The one thing I don’t like about traveling (well, there might be more than one) is not exercising. Rather, lying in bed thinking I "should" exercise and then not doing it. Didn’t help that Suzanne got up and did!
Feels wonderful to be here, with Suzanne, back in the southwest. The chemistry begins and the ideas spin – what wants to come into being at the retreat? That’s always my edge — wanting to plan, plan, plan yet knowing that planning is only the scaffolding to hold me up while we create the week together. Now that is such the creative edge, isn’t it? There it is again – letting go!
I feel myself yearning for the room where tonight we will look around at the assembled faces, some tired and pinched and worried and me knowing how soft and light filled and stretched out we will all look by the end of the week.
More later!
2 responses so far ↓
1 Linda S. Williams Jul 30, 2006
Not only do you and Suzanne need to let go, but so do the participants. It was obvious to me last year that the ones that “Let go” were the ones that went the furthest. That’s probably the best thing you did for all of us… gave us permission to “let go.”
Enjoy. Say a prayer for peace at the cross for me.
Linda
2 Jodie Niles Jul 30, 2006
Jen,
I think my problem two years ago, and even in Santa Barbara, was in the inability to let go….I think that’s one thing you need to really work on with these women is HOW to really do that….I know for me personally I felt intimidated by women such as you (at the time I was only 25 and always am the youngest at these things, but…)becuase you all seem so accomplished….even its just world experience or job experience or life experience and you are all so metaphysical already that for me to NOT be felt like…I needed a pre-req just to be in the same room…am I worth it? How did I get here? Why am I here? What am I really gonna get out of this? And so that kept me from letting go…..and sometimes, too, letting go often leads to emotional breakdowns which are hard to handle when you are not in a therapeutic setting (although this is sometimes much better!) if you don’t have trust and vulnerability among each other and more importantly, with you and Suzanne, it’s very difficult. I know I viewed you as authority figures, something I’ve struggled with b/c of my childhood and how any authority figure viewed me and squelched me….and so SAYING things to them and SHOWING them how to let go are two totally different things…
Hope that is worth something! My spirit is with you all….I think I’d be much better at another retreat now than I was even in SB last year…now I “get it” more…but it’s still really scary….especially when you are watching people who appear to have mastered it all….even the art of mastering the “not knowing” and being okay with it….and liek I said, even though you may not, you are still “accomplished” or you wouldn’t be doing what you are doing….but for us to do all the work to open ourselves up is hard when you are not one on one….
Thanks for listening!