Comfort Queen » intention

Resting in Imperfection

Jennifer — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 17:55:53 +0000

We’ve been resting this month at Comfort Cafe.

Exploring how to rest.

How to be… boneless wonder

tension drained away

nowhere to go, nothing to do

open to receiving without having to make anything happen or manage anything

easy with ourselves

content with what is

restful creativity

restfully engaged with something

resting from the quest

resting in imperfection

See, everybody has a different way of defining rest for themselves – of experiencing rest.

Once again, there ain’t no right way.

What We’ve Learned about How to Rest

You have to be willing to. How do you get willing? It’s helped me this month because hundreds of other women at the Cafe are exploring it at the same time. \

Who can support you in resting?

You might wistfully say, “What a great idea, rest, that sounds soooo good,” while you are dashing off your 1000th holiday card or spinning around the house, picking other up people’s crap. If you aren’t willing to rest, then be not willing.

There is so much freedom in the declaring what is true for you and giving up second guessing and “trying.”

You may need to say hi to any fears about resting, of not “keeping up,” of getting sucked into depression or procrastination, or whatever demons may be waiting at the gate of rest. Don’t push them away! Say hi to them, they are here, it’s kinda of rude not to.

And your fears do not get to determine if you get to rest.

Ask yourself , “What is restful to me?” Forget what should be – be curious about what is. Perhaps you want to rest in the midst of life rather than thinking it’s something that you must earn or that comes after everything else is done.

Perhaps you rest in the chaos of the holidays?

Rest often has a quality of receiving – of resting in or on something that is not you. That may be a couch or it may be God. It may be the love of your beloved or the soul of the Earth.

Just knowing there is something bigger than you and you aren’t in charge, that’s very restful.

Do something that quiets your mind. Jump on the treadmill, take the dogs to the woods, put on a yoga DVD, dance to trance inducing music, knit, paint in your art journal, count your breaths – most of us need a transition activity to get to a restful state.

Give your mind and body a bone.

And…

Three pieces of Comfort Cafe wisdom this month captured rest for me (there is tons more wisdom I could share but I’ve got to hit publish!)

Donna’s beautiful phrase Rest from the Quest:

I’m tired of searching. I’m tired of striving. This December my intention is to take a rest from my “quest”. I plan to stop worrying about what is next in my life and focus on what is now. To quote I want to learn to “rest in the divine” as Jen said in her video this month. “

Diedra crying foul on our culture’s anti-rest message:

Here’s something interesting I just realized. Well, I KNEW this but really had it driven home! Through the media, and probably a million other nagging little voices we are condittioned to NOT rest, even when we’re sick.
Example, I just saw a TheraFlu commercial that goes something like this. Women sick with the flu, shivering under a blanket. Husband gives her TheraFlu, she drinks TherFlu, and Bam! they’re bouncing out the front door!
Seriously??? Could they not even show one little clip of her getting a bit of rest in bed after drinking the stuff before bouncing her out the door??
No wonder we’re all rest deprived and running on empty!

And our Wise Person Guest Carla Blazek (last minute shopping folks, check out Carla’s amazing candles – beloved by Oprah!) beautiful phrase, “Rest in Imperfection” in which she talked about resting in being who you are rather than “pounding yourself down” with what she isn’t doing.

So what is rest for you? How can you rest today? Or maybe you don’t want to? And if you don’t want to, embrace that!

I’d love to hear what rest is for you!

P.S.

Mini-love note to my Comfort Cafe:

I love love love that you have been willing to consider and play and open your heart to rest during what, for some people, is the busiest time of the year.

It feel so sly. So counter culture. And you know, I love anything that breaks the rules.

Four Very Groovy Questions

Jennifer — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 20:02:30 +0000

I spent the weekend recently with Tzen Tzatzoehetzin, a Mexihka (Aztec) physician and instructor of the traditional health system (Wewepahtli). He “softens with tenderness, generates from the heart of the people with hands that heal.”

Plus he’s adorable.

Am I allowed to say that about a venerable shaman?

He gave our small group a glimpse into Nawi Ollin Teotl (Movement of the Four Energies)

and his tradition stretching back centuries. I found myself imaging what it is like to be part of a family that has held these healing traditions for centuries and centuries.

They even have a special way to greet each other, using their whole bodies.

Makes a handshake look so lame.

He opened our energy centers, we moved our energy, learned about why we need to eat insect eggs and he gave us the very best four questions.

These are golden! Life changing. Happy shaman dance making!

Drum roll please, the four questions:

What am I doing?
What am I thinking?
What am I feeling?
What am I perceiving?

Imagine you are driving down the road.

You’re thinking about your kid / blog / business / novel / lover.

You’re feeling grateful / frustrated / overwhelmed / frustrated /horny (had to throw that last one in).

You’re perceiving… whatever story you are spinning.

Here’s what you want to be doing:

Driving.

Thinking about driving.

Feeling whatever you are feeling while driving.

Perceiving the landscape, other cars, in other words… driving.

You have to try this!

I can’t do justice to the power of these questions.

It’s the more direct way I have found – besides the practice of delight found in Rick’s new book – to arrive here.

When I do it? I have so much more energy! Compassion! Goodness!

I’m all there, as in here, as in right now. All my senses. All my selves. (Hey, good title for a soap opera.)

One Caveat

Sometimes, I want to think about my ideas and projects when I drive because I get sweet and groovy insights.

I don’t always want to think about driving.

So I declare, “I give myself permission to use these questions when I want to be all here. If I don’t, that’s okay, too!”

Because being all present all the time is not always my intention.

My intention is to be aware and to choose.

Try it and tell me what happens!

Choose Your Life Mondays – Focusing on the Good

Jennifer — Mon, 19 Oct 2009 07:01:15 +0000

Each week for as long as I’m digging it, I’ll share my responses to some or all of the Life Organizer questions – my most recent book. We do this together at the Comfort Cafe every week.

This week I relearned that if I put my attention on what’s missing, what’s wrong, what’s not enough, I get depressed.

When I put my attention on what’s good, what’s loving, what’s right here right now, I am nothing short of blissful.

It really is that simple.

Although, for someone with a brain as Squirrel like as mine, never easy.

The Life Organizer Questions for

Week 42

What is beckoning to me these days? What is capturing the attention of your heart?

My novel. I want to write it although I also want to avoid it. Ah, the push pull that I so often find myself in. Another perennial area of learning for me – to let go of the resistance and be here with the full range of wanting to let the story take me and wanting to what? Be mindlessly busy.

What one step could I take to explore this call? Think simple action. Not a project, not a big ding dang do, simply take one step, then pause and see what you know now.

Keep showing up and writing each day. Don’t beat myself up for both wanting to and not wanting to. Let go of the story that good writers always want to write.

To paraphrase the poet Mary Oliver, what would help me love the soft animal of my body today?

Keeping my mind where my body is, so I actually can love what my body is experiencing. This is how I actually rest and fill up!

Who could I see as holy today? Who could I greet as a part of the light within us all?

My sweet 15 year old daughter Lillian. I love this question as a way to deepen my love and actually make it less personal, more connected to all-that-is. She needs me to be strong right now and show her options without collapsing into overwhelm.

Want to play along?

Write down the questions and muse upon them in your journal.

Join the Comfort Cafe and do it in community.

Pick one question and respond in the comments.

Or…?

Love to hear how you choose your life this week.

Choose Your Life Mondays #32

Jennifer — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 07:01:37 +0000

A new take on my Monday morning post. This week I’m sharing my responses to the Life Organizer questions. We do this together at the Comfort Cafe every week. Join us! P.S. These are variations and additions to the Life Organizer questions in my book so if you are doing the book, don’t be confused.

We’re jumping in mid-book with this post. Best way to catch up: read the book (it’s fantastic!) or join the Cafe or simply play along as is. It’s all good.

Week 34

How is my intention / focus for the month supporting me?

You know, mine is not. I hate intention, I hate focus, I hate trying to be focused… okay, done bitching… oh wait, maybe there’s more… I hate lightness (my intention this month) and play (our theme at the Comfort Cafe this month) and I just want to work all the time and then bitch about it… I want to be a big heavy-hearted everybody-needs-me victim. Oh my god. There is truth in what I just wrote. Gulp.

Okay, so maybe this is a reverse intention check in as in what you pay attention to and focus on reveals what is in your way… which for me is this OLD HEAVY STORY that I have to be somebody I’m not, that I have to be more serious or smarter or… I’m running out of knowing here. But good insight, Jen. Let’s stay with that this week.

What brings me joy? How do I want that joy to help me lighten my life this week?

Hugging Bob a moment ago at the sink; watching Lilly play soccer this weekend, so strong, so confident, so healthy; getting her ready for 10th grade; finishing the redo of my studio today or at least getting it to where I can inhabit again; our conversations at the Comfort Cafe; the idea of being on vacation for a week starting Tuesday; blueberries from Annie’s garden; walking in the woods with the doodle dogs; reading The Story of Edgar Sawtelle; playing with my art journal.

What or whom is giving me energy these days?

The Comfort Cafe gives me energy; reading such a good book; Bob’s amazing love, his hugs, his sweetness; Twitter – love the feeling of being part of a global brain; getting the house organized; you know, this is feeling hard which is telling me I need more things to be giving me energy rather than taking it away. Very interesting! A good focus for the week – what brings me energy? More energy please!

What quality would I like to call in from the Divine (or Nature, Love, my Dream Team, something larger than me) this week?

I want to call in freedom from my own stories and limitations; I want to ask for help being myself moment by moment; I want to be flooded with the freshness of the the experience of being alive. YES!

So that’s my week – lightness – do I want it or would I rather stay attached to poor overworked so needed indispensable Jen?

And energy – what gives it to me? Let’s get more!

What about you? Will you use some or all of these questions to notice what you want more or less of this week? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Choose Your Life Mondays #30

Jennifer — Mon, 20 Jul 2009 07:01:49 +0000

Choose Your Life Monday is an invitation to name what pattern you will lovingly notice this week and to do so in community. Join in when and however suits you.

I’m writing this in bed in my sister and brother-in-law’s wonderful house in College Park, Maryland where I have spent the last two days hanging out, being babied by Julie and seeing great art and eating amazing food after giving a good talk at the Romance Writer’s of America conference.

(Technically, we’re not related anymore as they are my ex-husband’s family but we totally disregard that little factoid.)

Have you ever spent much time in this nation’s capital? My god, it’s bracing. Astonishing.

It’s the spiritual and intellectual equivalent of standing under the whale skulls in the National Museum of Natural History and realizing that a) you really are that small and b) you are part of this very amazing world.

A Few Sparkling Points

The Hans Hoffman painting “Autumn Gold” in the National Gallery of Art. Always make my heart soar.

Being able to weave in and out of all the musuems and galleries for free. That is just so cool.

The National Museum of the American Indian: the building! The garden! The irony (so much beauty, so many tourists interested, so many Indians still suffering right this very minute). A whole Fritz Scholder exhibit. Tears.

The Peacock Room in the Freer. A tangka in the Freer with a border of mudras the likes of which I had never seen before. Two rooms filled with bodhisattvas.

And Most of All

Being with Julie and Steve. Making new memories. Telling them stories about Bob. Showing them pictures of Lilly. Being in their house that I love. Being with their sweet selves.

It’s good to be alive.

And meanwhile, back on the fear front

I did a good bit of noticing my fear this week, of noticing when I get lost in fear and anxiety, and I practiced:

Inhaling deeply and exhaling long and slow and then looking gently and steadily at my fear, and dropping my story, whatever that story is in the moment.

It helped.

And it made my very, very aware of how very active my fear is these days. It comes and goes, sapping my self-confidence and my joy for life.

But it does not define me.

I keep turning toward it, dropping my story, and taking care of my self physically. It’s fascinating.

And a big pain in the ass.

This Week

I’ve got a doozy of a week, getting ready for Taos, plus a myraid of other projects to attend to include telling people about my one day mini-retreat in Seattle and the August Virtual Retreat for the Comfort Cafe and August’s theme for the Cafe which is Improv: Play.

And Lilly comes home tomorrow / today!!!!

So this week I want to get very specific and loving notice when I’m telling myself I don’t have enough time and I won’t do a good job and I want to

drop that story and feel the anxiety, the fear, the not enoughness, and be with it. Let it rise, abide, and fall away.

I really don’t want to rush through this week having just visited. I refuse to let fear run my life.