Comfort Queen » Patti Digh

Slipping into the Retreat Field

Jennifer — Fri, 12 Feb 2010 19:27:54 +0000

Ahh… the most fascinating experience in unfolding over here in my little studio with it’s bright blue floor and profusion of art supplies and books:

I can feel the hundreds of people gathering their hearts

I can feel the shimmer of intention.

I can feel the settling.

I can even feel the clutter clearing, flower arranging and possibly the candle lighting.

Ahhh…

I’m not a very airy fairy person

I study yoga and subtle energy and all that body and soul stuff but honestly, I’ve always got one eyebrow cocked.

So it is absolutely fascinating to me to palpably feel this huge growing thrumming something.

It’s behind me and around me and carrying me forward like a gentle wave.

As I read participants intentions like”

take this ‘treat ‘ seriously”

to experience a few moments of “me-ness,”

to take that deep soul releasing breath and just BE with this! Accept the comfort and love of the words”

I want to recharge and find new ways to love and serve”

and

looking forward to reaching out to myself some”

The wave just gets bigger.

I am in awe of the power of the retreat container, the intention,we are creating together to stretch literally around the globe, to support us in our desire for strength, for peace, for renewal.

As I center myself in gratitude and take the rest of the morning and early afternoon to prepare myself to be a good steward of all this love, I ask all of you out there who are not joining us, to send a molecule of care and love toward all the participants this weekend, and to send twice as many molecules to yourself.

Tonight’s mini-retreats are me, Patti Digh, Hiro Boga and Fabeku. Be still my beating heart!

P.S. If you are new to my blog, I’m talking about the 2nd annual Big Virtual Retreat: Refresh, Reawaken, and Rediscover Who Your Are in Ways that Truly Work that starts Friday Feb. 12th You can still join us. Just be sure and read the How To Retreat e-book before tonight!

Virtual and Mini-Retreat Winners

Jennifer — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 07:01:50 +0000

Wowza – retreats are needed - that’s what I got from your responses to my Big Virtual Retreat Contest.

It is a holy need.

Sometimes in a “holy crap! I need a break” or in a “I’m full of holes, I’m ready for mending” or in a celebration of wholeness kind of way. All holy.

Here are a couple of excerpts from your entries:

Gail said:

You know, when I first watched the video all I could think was, “Oh my gosh, Jen can see what a total stressed out mess my life / business / life has become, and she’s here to rescue me. Has she been sitting in the corner watching me? Where are you hiding, Jen?”

Retreat. Wow! The word even feels delightful just rolling it around on my tongue. I can’t imagine giving myself permission for such a thing. But I would surely like to try. I’m exhausted, and accomplishing very little as a result – which exhausts me even more. I know better, but knowing doesn’t necessarily change anything.”

I promise I’m have no such video camera, sweetie. We all get trapped in the cycle of depletion, it’s so utterly convincing and feels so real – this is just the way it has to be, we mutter – that we’re like the proverbial frog in the pot with the water s-l-o-w-l-y heating up.

It. Does. Not. Have. To. Be. This. Way.

Fernanda said:

I have never been on a retreat before – it is scary how much I could learn about myself if indeed I had a chance. I am at a major crossroads in my life – do I pursue the career I had before staying home with my son? Or do I just get a job that will provide the hours that would make it possible for me to spend more time with him? Time vs money but also so much more…

I have felt like people’s cash cow since I was 14 years old. I started working full time then and my parents took my pay checks. I got married and the same happened with my husband. “For our future” I was told.

Now at the age of 37 I have absolutely nothing to my name.

This is not a time vs money thing – it is so much deeper than that!!!

Fernanda, it is! When we value ourselves, we refuse to be anybody’s cash cow or 24/7 doormat. Self-care = self-dignity and the right to choose our lives.

Ellen wrote a hysterical entry that ended with the plaintive question many of us ask ourselves:

So what does retreat mean to me? A chance to quiet the voices in my head running my to-do lists, the opportunity to see who it is I want to be, to look in the mirror and see who I actually am. A chance to be REAL. This is a gift to give oneself but finding the time and finances can be a burden. The question is: am I really worth it?

I don’t think I’ll ever do a contest again because this was so hard.

Yet maybe it helped some of you see your needs and consider you can get them meet, even if you can’t retreat with me. YES? Maybe?

I had to choose the winner using a random number generator.

AND

I’m giving away a ticket to one of my live retreats so one more person gets to retreat.

And an extra seat at the Virtual Retreat, too.

The Nano with last year and this year’s virtual retreat sessions pre-loaded goes to Lisa comment #49

The free seat to this year Big Virtual Retreat with 13 heart expanding teachers, live support, and e-book goes to Marcy comment #21 and Barbara #101

A free ticket to one of my one day live retreats – your choice of Wisconsin, Texas, Ohio or Maryland – goes to Carrie comment #53

Please contact me by putting your email in comments or here to claim your prize.

Together, may we slay the dragons that hiss, “”YOU CANNOT PAUSE. YOU CANNOT GO WITHIN. YOU CANNOT REST.”

The BIG RETREAT Contest – How Much do You Need A Retreat?

Jennifer — Sun, 10 Jan 2010 19:49:18 +0000

You know retreats rule.

(At least, I hope you do. If not, trust me on this one.)

They put the sparkle back in the diamonds on the souls of your shoes (sorry, been listening to a lot of Paul Simon lately).

They give you a path back to the spring that burbles at the heart of your soul (wow, lots of purple prose today).

They free you from Squirrel Mind and grinding marching to-do blahs.

They wake you up “Oh yes, this is who I am and this is what matters to me! How could I forget?”

Retreats heal.

Only hitch is, it sometimes often feels just about impossible to make the time.

And when you do, it can (at least this is true for me and I wrote the damn book!) be scary to go within, to calm the Squirrel chatter in your mind and choose what will renew you.

So that’s why I created the 2nd annual Big Virtual Retreat with a bunch of very wise teachers.

And

This contest so you can win a chance to retreat.

Because some of us, we need to be smote by chance before we actually take the time to get what we need.

Here’s your chance to be smote by ole Lady Retreating Luck (a little known Jungian archetype).

To enter simply leave a comment (or if you want extra brownie points – leave a link to a video you made) telling me why a retreat would be just the thing for you right now.

Or tell me why you can’t retreat.

Or how retreats have been healing for you.

I’m open to anything!

I’ll read your comments, and watch your videos and announce the winners on February 1, 2009

But Wait, there are Prizes (but of course):

First Prize:

An I-pod Nano filled with all the recordings from last year’s virtual retreat and this year’s retreat. This is a one-of-a-kind prize (that will mean I have to order a nano, find all the sessions, download them, write you a note, and put it the mail – so this is a BIG DAMN PRIZE DAMMIT).

You will be able to mix and match the 14 recordings from the 2009 retreat and the 12 recordings from this year’s retreat to create mini-retreats any time that you choose.

How cool is that?

Second Prize:

A seat at this year’s virtual retreat – including transcripts and audio recordings and e-book and live support during the weekend and all the good global vibes of hundreds of people getting the retreat vibe going at the same time.

Also known as the No-More-Excuses-to-Get-What-I-Need-Prize.

Entries will be judged on creativity and need and I’ll want to chose every last one of you and I’ll lose sleep but you know what?

If it convinces a few more of you to take a retreat — this one or anyone – it will be worth .

So, tell me your story and let’s all get smote.

The deadline for entries is January 22, 2009

Seek Thee Stories of Creative Agency

Jennifer — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 15:43:35 +0000

I adore the movie “Frida.”

I saw it for the first times a few weeks ago. It was like being in her head. While on acid.

Which was probably what it was like to be in her head a lot of the time.

It also made me jump up and down on the couch like Tom Cruise on Oprah (okay, not really) yelling to Bob

But I want to know more about her creative process! Where did she get her ideas? How did she learn to draw? Why did she wear those clothes? How did she get to be her?“

Bob rolled his eyes (lovingly) and went into the kitchen to take his vitamins before bed.

I collapsed on the couch and moaned about wanting to know more about how she came to trust her own vision until I got up to take out the dogs – who were, admittedly, slightly edgy now from my loud histrionics.

I know, from reading Frida’s diaries, that she didn’t always trust her talent or her vision.

But even though she didn’t, she kept listening and painting. That’s what I find exhilarating.

That’s what I want excites me. How artists keep claiming their voice, their vision, their ideas– even in the face of great resistance and pain and inner turmoil. Especially the latter. (And yes, for me, we are all artists, if we choose to see life that way.)

Because we all need reflections and examples and stories that proclaim, “This is permission to love what you love and create what you want to create in action!”

Your assignment: Go forth and find stories of creative agency.

They don’t need to be stories of artists or writers or even of traditional “success.” Shoe makers, economists, inventors, fairytale gatherers – look wide! Search memoirs, biographies, TV shows, newspaper articles, blogs, the annals of history. Believe me, examples will show up when you begin looking!

Maybe you discover someone describing how they showed up in their marriage.

Or how, mid-life, they began practicing meditation.

Or how, after a company-wide restructuring, they energized the forces and led a team to new vistas.

Find stories that reflect what you need to learn: How to dare, how to articulate your vision, how to stick with the incoherent bits until they become something, how to let your yearning guide you…

Within these stories, look for the tiny moments and threads of permission – not just the big “aha!” moments.

When you find a small moment, enter into it.

Go into the feeling you imagine this person experiencing, the thrill, the “Aha!”, the “Oh shit, can I do it?” and savor your own, “Oh, that’s how they did it. I sort of get it!”

Forget trying to figure out how YOU will do it yourself. That’s not the point.

Instead, use these mirrors of permission to imprint your brain with the feeling of permission, of self-trust, of claiming your experience. Doing this only takes a few seconds but can make a huge difference. Once you know what it feels like, you’ll more easily recognize it again and again!

Have you enjoyed this mini-series? Want more?

Download my free e-book GiveawayEbookFinal.

Missed any posts?

Part One: Static Free Authenticity here.

Part Two: Tuning into Your Essence

And number three is… The Signal Raising Power of Permission

Register for my Big 2010 Virtual Retreat with 11 acclaimed teachers Christina Baldwin, Bill Barens, Camille Maurine, Katie Goodman, Hiro Boga, Fabeku, Tama J. Kieves, Mary Manin Morrissey, Stephanie McWilliams, Gail Goodwin Patti Digh and me at February 12th-14th – come for one or all of the mini-retreats.

Life is a Verb

Jennifer — Sat, 27 Sep 2008 17:05:33 +0000

I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: I adore Patti Digh’s book Life is a Verb: 37 Days to Wake Up, Be Mindful, and Live Intentionally. I love her writing, her depth, her sizzle. This is a book that makes me sing with life and the possibilities we all have for transformation and awareness. It is the best antidote I’ve got these days for the pain and fear raging around us- that and loving hugs, long naps, frevent prayer and letting myself feel whatever I’m feeling.

Here are two tasty soul bits and a longer excerpt from the book.

Presence

“How do we hold presence for each other? How do we hold love for others with no agenda? Who was able to hold presence for us as children, without asking us to perform to their standards? Who really saw us and heard us and didn’t ask for anything in return?”

Patti goes on to tell one of my favorite Marion Woodman stories. Love that story Patti, I tell it to retreat participants all the time. Reading this section reminded me of what I can do differently with my daughter– we’ve been two pieces of sandpaper rubbing each other the wrong way- how, yet again, I’ve gotten into a loop of her not feeling seen and heard — because I’m always asking her to do something else. Sheesh, mom, be here now and accept me for who I am. Thanks Patti for the reminder!

Polish Your Mud Ball

“Pick an art form and create one item every day for thirty-seven days, whether it be writing a poem or haiku, making a collage, practicing your calligraphy, drawing a 2-inch by 2-inch picture, crocheting a square, painting a small canvas, or arranging flowers. Stick with the same art form for thirty-seven days– get one done every day without exception. Focus on quantity instead of quality. What emerged from the repetition and habit?”

I’ve always wanted to do this. Keri Smith told me once she had to do something like mke 90 million peices of art in like 2 seconds when she was in art school and that’s how she discovered her illustration style. It reminds me of the creative research that shows that people who create really great stuff are those that maximize quantity: the more you make, the more chances you have of getting something you like.

Burn those jeans

In this essay, Patti discovers that “certain pair of pants” are not what they seem and how tempting it is to hold on to a goal that seems like the right one but, in fact, is just an excuse to beat ourselves up.

Patti’s jeans are Levi’s that over the years,

“become a symbol, a talisman, an icon of my perfect high school shape, that lean and strong teenage body that ran and hiked and climbed and bicycled everywhere, that simpler shape before broken hearts, sexual harassments, dead parents, business suits, big promotions, missed deadlines, inane meetings, working with mean people, being mean myself, dead friends, terrorist attacks, hydraulic systems failing on planes I happened to be on, and just plain living the overrated adult life.

These jeans are cosmopolitan, accompanying me to college, abroad to live in Germany, to graduate school, to all my jobs, around the world on a ship, to twenty years in Washington, DC, and recently back to North Carolina where, ironically, they reside in a closet only 54 miles from where I first wore them. Full circle around the globe, that denim, those rivets, that distinctive red tag.

It wasn’t a conscious decision to carry them around with me, no. But there they were, everywhere I went, a reminder in denim that I don’t have that body anymore and that I had a Big Goal: Get back into those jeans.

Years passed.

I still couldn’t fit into them. I beat myself up for failing to reach that goal. I joined fitness clubs, worked out with a trainer named Thor in DC who nearly killed me, drank Master Cleanser Lemonade, joined Weight Watchers, and studied before and after pictures in Shape magazine as if I were consulting the hieroglyphic special edition of Man’s Search for Meaning. But even with all those starts and stops and high expectations, and the few successes, the jeans still hung in my closet, unworn and taunting me…

When Emma was in the sixth grade, she complained one morning that she had no pants to wear to school. I resisted Parental Lecturette Number Seventeen on Household Laundry Procedures, when I heard her plea for help, I was standing at my closet door and saw in front of me The Jeans. Why not, I thought. It might be a while before I can get into these again.

“Try these,” I said. “They’re kind of retro and too big for you, but you can wear a belt to gather up the extra. And remember, I want them back so I can wear them!”

“Awesome!” she said…
“Emma took the jeans to her room, then brought them back. “Thanks, but they’re too small,” she said, throwing them in my general direction.

Too small?

For thirty years I’ve tried to get back into a pair of blue jeans that are too small for my thin, strong, athletic twelve-year-old daughter.

Everything is a metaphor, isn’t it? Replace the word jeans with that albatross hanging around your neck, following you around through your life, diverting your attention from the real goal, setting you up for certain failure. Is it the wrong goal? Is it an unworthy goal, unreachable and unreasonable, one that can only make you feel bad, not good and right and strong?

Why do we punish ourselves with such unreasonable expectations, putting life on hold until we reach them? What is the real danger of such pressures? They delay living, the real life right in front of us. “I’ll do that when,” we say to ourselves. “I can’t do that now because I haven’t yet done this,” we explain. It’s like having an incomplete in your graduate Milton class that just keeps hanging over you, making it impossible for you to do anything else because your comprehensive exegesis of the two parallel falls of Paradise Lost looms ahead of you at every turn. Not that I have personal experience of this phenomenon.

Are the jeans even the real goal?

Enough!

Do those jeans represent a carefree, simpler more active life, a less stressful way of living, a life less encumbered? Perhaps those are the goals I should reach for, not the jeans themselves.

37 Days: Do it Now Challenge

One evening this week, pour yourself a nice glass of a 2002 Pinot Noir from New Zealand’s Mt. Difficulty vineyard or a nice bubbly apple cider, brush off a chair in your nicely manicured backyard, put some sweet Eva Cassidy tunes on the CD player, grab the safety matches from the kitchen and a delicate bottle of lighter fluid, and go outside and burn those old jeans. Torch that goal that limits and minimizes rather than frees you.

Make your goals challenging, not destructive. Look behind the goal to see The Real Goal: is it the jeans or something else you’re longing for?

Have I torched those jeans yet? Not quite yet.

Thanks Patti! You are a wise, funny, inspiring light in my world.