Listen up.

When you look around and cock your head (think: RCA dog) and ask yourself, “Why is that so popular?” or “I don’t get it” or “Yuck,” trust that.

Trust that questioning, that niggling, that contraction in your belly.

Not because you are such a genius (though you are, or you wouldn’t be here reading this) and not because I’m urging you to become a judgmental crank.

I want you to trust what you know.

The world is full of the unreal, amplified a million times by the media and the interwebs and a general lack of discernment. The unreal is streaming into your awareness and it needs your awareness to counter it

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you are ahead of the pack, the curve, the time. You do know more. Period.

Honor that you are ahead, that you know, that you see.

The world needs you to know what you know.

That niggling in your belly that says such and such is not real or not for you or simply doesn’t feel right?

It’s your current truth.

Meet it.

Fiercely.

Trust it.

Completely.

No, don’t make it into a rigid rule or noxious gossip. You don’t even have to tell anybody.

Simply say, “Yes, that is my knowing.”

“For now.”

P.S. Early bird price for my world famous Taos Writer’s Retreat goes away January 30th. Save money and get free coaching. A few spots left.

I have a total business crush on Mark McGuiness. He’s so smart, it makes my teeth hurt.

If you are creative (and doh, you are) and you are remotely interested in lighting your own fire in the world (aka being self-employed) Mark’s created this insanely helpful e-book for you.

Here’s what Mark says:

Creative people need three things to be happy:

• Freedom – to do what you want, when you want and how you want it. Not just in holidays and spare time – but also doing meaningful work, in your own way.
• Money – to maintain your independence and fund your creative projects. Of course you want a nice place to live, but you’re not so worried about a bigger car than the guy next door. You’d rather spend money on experiences than status symbols.
• Time – to spend as you please, exploring the world and allowing your mind to wander in search of new ideas.

Usually, you’re lucky if you get two out of the three. But if one of them is missing, it compromises the other two.

Without money, you don’t have much freedom, because you have to spend your time chasing cash.

Without time off, money doesn’t buy you a lot of freedom.

And if you’re doing something you hate for a living, it doesn’t matter how big your salary is, or how much holiday you get.

Okay, want more? You can have it, for free. Click this link right here right now freedom207JL-1 – read his fab book, then live long and prosper.

You will have a chance to opt in later to learn more about his business program which I bought and love and if you do, I earn money. But that’s not why I’m taking up valuable blog-estate to tell you. It’s because Mark’s stuff works for my brain and that makes it fantastic in my book.

I’m uber grateful to be included in Brooke Thomas’ inaugural issue of the 11th Project. It’s free so go get yourself a copy here. I’m honored to be included among people like Desirea Rodgers and Jill Miller and Chris Guillebeau and Lissa Boles (everyone profiled is amazing so get a copy!)

I’m also grateful for my “ahas” for reading my own interview.

Whenever you are giving birth to something new – or when you have lost focus or faith – have someone interview you.

Find someone you trust and who listens really well and who is super curious. Someone who likes to pretend she’s Barbara Walters.

Record it (I like video because I really come alive in front of the camera – ham I am. Lots of people prefer audio. Use a free bridge line. Free Conferencing.com is super easy to record on via their web interface.)

Set an intention to hear what you really want and ways you might bring it to life.

Have a conversation about your thing even if you don’t know what “it” is. Go out beyond right and wrong doing and riff.

Be willing to be awkward, to stumble, to sit in silence. The more you stumble, the closer you are getting, me thinks.

Let yourself say things that make your heart pound, that make your head spin around with a giant “how the hell would that ever happen?” Which is not to say this is about being inflated and “big.” It’s about speaking from your heart and not stopping the flow.

The alchemy of being interviewed happens in the surprise, in the interaction between the questions you’re asked and what comes out of your mouth. When you hear yourself say what you really want and realize, “Oh holy Batman, that is it.”

When that happens, you will almost certainly go immediately blank. Congrats, you have struck gold! This is why you recorded it. Wait a day or two, then make notes on what you said. If you go blank again, ask someone else to listen and make notes about what he or she heard.

I wish I could interview every single one of you! Tell me what you learn!!

P.S. I’m also happy to be part of Allison Mark’s tell-it-like-it-is organizing summit – you get to ask all sorts of self-employed chics how they actually organize their time, their offices, and their days – including me. You can call in live for free. Cool!

I’ve been off line for a few weeks and sure enough, the moment I came back, I saw Tweet and emails and Facebook posts about “Have your most kick ass best year ever” “Make millions while getting rock hard abs and having incredible sex” etc. etc. etc.

Every conceivable twist on goal planning, business planning and perfect life making - each one more EXCLAMATORY than the next – rolled into my head.

Instant ugh.

I turned off the computer (and reminded myself, once again, to edit who I get email and Tweets from)

Then I turned it back on and wrote:

Instead of my most kick-ass-best-ever-make-a-billion-have-rock-hard-abs-eat-raw-year, I’m going to have a being-me-good-enough year. Thank god.”

Here’s how Rachel, from my Comfort Cafe, put it:

I realized I just want to LIVE my LIFE in an (imperfect) gentle way.

Does your heart soften when you read that? Me, too.

But Wait, Aren’t You Doing a Whole New Thing?

Yes, I AM, and you’d think, given that I’m in the midst of launching my new thing, turning down clients and gigs and spokesperson work that no longer fit me (scary as hell), I’d be all frothy at the mouth with big plans.

Working those abs. Whitening those teeth.

No, ma’am. No, sir.

Of course, I’m tempted. I love a big inflated fantasy decked out in the disguise of a seven-step process to ever lasting peace and prosperity. Love love love those!

However, those kind of goal-fantasies-magic pills? They damage me. They hurt my heart. They lead me away from myself.

They are also utterly unsustainable.

And every time I make a plan that is unsustainable and not based in facts, I erode my trust in myself.

Every time I erode my trust in myself, I lose my ability to serve.

I also stop savoring being alive and I start to wonder what is the point?

Depression rolls in on the heels of those thoughts and, before January is over, I’m deep in the pit dug by my own kick-ass goals.

I’m Not Saying Don’t Want

Look, I talk endlessly about desire in The Life Organizer and at the Comfort Cafe. I love desire! I’m not saying don’t want things. We all to  want more – it seems built into our DNA.

But how we handle wanting more, how we scale it to our very human hearts, how we stay out of inflation and grandiosity and deadly comparisons (compare = despair) that’s the key, darling.

Our relationship to our desires. Our resistance to wanting.

What to do instead?

Track your influences. Who you are listening to? Who are you comparing yourself to? Tune into the literal voices in your head – who  is there? Then ask yourself, “Do I give this person the authority to influence me?” If so, “On what grounds?” Know WHY you are buying what others are selling.

Create some simple criteria for discerning why you give this person or company the authority to teach you. Look beyond the hype and magic pill salesmanship and red velvet rope manipulation (“I’ll be left out!”). Name the measurable outcomes you can reasonably hope to achieve before you invest in anything.

If you have made a big ding-dang-do plan for 2011, take it down a few notches. A big thing in the Satisfaction Finder is lowering your standards. Declaring you will do less than your maximum. Then you can stretch without pulling a hamstring.

Speaking of the Satisfaction Finder, name one high impact thing you can do today – that impact can be on your mood, your bank account, your relationship, your clutter – and then use COE’s to outline that one action. High impact is not the same as best or perfect, FYI.

How do you set COE’s? Read this post , and better yet, buy the product. But first, ask yourself, “What can I reasonably hope to achieve from buying this?”

Our theme right now at the Comfort Cafe is Imperfect Beginnings. I choose it so I would not get inflated and then depressed and exhausted. Desire, yes. Satisfaction, daily. Best year ever? Please.

How do you set goals and plans and intentions in your life? I’d love to hear!