The coolest thing that emerged from reading back over the year (beside liking my writing, always a lovely feeling)?

Seeing how much I have learned.

It’s so gorgeous, to see my hard work to stay on my own side paying off.

Consider this list then not so much the best of Jen but more a course on hearing and trusting and beginning your s/hero’s journey. Read what you need to carry you into the holy time of darkness and into the light of your own heart.

Filling Yourself Up

Foundations, Baby, Foundations (know your basics)

Flavors of Renewal (chocolate isn’t mango)

Being in the Gap (creative self-love)

Trusting Yourself

Static Free Authenticity (go beyond “be authentic” for god’s sake)

Comfort is a Quality of the Divine (you knew that)

Strengths / Weaknesses (the relationship between which nobody talks about)

Befriending the Hounds of More, More, More (get them off your back now)

The Soul Doesn’t Need a Platform (dammit)

Don’t Believe the Mean Voices (they are lying)

The Diamond Encrusted Upsell (calling out the hype)

You Do Not Have to Earn your Weirdness (I hope you know that)

Hearing the Call

What Your Fantasies are Trying to Tell You (it’s important)

How to Take a Digital Sabbatical (find your next thing, or just the rest you need, in the quiet)

Can you Save the World? (pot smoke and funky under arms)

You are Called (the world needs you to listen)

Denying the Call

A Pile of You (leaving you at the shore, or trying to)

The Farm Fantasy (or cheese shop or yurt at the top of the mountain or…)

Paralyzed or Incubating?

Heeding the Call

Holy Selfishness (Because I call you Jesus)

Be well, darling.

The surprising part is that even though you know you need to, you don’t do it. And if you do, you might be missing a key distinction that can make all the difference in your ability to actually hear your “you.”

Oh, do allow me to explain.

The first part of tuning into your essence – that “I” that you can then express and share with the world – is to become intimate with your own desires, opinions, and feelings.

To do that, make a habit of asking yourself what you really want.

As in, when faced with a choice, ask yourself, “What do I want?”

You make think you do this now — but are you really listening to the answer?

You may not be able to have it, but wouldn’t it be wonderful to know what was on your wish list before you told yourself “No?”

Getting familiar with your desires is a huge (and delightful!) way to get to know who you are.*

However, there is another distinction.

The big key to inhabiting and sharing the authentic magic you recognize in others, and so want to experience – and express – for yourself is…

Go Into the Mystery – With No Agenda

This is the crucial part of asking yourself who you are and what you wish to express.

Of course, most of us skip it, usually without knowing it. Does this sound familiar?

You either don’t make time to listen to these tender signals, or sometimes you listen, but you immediately insist that those signals provide a road map for action, preferably one that will “attract abundance” and love and make us very unique and special and forever loved and safe, Amen.

When you put this kind of pressure on your longings, even though you do it from a place of great sincerity and true need, you squelch the signals of authenticity.

You change them before they can even be heard. What is yours to express gets turned into something else – what you think you need it to be to get you the love and attention crave out there.

Let’s stop this – right now – together.

Make a commitment to tend your yearning, the mysterious desire to express your truth that has been given to you.

What in the hell do I mean by that?

Go someplace safe and distraction free – if that means the back of your closet with earplugs, so be it.

Acknowledge that you have a deep, universal need for appreciation, for love, for self-expression.

Spend a few moments letting yourself have these basic human yearnings – this may bring tears, waves of joy, or simply a head nodding.

If it feels right, ask whatever you name as Larger than You (some might call this the Divine, God, Goddess, nature, Big Mind) and let your heart, your being, ask for these human needs to be filled. Accept what you need.

Now, lean into the part of you that yearns to express something. Instead of looking for this with your head, scan your body.

Where does the yearning to express what is yours live?

Get as curious and attentive to what you sense as you would to a new lover.

You know how it is when you are falling in love – you can’t get enough of the other person. Nothing gets in your way of spending time with him or her. You certainly do not try to turn them into someone different (that comes later, when they forget to feed the dogs or put gas in the car!).

Listen and revel in every bit of sensory input sent your way. Nothing can drag your attention away. There is a lightness too, a feeling of joyful “How amazing!”

See if there is a weight or temperature or color or shape or a sound associated with this spot. If ideas come, record those but keep putting your attention on tending the yearning without trying to turn it into something or forcing it to take shape.

Here’s how I stated my “yearning tending” in my journal:

There is a yearning inside me. It’s brightly colored – purple and pink and it has a psychedelic flower shape. I don’t know what form it wants to express itself as yet. I make a whole-hearted fierce commitment to be with it daily as it is.”

I ask it each night before I go to bed, “What tending do you need tomorrow?”

What tending does your yearning want and need?

I’d love to know and be able to help you tend that yearning by holding the space for you.

Part three in this series: The Signal Raising Power of Permission

Missed part one of this series? Get your Static Free Authenticity here.

*If the idea of asking and listening appeals to you, you might like delving into the subject in more depth. I wrote The Life Organizer and my upcoming Virtual Retreat (Feb. 12th-14th) is going to be a lot about doing just this!

There is SUCH a focus these days on being authentic and being yourself – on expressing your creative truth – in business, in creative pursuits, and in your relationships.

“Being authentic” is being touted as the Holy Grail, the solution to all our challenges, whether we want to sell a book, get customers, or find a romantic partner.

Only it’s not always so easy to know who that “self” is, or even what “being authentic” means – let alone how to express that authenticity to the big ole’ world.

What makes you “you” can feel like a radio signal that comes and goes.

Sometimes it’s sharp and vibrant, and other times it’s lost in the static of comparisons, other people’s voices, exhaustion, and more.

You see a shade of palest yellow and your heart sings, then in the next moment you have no idea what you want to do with the rest of your life, let alone what you want for dinner.

If it were so easy to “be yourself,” you would have figured it out a long time ago. After all, you’ve probably been getting – and giving – this advice since grade school! You remember how it went down:

But Mom, what if they don’t like me?”

Oh honey, just be yourself.”

Even then we knew it wasn’t that easy – and it didn’t always work the way we wanted it to!

So what’s a creative, aware soul to do to tune down the static of your mind and turn up the song of your soul, the boogie of your heart, the mojo of your mystery?

I have a few humble suggestions to share in this series of blog posts and, God willing and the creek don’t rise, a little e-book giveaway I’m working away on. Let’s start with…

Humble suggestion number one: Turn off Everyone Else’s Broadcast

When it feels too hard to hear you among all the other yous out there, you aren’t suffering from multiple personality disorder, but you may need an Internet fish bowl break.

I say “fish bowl” because everyone’s voices and big plans and ideas can create a sort of invisible fish bowl that hems you in – without you necessarily noticing it.

The Internet’s intimacy and fecundity can make it hard to hear what is truly yours to say and express. Consider this common scenario:  You’re trying to express something – what’s bugging you about your marriage, what you need for a self-nurturing break, the images for a poem formulating in your mind – and having a hard time putting your thoughts and feelings into words.

The Self-Doubts start a-chattering (You don’t know what you’re talking about. You want too much. You don’t deserve that. You don’t have time. You shouldn’t be wasting time on this. You’ll never get it anyway) and suddenly, you feel an irresistible urge to check email or visit Twitter or surf the net “just for a minute.”

Here’s what’s really happening: You can’t stand the discomfort of going within to find your own answers, or the fear of not knowing, so you distract yourself.

Before you know it, you’re reading a blog post that tells you what you must do to make your writing better or you’re watching a video about a business owner’s incredible success or you are being pitched THE system that will solve your relationship woes and without even knowing it, that becomes more real to you, more credible, than your nascent, tender soul yearnings.

You might think, “I’ll take that advice, and then I will be okay.”

Or “She’s said everything I wanted to say on the subject of tango knitting, what’s the point?”

Or “I could never make as much money as she did so I’m going to go eat a pan of brownies.”

It’s not the advice or the success stories or even the marketing messages that are the issue. It’s when and how they come into your awareness that can cause serious static.

Creating and expressing your “I” – your mysterious mojo that only you have – has always been a difficult, life-long birthing process.  That’s what it means to be human!

But before the Internet, when you were struggling, you might have called one friend to talk about it.  You didn’t have so many comparisons and other voices beaming straight into your head at all hours of the day or night.

It’s like a Greek chorus of disapproving, Martha Stewart perfectionists, all just waiting to tell you that you can never be good enough, smart enough, unique enough – so why try?

Here is the very good news:  Lots and lots of people are too afraid to listen, to go inside and find out who that “I” is.  You may be just as afraid, but you keep listening.  And that makes all the difference.

You keep listening to the itch in your heart. That’s the most important thing that has to keep happening.

It’s not about scratching the itch, it’s about itching. Because it’s the itching that will lead you right to yourself – your true, authentic, never-to-be-duplicated lovely self.

Okay, here is the practical suggestion part of the post:

Notice when you go to the Internet – is it when you are struggling to know what you think, want, or wish to express?   Do you go looking for information to tell you the “right way” or what so-and-so thinks?

If so, it doesn’t mean you’re an empty vessel without an original thought! Our brains always choose the easiest path. The Internet gives you a very easy way to avoid doing the aching, soul-chafing work, so that’s where your brain goes first. It’s completely natural and understandable. Your brain says, “Why hack your way through the thicket of hedges using a dull machete when you can take the path forged by someone else?” It’s your job to notice when this is happening and take note.

Next, when you’re on the information hunt, especially from the Internet, ask yourself, “Why? What am I looking for? What am I hoping to learn?”

Do you just “know” that there’s a particular blog or e-zine or forum where, if you don’t read it or comment, you will be “left out,” consider taking a break for one week.  Notice if you can hear yourself more clearly in the space you’ve created.

Notice how the blogs and e-zines and Yahoo lists and people you follow on Facebook or Twitter make you feel.  Drop the ones that make you feel static-filled or “less than” or that you can never measure up.

Here’s an idea for the very radical for some of you: Go offline for a weekend or, even better, a week. If you couple this unplugged time with a retreat focused on listening to your voice and honoring it, I guarantee you’ll experience a huge breakthrough in identifying your authentic voice.

So try one or two of these suggestions on for size and tell me what happens.

Next Post in the Series: Tuning into your Essence. Be sure and check back or subscribe to this blog so you get the posts in your email box.