I get a lot of strokes for being so honest in my writing and my retreats. It’s healing to see I don’t have it all together. I feel the same way – it makes me feel less alone when someone I admire for their writing or ideas or artwork reveals their own messy process. But sometimes, being honest crosses over into leading with my hips.

I digress to explain.

Melissa, who attended the Writer’s Spa (next year’s will be entitled The Luscious, Nurturing Get Your Writing Done while Laughing Your Butt Off and Maybe Crying a little Too Writer’s Retreat; registration will open soon) and who is also in my writing coaching group, just published a funny and very well written essay at Divine Caroline. It’s about how she handles a day that’s getting out of hand and that’s threatening to drag her self-worth with it with help from a colleague who told her:

“‘Don’t lead with your hips today…’  She went on to explain that one of her friends seemed to have this amazing life—everything we think of—a supportive husband, great kids, fulfilling career, but seemingly big hips. (She really didn’t!) She complained about them all the time. She would weave her hips into every conversation, making sure everyone knew how unhappy she was with them—so whenever people think of this woman, they don’t think of all the great things about her and her life, but about these made up big hips she brought up in every conversation. So, Lynn, in all her wisdom, said, don’t let your hips lead the session today. ‘Don’t focus on all that has gone wrong because if you do, more WILL go wrong.’”

Melissa’s writing helped me see that the way I lead with my hips is to confuse being honest/being myself with calling attention to my mistakes and foibles. Why in the world would I do this? Why does anybody? Nervousness, disbelief I just did X (as in “Did you see that?”), and this weird tick I have of getting in my own way. It’s almost as if I afraid to be really good at something. Almost as if I’m afraid of my own power. As if by deprecating myself, I can stay connected to others. Hmmm… That feels very close to home.

How to be powerful and rooted in my own flesh, “Here I am” and to be nurturing and open hearted and connected? Why would I think these states can’t intimately co-exist?

Where, when, how do you lead with your hips? Or how did you learn not to?