There is an emptiness that comes to me when I am finished leading a retreat.

A scrubbed out-ness. Hollowed out. Pumpkin after scraping before carving.

It’s an odd feeling, not bad at all, but if I don’t ground myself, and have a lot of awareness, I start pounding chocolate.

I wish I could sum up the magic of the Virtual Retreat

But I’m not good at summing things. Humming yes, summing not so much.

I throw myself into the moment of teaching and then I wonder, ‘What can I say about what I just did?”

Last year, when Havi Brooks was my guest at the Writer’s Retreat (she is again this year and there are few spots open and early bird price was supposed to go away yesterday so hurry and that might be a run on sentence).

So anyway, not good at summing up.

I could quote from some of the hundreds of blog posts on the Virtual Retreat blog but what would that tell you?

That people had a wonderful experience.

That people faced into their fears.

That people touched their essential goodness.

Is that enough of a summary?

In my hollowed out-ness, I started to despair at writing a blog post and then Jenzie posted this at the Comfort Cafe (yeah for the Cafe and Jenzie!) and I thought, “Virtual Retreat Essential Distilled Beautifully Summed up Wisdom! Just what I need to choose my life this week.”

So here is Jenzie’s wonderful summary:

How can I put the pieces of my life together into an abundant yet peaceful whole?

What do I yearn for, what do I truly desire, right now?

I am not all things … yet I am enough.

I tend to my peaceful perspective, as I would tend a garden or a child.

I pay attention to life’s transitions, small as well as large.

Gently bringing myself back: sweetheart, we’re doing just one thing at a time now.

Find and use a compass that leads me back to my true self.

The first time something extraordinary happens, we call it a miracle. Yet if it continues, we begin to regard it as ordinary! Reclaim the miraculous in the bowl of cheerios…

I am not broken, and I do not need to be fixed.

I am open to the voice of the sacred, in everyday life as well as in transcendence.

When do I feel most myself?

What would I love my life to be like?

I instinctively know what I need to thrive.

I am.

Who is it who notices my body, my thoughts, and yet is not contained by them?

Live more. Forgive yourself. Begin again.

Just shift direction by one degree… and in six months, I’ll be somewhere entirely different than I would have been otherwise.

Listen for the inner voice of self love.

Be the little girl who can do anything.

Grow wild and wooly before you prune.

Focus on what’s really essential and true.

Stop thinking about time, instead think about energy and flow.

Be fully committed to and fully present with whatever you’re doing, right now.

Get underneath the joy … and the fear … from there comes inspired, grounded action.

Act as if what I truly want is already here.

That which I avoid is an energy drain … and the longer I avoid, the stronger the drain.

What is the simplest action?

Learn to distinguish the practical-sounding voice of fear from my true loving voice.

I am more than my history, more than my degrees, more than my checkbook, more than my stories.

I am not all things … yet I am enough.

What one bit will you use to light your way this week?

Thanks to Deb, Meredith, and the amazing teachers and hundreds of people who retreated this weekend. More kudos coming must go shower and get on a plane.

Next month at the Comfort Cafe the amazing Jill Badonsky will be our WisdomExpert (a person who comes in from the big world and helps us e-x-p-a-n-d our understanding) and right now, she’s doing a blog tour for her new book Awe-Manic: A Daily Dose of Wonder which I utterly adore!

Here’s a brief noodling with Ms. Badonsky to your reading pleasure!

If the Divine Spirit came to you blocked during the creation of Earth and humans what would be some suggestions you would give to help them to motivate themselves to keep going?

Well first I’d ask them if anything had worked in the past when they felt this block and if there’s anything THEY think might work.

Then we’d talk a bit about what might be getting in their way.

I’d have them ask the question, “What’s one small, fun way I can work on the creation of the Earth today?”

If they had no answers, I’d have them practice by purposely making an imperfect universe that just consisted of two dimensional scribbles and doodles (there might be one of these floating out there in a two dimensional galaxy so keep your eyes open).

Or maybe we would both work on our worlds at the same time so they felt a sense of supportive structure.

Your new book is about being creative every day, many of us have read creativity books that suggest doing daily writings in a journal. Do you feel that writing in a journal is a necessary step to a creative life?

Yes, absolutely.

One can be creative without writing in a journal, but there are so many advantages to it I’m not sure why any of us wouldn’t want to do it.  Just 2 minutes writing a day can make a difference. Journal writing not only accesses our creativity it also helps develop neural pathways that act as water-slides for new ideas.

Talking to ourselves on the page frees us, allows us to play, opens the pathways for making mistakes in our writing or art that lead to discoveries we hadn’t considered, helps us stumble into new perspectives, elevates the very awareness we need to flourish, reminds us of our uniqueness and enhances our self-confidence which is fuel for creative progress.

The Awe-manac has at least one journal writing prompt for every day of the year to help journal writers with some fresh new journal approaches.

Did you spend a lot of time laughing while you created this?

I had a blast writing this book. I laughed out loud quite a bit because it seemed like I was channeling someone very funny. To be able to invent things to laugh at, to me is one of life’s greatest gifts.

To get myself in the mood to be funny I would watch Ellen, John Stewart and Stephen Colbert beforehand, as well as read Paula Poundstone’s book. So they were my Muses and helped keep me in a festively funny mood.

What’s your favorite “writers block” reliever/writing exercise?

I have four depending on the nature of the block:

1. Breaking down my writing time to just 5 to 15 minutes.
2. Lowering expectations down to just saying to myself “write something really awful but go ahead and write.”
3. A word pool where I start with at least 15 randomly picked words and add other words to write something fun or profound as a warm up.
4. Reading something I’ve written that I really like reminds me of my voice.

(Jen adds: come to The Writer’s Retreat with me and Havi Amazing Brooks – best writer’s block dissolver yet invented – only three spots left.)

Thanks Jill for stopping by!

How can I truly inspire you to love yourself more deeply than ever and allow that love to help you to create a life you love?”

After 18 years of writing and living and talking about this stuff, this is what I want to share with you at Kripalu:

You will get sucked into the trance of overwhelm, crazy-busy and not enoughness until you experience that self-love and self-trust can guide you home.

Then you will still get sucked into overwhelm,crazy-busy and not enoughness but you will love yourself back into centeredness oh so much faster!

That no matter what is happening in your life, you can sail on a river of self-kindness and self-trust to your center, to return to the place where you choose your life.

Really and truly.

You don’t have to be a victim of the feverish, frenetic pace of life.
You don’t have to be victim of your fears and what ifs.
You don’t have to sacrifice your vitality, your imagination and your health.
You don’t have to live five miles ahead of yourself and miss the entire trip.

There is another way.

Lots of other ways.

I want you to experience some of them.

To feel them in your bones and know them in your heart and to dance them with your body.

Sure, you can read another magazine article with ten tips to organize your life or find inner peace in nine seconds.
Yes, you can read another self-help book (I wrote some good ones.)
Yet sometimes, nothing changes – or at least not for long.

That’s because the shift that needs to happen must take place at the level of how you see yourself.

You have to transform your story.
But only with immense acceptance and love and tenderness.

But what will I actually get out of these retreats?

On the Weekend and the Week:

• You’ll learn the most overlooked first step to shifting stress, fear, and overwhelm.
• You’ll open your heart to yourself and your life – and gain energy and insight.
• You’ll be gently unwound so you can rest. Really rest.
• You’ll see with new eyes what  you are doing for others that they can do for themselves.
• You’ll become intimate with self-trust, a huge time and energy saving distinction.
• You’ll learn ways to choose more mindfully where and how to spend your time and energy.
• You’ll experience simple ways to shift your body to move into action and create more of what you want.
• You’ll use color and images to enliven joy and play  - and to illuminate what you need most.
• You’ll gain perspective on your projects and your life.
• You’ll feel less alone. Ever feel like a round peg in a square hole? Not at this retreat! These are your people.

On the Week Long Retreat:

In addition to everything above during the week:

• You’ll practice being satisfied and defuse restless doing.
• You’ll learn ways to flow with life rather than always rushing or marching.
• You’ll get a clearer picture of where you want to go next and brainstorm ways to get there.
• You’ll create a treasure chest of images, inspirations, ideas to sustain you at home.
• You’ll devise simple practices and commit clearly to what you will do going forward.
• You’ll unwind more deeply – perhaps more than you have in years.
• You’ll get the pleasure of knowing that you won’t have to cook, clean, or take care of anybody else for one whole week!

The big difference between the weekend and the week is we will play longer, wider and deeper in our concepts, make more art, dance a little longer and generally linger…

Linger. Doesn’t that sound delicious?

But wait, that sounds really intimate. Are you going to make me do touchy feely things?

Good question. I know I’m usually pretty afraid whenever I sign up for one of these creative fuzzy-wuzzy kind of spiritual retreat things.

Whenever I think about plunking my money and precious time down, I’m sure I’ll be the only one attending with a) who doesn’t belong, b) a loud obnoxious laugh, c) shyness issues, d) weird food allergies e) a tendency to burst into tears, and f) did I mention doesn’t belong and will feel left out as everybody else goes to dinner together?

But you know what happens when I decide to go anyway - in spite of this lovely inner voice who insists she is the voice of TRUTH?

I find stuff to eat without gluten (if you look in the dictionary under healthy food, you’ll see a picture of the food at Kripalu), I find people like me to talk to. Nobody minds my laugh as much as my daughter. Sometimes I make a real lasting friend (or two). And most of all, I reconnect with myself and twenty pounds of nonsense bullshit thoughts drop away and I remember “I am alive! It’s good to be alive! I can choose a life I love!”

And you know what? You get to do as much or as little sharing, participating and changing as you feel comfortable.

I am all about comfort and safety!

Why Kripalu?

• Because the place rocks the house.
• The vibe is amazing.
• And the food! I love the food (and if you are worried about getting your coffee or chocolate, they have a little café where you can buy both).
• The massage services -  oh so good!
• The grounds, the lake, eating outside on the terrace!
• Did I mention the vibe?

I teach at Kripalu (and make less money) because the environment is utterly conducive to you experiencing self-love. You are immersed in healthy comfort at every moment and you remember “Oh yes, there is another way to live, and it is possible!”

The main take-away for you?

If you want a playful, light, loving and deeply practical exploration of what twist you into an aching pretzel of stress and fear, come retreat with me.

If you want to shift your relationship to busyness and exhaustion and taking care of others, join me.

If you are ready to truly feel brighter, lighter, and more loving toward yourself, come.

Grab it While you Can

I know money is tight.
It is for me, too.
And yet, as I actively work to transform the doom and gloom tightening around me into hope and joy, I’m finding the very best antidote is self-care and self-love.

Doh.

To extract myself from a story that the world is ending, I have to remember I am a creator who can move into action and create!

The only way I can remember that, and have the courage to move into action, is when I am practicing and living the attitudes and tools I will teach you at this retreat.

These are the only U.S. retreats I have created for this year to date.

I will not do another week long retreat this year (except the Writer’s Retreat – with the amazing Havi – three spots left.)

Go here to choose from the two retreats and sign up.

And that’s okay.

Choosing Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week.

As you may know from this post I recently set a BFHG and it’s going very well although I did hit a snag on Friday which is good as it requires me to lovingly notice my-hurry-up-you-should-have-been-done-a-year-ago pattern.

Although, of course, I hate (stamping my foot now) slowing down.

Anyway… my BFHG is about offering you lots of ways to be comfortable and  uncertain times and it’s about creating a place where we can hang out and support each other in never giving up on ourselves. A sort of comfort cafe. Virtual. With live events a few times a year.

But For Now, Back to Patterns

Patterns are something I’m always learning about (aren’t we all?) especially from my Writer’s Retreat guest Havi Brooks. In the shower today I thought, “Wouldn’t it be cool if you could write your own owner’s manual?”

How cool would it be to have a way to record your wisdom, and have it replayed to you just when you need it as in when you are about to repeat a pattern you always repeat? (Note to self: invent software for this).

Then I remembered: I had created a guide to writing your personal owner’s manual: the Life Organizer! (Got a lovely note yesterday from Rachael, “Last night I had trouble sleeping and came across your book The Life Organizer at just the right time to reconnect & recommit to trying it out. Then I came across the book’s website and now, your invitation to join you on Facebook. Thank you!”)

(Hi Rachael, hope the book helped!)

I started wondering: what Life Organizer ideas would be good to practice together?

I decided on insight, which I define in the book this way,

You’ve got the gray hairs to show for them, so why not find a way to benefit from your life insights? Remembering and applying them is perhaps one of the reasons you were put on the planet, and even if it isn’t, using these insights can save you from wasting time (years!), money, energy, and love. Yet most of us were never taught to track, record, and refer to what we learn in life, or to hone these insights as they change and grow with us.
Life insights are gifted to you through therapy, coaching, reading, studying, meditation, prayer, spiritual practices, and listening to something larger than yourself. They tend to become clear on retreats, during long walks or runs, while rowing or folding laundry, during conversations with perceptive friends and sometime enigmatic strangers, and when we are writing or creating art. Sometimes we spot them in our journal, on our canvases, and in our complaints. We learn them through living, and often in a painful way, especially the third or tenth or thirtieth time around.

Here’s a really simple way of saying what I want to do with Choose Your Life Mondays: what pattern do you choose to pay attention to this week?

We choose our lives through awareness.

We change our lives is by becoming aware of our patterns and then changing our habitual reactions when those patterns are triggered (well, that’s one way we change).

But we cannot change our reactions until we lovingly become aware of our patterns and we cannot lovingly become aware of anything until we are paying attention and one way of paying attention is to name in community what we will pay attention to.

Another is to chunk down what we are lovingly paying attention to one thing at a time.

So Choosing Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week.

I’ll start – heck, I may the only one doing this although I really hope you will join me -

This week I will lovingly notice my pattern of jumping into action without asking myself what I want or what feels good.

I won’t try to change what I’m doing, I’ll simply notice.

Want to join me? Name your pattern in the comment section.

Then next week when you name another pattern or the same one, you can reflect on what you noticed this week. Or not!

I could barely form a thought, let alone write a blog post.

I felt little down. And I felt guilty and weird about feeling let down. But then in the afternoon, coaching a writing client, we were talking about how fighting yourself never works and I thought, “That’s what I’ve been doing all day. Fighting myself for being let down and exhausted.”

So I stopped and noticed I was let down, exhausted and wanting to hide from the world. And I didn’t, as the amazing Havi says, let that impress me. I gave myself some time to cry and snuggle and just notice. And then I read Naomi who always makes me feel hopeful. Then I went to the library and got some good novels to read when I finish Kathleen Norris’s great book. And hugged Bob and the dogs a lot. And Karen sent me this blog post which also helped.

Then in my writer’s group last night, Margaret said, “I couldn’t settle today. I kept feeling something should happen.” That made me feel less alone. Which is always good.

Then she went on to say that she wished the U.S. did things like her native U.K., “There’s a moving van waiting at the back door of 10 Downing Street to take the old guy out as the new guy’s moving in at the front.”

We have to wait 74 more days give or take a day I might have lost while napping.

I have an idea: let’s not wait. As Lisa said on Twitter “Can you take this breathless moment of shared hope and exhale it into our tomorrows?”

Let’s start exhaling now.

Let’s exhale our shared hope in small and vital ways and start preparing the way for the new year. Let’s work on our courage and resilience and vision so we’re ready to be part of the change. Let’s clear out the old within ourselves, our habits, our beliefs so we can have the energy and courage to help.

Because watching history being made on Tuesday, I kept thinking, “I want to be that great, too.”  Which may sound flamingly ego-mad crazy but isn’t that what great leadership and authentic hope can do, inspire us toward our own greatness?

Let’s begin to ask my favorite question from Viktor Frankl, “What purpose can I make of my life today?” Let’s ask it everyday. Not to find the answer but to allow the question to guide us. (You know I love questions!)

Are you yearning to express your greatness?

If so, what one thing might you love and accept about yourself in this moment so your greatness can shine?

I’d be honored to hear.

And finally, that story I promised you

in what now seems like a different century about the power of moving your body.

Last year I led a weekend retreat centered around rest and inner listening and it included a fair amount of movement with the totally embodied and inspiring Camille Maurine. The participants had come hoping to recapture a spark of joy, a sense of themselves free from “shoulds” and to-do lists. The movement exercises turned out to be the most challenging part of the retreat for a number of the women—and the most life-changing.

In the first exercise, I asked the group to ask their bodies (not their minds) to show them what their everyday life felt like. The circle exploded into hopping, running, grabbing, marching, and slumping. Then we came to a pause, breathed, and noticed how this felt.

Next I asked the group, “What does your sacred pause look like?” It looked like this: graceful swaying, arms opening and extending, breath slowing and deepening. The contrast was startling. But as we continued the exercise with different questions and expressions, I saw one group member, Kit, bolt from the room and several other women who were barely moving.

At a break, I found Kit on a bench overlooking the city. “How are you?” I asked. “Scared,” she said. “It feels like there is this roar inside of me. I want to let it out, but I’m afraid what might happen if I do.” We talked about giving herself permission, being kind to herself, taking it at her own pace—the most important advice when befriending the body’s wisdom.

Walking back to my cabin later, I marveled at how convincingly real our fear can feel, how seemingly impenetrable in its accumulation. Not just a box but a fortress. I asked Camille, “What are we so afraid of?”

Consciousness is a great mystery,” Camille said. “That we can be aware of our own existence is a marvel, but consciousness is also a mixed blessing. Awareness of being alive brings awareness of death, and the more aware we are, the more we feel. Movement brings us smack into contact with that wonder and awe—through sensation, through the breath—and that can be a scary awakening.”

The retreat unfolded beautifully: movement, journaling, and silent time outdoors slowly worked miracles, peeling away our layers of fear, rushing, and self-judgment. I noticed how much younger we all looked, and how much more laughter filled the center. We were discovering how thrilling it is when we reclaim our juice for living, our very life force, when we open our arms to ourselves and abandon our somatic ruts.

After dinner on the second day, Elizabeth told me this story:

When you asked us to move the first morning, I froze. I didn’t want to look stupid or stand out. But then I had an experience that changed everything. I took a walk after our class, and the young girl who lives here joined me. We stopped to watch a horse being shod, and she brought me a handful of flowers and said, ‘I am so lucky to live here!’ As she said this, her body dipped into a squat and popped up again—spontaneous movement! I thought, ‘This child didn’t wonder how to express herself or whether it was acceptable. She just moved.’

Later, in Camille’s class, when she asked us not to move until the impulse came from within, I thought of that girl. I sat frozen for five minutes, determined not to move until my body was ready, reliving every awkward moment of my teenage years, all the times I had learned to physically shut down. When the impulse finally came, it was so exhilarating. My body was breathing me. It was like my mind was a bystander, and as I watched, it was my body telling me stories. As it finished one, I’d get quiet and still, and then another story would pour out. It was breathtaking.”

To the power of love, change, hope, courage and moving our bodies!