Black (@TheCharmQuark on Twitter) Jan 7, 2009
This is just what I needed today. Thank you! It’s so nice to read understanding rather than “Just get on with it!”
3 Jennifer Jan 7, 2009
@Joely: Yep, getting on with it only seems to make you want to hunker down even more.
@Karen: did you come to Kripalu or was it Whidbey? I just remember your beautiful face!!
4 Brenda Nicholson Jan 7, 2009
Ahhhh… I feel better already! I love your ideas (as always) and especially appreciate the thought that we aren’t expected to do more than just allow these ideas to be with us. No pressure!
5 Ingrid Jan 7, 2009
I love the effective steps you give – am using them with great results!
Thank you,
Ingrid
babyparentingcoach.blogspot.com
6 Eveline Jan 7, 2009
“languid letting go” – love that image!
7 Michael Jan 7, 2009
No-one makes me unclench my buttocks like you, Jen…
8 Gayatri Jan 7, 2009
I did not know what kind of trip I was on until I read your post — and it turns out I have been on an awful uncertainty-negativity-hopelessness ride. Know it’s just one of those days, but could not find a way off it. Gosh darn it, so I quit. All I could do was muster up enough to quit. Let it all go, And lo, I’m not on the ride.
9 Karen Leary Jan 7, 2009
@Jennifer – Whidbey – it was my first trip alone as an adult ever. It was so scary and fun and I had so much fun.
10 Paula S Jan 7, 2009
Even if I don’t win anything, I always find a little gift from Jen, some pearl that lifts my spirits or helps me to look at something different. Thank you!
11 Jennifer Jan 7, 2009
Thanks everybody for chiming in!
@Gayatri, your post reminds me of where I go so easily… that ride sucks. Thanks for keeping me off it too.
@Paula, oh shucks, that made me smile. Thank you!
@Michael, hope the buttocks are still unclenched.
12 Terry Jordan Jan 7, 2009
Jen,
I could relate to the uncertainty roller-coaster way more than I wanted and loved your reference to the “self-helpie writer.” The Michael Neill meditation definitely grabbed my attention and it was a great reminder that I am not my thoughts, feelings or even my body (including my butt!)
Thanks!
13 Noeleen Jan 8, 2009
Hi! Just as I was sitting feeling bombarded by goals I should be setting for 2009 and not knowing how to cope with all of them let alone the backup in work, emails, etc. I decided to take 5 mins to read your email – I am so glad I did. I did the exercise and I suddenly saw my way through to prioritise the goals first!
Thanks very much!!! Lots of bright sunshiney light from Sunny South Africa!
Noeleen
14 Deonna Bishopp Jan 8, 2009
Jennifer I just love how alive you are!!!
Thx for sharing your thoughts!!
15 Amy Mommaerts Jan 8, 2009
Found you through Havi and loving it.
I spent a long time on that ride and I finally got sick on it (literally). The last part of 2008 I made some changes in how I react to certain things and it has really helped.
My tension reliever is I consciously work on relaxing every part of my body. Naming each part and having it relax as I go….. toes, feet, ankles, and work up.
This (most of the time) helps me concentrate on something and gives my brain and body a break from whatever was stressing me.
16 How To Feel Safe During Uncertain Times » Comfort Queen Jan 8, 2009
[...] (If you’re looking for Wednesday’s post, How to Slow Down the Uncertainty Rollercoaster and Find Your Center Again, right here.) [...]
17 Sue Jan 8, 2009
I love the visual of sharing the ride with those we love, because even if we are feeling grateful and balanced (at the moment!), the people we love may be ill or grieving or full of fear. The compassion we have for our friends and family can throw us off center too, but we’re on the ride together, and we know how to make each other laugh, and comfort each other around the sudden turns and drops. Just love that…
Thanks Jennifer!
18 Chris Em Jan 8, 2009
I didn’t know how badly I needed this until I pondered your ideas and followed Neill’s meditation. It feels like a whole new day has been laid out before me!
Thank You!
19 Sharon K. Moritz Jan 8, 2009
Wow I loved the audio from Michael!! I just realized that I am not who I thought I was. I am much more than my body, my thoughts, or my feelings. So much more. I can not wait for the retreat to begin.
Sharon
20 chantelle Jan 9, 2009
Thank you Jennifer! I haven’t read anything so sensible and yet so comforting in a long time.
The meditation by Michael was also excellent; he confirmed what I have actually been doing to cope and I didn’t realize I was doing okay all along.
Thank you!
21 Cassandra Jan 10, 2009
I have been a part of comfortqueen.com and Jennifer’s self-care minders since 2000 and have never posted a thing. Today after just surviving two forms of cancer at 30 years old, and three surgeries in the last four months and wondering what for, I logged on to my e-mail looking for answers. This was a tremendous help. I needed so desperately the reminder that I am not my body, thoughts, or situation. God bless you- you truly helped a friend in need today!
22 Rosemarie Jan 13, 2009
I loved the breathing exercise which works so well.
I also wanted to say Congratulations on what looks like a wonderful Virtual Retreat programme – it looks fantastic, I just wish I didn’t have things booked for this weekend. It looks like a lot of hard work on your part but what a wonderful result – well done. I hope you all have a marvellous and inspirational time.
love Rosemarie
23 A juicy post (and an audio for you) on the Comfort Queen Blog » Comfort Queen May 4, 2009
[...] You can read it here. [...]