I really haven’t.
Felt this light, this full of love, this accepting.
And I owe it all to a book.
No, not one of mine.
It’s a book by Michael Singer entitled The Untethered Soul and it’s lighting up my heart.
But why exactly?
In the chapter Infinite Energy, Michael writes that we each have a phenomenal, unlimited amount of energy inside. Really? Then why do I want to take a nap right now?
We don’t always experience this energy because we block it.
We block it when we close our hearts, close our minds, and put ourselves in what I call “the box:” the restricted deadly dull but safe (not really but we think it’s safe) place where we may be intensely uncomfortable but we believe we know what to expect. Michael describes it this way:
When you close your heart or close your mind, you hide in the darkness within you. There is no light. There is no energy. There is nothing flowing. The energy is still there but it can’t get in”
He goes on to say,
You should know about this energy because it’s yours. It’s your birthright and it’s unlimited. You can call upon it any time you want. It has nothing to do with age… energy doesn’t get old, it doesn’t get tired, and it doesn’t need food. What it needs is openness and receptivity.”
And here’s the passage that has thrilled me, that shifted what I did last night when Lilly was pissy, this morning when visiting my mom, with clients when I started to feel I had to “know” how to help them, even with my sinus headache:
There is a very simple method for staying open. You stay open by never closing. It’s really that simple. All you have to do is decide whether you are willing to stay open, or whether you think it’s worth closing. You can actually train yourself to forget how to close… For example, you could be the type of person who has an underlying fear of people and tends to close when you first meet them. [I would add that judging someone or thinking they are better than you are is a form of closing.] You could actually be in the habit of experiencing an uptight, closing sensation whenever somebody walks up to you. You can train yourself to do the opposite. You can train yourself to open every time you see a person. It’s just a question of whether you want to close or whether you want to open. It’s ultimately under your control.”
Imagine me reading this and cocking my head like the RCA dog. Really? It’s under my control? My energy? My heart opens or closes depends on me?
Yahoo!
Riffing off Michael, this is what I’ve been doing, which I hope will become a life time practice! (Yes, we will be playing with this at the Comfort Cafe!)
I made a commitment to not close my heart. To stay open to everything. Gulp.
Throwing my arms out… opening to it all.
When I notice myself closing my heart – like last night when Lilly was giving me a hard time and I could feel myself getting all box-like and tight, I remind myself to open my heart.
I imagine my heart and I invite it with the word, “Open.”
The wildest thing happened: I dissolved into laughter. Nothing was funny, my daughter was giving me the evil eye and waving her biology paper at me, and I could not stop laughing. Of course, her energy shifted, too!
However, there have already been moments when it wasn’t so easy to keep my heart open – when I could feel that creepy delight in making myself miserable or in being jealous (my Achilles heel) twining around my ankles. In those moment, I took a breath and felt into the memory of my heart opening while asking myself, “Do I really want to close my heart?” I remembered, in my body, the benefits of being open and my commitment to be open.
And one time, when I was feeling really icky, I acknowledged what I was feeling as in “I don’t feel like opening my heart, I don’t feel like feeling more energy and that’s okay.”
I let myself be there before I moved into opening my heart.
&
If how we want to feel is full of love, full of creativity, full of joy, and we can feel that by choosing to open our hearts, why would we ever choose to close them again? Or to quote Michael one more time:
You simply realize that defining what you need in order to stay open actually ends up limiting you. If you make lists of how the world must be for you to open, you have limited your openness in those conditions. Better to be open no matter what.”
Nothing is worth closing for. Nothing.
(which reminds me of a lesson from the Virtual Retreat - beating yourself up never, ever works. Ergo: closing your heart to yourself never does either.)
Relax and open. Do the best you can to do with what comes up.
Tell me what happens!
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21 responses so far ↓
1 Susan Mazza Feb 12, 2009
The perfect post for me to read at this moment. Thank you for the reminder to consciously stay open.
Susan Mazza’s last blog post..THE Best Definition of Leadership…
2 Kate Feb 12, 2009
I’m so trying this. I’m going to try it out at the milonga tonight. I’ll let you know how I get on.
The open heart / abundant energy stuff reminds me very much of the Singer of the Chalice stuff I was writing about here, where the idea is that you don’t have to learn to open yourself to peace, love, abundance etc one by one – you just have to learn a general opening, because all are the same thing, so all come flooding in at once.
Kate’s last blog post..Musical Self-Help no. 3 – I know what I know
3 Pamir | Reiki Help Blog Feb 12, 2009
In contraction there are fewer possibilities. Everyday opening leads to even more gifts. It’s a practice with immediate benefits. Then specific opening of the emotional heart can be explored. This is really the healing of old wounds.
This healing in turn leads to opening the spiritual heart, which is the greatest gift of all.
Pamir | Reiki Help Blog’s last blog post..Modern Reiki
4 Pearl Mattenson Feb 13, 2009
This is a wonderful reminder and very much like a mantra I have been playing in my own head that says “I am open and willing to recieve- no matter the form it takes.” Also reminds me of Parker Palmer’s idea of a “broken-open heart”- ultimately no matter how painful initially, healing will follow if we can stay open. Thank you!
5 Dawn Feb 13, 2009
I really love this, and I’ll probably go out and get this book now.
I would love to hear how to understand and negotiate through all the reasons we choose to stay closed. For me, it’s mostly to protect myself, though that’s arguably not working.
Thanks for sharing this!
6 Eveline Feb 13, 2009
Love to hear more about this. I like the concept, and just by thinking “open” to yourself, it feels so much lighter and better – I’m a bit confused….is this way of staying open also a way to handle people who drain us (aka “energy vampires”)??? By staying open can we protect ourselves from being sucked into their energy??
7 Lauren Feb 13, 2009
My thoughts echo yours, Eveline… I don’t know that every situation calls for us to be fully open — I think the impulse to protect ourselves in some situations serves a purpose. I am taking a class now where we are learning about grounding our energies, expanding our auras, and learning how to recognize when our heart chakras are “too open.” I work at a reference desk in a large metropolitan library, and there are many mentally ill people who are homeless who spend all day in the library. I mostly have to work at sending them love while also protecting myself, because if I don’t, I get a headache from being so sensitive to their scrambled energies. I think the practice of self-protection has to do with self-love, too… I don’t want to throw that out the window for the sake of being more open.
Okay, there’s my contrary view… thanks, Jen!!
8 Char Feb 13, 2009
I think by opening up Jen may mean opening up to our own experiences of what’s true for us. At least that’s how I took her article.
For example, with people who feel like energy drainers – my thought of opening up my heart would be opening my heart to whatever I’m feeling at that moment – whether it is that I’m tired, angry, bored, frustrated, etc – in other words, more about me and less about them in terms of opening up.
I thought this was one of your greatest articles yet, Jen!!! I have had a pretty intense week and opening up to my own heart was a big awakening for me.
Thank you.
9 Maribeth Feb 13, 2009
Jennifer – this is SO beautiful! OMG, I’m just wowed. As I was ready, I could picture that proverbial lotus flower opening and then snapping shut and then reopening and working so hard to stay that way, open and beautiful.
Why WOULD we ever choose to close our hearts again? I suppose because it’s safe and safe can just be too comfortable for me. So I’m working on breaking out of that box and I’m going to carry your words in my heart to help me along the way with it.
I’m so grateful to you. Thank you with my open heart!
Hugs!
10 Maribeth Feb 13, 2009
Jennifer – this is SO beautiful! OMG, I’m just wowed. As I was reading, I could picture that proverbial lotus flower opening and then snapping shut and then reopening and working so hard to stay that way, open and beautiful.
Why WOULD we ever choose to close our hearts again? I suppose because it’s safe and safe can just be too comfortable for me. So I’m working on breaking out of that box and I’m going to carry your words in my heart to help me along the way with it.
I’m so grateful to you. Thank you with my open heart!
Hugs!
11 Jennifer Feb 13, 2009
Thanks yet again for the amazing comments – wow, what a community.
Dear Lauren and Eveline, i thought about adding to the post a bit about protecting yourself even when open but I didn’t quite know how to verbalize it yet. Today in therapy, I said, “I actually can stay in my own experience more when I’m doing this.” So the best i can say is when I’m around energy drainers or crazy people (literally) is because opening my heart requires me to inhabit myself, I stay with me. What I tended to before – and no doubt will again – is go over there with the drainer or the crazy maker and try to take care of them…
Does that make any sense? Eveline, yes, grounding energy, feeling feet, being in the body is part of it!!
This is hard stuff to write about!
12 Goddess Leonie I Creative Goddess Feb 14, 2009
This is so deeply precious.
Thank you for sharing, dearest Jen.
13 Eveline Feb 14, 2009
Jennifer and Char – yes, thank you – both good explanations at staying open while still protecting yourself!! I think I’m getting it
Eveline’s last blog post..For My Love
14 Suzie Feb 14, 2009
Jen,
I love when you speak of the body sensation of closing vs opening. It’s something I’ve been noticing as I offer spiritual direction–and what might cause that closed-off feeling. For me it’s all about MY need to control what I am learning I cannot control! I appreciate your urging to stay in the open place; I wonder how I might begin to do this in more and more challenging environments. A beautiful concept. Thanks. Love, Suzie
15 Making it Through the Day after a Wickedly Bad Night’s Sleep » Comfort Queen Feb 21, 2009
[...] birthday and I was taking her out to dinner and I wanted to feel all peppy and happy and opening my heart was not getting rid of my headache (although the rest of me was feeling pretty [...]
16 Jordy Feb 27, 2009
Very nice post! Makes me want to go and buy the book!
I’m glad I bookmarked this blog, because the stories are always inspiring
17 Dana Mar 1, 2009
Wondering on the deeper question for me – why I found you today. Your words “…put ourselves in what I call “the box…” match the entire purpose of my art/life – freeing ourselves from all of our “boxes.” So very nice to meet you!
18 Pam Belding Jul 22, 2009
I am so very glad to have found you and your blog. You’re inspiring, soothing and like a breathe of fresh air. Thank you for putting into beautiful words the feelings I try to convey through my art. I’m signing up for your newsletter immediately!
19 Roberta Aug 26, 2009
Wonderful to find you communicating something I am struggling with so much – as a facilitator and supporter I too find I ‘go right over’ to the crazies and the needy and help rescue them, then find myself locked in my box unable to give or recive love from my nearest ones. Opening up – The scariest journey….here goes….and Thanks Jen.
20 kimberly Sep 5, 2009
I love you.
I see myself in my actions of upset-ness and I say, “I’m mad! and Ima stay this way.” then I suddenly realize how I must turn the corner lest I regret my actions..
super post, you’re awesome.
thank you..
21 Sandi Delia Sep 19, 2009
Hey Jen,
It’s been a long time since Newfield, but I check in on your writing frequently.
I agree wholeheartedly with your feelings and response to this wonderful book. I bought it some months ago and tried to read it, but I just wasn’t ready for the blast into a whole different dimension that it would create.
I love this book. It has propelled me into a new place of self-acceptance and just plain joy. I’ve started writing again for the sheer joy of it.
Highly echo your recommendation for the book. It’s beyond fabulous.
Sandi