- Reading in my friend Kris’s notes from her favorite painting teacher, "Plan twice, paint once." I felt a sense of slight panic — I’ve never planned anything.. have I? Felt afraid of thinking about art-making yet also knowing it is a good direction growing in me… but not to become dry!
- Standing in the redwood grove, hugging my husband, both of us so connected to our need to touch and sort of sigh/hum together at that moment.
- Feeling overcome by the simple history of my life when parked waiting for a friend outside of restaurant my parent’s used to frequent for dinner years ago.
- Sharing a camera between Lilly, Chris and I. Everyone wanting to capture this or that. Frustrating bliss at our shared passion. More cameras!
- Hormonal hell suddenly hitting me in the last two days– realizing that, of course, I feel like a ragged nail-biting crackhead when I haven’t been practicing yoga much for two weeks and I have been eating sugar two times a day! Middle aged body of mine needs so much care to stay on an even keel. Yet I want to keep denying that and pretend I can do or not do. When you fight with reality, you lose, as Katie Byron quips… but only 100% of the time.
Things seen: bird nests, shocking lime green secret shutters over butterfly garage door by iridescent blue vase; drifts of ascending California yellow-orange poppies, lavender lupines, gray green fuzzy sage; stacks of my books in the bookstore waiting to be read;
Wanting to make art with about involving: patterns, holes, doors, pathways.
Reading: The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (always have found her fascinating).
5 responses so far ↓
1 Olivia Apr 6, 2007
Hi, Jennifer,
I’ve been to hormone hell; it’s a place I know well. Please, please read Christiane Northrup’s “The Wisdom of Menopause”, which is not solely or even primarily about menopause, but more about being a woman at mid-life. She also has a PBS special on this topic; however, the book is truly invaluable. Maybe you’ve already read it, but if not, it’s sooo worth it. Although it may seem to be a technical book on menopause, it’s actually a soothing, soul-affirming book.
I recently started on bioidentical hormones at 49 and it is saving my health and sanity. I don’t know if the bioidenticals is the best for me right now, but I’m trying it because I tend to be more of an alternative health-type person. I may end up on conventional hormones if these don’t do the trick over time. But they’ve helped enough to change my life and for me to see that my problem is hormonally based, and addressing the source of the problem rather than the symptoms benefits my health in the best way possible. It was a HUGE RELIEF!
Even if you decide that hormones are not for you, I think that you’ll really be glad you read the book. Really glad.
Olivia
2 nicole Apr 6, 2007
sounds lovely! (except for the hormone part).
3 Ellen Apr 7, 2007
Ahh….’Sweet Hormonal Hell’….yes I remember ‘her’ well!
I agree with Olivia about trying it natural at first..(I was only 42 when all hell broke loose!)…I suffered for 3 years trying to stay natural….didn’t work for me….finally gave in to the ‘norm’ for a bit at 45 & life became worth living again…It’s a PERSONAL choice about the way to handle that daunting ‘day to day’ with whatever remaining dignity & grace you can muster!
Just bring yourself back to your yoga practice..it is the anchor to your reality….my practice… along with meditation…(& medication!)…. is what REALLY saved my life!
(But Jen…if ALL else fails…I’ve got a great pair of shoes here for ya’ that will never let you forget the women you still are INSIDE!
(*_^) *wink*
Ellen
4 Anita Apr 7, 2007
Good morning Jennifer. I’m starting the slide into hormone hell…. but for other reasons I really recommend this book. she’s very wise! I’d also recommend listening to the song I emailed you a couple of days ago; how timely.
happy easter. enjoy the sun. my easter here is 19 F and destroying my tulips…
Anita
5 v. Apr 17, 2007
there are two kinds of artists. one type of artist is very intent on the final product being just as they imagined it, so they make a plan and stick to it. the other type of artist lives for the process of creating. this type may start with an idea or image, but their greatest joy is in following the idea/image as it evolves into something completely different.
neither of these ways of making art is “wrong.” but only one of them is right for you. if you’re a process artist, don’t fight it. just take your joy as it comes and don’t worry about doing it wrong.