When you want to know what's next--but life keeps getting in the way.

What I Learned on My Nine Month Retreat

It's over--my nine-month working retreat (during which I committed to not starting anything new and freeing up as much time as I could while still keeping the financial fires burning) and I'd like to share a little of what I've learned.

At the beginning of my sabbatical, I had delicious fantasies about how I would spend my time–art journaling, learning more about yoga and cooking, meditating, writing fiction, playing in the woods with the dogs, resting, being with Lilly, reading, and more resting. Some of this certainly did happen but a retreat is, after all, about surrendering agendas and plans, and instead opening to the flow of life as it naturally unfolds.

So instead of art journaling and reading, I spent the first four months of my retreat on the couch crying. The grief of the last three years needed time and space to be fully felt--it wasn't pleasant but I found myself being so thankful I had the time and space to let the grief be. What came after that, starting around mid-January, was the polar opposite: Dating! Flirting! Obsessive personal grooming! Feeling like a young girl again and realizing I was falling in love with myself, the new self that was emerging. Or as I quipped, "personal growth through dating." I saw parts of myself that I hadn't seen for 23 years--and healed the part of me that was still an awkward too-skinny teenager with bad skin. This, in turn, helped me discover aspects of being a woman at mid-life. Not what I expected, that's for sure.

The last two months have been about exploring--awkwardly, inarticulately, yearningly--my desire to boldly, honestly, outspokenly nurture the change I sniff in the air. I smell hope, I smell inclusiveness, I smell connection, I smell fresh possibilities for aliveness. I also smell despair, resignation, exhaustion and fear. Heck, I smell all of these moods and more on myself at the end of the day! Transition has become a way of life--the pace of change has accelerated beyond what we could imagine even five years ago. The old ways of being stable are gone, like islands in the South Pacific. We're scared and freaked out by all this change--this week alone my stomach clenched when I bought groceries, paid the utility bill and filled my hybrid Honda's gas tank, and that was just this week.

But we can't shut down or stick our heads in the sand--we did that and look where it got us. It's about learning to be comfortable in the midst of all these unknowns--it always has been, but the stakes and the pace are so much higher now. It's about learning to use creativity to find our voices so we can nurture this evolution in sustainable, genuine ways. It's about learning to open our hearts no matter how scary life is. I want to be a comforting shock jock and help us remember how to listen with our hearts while opening to what's next--supporting us to hang-in there and find our own answers as we listen and stay true with courage from within.

So I savored my retreat and I blathered on about not doing it "right." It wasn't romantic like Elizabeth Gilbert's Eat Pray Love retreat. It did not result in me channeling my novel rewrite in a blaze of creative glory or painting for hours or seeing God. I did not emerge a different person, all tied up with a pretty bow. It was, instead, thankfully, a surrender to the raw flow of life. Which is, of course, exactly what I needed.

One of my favorite books, The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Riso and Russ Hudson, puts it this way, "When we are open and present, our hearts are affected and transformed by our experiences. Indeed, every time we allow ourselves to be truly touched by life, we are changed in profound ways. And ultimately, is not this the aim of all creative self-expression--to touch and transform the human heart?"

May your heart be touched and transformed as you allow life to truly touch you. Here's to fresh possibilities for aliveness!

Register Now For Tele-Retreats with Jen

Jennifer has emerged from her sabbatical with a renewed commitment to creating ways to help everyone find time and space to retreat. The outpouring of heartfelt response to her Teaching Assistant opportunity at Kripalu has made her aware of the many, many women craving retreat space in their lives, but not knowing how to afford the time, or the cost, to make it happen.

Since for so many reasons it's not possible for many women to come to Jennifer's live retreat events, she is launching a series of tele-retreats.

No Reason Not to Retreat This Summer: The Girlfriend's Tele-Retreat

The Girl-Friend's Tele-Retreat
July 10, 2008 5:00pm Pacific/8:00pm Eastern

Duration: 1.25 hours, with time for questions. Callers may jump in or out at any point and will receive an mp3 recording of the entire tele-retreat call plus other goodies!

Summer has traditionally been a time of letting go, of long days, looser schedules, and energetic warm sunshine --but instead of being the restful season, summer has become stressful. Suddenly, we find ourselves sitting at our Labor Day picnics wondering; "Where did my summer go? Where was the time for me?"

Yet your soul--and your friendships--are not a "little extras" you only turn to at the end of a bad day. Nor are your friends dispensable, something you "fit in" when all your work is done. Your friendships offer you the safety, the acceptance, the gentle guidance that you must have to thrive. So why not come learn how to make time for light, fun and soulful connection at our Girlfriend's Tele-retreat--all from the comfort of your home.

This is the perfect way to connect more authentically with your childhood girlfriends or your book group, church group, women's group, the gals at your family reunion. You--and your friends--are deserving.

More info here.

Bring a friend for only 10$ more if you register at the same time!

Register Here.

Comfort Wishes

Everything is shifting sands
Change is the only constant
There are no guarantees
No one can tell you what to do

But wait -- this is not bad news!
Truly

This is your invitation, hand engraved from the Divine's heart to
yours

There now, let your jaw relax and your hands unclench on the steering wheel of your life
Open the ear of your inner knowing and
RSVP