My writing retreat cabin where in November 2005 I finished a rough draft of my first novel. (A very, very rough draft.)
I had some help. Picking burrs off Luna offered a fine distraction.
Here is what I praise myself for:
Being alone in total silence with no TV, no Lilly, no reading (really read only about an hour and half the entire retreat) and loving it.
Writing eight to ten hours a day.
Letting it be what it is - even when despair was what it was.
Letting it be rough - even when what I wanted was perfection.
Doing yoga every day - long, sweaty practices by the stove.
Taking a nap and waking up to make notes and then going back to dozing.
Not taking naps and writing instead.
Eating salads and really good chocolate.
Meditating every morning.
Feeling the support of the people who love me and letting it in, letting it be okay I am loved.
Loving the soft animal of my body- even when that meant writing in my underwear.
Screaming, crying, sighing, a lot.
Writing 35-40 pages of new material and rewriting (from 3rd to 1st person) 50 pages.
This was not a light or blissful retreat. It was hard. I can’t think of any other word - hard as in hard edged, as in chipping away in the mines, wiping the sweat out of my eyes, hard as in understanding that isn’t any place else to be, there isn’t anything else to be doing and that doesn’t make it any easier, hard as in humbling, as in what ego could be left after writing “She looked” or “She felt” one more time?
I am drained, proud, and beyond anything, so grateful I have the means and the courage to take five days to finish the first stage of a dream I articulated almost five years ago in my dear friend Kristina Coggin’s kitchen in response to the big bold sign on her fridge: “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” and I said, “Write a novel.”
13 responses so far ↓
1 Li Wu Nov 30, 2005
Congratulations, Jennifer! I have tears almost rolling down my face…
2 m Dec 1, 2005
c o n g r a t u l a t i o n s !!
3 sandylouwho Dec 1, 2005
I am so happy for you. And envious. What courage it took for you to take this time to do what you needed to do. I wish you’d say a little something about how you dealt with the guilt of going away when you have ill family members. I have stopped my writing retreats because of this.
And as for the soft animal of your body…thanks for quoting my favorite poem, which I am posting here for others to appreciate:
Wild Geese
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting — over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
© Mary Oliver. http://users.frii.com/parrot/joy/poem2.html
4 Marilyn Dec 1, 2005
The cabin photo didn’t come up for me, so I’ll just have to imagine it. What a treat to get to experience that retreat! Congratulations.
5 Jill Dec 1, 2005
Congratulations!
6 cindy Dec 1, 2005
Congrats! My hat is off to you for the blood sweat and tears!
7 cindy Dec 1, 2005
Congrats! My hat is off to you for the blood sweat and tears!
8 Toni Dec 1, 2005
Woo Hoo!!!
Sounds like you accomplished much. Congratulations. You had many of my favorite books in that stack.
9 Lauren Miranda Dec 1, 2005
Dear Jen,
Thank you so much for the inspiration… how our “stretching” - physically, creatively, emotionally, spiritually - widens our view of what is possible and we see how great our capacities are.
And yesterday was your birthing day and today is a new moon… as you step fully into this new place in your inner landscape. YES!!!
10 Lainie Dec 2, 2005
I was there with you every step of the way… can’t count the number of times I thought of you this weekend! YOU DID IT.
Now rejoice.
11 Helga Dec 7, 2005
“It is not because things are difficult
that we don’t dare;
it is because we don’t dare that they are difficult.”
(Seneca)
Your dared. Congratulations!
12 imaginecoach Dec 8, 2005
Bravo Jennifer!
Your writing sistahs from the Taos Writers Spa salute you! We loved hearing you read us a chapter back in August and we can’t wait to read all of your novel when it’s finally done. Lee
13 Laurie Dec 10, 2005
Congratulations! I am so happy for you!
You are an inspiration…..