Before you can have a name for your thing, you have to bite through and get to its essence.
But if you believe the story that you need a platform or a logo or a brand or a tag line or even a way to talk about what you biting through to, you won’t bite.
You certainly won’t chew.
You can’t possibly digest.
Instead, you will keep trying to explain, to make sense of, to know and that is like trying to take a poop before you’ve even picked dinner from the garden.
It means you will probably feel very stuck, terrified, and very, very frustrated.
But, you may be saying,
I have to know what my thing is and talk about it in very clever ways and be different then everybody else who does my thing or else I will starve /never matter / and be alone for the rest of my life, shut out from the brightness and goodness of life.”
Or something that like.
I know, that’s a powerful, believable, seductive story.
I also know it’s a lie.
Stop trying to name it. Stop trying to know. What you most afraid of doing- staying still? Being? Listening? That is what you most need to do.
- Turn the marketing buzz off. .
- Send the Critic and all of his Brethren to the back of the bus, tell them to sit the hell down and no spit balls!
- What must you actually need to earn? Earn that and put away your fancy plans to make 7 times that and play big and fly first class everywhere. Later.
- Ask yourself, “What would I love to do next?” and then do it. If you can, do this first thing in the morning before any interaction with the outside world (that means email).
- When doing number 5, repeat number 3.
- If you tell yourself you are screwed because you do not have a name for what you are doing, I invite you to tell yourself another story: I am biting through to what is true and real for me. This is an rare opportunity, not a punishment. History, literature, mythology exists to tell stories of people doing this. The fact they are mostly men need not concern me.
- Read these stories. Listen for the parts that make your ears perk up.
- Write down your dreams.
- Ask for help. Not in a save me help me figure it out way but in a support me, help me stay with this way.
- Sacrifice a goat.
- Maybe do a coaching session with me. (I say maybe because I am a genius at helping people in these transitions and if you do a session hoping to know what it is, it will be a waste of your money.)
- Use COE’s to help shut the Brethren up and contain your fear. For example, my COE’s this week: Writing for 1 hour each day and doing yoga everyday – supported by Bindu’s cool thing. I read poetry every day, at least two poems. I can measure these things. That helps me be with what cannot be measured – yet.
- Would you force the thought on anyone else that they are worthless and doomed because they can’t name their thing yet? I think not.
I’m right there with you. I have officially left the shore of who I have been to become I know not what. Fear grips my gut seventeen times a day. So what? Odysseus was lashed to the mast for a reason.
I invite, await, and hope for your comments on how this landed and what you do to help yourself bite through.
Huge thank you to Hilary Barrett for the reading that was the basis for these insights.
Read a post about COE’s or better yet, buy the Satisfaction Finder – I’m doing a bonus call tomorrow at 12 noon Pacific with Molly Gordon on using COE’s in Business that will be brilliant.
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15 responses so far ↓
1 Jess Jun 10, 2010
Bravo! Love this, Jen!
2 Kim Higgins Jun 11, 2010
Jen,
You have no idea how timely your latest blog is for me! Yours and Seth’s were awaiting me this morning as I woke up after stewing last night before bed struggling with the fear of launching my web site among moving forward with a new business idea and believing the lie it had to be “perfect” to move. Thank you so much for becoming the catalyst to move me forward! You are truly amazing.
3 Tweets that mention Story Week: Biting Through » Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Jun 11, 2010
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer Louden, Naomi Niles. Naomi Niles said: My #followfriday this week goes to @jenlouden . She is such a joy. Especially check out her last post: http://bit.ly/bB8FXF [...]
4 Meg Boone Jun 11, 2010
Yay!!! Thank you, this week has been a week of breaking through boundaries and I have started traveling towards something, even though I don’t quite know what that something is. It has Mirage qualities on the Horizon, I know it is there but it is also free to change shape as needed. In the meantime one foot in front of the other, towards my Mirage of opportunity. Thanks for the exhale of breath, I am glad I’m not the only one walking!
5 Fabeku Fatunmise Jun 11, 2010
…biting through to what is true and real for me.
I love that.
And how much better does that feel than banging my head against the wall, trying to squeeze a name out of a big ball of angst.
And how often does this nugget of gorgeousness get missed because we’re trying to wrap it up in something snazzy, catchy and marketable?
I felt the awesome of this post in my bones. Many many thanks Jen.
6 gusty Jun 11, 2010
so very perfect. and cozy. thank you muchos. i imagine i’m going to read this post over many many times. and then some.
7 Kat Jun 11, 2010
after reading this, I realized that I am a writer, not sure how it happened, but I am a writer of many more pages than the writers I read about and hold in awe write (based on their posts/blogs).
Maybe we are all much more/bigger/different than our stories???
8 Lisa Jun 12, 2010
Woops, posted this comment under the wrong post, but that one was brilliant too….
WOW… no words but a great BIG, juicy, sparkling THANK YOU.
This will be printed out and revisited time and time again!
9 Hilary Jun 13, 2010
Wow! Wonderful to hear a reading landing in so many ways (and thank you for the plug
).
Also,
is the best description in the universe, ever, for trying to move to hexagram 22 in a time of 21.
10 Jennifer Jun 13, 2010
Reading your comments unites me with the force in all of us that is constantly working for our good, our freedom, and reminds me to stay with awareness, awakeness, even when all i crave is the exact opposite. What wonderful aware smart cookies you all are!
11 Fear and Writing « Nina Killham’s Blog Jun 16, 2010
[...] But this was one of the best. [...]
12 Maisha Jun 16, 2010
Thank you! This is great.
mzjo.wordpress.com
13 Nats Jun 16, 2010
Ah! Yes Jen
Lately, I’ve been struggling with defining my ‘things’ so it doesn’t come out garbled when someone asks the dreaded question: so what do you do?
Bleurch. Hate it. Uncomfy.
Working on creating a ‘cocktail line’ as Danielle LaPorte puts it. I just want to say. I’m creative. I do stuff like host Underground Tea Parties and paint and make fabric journals… and for them to go OK, cool.
I’m spending time with my creativity. Exploring and playing; revelling in its essence.
x
14 bikes, burning | olyphant Jun 16, 2010
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15 Getting my own goat . . . « Earful of Cider Jun 18, 2010
[...] to a post written by Jennifer Louden, aka the Comfort Queen, who provided wise words and some suggestions of things to do when everything seems to [...]