Comfort is the foundation for creativity and creativity is the flower
that gives off the fragrance of service.

Greetings Creatively Communicating Women:

You might have noticed my "face lift." I love this self-portrait! Even though it was done on an enlarged photo of me, i.e., I can't draw (yet!) I feel so satisfied with it. I made it in Traci's class at Art Unraveled in August. It's my first self-portrait. I wonder if it's easier for you to perceive me because your normal thoughts of, "Oh, she reminds me of my old neighbor... I wonder how old she is... I need to pick up the photos I dropped off for developing last week" probably don't come up. When we are abstracted from usual context, can we connect more easily? I'll always remember being a college student in LA and there was an earthquake, and we lost power. I lived in a building exactly like the kind shown years later on Melrose Place, sans fountain, and all the neighbors came outside, leaning out windows and doors into the central courtyard, and we talked for quite awhile, in the dark, gently connecting. It was delicious.

So much of our misery arises when we feel separate, isolated, or misunderstood -- it always amazes me how hard it is, for example, to make a clear request, voicing what you want and by when -- myself included in this struggle! Self-care is intimately entwined with communication. Social constructionists in the field of communication assert that, "Communication is the process by which all reality is constructed, it is involved in all things and separate from none" (Littlejohn, 1999, p. 177). I see this newsletter, my podcast, and my blog as a way I share how I construct my reality and as way for you to connect and share your realities, therefore opening up new vistas for all of us. This week, let's step out of our contexts as often as we can and remember that every moment is a precious opportunity to find a connection to something beside our small selves, our normal ways of seeing and being. Let's stumble into each other in the dark and find a little light.

Ahhhhh,

Comfort Wishes

When the brutality of the world threatens to crush you
You want to bury yourself like my dog buries her rawhides
furious, furtive
Pull the earth over you and everybody you love tucked safe,
out of sight

Cast off your shoes and walk or crawl
into the forest
Witness the nurse logs crumbling, feeding life
Touch the lichen, infinitely patient in its eons of duty
Lean your forehead against a maple or an oak, be a party to its inhale and exhale

We will not close our hearts
Mourn and then comfort yourself
We will not close our hearts
Swaddle yourself in light
We will not close our hearts

Self-Care Minder

A few weeks ago working with Mark Silver, my business coach, we named the four moods and/or stages that I find myself in -- and that I believe you find yourself in, in relationship to self-care. They are:

Depleted: Running on empty, feeling a bit to very lost, deeply in need of gentle self-soothing, healthy curling-up-in-a-ball-downtime, as well as reminders of your own worth and nudges toward what replenishes you.

Tapas: This is the moment and junctures where you need heat, juice, and help staying focused. You have enough energy and your basic needs are mostly being met but you waver in your innate understanding and commitment to making choices that create a life you love. It's when you waver between pushing and shoulding excessively on yourself and listening to your heart and spirit. You need reminders to generate good loving tapas or heat!

Joyful Desire: This is where -- mostly -- desire is gently tugging you forward and you can often trust that something larger than you is holding you up. There is faith in yourself, your deepest experiences, and you find yourself often bursting with creative vision and gratitude as the divine purpose of the universe unfolds through you.

Effortless Service: The moments and relationships and offers in which self-care has blossomed into the fullest and richest expression of service for you -- you can offer yourself to the world in service and the word itself rings with ease and love.

What do you think of these categories? Did we miss one? What would you add? As always, I cherish your emails and re-read them often. jen@jenniferlouden.com

And... Subject to revision, as always, I'm going to use these four moods to organize the newsletter! To offer an idea, an excerpt, a resource or two. I can find myself in the course of a few hours and certainly a day bouncing between these comfort categories so the idea is you can save the newsletter, refer to it throughout your week, use all or part of it, depending on where you are in that moment. Let's see how it works.

Depleted
I'm depleted from traveling and being a single parent and worrying about my Daddy. I realized today that I'm in the mood of not receiving, which always deepens depletion. When my yoga teacher gave me adjustments in class today, I let go as much as I was able. I called to make an appointment to a neck adjustment. I called a friend to make fun plans for the weekend.

What are you sure you can't have right now?
What do you want to ask for, no matter how small or tender?

Why not do it right now and know that thousands of other women are too?

Check out the brilliant Michael Bungay Stainer's film The Eight Irresistible Principles of Fun for a lift. And pick up his book while you are at it -- I use it all the time!

Get inspired to stretch your creative wings -- this just arrived in the mail and I can't wait to dive in. The New Creative Artist: A Guide To Developing Your Creative Spirit

Tapas
Practice -- it always comes back to what am I practicing? Where am I placing my energy and attention? What we put our attention on grows -- literally; the neural pathways in our brains are formed by the complex interaction of our emotions, thoughts, and reactions. Create a new pathway or strengthen one that has been neglected with the heat of choice. Choose a habit (a habit is an unconscious practice not an indictment of your character or the "just the way you are") that feels outmoded and stale, more of a burden to get doing than an enjoyment. It could be slamming your boss, your nightly ice cream, nagging your children to pick up their rooms, having to do all your chores before you journal or knit or paint.

Each day when you find yourself leaning toward this habit/unconiscious practice, simply ask yourself, with infinite tenderness, "Is there something I'd enjoy more?" You can also try choosing a practice to substitute with ahead of time as long as that practice doesn't become a should. It can feel like work but there needs to be some joy, some juice, pulling your forward. You can also combine the two: ask the question and have a substitute practice in mind that will help you become more of who you already are.

FYI: one definition of tapas, courtesy of wikipedia.org: "the yogic tradition, tapas may be translated as "essential energy," referring to a focused effort leading towards bodily purification and spiritual enlightenment. It is one of the Niyamas (observances of self-control) described in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Tapas implies a self-discipline or austerity willingly expended both in restraining physical urges and in actively pursuing a higher purpose in life. Through tapas, a yogi or spiritual seeker can "burn off" or prevent accumulation of negative energies, clearing a path toward spiritual evolution."

Joyful Desire
On my birthday, I declare I will only do what I want to do. I notice how much more energy I have. I believe it may be because the absence of shoulds. Everything is a choice -- my choice! This week, notice where your natural energy wants to go. Become a bloodhound on the scent of your own desire. Notice how it feels in your body, how alive and even dangerously sparkling with love it helps you feel.

Effortless Service
Comfort is not stagnant, rather it is the Northern Lights of your well-being illuminating the torus of your universe.

My husband Chris is in South Africa today, France tomorrow, on a shoot for the Travel channel. The people he is working with like to deal with the stress of a very tough show by: a) being negative about whatever they can find and b) drinking a lot. Chris is learning a whole new level of self-care and service. By listening to really great music and reading The Alchemist, he's feeding his heart and giving off good energy. He is noticing how it is uplifting the entire crew and even the quality of the show.

Shining out love is always the most effortless of service, especially when you do it in a room full of tired, negative, or trodden upon humans.

A little reminder of how important you are.

Life Organizing

This new section will focus on life organizing, the subject of my new book, The Life Organizer, previously the Inner Organizer. The book will release at the end of December and you'll be able to get it here first with some lovely bonuses. In the meantime, why not use the tools we already know and have, like this one:

For the next two weeks, every time you hear a siren or a phone or your child cry, "Mommy, I want..." or your pet bark and meow for you (you choose the prompt that works best for you but choose one that sparks communication), inhale and stretch your arms over your head. Notice your emotions and let them be okay, even embrace how you are feeling. Then ask yourself, "What do I need to communicate, to myself or someone else?" See what occurs to you, even as you move to answer the phone, comfort your child, cuddle your pet.

Queens from Comfort
Birthing Your Own Sovereignty

We are inaugurating a new Yahoo community to replace the message boards at www.comfortqueen.com. Why a message board? (confusing...you say you are replacing it but is the Yahoo Community also a message board???) To give you a place to:

• exchange self-care ideas
• share creative projects including photos of your art and other projects
• communicate self-care resources: local, national and web-based
• offer support

This is not a place to whine nor do you have to visit regularly to get help nor is it a place to advertise! Karen Leary will be our moderator and the rules are simple: be kind, ask for what you need, and offer what you can without selling anything.

I'll highlight one or two good entries each week that the larger community could benefit from and look forward to hearing what you create!

To join go to the Comfort Community's Home Page.