I’m bored.

I had this fantasy that recovering from surgery would be all easy and delightful. Like a cozy vacation.

English period movies and catnaps and books, books, books.

Only I forget that, um, it would be impatient little me who was doing the recovering.

I want to do yoga!

I want to walk in the woods!

I want to be able to sit at my desk for more than fifteen minutes.

I want to be able to pick up something that weighs more than 5 friggin pounds!

I want people to stop clucking at me and telling me to take it easy. (Sorry Mom.)

I want to get the hell out of this house.

Okay, breathing now. Thanks for listening to me whine.

I am feeling pretty darn normal. Just tired.

And then there is the painful CQG (Comfort Queen Gas.) Thanks Michael for that cute little tag. (You have ordered Michael’s new book, right? There are actually two, Find Your Great Work and Get Unstuck and Get Going.)

The Life Organizer Questions for

Week 44

Have to: Rest as much as I am sick of it! Have to look at moving Virtual Retreat forward and general moving 2010 forward. Have to get oil changed in car!

Could do: Art! Time with a friend. Getting out of the house.

Let go of: Exercise – I hate not moving. I can walk but not far. Sigh.

What would I do differently this week if I was willing to hang out in the gap between what I want and where I am?

Learning to tolerate and stay present in this gap is a huge part of learning to create a life you love. Mostly, we want to get out of this place because it feels so uncomfortable but if instead of freaking out, you can soothe yourself (What is your favorite way to calm anxiety?) and then notice where you want to be (say writing your novel) and where you are (say cleaning the cat box or reading the paper). Simply tolerating the anxiety of life and noticing what you want vs. what you are doing will work wonders to move you into simple action.

For me: Soothe myself with simply being, watching my impatience about not knowing which projects to commit to right now. I will sit, stay, heal as Pema says in her new book (Thanks Char for the gfit!) with my impatience, let it be there, keep letting it be there while letting go of my story about what this means for me future.

What self-nurturing activities might increase my courage to be in the gap?

For me: Meditation! Alternate nostril breathing. Writing out my frustrations without the story attached to them.

What do I find myself complaining about lately? What do I say I don’t have time or energy for?

In an excessively Law of Attraction world, you may think complaining is bad ju-ju. I prefer to agree with Bob Kegan and Lisa Lahey that our complaints hold clues to what we most care about and also, to what needs our attention. I’m not suggesting you fester over your complaints like Glenn Beck or blame others for your circumstances but rather, that you acknowledge them and hold them as vital clues.

For me: Oh my complaints are so charmingly constant: wanting to do too many things at once, not having enough systems in place so I spend too much time on details, and not have enough real live local community. I am doing things differently, week after week. But, of course, it is too slow for me. Which is a call for more self-mercy.

If I decided to forgive myself for something this week, I would choose:

For me: After 37 days of wheat free, dairy free, sugar free, and very low carb diet (not that I was counting), I ate sugar, dairy and lots o’ carbs.

Want to play along?

Write down the questions and muse upon them in your journal.

Join the Comfort Cafe and do it in community.

Pick one question and respond in the comments.

Or…?

Love to hear how you choose your life this week.

Related posts:

1. Choose Your Life Mondays – The Sad Swamp
2. Choose Your Life Mondays New Eyes
3. Choose Your Life Mondays #11 – the Life Organizer Edition

Sometimes, the pain of being divorced swamps me.

It’s been two and half years.

I’m in love with an incredible man.

My daughter is doing really well.

My ex and I are kind to each other and, these days, seldom tussle over sharing our sweet girl.

And still, there are moments when not being a family with Chris and Lilly feels so unreal that I am pulled down into uncharted gray, a sucking morass of should haves and if onlys, and mostly just a big long noooooooo.

My most recent swamping was triggered by my thoughts at a friend’s 50th birthday party.

Watching the sweet slide show her husband had made of her life – seeing the pictures of Mel and John in their thirties – pierced me.

One of the greatest losses – beside being with my daughter full time – is the unbroken history.

What I find astonishing, and this is my odd ability to hold two opposites at the same time, is how happy I can be that I am building a new history with Bob, how beautifully suited we are to each other  – at the same time – I mourn my shared history with Chris and Lilly.

Sometimes holding both opposites makes me dizzy.

I’m very thankful – hand over my heart grateful – Bob understands.

What I didn’t know before I got divorced is the divorce never ends.

There are new nicks and cuts and severances all the time; the big one is every time I hand Lilly off.

When the sadness swamps me,

I watch my thoughts and feelings and remember they are not me; I nap; I give myself a yoga class (thank God for sobbing during hip openers!); hold Bob; and I put one creative foot in front of the other.

What do you do when you’re swamped by sadness?  How do you take care of yourself?

The Life Organizer Questions for

Week 43

How are my minimum requirements doing these days?

Minimum requirements are from The Life Organizer, and are the activities that keep you in contact with your heart, your truth, and help you be you. (You can get a free audio here that goes into more depth about Minimums).

You certainly don’t always do these activities – but by knowing what they are, you have a way of charting how far from yourself you are moving. They do change – with the seasons, your age, and your desires.

My current minimums are a bit of yoga and meditation and chanting, time outdoors, fun time with Bob, alone time with Lilly, reading the forums at the Comfort Cafe, creative fiction writing, and messing with art stuff.

What secret grace might I offer the world this week?

Leaving a copy of one of my books at the Microsoft women’s conference where I’m speaking on Wednesday with an anonymous wish inside for someone to take it and enjoy!

What one small change might I like to make in what or how I eat this week?

Loving what I am eating these days but not how – could slow down and chew more.

I’m willing to receive:

Ease, health, and new wonderful friendships!

Related posts:

1. Choose Your Life Mondays #30
2. Choose Your Life Mondays #18
3. Choose Your Life Mondays #2

This week I relearned that if I put my attention on what’s missing, what’s wrong, what’s not enough, I get depressed.

When I put my attention on what’s good, what’s loving, what’s right here right now, I am nothing short of blissful.

It really is that simple.

Although, for someone with a brain as Squirrel like as mine, never easy.

The Life Organizer Questions for

Week 42

What is beckoning to me these days? What is capturing the attention of your heart?

My novel. I want to write it although I also want to avoid it. Ah, the push pull that I so often find myself in. Another perennial area of learning for me – to let go of the resistance and be here with the full range of wanting to let the story take me and wanting to what? Be mindlessly busy.

What one step could I take to explore this call? Think simple action. Not a project, not a big ding dang do, simply take one step, then pause and see what you know now.

Keep showing up and writing each day. Don’t beat myself up for both wanting to and not wanting to.  Let go of the story that good writers always want to write.

To paraphrase the poet Mary Oliver, what would help me love the soft animal of my body today?

Keeping my mind where my body is, so I actually can love what my body is experiencing. This is how I actually rest and fill up!

Who could I see as holy today? Who could I greet as a part of the light within us all?

My sweet 15 year old daughter Lillian.  I love this question as a way to deepen my love and actually make it less personal, more connected to all-that-is. She needs me to be strong right now and show her options without collapsing into overwhelm.

Want to play along?

Write down the questions and muse upon them in your journal.

Join the Comfort Cafe and do it in community.

Pick one question and respond in the comments.

Or…?

Love to hear how you choose your life this week.

Related posts:

1. Choose Your Life Mondays #11 – the Life Organizer Edition
2. Choose Your Life Mondays #32
3. Choose Your Life Mondays #6 – The Holiday Edition

Wow, what a wonderful week. What fun to see the freedom created by remembering we don’t have to improve ourselves to be.

We are.

I found myself feeling like I was on retreat all week. I’d stop and ask myself, “Why this feeling?” Then I’d remember Freedom from Self-Improvement, and that I don’t have to do anything, prove or improve anything… “Oh, that’s why I’m feeling so good.”

Grounded yet expansive, delighted and curious. Playful. Those are the moods I’ve noticed in myself, in your comments, and at the Comfort Cafe.

What mood have you noticed?

At the Cafe, we’re playing with all this freedom stuff all month, and the wise Cafers have some fantastic insights which they gave me permission to share. I hope their comments will help you feel the power of freedom from self-improvement.

I’ve always been very curious and ask lots of questions. When I come to “self improvement” from that way, it’s like a fun experiment. “I wonder what will happen if I do this….” It’s not so much about improving as seeing if a different way works better for me.
I need to find another word besides self-improvement because I think you are right, Jen. It just sucks the energy right out of anything I might want to try.    –Beth

When I first became aware of our topic this month, I was thinking “Oh, man! I just got myself into a good place in my eating and exercise and it’s still so new — I can’t let go of self improvement this month!” The fear being, of course, that I would spend the whole month eating donuts and potato chips as if they were the two food groups.

But, I realized, that this isn’t about self improvement. It hasn’t been all along. It’s coming from a realization that my environment (where donuts and potato chips can seem like food groups) is not good for me. I’m been creating a new environment — I’m improving my environment, not myself. And it’s fun!

It helps to realize that this isn’t about changing me because I’m not good enough. I’m plenty good enough — in fact, I’m worthy of an environment that supports my healthy lifestyle. I can find ways to give it to myself.   –Joy

Not being in stillness. Not being still.

BE-ing Stillness.

Gracefully remembering and returning to the centre of All.  Relaxing into the soulful tranquility of Now.  Sinking into comforting quietness within.  Releasing mySelf into the beautiful, harmonious flow of deep peace.

And then, emerging into the world with New Eyes, lovingly interrupting self-debasing thoughts with gentle reminders of the simplicity of living in Now – of BE-ing Stillness.  –Renee

My intention is more like a mantra: “There Is Nothing To Fix“

Major mantra benefits:  It’ll throw off my perfectionist inner critic; any changes or “improvements” are icing on my already delicious cake (conversely, changes or “improvements” that do not happen still leave me with a delicious cake)

My Hopes:  My self-trust will get a boost when I enjoy/rest in who I am and what I have/do, right now; I’ll be more of my own resource; and Anxiety and Fear stand less of a chance for a hostile take-over when I am more relaxed about the status quo. As always, it’s all connected (see other wonderful Cafers’ intentions). –Helga

I could quote on and on…Such strong wisdom!

Can you feel the lightness and ease and centered self-trust that arises from knowing you are?

Ahhh…

Today’s Giveaways

One Year Membership to the Cafe!

I’m giving away a year’s membership – entirely free – in the Comfort Cafe because it’s the grooviest, most heart-centered creation I’ve ever created. Comment today for a chance to win. You can give your membership to someone else if you wish!

The giveaway is now closed… but your comments are still welcome!

Did anything shift for you this week? The warmth of your insights lights up the world. So share them today!

Send a soothing, slightly-tongue-in-cheek Freedom From Self-Improvement coupon to someone else–just because our Freedom week is coming to a close doesn’t mean we have to stop sharing the love!

Audio from Camille Maurine

To save the file to your computer, right-click or option (apple) click on the link, and choose “Safe File As…” or “Save Link As…”

Here’s a short audio created for us by Camille Maurine, one of the most embodied, self-accepting people I know. (time: 11:13)

Thanks for playing with Freedom from Self-Improvement this week!

I trust the ripples of self-trust will continue to ripple through your life and the lives of those you love.

Hurrah for yesterday’s giveaway winner!

• Wednesday’s winner of the spot at the Delicious Aliveness Through Self-Kindness Mini-Retreat: Lea Howell!
• Thursday’s winner of the pass to the January 22nd-24th Virtual Retreat: Shawna R. B. Atteberry!

Share in the comments: What shifted for you this week?

Related posts:

1. Freedom from Self-Improvement: The Freedom of Being
2. Freedom From Self-Improvement: Share the Love
3. Freedom From Self-Improvement: No More Fear-Based Marketing

This is a modified 3 month review, a process that spirals throughout the Life Organizer. The questions here are a bit different because we are using the LO differently at the http://www.comfortqueen.com/comfortcafe/about-the-cafe, and if you are following along in the book, feel free to combine the book version with this one!

What is the quality of my life’s journey over the last three months (might help to glance at your calendar or journal if your memory is anything like mine)?

The quality of my life is one of increasing reverence for the power of choice. I choose how I react!!! I choose how I can be powerful and creative. I see this in deeper and more subtle ways every day.

Using three words, how would I sum up how my life is feeling?

Expansive

Grateful

Love-Blessed

What have I been creating in the last three months?

Positive eyes that can see a hopeful, creative world (it’s there, and I can see it)

A new focus for my work

Fantastic material for the Comfort Cafe (and wonderful community)

Notes for a fun novel

A strong new family

An incredible love with Bob

More community on my little island

New retreats

As I look back over this time frame, when have my shadow comforts been most active? What about my time monsters?

Shadow comforts are pretty non-existent right now; time monsters are under siege because I am planning each workday THE NIGHT BEFORE and learning ever more skillfully how to modulate and shepherd my intense creative energy. I am choosing to do so using a variety of tools.

What are some ways I have been kind and accepting of myself?

Working fewer hours, treating my work like a day job

Getting acupuncture and pt for my leg

Rebounding

Yoga, meditation, Shiva Nata, and chanting every morning

Took a totally off line vacation! Going to take another one in September!

Limiting email

Do I notice any relationship between self-kindness and self-acceptance and shifts in the direction of my life?

Um, like TOTALLY. Deep love for myself allows me to trust in my innate, goodness. That, in turn, allows me to make playful, spacious choices in every area of my life. Because my self-worth is not on the line, so it’s all good.

So my plan for this week is choosing life.

What about you? Will you use some or all of these questions to notice what you want more or less of this week? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Related posts:

1. Choose Your Life Mondays #30
2. Choose Your Life Mondays #6 – The Holiday Edition
3. Choose Your Life Mondays #7