This month at the Comfort Cafe is all about stories – how we live in them, how they live us, how we can live in them more mindfully-
I thought I might share some of what we’re learning with you, my most fabulous blog readers who, for some silly reason, are not all members of the Cafe. (You are fabulous. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)
My favorite way to frame how you live in a story is to see yourself wearing a pair of glasses at all times.
These glasses are made up of your genes, your life experiences, your biochemistry, your wounds, your gender, education, travels, hopes, prejudices, cultural upbringing, the language you speak, and what you ate for breakfast. Plus a whole bunch of other stuff.
Almost all the time, your glasses are invisible to you. You forget you have them on.
Therefore, without knowing it, you forget that you are seeing life through glasses and believe that you are seeing the truth. You believe your interpretation of the facts seen through your glasses to be THE TRUTH.
Another better way to say this:
- Event happens
- You make up a story (not just in language, also inyour body and your mood but that’s another blog post.)
- You hold that story to be THE TRUTH
- You promptly forget you made up THE TRUTH.
- In the forgetting, there can be a whole lot of suffering.
Your life goal? To remember you are wearing glasses!
Important! Note! I did not say get rid of your glasses – that is impossible. Literally. Stories are how our brains work. We must make up stories to organize the information coming to us – there is simply too much information coming in for us to process. We drop most of it and then organize the rest into a linear story.
Here’s the truth: you and I are incapable of accurately perceiving reality. So maybe there isn’t a truth? Holy Batman!
And who wants to live without stories? My dear friend and Master coach Ann Cheng said on our fantastic Comfort Cafe call on Saturday, “I was talking to my daughter about letting go of stories and she said, ‘But mom, that would be horrible.’ What she meant is our stories is how we make meaning.”
We treasure our stories because they organize reality and make meaning. YES! They make us human.
So my point is simply – simple but so very far from easy – to be aware you are making meaning.
What meaning do you want to make?
And every time you think you can’t choose what meaning to make? That, my friend, is a story!
P.S. I’m doing links at the end of posts because it has always bugged me as a reader to feel like I’m missing something if I don’t click on the link so I do and then my reading experience gets all nattery and scattered goes my thinking. Tell if you you like this or hate it, I’m curious.
Comfort Cafe, Ann Cheng (no link, she’s a closely guarded treasure who does not have a web site and she’s the kind of wise person I bring to the Cafe each month for rollicking learning conversation) and my favorite book on story making is The Trance of Scarcity.
8 responses so far ↓
1 Hiro Boga Jun 7, 2010
My son Jesse was a wonderfully creative, funny, sensitive little boy. This meant that he needed me to be fully present, and when I wasn’t, he’d look at me with hurt in his beautiful brown and eyes and say: “You’re using your mean voice, Mom.”
Often, this was a reminder to me, to stop doing whatever I was doing, and to pay attention to what he really needed from me.
But sometimes, it wasn’t. At those times, I’d ask him: “Jess, am I using my mean voice, or do you have your mean ears on?”
He’d stop, consider this, and say: “Oh! Yeah! It’s my mean ears!”
Then he’d laugh, and if I was lucky, I’d get a hug before he ran off to play.
2 Tweets that mention Story Week – What Glasses are You Wearing? | Comfort Queen -- Topsy.com Jun 7, 2010
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Jennifer Louden, Jennifer Louden, HiroBoga, HiroBoga, Sarah Marie Lacy and others. Sarah Marie Lacy said: RT @jenlouden: Story week at the blog, the Comfort Cafe, with my friends @HiroBoga, @LuminousHeart & @spiver: Glasses http://bit.ly/cmcf0P [...]
3 living savvy Jun 7, 2010
For my postgraduate studies I have been increasing my understanding of the importance of narrative and storytelling to the creation of meaning & identity in ones life. The plot of the story is created by the temporal linking of life events & experiences. It so important to keep our glasses on and be aware of what we are seeing as we never want to outlive our life stories.
I have been thinking of the phenomen of telling a story that creates meaning and then because there is a strong attachment to that being true future actions and choices play out aligned with that plot.
I have watched a wonderful woman in my life tell the story over and over that “her husband left her for a another woman and now she is all alone and a single mother with all of those responsibilities”. After travelling with her on a holiday road trip and hearing this story pop up on a number of occasions. I recognised how deep grove we can create for oneself when we tell the same story over again and how hard it is to maneuver out even though the time is right to get out of the rut and make a change.
I wondered what is the story I tell myself. Let me share it “There a few people that I can rely on. I must do things for myself to avoid disappointment – the buck starts and stops with me” The groove that I have created for myself means that I don’t often ask for help, if I do I have thought of every other option of doing it before reaching out, I reluctantly accept the gift of acceptance. I do things everyday that continues to make this story real when like any stories that you hear over and over again you want to yell STOP – tell me a new one.
Thanks for this post. Obviously got me reflecting.
4 spicy Jun 8, 2010
Living savvy:
Wow. Thank you for your insight. I felt myself in your comments about the story of no one reliable to count on for anything, therefore I do it all myself. I am aware of this story, as you are, and I also feed and perpetuate it with my daily activities and behavior. Thus it is not enough to have awareness of our glasses and stories; how do we develope strategies to challenge or modify our stories or our behavior so that we can create better stories for ourselves?
Any thoughts, any one?
5 Jennifer Jun 8, 2010
Brilliant Living Savvy and Spicy! I spend a big part of my life helping people let go of the stories that no longer serve… and I see many, many others doing the same. I believe it’s a key survival tool that is emerging everywhere. Right now, at the Cafe, we are experimenting with witnessing our stories. Like Living Savvy demonstrated in her comment. Just that is so helpful as it gives us wiggle room to see we have a choice to tell ourselves a different story. Thoughts?
6 Hilary Jun 9, 2010
Aaahh…
So simple, except all the times that it isn’t.
There’s a hexagram about this (isn’t there always?). Hexagram 20 is Seeing – not going looking for things, but truly becoming aware of whatever is present. And its hidden core, wrapped up inside it like the seed in the fruit, the work that just might unfold in the heart of Seeing, is Hexagram 23 – Stripping Away.
That’s about loss, and the times when the knife comes down to cut away what’s died off, that we no longer need (but are really quite attached to) – like meanings and stories that no longer have the vital sap flowing through them. Time for new glasses.
7 Emma Newman Jun 13, 2010
Oh this is so true. But you know what, lately I’ve stumbled upon another stage in this process.
When I was angsting around in the doldrums of my early twenties, I was uncovering things that made me miserable, and in processing them, the stories you talk about here were born.
I carried those stories around with me. I wore them like clothes. I defined myself with them, and then I started to hide behind them. I even started to introduce myself to new friends through these stories.
Then I realised they were just stories. Things got better.
Then I realised that I hadn’t even thought about them for a long time. At that point, they had been shelved with all the other stories that I hold inside me. Rapunzel. The Princess and the Pea. Emma and the terrible childhood.
They no longer define me. And my goodness, that feels so good!
Thanks for reminding me of this.
Em xx
8 Kris B Jun 17, 2010
You asked about gathering the links at the end. I like that a lot!